Chapter 1
Grissom walked along the hallway meeting with various people. I watched this waiting for my turn. He walked again going to his office, but Nick rushed in closing the door. I sighed shrugging walking the other direction.
I saw Greg with his back to the large glass wall working when a large fireball shattered the glass causing me to fly in the air hitting the wall on the other side. I laid on the floor lifting my head seeing a mess of equipment and glass. Greg laid a few feet away on his side obviously unconscious. I laid my head back down hearing the sprinklers come on as the alarm sounded.
Sophia ran through the hallway coughing looking around as people ran past her to the nearest exit. She saw Nick run past as Grissom coughed looking around from his door.
"Grissom." She called, running over "What's going on?"
"An explosion down the hall. Go outside wait for the fire trucks." He said, pushing her away.
"Gil?" She said
"Go!" He said, motioning her to leave. She backed away looking at him before running off. He coughed making his way down the hallway. "Anyone here?"
The room dense with smoke made it hard to see anything. The sprinklers made everything wet including him.
"Anyone there?" He called again
I moved my head hearing someone calling out. I looked around feeling the throbbing in my head. Getting up slowly I heard someone coming stumbling away I found a back exit going out. Grissom walked out watching the paramedic's wheel out Greg into the ambulance. He watched them load him up then looked around at everyone in a daze walking around with bandages on their faces, hands and heads.
He walked over to where Brass stood with all the CSI's on his staff.
"Greg is being sent to the hospital. The explosion happened in his lab. I need everyone on this. Where is Sara?" He asked, looking at them all.
They all looked around not seeing her.
"Has anyone seen her?"
"No." They all said
"All right, stay here I'll find her." Grissom said, walking off.
"What's wrong?" Nick asked Sophia.
"Nothing." She said, walking off annoyed.
Grissom walked all over looking for me. He got his phone dialing my number when he looked over to the side of the building seeing me sitting alone by the side door. Putting his phone away he walked over to where I sat. Kneeling down he looked at the cut on my head black with a bruise with blood making a trail down my cheek.
"Sara?" He said, gently "Hey."
I blinked looking over at him. He knelt down looking at my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, fine."
"Honey, your head is bleeding." He said, touching my chin to raise my head.
"It's nothing." I said, looking ahead.
"Sara, you need someone to look at your cut."
"I am not going to the hospital."
"No one said you had to. I just want them to see your head."
"I don't need anything. I just want to sit here."
"Unfortunately, that is not an option." He said "Come on."
I felt him take my arms pulling me to stand.
"No, I don't want to go!" I said, shaking my head.
"Sara, stop!" He said, in his Grissom voice "You are going."
I sat on a gurney as a male paramedic put a bandage on my head. Grissom had disappeared in the crowd no doubt to be with Sophia. Ever since she entered his life they were practically inseparable. He liked her attention and they shared so much in common. She knew that I did not like her.
"Mam, you should come to the hospital." The medic said
"No, I am fine. I will go home and rest." I said, standing.
He gave up knowing it was not going to happen. I walked around looking at people walking about. The building still smoked as firemen went in and out. I walked over watching the action inside the building.
"Did you get checked out?" Grissom asked, coming out of no where.
"Yes."
He nodded looking at the square bandage on my head. I avoided his stare as I watched some firemen exit the building.
"Did they ask that you go to the hospital?"
"I said I am fine."
"I think you should go."
"Grissom, leave me alone!" I said, walking away.
He watched me leave not sure where to go. I went home a few minutes after and just collapsed on the bed. I stared at my bedside clock thinking about Grissom and Sophia eating out and then sitting on his couch kissing. Closing my eyes I then thought of the beer I had in my fridge. Getting up I walked to the sitting room entering the kitchen I opened the fridge seeing a six pack of beer waiting for me. Taking one out I heard someone knock on the door.
Walking over, I looked through the key hole seeing Grissom. I froze staying quiet as I waited for him to leave.
"Sara?" He called
I sighed unlocking the door opening it a little to look at him.
"Hey." He said
"Why are you here?"
"I was concerned. May I come in?"
I stared at him a moment then I opened the door more for him to enter. He walked in turning looking at me. I closed the door looking at him noticing his eyes on the beer in my hand.
"Want one?"
"No," He said, his eyes traveling to mine.
