Obligatory Disclaimer:
This just in: Nintendo owns everything here (except maybe the baby but that's
nothing worth writing home about).
Author's Notes: I don't know what caused me to write this… Please excuse
the quality of this fic---I wrote this while at work. ^^;
***
"Aw, he's so cute!"
"Isn't he just the most precious thing?"
"Can I hold him?"
"Sure!"
Roy watched the exchange of "aww's" and squeals and cutesy faces between the three Princesses from his spot on a comfortable sofa in the hotel lounge. He never understood females' tendencies to squeak at every little thing. He could never understand their fascination with 'cute' things and infants, either. The thought of that made him roll his eyes and he couldn't help but point his finger down his throat, pretending to gag.
Beside him sat the Hylian hero known as Link. He snickered at his younger friend's antics. The snickering was loud enough to be heard by the trio of females, however.
The boldest one of the three approached Roy and Link, her hands planted on her hips. The layers of her milk chocolate colored hair bounced with her every step. She took a defiant place directly in front of the television the two males were watching, thus blocking their view.
"Hey! C'mon, Daisy! We're trying to watch Marth's match here!" Roy's voice was on the verge of whining.
Link craned his neck to the side to try and glance past the Princess of Sarasaland and her incredibly bright yellow dress. "Seriously; we're missing the whole thing!"
"Well, first tell me what's with your attitude. Can't Zelda, Peach, and I look after a baby?" Daisy asked them.
"Of course you can look after the baby," Roy said, "but it's your cooing and plain-ol' girly mushy stuff that's sickening us." The redhead began to make faces that somewhat resembled that of the Princesses when they were tickling the baby, as if to prove his point.
Zelda and Peach came by; in the arms of the latter was the infant in question within his bundle of thin blue blankets. The blondes stood on either side of Daisy, much to the boys' chagrin.
"Sickening, huh?" all of three of them asked in unison.
"Aw, c'mon! This is ridiculous!" Link groaned. He had given up trying to watch the remainder of his friend's match with Falco Lombardi and turned off the television with a press of the remote's button.
Zelda folded her arms. "So you guys think this maternal 'girly mushy stuff' makes you sick?"
"I don't think it does," Roy said. He smirked. "I *know* it does."
Daisy had to be restrained by her friends from attacking the teenager.
"I mean, geez. He's just a little baby; it's not like you're carrying around the Messiah or the remains of King Tut," Roy went on to say, rolling his eyes. "No need to sugar-coat the poor little guy like that."
"How can you not squeal at him?" Peach lowered her arms to allow Roy and Link a better look at the sleeping infant. "Isn't my little cousin the most darling thing you've ever seen?"
Link peered at the baby's tranquil face. "…His nose is running---well, it *ran*."
In alarm, Peach hurried to the nearest rest room to clean up the tiny mess around the baby's nose.
Roy smirked once again. "Oh yeah, dried up boogers on a baby's nose has *got* to be the 'most darling thing I've ever seen'!" He snickered and turned to Link, utilizing an extremely high-pitched voice---obviously, he was mocking the girls. "Oh, Linky, mucous is pouring out of his itty bitty widdle nostwils! Quick! Take a picture! I have to send a copy of it to all my friends!"
An amused Link mimicked Roy's voice. "Oh yes! And then, after we squeal and coo at the pictures, we can start talking about how cute it is to change his cutesy diaper! Tee hee!"
The males then broke into howls of laughter. The mirth and humor of the situation (in their eyes, anyway) deflected the pain of the pillow whacks Daisy gave them. A far more reserved Zelda pinched the bridge of her nose, exasperated and perhaps embarrassed with the displayed immaturity.
Peach was exiting the restroom when she heard the silly exchange. "Boys will never learn," was her only comment.
That made Link stop his laughter altogether. Daisy was still thwapping Roy with the pillow, though. "And what's that supposed to mean, Peach?" he asked above the volume of Roy's laughter.
"Exactly what I said." Peach mused and focused more of her attention on the baby in her arms.
"I think what she means to say is that you boys will never understand the love and attention and hard work women put into looking after babies," Zelda answered the inquiry Link had in mind.
The tomboyish Daisy stopped pummeling Roy, seeing as how she wasn't doing any damage to him anyway. "Precisely!"
"Oh please," Roy managed to say while massaging his sore facial muscles and catching his breath. "Hard work? Give me a break!"
"Changing diapers, feeding, dressing, making formula, putting a baby to sleep…" Zelda counted each of the uttered tasks off a slender gloved finger.
Link looked at the Princess of Hyrule, incredulously. "You think *that's* hard work?" Zelda nodded. "Sounds more like child's play," he said, "no pun intended."
"Ohhhh…" Daisy couldn't help but sneer at Link and Roy. She felt the desire of issuing a challenge bubbling up inside her at the start of their conversation and now, she couldn't contain it any longer. Of course, she wouldn't flat out issue one. She'd instigate. "So, what you're saying is: you can look after a baby, no sweat?"
"Precisely!" Roy mocked Daisy's voice and jubilance, and saw her bristle. "In fact," he added, "we'll look after this little tyke while you ladies take a load off and hang out at the mall."
Alarmed at what pickle Roy's reckless babbling might have gotten them into, Link looked sharply towards him. The redheaded youth, however, had a stretching smirk plastered on his face. He was oblivious to whatever arguments Link had toward the situation.
Daisy, Zelda, and Peach, on the other hand, had similar smirks playing about their own faces. "Oh really?" they practically sang out together, like some barbershop quartet---minus the fourth member, of course.
