Jose Vargus was a man of simple words. He had worked so hard to get onto squad. When he did he expected to be there a very long time. Until that night he inhaled some of the chemical smoke. After he inhaled it he knew right then he was in trouble, he tried to breath but it burned his throat and he just wanted to cry. But in his mind fireman don't cry, especially in front of his peers. Lying on the backboard on the cot was even torture as he tried to sit up; he was pushed back down by Leslie Shay, paramedic for Ambulance 61. An oxygen mask was placed on his face and that eased the burning a little bit.
He was lifted into the back of the ambulance, "Vargus? How you doing?" Dawson, the other paramedic asked as she sat next to him.
"Burns…" he whispered under the mask.
Dawson smiled and told him just to relax that they would be at Lakeshore momentarily. Dawson started an IV and adjusted the drip and waited patiently to arrive at the hospital. Arriving in the ambulance bay, they pulled Jose Vargus out into the brisk, cold Chicago night and wheeled him inside to a room, where a nurse, doctor and respiratory therapist were. Almost immediately the therapist put an albuterol treatment in the oxygen to help easy some of the wheezing that was audible through the mask.
Vargus knew he needed to relax and let the medicine work, but his mind was going a million miles a minute, "how bad?" he managed to choke out.
"Mr. Vargus just relax, we are having x-ray come down and do a chest x-ray, then we will move you to a room and keep you overnight for observation," the doctor patted Jose's arm and left.
Jose's eyes closed and let the treatment finish and then he felt something cold being pushed behind his back and yelped, not because of pain, but the coolness on his shirtless torso. Within a few minutes the x-rays were done and he was being moved upstairs.
Tossing and turning Vargus couldn't sleep. He would sit on the edge of the bed and listen to the cars down on the street. His mind still on the incident from earlier. He shook his head and tried to put everything aside so he could sleep. About the time he was about ready to close his eyes, in comes his nurse for another albuterol treatment. Letting the medicine work, he dozed off not hearing the nurse back in and shut off the treatment.
Early morning in came another face Jose didn't recognize. He stared at the young face in the white coat and before he could question the new face, he introduced himself, "Good morning Mr. Vargus, I'm Doctor Cole, Oncologist. I was brought in on your case, because your blood test showed some abnormalities."
"Oncologist? This means I have…" Vargus's voice trailed.
"Yes Mr. Vargus, cancer…lung cancer. But trust me if you would like to start treatment I will do everything in my power to help you." The doctor waited for a reply.
"Can I think about it?" Vargus looked at him.
"Of course. Here is some information on the disease and my number or you can let your nurse know to call me when you've made a decision," Dr. Cole handed Jose the information pamphlets and got up and left the room.
Jose couldn't grasp the concept of what the doctor just told him. While is mind was still reeling on what to do, his Lt. Kelly Severide walked in. "Hey how ya doin?"
Vargus just looked at Severide without saying anything. Vargus? What's wrong?"
"Don't want to talk about it," Jose sulked back into his bed.
"Vargus, you know I will find out no matter what right?" Severide threatened.
"Fine, I uh…I uh… have cancer," Vargus stammered out.
"Wait, what?" Kelly got wide eyed.
Vargus shook his head and looked out the window, "I uh…gotta decide if I want treatment or not and let the doc know."
"What are you going to do?" Kelly questioned.
"I don't know. My wife just left me, I can't do my job anymore; squad or truck, I can't live my life anymore. What do you think I'm gonna do?" Vargu's voice raised above normal tone.
"Vargus, whatever you decide to do, I will support you know matter what, ok?" Kelly said as he eyed Jose.
Vargus shook his head and turned away from Kelly, so that was a hint for Kelly to leave so he could think about it. Again that night Vargus tossed and turned and wouldn't take any meds or treatments. The next morning Dr. Cole came back in and was ready for Vargus's answer, "have you made a decision Mr. Vargus?"
Jose Vargus shook his head and looked at his oncologist, "yes I have. My decision is not to take treatment. I want to die."
Dr. Cole wrote the decision down and walked out the room. Vargus breathed a sigh of relief; he laid back and closed his eyes. He wanted his life to be over.