I opened the can in my hand drinking some as I walked past him to the couch. He walked over as I sat down taking a seat on the chair next to the couch.
"What can I do for you?" I asked
"Do we need to talk about this again?" He asked, motioning to the beer I held.
"No." I said
"I came to see how you are doing and to say I want you to take some days off."
"Fine." I said, looking at the can I held.
"I mean it, Sara."
"Yeah, I got it Grissom." I said, sighing standing walking over to the fridge opening it to take out the five cans of beer. I set them on the counter drinking the one in my hand.
He got up coming over to me.
"We do need to talk about this again."
"Grissom, this is my house, my life. Why don't you go home and be with Sophia?"
"Sophia?" He asked
"Yes, don't you and she spend a lot of time together? Don't let the door hit you on your way out." I said, grabbing the cans walking to my bedroom closing the door behind me.
I heard the front door close soon after I shut my bedroom door closed. Crying myself to sleep seemed a regular occurrence now. There were no more visits from Grissom during my mini vacation.
When I came back I walked through the building seeing that the lab was being built back up. I walked into the lounge seeing everyone gathered to get their assignments. Sophia watched Nick and Warrick give me a hug from where she sat on the couch. I looked at her as she looked the other way intent ally. Grissom walked in noticing my return.
"I have an update from the hospital about Greg. He is doing fine and should be able to go home after this week. Now let's get on with assignment's" He said, looking at the paper's he held.
"Gris, did someone talk to him about what happened that day?" Nick asked
"I went in and talked to him. He understands about the contamination and I had him sign a form. Conrad has talked to his group and everything that has to be talked about is being talked about." Grissom said, looking around the room. As no one spoke he went back to the assignments.
"Catherine and Nick, dead body found at the Mirage." He said, giving Catherine slip of paper.
"I'll drive." Nick said, following her.
"Warrick, I have a disturbance at a family home."
"Oh, rich folk." He said, taking the paper walking out.
"What about me?" I asked, walking over to him.
"You're working with us tonight." He said, looking over at Sophia.
I sighed walking past him to go to the locker room. When I came out Sophia had already found a seat beside him in the passenger side. I sat behind them feeling miserable. She made small talk with Grissom as he drove up a hill. I leaned my head against the cool glass. Grissom looked at me from the rear view mirror. We parked outside a house with police cars lights flashing. A crowd of people behind a yellow taped line stood in robes looking at the house. I got out with my case walking to the house with Sophia and Grissom seeing Brass on the porch waiting for us.
"Family dead. Two adult's upstairs and two children upstairs. Shot in the head."
I sighed shaking my head as Grissom and Sophia looked at Brass intently.
"It looks like a hit." He said
"Thank's Jim." Grissom said, going in.
I looked out at the people watching the house. I walked in seeing that Sophia had already started to work on the man and woman by the stairs. Grissom looked at them putting some white gloves on.
"Sara, take the upstairs."
I silently went up flicking on my flash light looking at the stairs.
"Gil, look at this." Sophia said
He watched me go up before looking down at what Sophia wanted him to look at. I swallowed looking at the dark hallway. The first door in the hallway was open. A large unmade bed in the room told me that is the parent's room. I walked slowly down to the two doors that were shut across from each other. I opened the one on the right looking in shining my light in the room seeing a little boy in his bed shot in the head. Blood saturated his pillow as he lay on his stomach sleeping. I took a breath walking in looking around the tidy room. I leaned down over the boy looking at his angelic face.
"I'm sorry." I said, quietly.
Grissom came up walking around looking in the parent's room then he went down to the open doors on either side. Moving out of the way as Doc Robbins came out of the one room with two men carrying out a stretcher with a black body bag.
"I'll let you know." Robbins said, as he passed.
Grissom nodded watching them take him away. He walked over seeing me lying half under the bed with my legs sticking out.
"Sara?" He called.
"What?" I said, under the bed.
"What do you got?"
"I didn't see any scratches or finger prints on the window. Brass is right, this is a hit."
"What are you doing under there?" He asked, leaning down to shine his light under the bed.
"I found a message under the bed and I am trying to cut it so I can take it as evidence." I said, gasping as I tugged.
"What sort of message?"
"I don't know yet." I said, tugging till something snapped. I slid back pulling the piece out looking at it. He walked over shining his light to read it.