Roy nodded.
Link wanted to leap out of the window.
"Well! Since you've offered so nicely," Peach said sweetly. Carefully, she leaned over and handed the sleeping baby over to Roy, who took the cute bundle into his arms, albeit awkwardly. He wasn't used to holding a baby just yet.
As the girls began gathering their purses and whatnot, Peach conveyed all of the details toward Link and Roy. "He's not allergic to anything---"
"Peach…"
"---There are diapers and formula and food and other stuff in the giraffe print bag on that chair over there…"
"Hey, Peach…"
"My contact is scribbled on the paper in there and---"
"PEACH!"
Roy's shout halted the three women in their tracks and startled the slumbering baby from his sleep. Scared beyond his wits at this redheaded stranger clutching him, the baby only did what he did best.
He wailed at the top of his lungs.
The females shared a silent moment of satisfaction, seemingly unaffected by the screaming whereas Link winced and clamped his hands over his sensitive Hylian ears. Roy muttered something about airheads and muffled the baby's cries with a blue pacifier.
"Hee hee. –Ahem-… I'm sorry. What were you trying to tell me?" Peach tried to control her fit of giggles. And failed. Somewhat.
Roy didn't find the situation very funny. He stared at her with a deadpan gaze. "What's the baby's name?"
Watching Roy regard her with such a stare while rocking a baby in his arms like if it were second nature proved to be just short of downright hilarious for Peach and her friends. They nearly broke down into giggles again. "It's Loki."
"Loki, huh? With a name like that, he won't cause any trouble or mischief at all," Link said with a roll of his blue eyes.
"Oh, it'll be fun." Zelda mused on her way to the exit.
Peach and Daisy followed suite, waving at them. "Toodles!"
When the door closed behind the ladies, Link took the opportunity to deliver a quick and light whap to the back of Roy's head.
"Ow! What was that for!?"
"Smooth move, Ex-Lax!" Link snarled. "Now look what you've gotten us into!"
"Hey, you were on my side the entire time! If it bothered you, you should've said something!"
"There're two things in this world. One is testosterone and the other is a man's pride. Get what I'm saying?"
Roy rolled his eyes and slumped as carefully as he could back onto the plush sofa. "Puh. We're only going to watch a sleeping kid anyway," he said, peering down at Loki's visage. "And the girls'll be back in a few hours. Just relax."
"Doesn't his name make you the tiniest bit uncomfortable?"
"Take a chill pill, man. And put on ESPN. Captain Falcon's racing in the F-Zero Grand Prix again."
Link sighed exasperatedly and turned the television on to the desired programming. Just as he did that, Marth made his way into the hotel lounge, freshly showered and changed after his tournament match with that Falco fellow. His confident stride and smirk were evidence of his victory. His whistling to the tune of "Bad to the Bone" kinda proved that too.
"Got a Half-Minute Man KO, da da ra da da. And sent that birdman flying, da da ra da da. Gonna make it---" Marth *had* to pause and double-take at the sight of a *baby* asleep in Roy's arms and a very upset looking Link seated beside them. He gawked. "And here I thought those paternity suits filed against you were false, Link…"
Marth dodged a thrown sofa cushion. "What gives?" he asked with a frown.
"Oh, it's nothing," Roy nonchalantly replied, not bothering to take his eyes off the television's screen. "We're babysitting Peach's baby cousin for a few hours, that's all."
"WHAT!?"
Link grumbled and folded his arms, sinking further into the cushions of the couch. "My sentiments exactly…"
"Hush!" Roy held his index fingers to his lips. "You'll wake Loki up!"
"Loki!?" Marth repeated with disbelief. He exasperatedly threw his hands up into the air as he took a seat in between the blonde and the redhead. "Oh, what a wonderful name!"
"See!?" Link regarded Roy with a look and pointed his thumb at Marth. "Even he agrees: this child is a Trojan horse!"
"Whatever. Just be quiet." Roy turned back to the television. Link and Marth were forced to do the same.
Nothing but silence dwindled about the hotel lounge save for the sounds of the television, that is, until Marth audibly sniffed the air around them. Link and Roy peered at him curiously but said nothing. He glanced to either swordsman, dubiously. "Did one of you fart…?"
Link held both of his hands up and shook his head. "It wasn't me. *I* didn't have baked beans for lunch, unlike Mr. Mom over there…"
"Feh! It wasn't me," Roy argued. He cast an admonishing glare in Marth's direction. "Whoever knew it, blew it!"
Marth folded his arms. "Well, it wasn't me…"
A few moments passed and the awful smell lingered on. The smell reached Link's nostrils and he could only withstand it for so long. "Dang nabbit, Marth! Did you put onions in your hotdogs today!?"
"IT WASN'T ME!"
"The smell is coming from your direction!"
"It's probably bouncing offa me and back onto you!"
While the elder males argued between themselves, Roy curiously peered at Loki. The infant stirred a little in his sleep and Roy knew that it was only a matter of minutes before he'd fully wake up and start crying. To test his hypothesis, he lifted the child before him, held him high, and sniffed the air around him.
Link paused in the middle of his quarrel and regarded Roy with tipped left eyebrow. Marth did the same, except with his right.
"Gentlemen," Roy announced, "I believe I've found our culprit."
***
A/N: X) I can
be so cruel towards my three favorite guys, yes I can. Chapter 2 to this is in
the works. Please let me know what you think of this, 'mm kay?
mature@fanfiction.net