The Melancholy of Kagamine Rin

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No, silly people, this story is not based of the anime and light novels called The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya.

You wanna know why?

Because this is much, much more AWESOME.

It's only called that because 1) it sounds cool and 2) my name is Kagamine Rin!

Now this story is not a cliché. In fact, this is a crack story. This story will have subtle to next-to-nothing romance in it! There will be no cat fights, no matter how awesome or sexy they are.

But it is funny to watch them. Things in the middle of it like "I broke a nail!" or "You messed up my fake boob position! Get ready to pay for it, bitch!" It always, always gets me.

Also, I'm yaoi and yuri fan.

But~~

I'm straighter than a steel pole.

There are times when I like to think that I'm asexual.

Yeah, that's right, Len, you man slut! Be lucky you were born a man! Stop laughing!

Len's my step cousin.

No. No matter how much you want to stare at his ass, just…don't. His ass, along with his eyes, is what he uses to gain popularity over girls and guys. It's how he got his harem. So many concubines…

You know, at first I thought concubines had something to do with the privy…

But, they aren't really concubines since Len isn't married at all. Heck, I don't think he'll ever get settled down. Did I mention he's secretly bisexual?

Well.

In my opinion. Sometimes he looks like a pedophile. If he were a woman, then he would be a cougar.

What about a dominatrix?

Had he even met one before?

I decided to ask him.

"Hey Len?" We were sitting on my living room couch. He usually stops by my house since he lives a few blocks away (right across the street). Sometimes, he even stays over.

Wait. That didn't sound clear enough.

Ahem.

It's like he fucking lives here. In and out, in and out. Like, gawrsh, I get so fucking tired of having him pop in and out of nowhere! He digs into the fridge, leaves his dirty laundry all over the house, and uses up the bathroom; more than a girl does. He even clogs the toilet! And not with tissue paper, that's for sure. I mean, who the hell does he think he is?

"What?" He burps after turning away. How could a girl fall for this?

"You're, like, the big brother I never wanted." I yawn, looking off into space. We've known each other for ages, but he's only slightly older than me.

"Gee, thanks, Rinners. I feel so loved." Len says sarcastically as he takes a bite out of his banana.

"You're very welcome, love." I reply back before sitting up to face him with a cheery smile. He turns his head slightly towards me, knowing something was coming up. "Okay, but that's not what I wanted to tell you."

"What else is new? You're a procrastinator. Are you going to confess you have a want for my manly banana?" He drawls suggestively. I stick my tongue out at him. "Oh, someone's eager."

"Oh my orange, Len you are such a pervert. Maybe I should tell Miku about this…" I trail off, a smirking all the while.

"You wouldn't…"

You see, Len, despite being a player, has the hots for my best friend, Miku! She has a twin named Mikuo, who is my other best bud. He's slightly older than her by almost two hours.

Two hours because Miku was born a fat baby and after Mikuo got out; they had to do a C-section for her to get out. (When her mom was pregnant, apparently Miku ate some of Mikuo's half of the provided nutrients) (My assumption)

But, Miku ended up pretty, so it's okay! :D

Yeah, Len has the hots for her perfection. She's awesome to be around, and Len doesn't want her to know that he's manwhore.

Pfft.

Like that's fucking possible. How could anyone NOT know?

"Oh, but I would. But, okay, moving on…" I trailed off, trying to jog my memory. Oh! That's right. I look back at an extremely bored Len, who just took another bite of his banana.

Yuck. That sounded so wrong.

"Considering that you're a manwhore and all…"

"Please refrain from using dirty language. I'm almost glad that I didn't stick my -."

I coughed louder to block out his sentence. "ANY-who, have you ever gotten whipped by a dominatrix?"

Absolute silence. It was kind of nice, except it almost sounded like a strangled cat just died.

You wanna know what happened next?

He spat his banana goo all over my face.

Oh, holy orange, that sounded so wrong! I couldn't help it! But, secretly, I was laughing at my own line. Who wouldn't? Wait, don't answer that.