"Daddy vs. mommy." He said
"These lines must mean the number of the fights." I said, pointing to the lines in a row.
"Yeah." He said
Sophia knocked on the door making us look over at her.
"I'm going to go over the parent's room."
"Okay." He said
She smiled walking away. I didn't miss that look she gave him. I put down the board standing. Grissom turned looking at me.
"I'll go do the other kid's room."
"Right." I said, calmly.
He turned leaving. We finished processing then started the long way back to the lab. I sat in the back looking out at the starry sky.
"Maybe we could stop at the diner after work?" Sophia asked
"I don't know." He said
"It's not good to sleep without a full stomach."
"Is that a scientific theory?" He asked, looking over at her.
"No, a motherly advice. Besides I would love to sleep in without you waking me up with your growling stomach."
I looked over at them thinking I imagined what she had just said. He coughed saying nothing. We arrived and I quickly took my evidence going into the building before they got out. Working up to quitting time I decided to work on not really wanting to go home.
Next shift Nick walked into the lounge seeing that I slept in my clothes from last shift on the gray couch. He got some coffee looking over at me. Sophia came in smiling at Nick then she saw me.
"How long has she been here?" She asked
"All day I should imagine." Nick said, seeing Grissom walk in stopping when he saw me.
"Hey, Gris." Nick said
"Could you two leave for a few moments?"
"Sure." Nick said, walking out beside Sophia.
Grissom walked over to me leaning down he shook my shoulder. I moved opening my eyes looking up at him.
"I thought I told you not to do this anymore."
I groaned closing my eyes laying my head back onto the cushions.
"Well?"
"I am sorry. I just worked on the case."
"After we left?"
"Yes, I thought I was on to something."
"You are not to do this again. When it is time to leave you leave."
I sat up nodding looking down.
"I mean it, Sara."
"I heard you."
He watched me put a hand through my hair. He sat on the white coffee table in front of me. I looked at him then down at my hands on my lap.
"It's still early, why don't we talk?"
"I don't need to talk."
"I want to talk."
I sighed looking at the door then at him.
"Go ahead." I said
"Okay, what is bothering you?"
"Nothing."
"Don't tell me that. I know something is. Is it me?"
"No."
"Sophia."
I shook my head looking down.
"Is it the case?"
"No, can we drop it?"
"No Sara, I want to know."
I didn't say a thing as he waited looking at me rubbing his hands together.
"Are you still drinking?" He asked
I looked away to the side.
"How long?" He asked "Sara, how long?"
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do."
I stood getting some coffee to avoid him. He got up walking over to me standing beside me so he could look at my face.
"I am putting you on a paid vacation starting now. Go home and think about what we talked about."
I looked at him as he glanced at me then walked away.
"You can't do that. I am helping on the case!"
"Do you want a suspension?" He asked, looking back at me.
I slammed my cup down walking past almost running Sophia over.
"Watch where your going?" She called to me.
I fled from the building going to the store picking up a thirty pack of beer going home. Grissom knocked on my door a few days later. He waited when no one answered he picked his cell phone out of his coat and dialed waiting.
"Are you here to see, Sara?" An old woman asked, behind him. He turned seeing a white haired old lady in a blue flowered dress with blue dress shoes come out of the apartment across the way.
"Yes, I am Gil Grissom, her boss." He said, closing the phone.
"I haven't seen her for a while. She usually comes out and talks to me."
"Oh, how long ago has it been?"
"A couple days at least."
Grissom looked at the woman in alarm. He looked at the door thinking.
"You seem like a nice man that cares for her. She has a spare key up above the door." She said, motioning a wrinkled hand.
"Thank you." He said, reaching up to find the key. With it in his hand he put it in the key hole twisting it till he heard the lock click. She smiled at him as he opened the door going inside. Closing the door he looked around the messy living room seeing beer can's all over the place. The television volume played softly as I slept on the couch in blue pajama pants and a black tank top. He walked over just eyeing everything lying around.
I moved slowly hearing something in the kitchen. Opening my eyes I noticed my place was clean. I sat up rubbing my eyes hearing a noise again in the kitchen. Getting up I stumbled over picking up a bat I kept just in case. Entering I saw Grissom fixing food on my stove. His blue shirt sleeves were rolled up with a towel tied around him like an apron. He turned seeing me staring at him with a bat in my hand.
