Time Goes On

by Faceless Charmer

At first, Watanuki can pretend things are the same. But then...it's impossible to ignore. Slight yaoish, just because I can't resist.

I'm going to write a one shot for every CLAMP thing I've read, and since I don't very well need to do Tsubasa, I'll start with xxxHolic.

Years Go On

At first, it was like nothing was different. And that was because nothing really was. Besides himself. He was different. But everything else was the same.

The city, Himawari, Doumeki. They were all the same. So, at first, he thought, I can do this.

The days that passed, in the very beginning, were just like the days he had come to know. Doumeki would stop by everyday, and Watanuki would cook him something to eat. Doumeki would complain, or ask for more, and Watanuki would scold him. It was almost like they were at lunch, at school. Himawari stopped by too, and so it completed the image even further.

He knew, in the back of his mind, that this wouldn't last. Soon, (at least for him, somebody who had almost forever to live) things would change, and he'd be forced to live with his choice. But right then, at the very beginning, he could brush it away, like it was an annoying bug flying around his face.

But then, the changes started getting more noticeable. One day, Doumeki came, and he was taller than Watanuki. Well, he'd always been taller, but now, it was even more noticeable.

And then, Doumeki started talking about college.

And Himawari started stopping by less.

And Watanuki couldn't pretend they were in high school anymore.

The things inside the shop didn't change. He, and Mokona, and Maru and Moro stayed the same. When he was alone with just them, he could still pretend.

But not when Doumeki came.

So, he had to just alter the allusion, just a little, saying that he too, was older, by just a few years.

He wasn't crazy. He knew what he was doing. He was the owner of the shop now, and he had changed her personality accordingly. But when he got scared, and thought about the day he'd be alone, he just wanted to pretend he was the same as always.

Doumeki saw this fear in him, he was sure. Doumeki always saw these things.

Why was Doumeki staying?

Why hadn't he run for the hills?

Didn't he know this was his chance?

But Watanuki didn't really want him to go, and he was grateful. When Doumeki was around, it was like things were the same, even though the other boy slowly started to look older, while he stayed the same.

The truth got harder to deny, as the years progressed.

Himawari only came once a year to see him.

Doumeki and Kohane got married. He didn't say anything, but he didn't think they did it out of love, though he knew they had an affection for each other. They had done it because they both loved him. He saw that now. They couldn't have him, so why not each other? Himawari loved him too.

It didn't even matter which one he even loved, if at all, because one day, that person would be dead. And he wouldn't.

Each day, they grew older.

And he stayed the same, frozen in time.

The world outside changed with them.

And then, he couldn't deny it anymore. Not when Doumeki was in his forties, and looking at him with forlorn eyes, full of sadness. Not when Kohane had children of her own, and looked like she was his mother, and not the girl who had once been younger. Not when Doumeki showed up, old, and with white hair. Not when Himawari died, leaving him depressed for many years. Doumeki and Kohane were sure to follow soon.

And they did.

The last time he'd seen Doumeki was still fresh in his mind, even though it had been twenty years ago. Doumeki, old and gray, was walking out the door. He still stood proud, like the boy he had used to be. But something in him looked lost, as he turned to face Watanuki.

"Goodbye, Kimihiro." he said, the first time he'd called Watanuki by his name, and they way he said it...

Like he had known it really and truly was goodbye. Watanuki had tried to smile, even though tears were in his eyes.

"Shizuka." he said back, and his voice trembled. "Thank you. For everything."

Doumeki's eyes were filled with sorrow. "I'm sorry I can't keep my promise." he said, as he looked back at his friend who would go on without him, for a long, long time.

"Your promise?" Watanuki asked. He had a feeling that whatever Doumeki was about to say, it would only make him more sad. "You never made any promise."

"I did. To myself, that day I saw you in the rain, holding that dead kitten."

Watanuki remembered that day. The day he'd thought he'd die, just like that kitten, alone. Doumeki...had seen?

"I promised I'd stay with you forever. So you wouldn't be alone. I can't keep that promise anymore. I'm sorry."

Watanuki's hands trembled. His hands that looked just like they had over half a decade ago. "Don't be sorry." he whispered, and he put his hand on Doumeki's cheek, and granted his friend one last wish. He leaned up, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Doumeki asked, but he was smiling.

"You think I didn't know?" Watanuki asked. "How you felt about me?"

And then Doumeki left.

And Watanuki cried.

He had Mokona.

And Maru.

And Moro.

But everything that had been a part of his old life...

Was gone.

And he was alone.

Many days, he thought about stopping this, and joining his friends in death. But he couldn't. He had to see Yuuko. So even though it hurt to go on, when he was so alone, he did. Even though he was reminded of Doumeki everyday, since his children and grandchildren looked just like him.

He went on.