"Rin. I won't ask how and why you know that word, considering all those yuri and yaoi books underneath your bed- -."

"You looked at them?" The yaoi too? Maybe he really was bisexual…

"S-SHUT UP!" Ooh, he stuttered!

"Why did you go in my room?!" I screeched. My privacy…it was gone! Gone! Gone like the wind! Goodbye Todo! Goodbye! Todo was the name of my privacy, just so you know.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT!"

I wiped a hand over my face. "I'll let it slide. Slide, you hear me! Ahem. Where were we? Oh yes, do tell."

"Warning: I will get into details. Last chance to back out."

"Pfft. Hit me with it already." I am old enough to handle it. I think.

"I don't mind sex toys and the like, but I've never met one. I don't plan to." Oh, so detailed, Lennerz.

Oh. Okay.

But, why?

"Why?" I asked, voicing my thoughts.

He threw me that famous do-you-oughta-know look. Meh. I was naturally curious; nothing wrong with that. Even if it might sound…disorienting.

Who am I kidding?

I don't give a damn if it's about ***** or ******, to be truthful. Dammit, the censor's on- -It'll enter my head, stay there a while, then the automatic I-don't-feel-too-disgusted button gets switched on.

Unless it's something I can't ignore (Erm, Common is its first name and Sense is its last name), then yes, I'll have myself a reaction.

He scratched his head and furrowed his brows. "I don't really know. After watching that American movie Bruno, I don't think I want to meet one…"

My turn to do a spit take. "You watched that movie?!" I screeched, secretly fangirling. Holy crap, I LOVE that movie. Too funny.

"I-It was a dare! A dare, I tell you, a dare, dammit!"

"Liar! Your eyes betray you! Don't worry, Lenners, because I lurved the movie!" I exclaimed, shoving my finger into his face.

Just an average day of mine. Since it's summer break, I have no school, so my days usually consist of random activities, spontaneous eating, and irritating Len's pet hamster, Kira. Such a funny name…

But, anyways, since I'm talking to Len, you're obviously are going to hear more of our conversation.

"Wha- -Wait, you do?!" He started squealing with me. "What was your favorite scene?"

"When Bruno and Lutz get stuck with the bondage thingy." I was fourteen when I watched that- -let's just say I knew some very good friends.

After an hour of gushing over the movie, we finally sobered up. Len straightened up and threw his banana peel over the couch.

"You… You tell anyone I like this movie, and your life is over. Do you hear me?!" Len hissed in an extremely girly way before getting in the stance meant for cat fights.

I threw my hands up in exasperation. "I won't!" He gave me a suspicious stare. "I promise! Swear to clementine!"

He backed off before giving me two fingers to signal that he was watching me (which was a fail because he nearly poked his eyeball out) before slinking back into the kitchen. He's such a fatty.

Heh. I should talk.

Well, I'm going to walk away from the scene like a total badass since I'm - -

"Yarrgh!"

Did I mention I hated Len, his bananas, and the mess he makes? I did, but I'm just going to rant about how much I do. Damn you Len, dammit! You fucking messed up my dramatic exit!

I'm gonna go whine about it on the phone to Miku.

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A/N: O.O What the hell did I just write?

The point is, the story will be based mainly on the funny events of my life. If you were annoyed by Rin, I totally understand because I know that I am extremely annoying and pervy. It will eventually be Rin x Len, and not Miku x Len or Rin x Kaito (yeah, she's going to have a major crush on him). But, before all the drama llama, I'm going to write more than twenty chapters full of crack-ish scenes! Because my life is so weird. Romance and drama should pop up around the thirtieth chapter, but the development and story plot begins in somewhere in the twenty chapters… This'll be fun (no, it won't be based on my love life or drama life, because obviously, they are LACKING.) This is M-rated for Rin's potty mouth and for LATER chapters *wiggles eyebrows*. Almost every story I do will end up M-rated because I'm a pervert.