"I come in peace." He said
"How did you get in here?" I asked, putting the bat away.
"Your neighbor took pity on me and told me that you had a spare key." He said, turning to stir the food he made in the skillet.
I sat at the counter on a black stool rubbing my head. He put a plate in front of me of eggs, sausage and toast. I looked at the food not hungry. He watched as I pushed the plate away.
"I have been told I am a good cook." He said
"No offense, but my stomach isn't into food right now." I said, holding my head in my hands.
"All right, maybe you'll want some later. "
"Look, I really don't want to sound ungrateful, but I really just want to go to bed." I said, standing.
"Not until we talk."
"Not more talking!"
"Sara, I know something is bothering you. My suspicions were realized as I walked in here."
I sighed as he pulled me over to him holding my arms. I looked at him then down at his shirt.
"Tell me what is wrong."
"I don't know."
For a long moment he just looked at me watching as I avoided looking at him. Pulling my body to him I felt his arms go around me in a hug. All I wanted to do was hold him as well, but Sophia popped into my head.
"Sara, let me in. I want to help you, but first we have to break away this wall you have put up." He said, against me.
"I don't need you to help me."
He lifted his head back to look at me his hand slowly touched my cheek.
"Yes, you do. I am not leaving until we talk."
He watched TV with me on the couch. I sat at the end as he sat in the middle. He glanced at me before turning off the news. I looked over at him knowing what was coming.
"Let's talk." He said
"Don't you have plans with Sophia?"
"No, I have plans with you." He said "I don't bite."
I sighed slowly moving over to him. We sat side by side waiting in the silence.
"Why did you call me honey again?" I asked
"What?"
I turned looking at him.
"You called me honey two times now after each explosion."
"I don't know. I guess it's a force of habit." He said, looking down "Did it bother you?"
"No, I liked it."
"I like taking care of you." He said
I turned my head looking at him.
"You told me once you were not a people person and I know now that you're just that way with me."
"What do you mean?"
"You act relaxed around everyone else but me."
"Sara…."
"Do you love, Sophia?" I asked
He looked at me scared as I came straight out asking.
"I…I like her."
"Why?"
"She's funny and we have something's in common."
"Are you going to marry her?"
"No. I like having her around."
"She likes you."
"Why are you asking me about her?" He asked, moving to look at me better "Is she the reason you are drinking?"
"No, I just am curious to know what kind of woman you are interested in."
"Sara, whether I am or not interested should not drive you to drink. You need to find a nice man to be with."
"That's easy for you to say." I said, standing walking around. "I have dated a few men and they all say the same thing that I act distant and that I am married to my job. The one man that I….like chooses to have a fling with a woman that I work with instead of with me."
"So, you are mad at me then?"
I stopped pacing standing behind one of my black arm chair picking at it.
"Sara, I still don't know what to do about this." He said, standing coming over to me. "I do know that you have been carrying all of this on your shoulders for months without talking to a soul. I want you to talk to me anytime."
I sniffed looking down at the chair as I nodded. He sighed touching my arm rubbing it gently as I lost the control I kept inside. The flood gates came open as he pulled me to him hearing me sob against his chest.
Grissom opened his eyes looking around the living room not remembering falling asleep on the couch with me. His phone went off on the kitchen counter. He moved slowly out from behind me as to not wake me.
"Grissom." He answered, looking out to make sure I didn't wake "Hi Sophia."
I moved hearing him talking in the kitchen letting my head go to the side towards the couch closing my eyes. He hung up coming over to me sitting on the coffee table he touched my arm. I moved my head looking at him.
"I have to go."
"Okay."
"I will call you later."
"You don't have to."
"I want to." He said, getting up leaving. I laid back looking at the ceiling.
He did not call as the team had a triple homicide I heard about on the police scanner. I sat reading a magazine on the couch when someone knocked at the door. I walked over opening the door seeing Grissom carrying a grocery bag.
"Hey." He said
"You bought me groceries?" I asked, looking at the bag with a faint smile.
"No, I am making spaghetti." He said, moving past me to the kitchen. I shut the door walking over to the kitchen watching him take things out of the bag.
"Do you do this all the time?"
"No, just on a whim."
I walked away shaking my head. A smell coming from the kitchen enticed my senses as I walked over seeing him cutting onions to put into the sauce on the stove.
