Lying on the grass next to Edward I wanted to poke his face. Was it as hard as it looked? Could I smash it with a hammer? "Tell me what you're thinking Swany" he said.
"I was wondering if It would be possible for me to crack your face open LOL" Edward rolled away from me when my cackling had started. He sat up now, glaring at me.
"You find my situation funny do you, you little harpy? Well no, you could not but I could smash in yours, wish ease may I add" he almost hissed. Reaching out he scratched my arm, tearing the skin. "You frail idiot, my life will have to be about keeping you safe now. And so the wilderbeast fell in love with the koala" His voice was calmer now, like a calm thing.
"What a small koala" I whispered.
"What a huge hairy wilderbeast" he said, coming to sit beside me.
"Tell me how it is for you Eddie dear. I want to know how you can sit beside me like this and not eat me like the monster you are"
"Hmmm" he began, rubbing his chin "To me, you are my perfect brand of lucozade. When I know you're in danger I feel like I've downed a whole bottle. You are my life now!"
"You don't have a life, fool, you're dead" I whispered to myself. He didn't seem to hear and he carried on. "Can I put my head on your boob and feel the warmth?" I reached my hand out and placed it on top of his, it was so cold. Like a frosted burger. He took this gesture as a yes and moved towards me slowly. With his pasty face inches from mine he breathed out, his breath hit me like an avalanche. My eyebrows were so frozen one fell off. "I'm so sorry Swany!" he yelled, jumping up and running for the trees.
"It's okay Edward" I shouted up to him. He was sitting in an owl box, peering out. "Come back down"
"No! You can never see me again. It will be like I never existed" and with that he had vanished. I fell to the floor and rolled about crying for what could have been hours. Something squashed my foot after a while and I started around to find Billy Black, his wheel covering my shoe.
"Do you mind removing your wheel of superstitious shit please" I shouted at him, before turning my face and smashing it back into the leaves I'd been crying into.
"I'm sorry it turned out this way. Come, ill give you a lift home" Grudgingly I climbed onto his lap.
His chair was pretty fast and it swayed through the trees easily. "This is some ride Billy" I commented.
Arriving in the house I saw the afghan again on the sofa and told it to fuck off out my house. I hated that stupid cover!! Charlie came running through, worried by my outburst. "What's the matter Bella?!"
"WAAAAAAA Edward left and now I have a big hole ill never be able to fill!!" I cried
"Go and see jacob, he'll see to that"
"Great idea dad!" I chuckled. Grabbing my keys. Jacobs house was a sand castle on the beach and I had worn my sandals especially. "Hi Jacob, you won't remember me but we used to dance naked in my paddling pool together" I spat out as he opened the door. Jacob wasn't near as hot as Edward but he did have something about him that appealed. Whether it was his long haired wig or his huge hobbit feet, I did not know.
"Oh yeah, I remember you. Say, lets me best friends and sit on that log over there" he smiled. What a fab idea. We sat for hours and he told me all the tales of his wigwam tribe."and I'm a werewolf too" he finished.
"That's really cool my Jacob" I blurted out without thinking.
"What do you mean My Jacob?" He questioned, his face puzzled.
"You are mine now. I love you Jacob Black" I beamed. He jumped up in horror, taking a step back, raising his hands in defence.
"Tough I love Nessie and I'm going to see her right now!" I watched him take off and jump into the sea, a haggis tied to his leg.