"That smells good." I said, walking in to peek at the red sauce simmering in a metal pot.
"Thanks, here taste it." He said, sticking a large stirring spoon inside lifting it up to my lips. I tasted the sauce smiling as he smiled.
"That is very good."
He put the spoon down smiling.
"How did you learn to cook?"
"I picked it up and by watching my mother." He said, as he cut some more onions.
I watched him throw onions into the sauce stirring it then he lifted the spoon to his lips tasting it.
"Mmm, that is good."
I chuckled seeing he had sauce on his lower lip.
"What?"
"You have sauce on your lip." I said, pointing.
He tried to wipe it away only getting a little off. I lifted up a towel helping him.
"There." I said, lowering the towel looking at him. He looked at me silently. I moved forward breathing out taking a chance by kissing him. He did not move or try to stop me. I moved back opening my eyes looking at him. "I better get out the dishes."
He nodded watching me walk away. We ate his spaghetti masterpiece then sat on the couch watching a movie. I thought about the kiss over and over as I sat away from him. He seemed silently thinking as well staring at the TV screen. He looked over at me as I looked at him. His hand stretched out to me I slowly took it moving over to him. I sat facing him feeling his fingers touch my face searching my eyes. I stared at him reaching up touching his face. He moved his head closer to mine kissing my lips. I moved my lips against his feeling him pull me closer to him. My heart opened letting him in as I always wanted.
Later we laid in bed fully clothed. I stared at the ceiling as he laid beside me with his arm holding his head up touching my arm. He looked down at me reaching over touching my cheek I smiled looking up at him.
"It's always been you, Sara." He said
"I feel the same way."
"I love you. Don't ever doubt that."
"I won't."
He leaned down kissing me. We went to sleep lying curled up to each other. In the morning he was gone, but a note telling me I could return to work. I walked into the building walking around seeing people working at their stations. Sophia stood getting coffee in the lounge, so I decided to avoid that. The locker room was empty as I came in to get my things to start the day. Grissom came in finding me inside the room.
"Ready to work?" He asked, opening his locker.
"Yes." I said "Got anything?"
"Yes, your with me." He said, shutting the locker looking at me.
I nodded smiling.
Inside the car I stared outside at the passing traffic when he reached over taking one of my hands. I looked down at his hand then at him. He winked at me before looking out again. I looked down at our hands again as he rubbed my cold hand in his warm one.
We got out of the vehicle walking to the warehouse where a cop lay dead shot by a gunman's bullet. Grissom put his hand on my back as we walked up to the building's door. Detective Vega stood by the body of his fellow cop looking upset.
"He had three kids all under five." He said "Shooting is to good for some people."
"Why did he go after the shooter?" Grissom asked
"We were tailing him because we suspected that the suspect was carrying illegal fire arms. Perkins tailed him and radioed in that he might be making a move, we responded to a gunfight between the suspect and Perkins. The creep hit Perkins and then we took him down."
I leaned down over Perkins looking at his wound, or lack of.
"Grissom, I am not seeing a wound." I said, looking over at him. He walked over looking seeing that indeed there was not a wound.
"There has to be." Vega said, looking.
"Turn him over." Grissom said, putting on gloves as I did. We both turned him to his side seeing blood coming out the back. "That is where the bullet entered from."
We both looked up at Vega.
"How long was it before you all got here?"
"It took us about four minutes." Vega said "We didn't shoot him, the creep did."
"Well the evidence points only in one direction." Grissom said
Vega sized him up looking mad then he walked away. Grissom looked at me.
"Keep working, I'll be back." He said, walking away.
I watched him walk the way Vega went to talk again. After working over by where Perkins laid I went over to the shooter looking at the gun beside the body. Walking in the direction that Perkins laid. I looked around for stray bullets. Bagging evidence we went back to the lab where Sophia stood waiting for us.
"Gil can I talk to you?" She asked
"Yes." He said, handing me some bags to go to his office with her.
I walked away going to trace and ballistics. Grissom came back after about ten minutes into the computer lab where I sat working on the distance of shots on the big screen.
"Is everything all right?" I asked, not looking at him.
"It is now."
"I put this at different angles, but it's still tells us that Perkins was shot from behind."
"If the shooter had an accomplice then he could have shot Perkins."
"Is that what Vega is saying?"
"No, I am." He said, looking at the screen.
"Well, if we play it your way then the other shooter would have been right behind him when the cops came driving up. "
"They would have seen him."
"Yes." I said, looking at him "Grissom, one of the police shot him."
He sighed looking at me.
I watched the news lying in front of him on my couch. His arm covered my stomach as he slept with his head against mine.
"Your hair smells like vanilla." He said, quietly.
"I thought you were asleep."
"I was." He said, sighing.
I touched his hand on my stomach. His phone started ringing and he let my hand go to answer it.
"Grissom?"
I could faintly hear the voice on the other side. He moved to lie on his back and I moved turning to lay my head against his chest.
"No, we can talk about it at work later." He said "Bye."
He hung up putting his phone back in his pocket. He touched my hand that lay on his chest.
"Do you remember the day we met?" I asked
"I taught a seminar and you came over after asking me about having dinner."
"I thought here is a chance to date a man who knows everything about bugs."
He smiled faintly caressing my hand.
"Did you think I was attractive?"
"I did and I still do."
Vega came walking into the lab looking for Grissom or I. He spotted me walking out of trace with a paper.
"You are arresting one of my men?" He asked
"The evidence shows that Sargent Millard shot Perkins." I said
"Millard has worked twenty years on the force. He's a friend and I don't appreciate you and Grissom pointing the finger at a good man!"
"We are going by the evidence. We didn't just put him in a line up and say that's him." I said
"I want to see the proof."
"Here is the proof." I said, letting him look at the paper. He grabbed it staring at the results then he looked at me. "I had the bullet that came out of Perkins matched with all the policemen's guns it matched the kind that Millard uses. The bullet is very distinct with a little line going around it."
Vega listened as he looked at the paper.
"It was not him." He said, giving the paper back before walking away.
I sighed watching him go then I walked to Grissom office. Grissom walked over to Vega's office to talk to the detective.
Sophia walked into his office seeing me sitting in a chair waiting for him to return.
"Sara, where is Grissom?"
"He went to talk to Vega." I said, looking at her.
She sighed looking at the door then at me.
"Something wrong?" I asked
She closed the door walking over to me leaning on his desk.
"Sara, can we talk?"
"Yes."
"Look, I know that we haven't gotten along, but I thought since we have a common goal now we could talk it over."
"Okay?" I said, knowing where this conversation is going to go.
"I really like Grissom, Sara. I know you have feelings for him and I do to."
"Sophia, time is precious around here. Please just say what you came in here to say."
"I want you to stop seeing him."
I stared at her silently. The door opened as Grissom walked in seeing us together. He looked at both our faces seeing that things were serious before he came in.
"Everything all right?" He asked
"Everything is just fine." Sophia said, as she stood up from the desk smiling at him. He looked at me seeing I was still serious minded. "Grissom, can we talk after work?"
"Sure." He said
She waved as she walked out. I stood fuming going to the door.
"Something wrong?" He asked
"Just something I have to deal with." I said, walking out.
He watched me leave quickly. Sophia came into the locker room at the end of shift. I came in stopping as I saw her.
"Sophia, can we talk again?"
"Gil's waiting." She said, smiling as she put things in her locker.
"The thing is that I love him."
"So do I?" She said, shutting her locker "I suppose in the end it is up to him."
"No, it's up to us. I want you to leave him alone in a personal capacity."
"You first." She said, going passed me.
I sat on a bench along while after she left. When I got home I saw him standing at my door. He pulled me to him hugging me tightly.
"You're late."
"Sorry." I said, moving away from him.
"Are you all right?" He asked, touching my cheek.
"Yeah, it's just been a hard case."
He followed me inside the apartment hearing me sigh going to my bedroom. I changed in into gray sweats and white socks seeing him standing in the living room.
"Sara, come sit down." He said, motioning to the couch.
I sat down feeling his arm come around me. I laid my head against his chest.
"Sara, I talked to Sophia and she told me what you two talked about."
"And?"
"And I told her that I loved you."
I raised my head looking at him. He touched my cheek.
"I love you."
As the words touched me I felt so much love for this man. He cared for me in a way that no one else would. I kissed him pulling him back on the couch smelling the chocolate crickets on his breath. He moved his head back against the cushions smoothing my hair back before it feel forward again smiling at me.