ME: How an episode of the Clone Wars with a stupid ending should've really ended. Everyone, including Karen Traviss, would've been much happier this way.
Duchess Satine Kryze was seething with rage. These criminal scum had not only bribed members of the Sundari Police, but had sold poisoned tea to unsuspecting children for a profit and tried to kill her, some of her people, and Padmé. In fact, a Police Captain had been wounded and two of her Royal Guardsmen lay dead.
"Captain," she ordered the officer, "have your men burn this warehouse down."
"Wait, what?" He asked in surprise. "But, Your Majesty, there's evidence-."
"-BURN IT DOWN, CAPTAIN!" Satine interrupted, loudly. "Or would you like to be considered as part of the conspiracy?"
"With all due respect, Satine," said Padmé, "the Captain is right. If he was corrupt, he'd eagerly have burned down this warehouse to destroy any and all evidence. We need to make sure these criminals are never free again."
The Duchess of New Mandalore (originally known as Kalevela) blinked. "By the Force," she said, "all this stress must be turning me into a di'kut."
Satine cleared her throat. "New orders, men. I want the Royal Guard to secure the evidence and takeover the investigation. These scum will be punished if it's the last thing I do."
Tee Va smirked as he walked into the courtroom. Rumors had circulated that Duchess Satine Kryze had burned down the warehouse, the fool. Now he wouldn't even have to face the possibility of life imprisonment-the New Mandalorians keeping serious, unrepentant criminals alive at taxpayer expense rather than simply executing them amused the Moogan smuggler greatly.
The judge cleared his throat. "Has the jury reached a verdict?"
"Yes, Your Honor," answered the lead juror, a female who had blond hair like most of the locals.
In light of the lack of sufficient evidence...
"We, the jury, based on the overwhelming evidence presented and the testimony of Her Majesty the Duchess and others-thank you, Duchess and others-find the defendants guilty of all charges and recommend the sentence of exile rather than life imprisonment in light of the defendants poisoning children."
"Wait, what?!" Tee Va yelled. "This is an-."
"Shut up, chakaar!" The baliff ordered.
The judge smiled. "Mind your language, Sergeant," he told the police officer. "But I agree with the jury. The defendants are hereby exiled to Old Mandalore; there sentences are to be carried out tomorrow. This court is adjourned." With that, the judge slammed his gavel.
The next day the various convincted criminals, ranging from two corrupt cops who guarded the warehouse to Tee Va himself, were promptly dropped off in Keldabe, the capital of Old Mandalore as the New Mandalorians knew it (whereas the inhabitants simply referred to it as Mandalore).
Tee Va smirked. "I could find a freighter and escape, Your Intelligence," he mocked Satine as her Royal Guard forced him and the others off the ship. "You really should've just kept me alive by making Sundari citizens pay for my food and medical care."
"You think a fuck like you can escape, aruetii?"
The Moogan sweated as he turned to find a figure clad in sand-gold Mandalorian armor.
"Who are you?" One of the corrupt cops asked.
"Kal Skirata," the man replied. "You see, between Satine and her naïve pacifists, Vizsla's Death Watch, and real Mando'ade like me, you know what we have in common?"
"What?" The lead Moogan smuggled asked nervously.
"Children are sacred to any Mandalorian," Kal answered. "Hell, even a certain former Governor of Concordia burned an ex-henchman of his alive for trying to blow up a school. Collateral damage is one thing, but he of all people doesn't plan on killing kids. You, on the other hand, poisoned them to kriffing profit from it!"
He then drew a knife. "Time to die, demagolka. I send monsters to hell for fun."
Satine didn't stay to watch, never taking enjoyment out of violence. But these criminals?
They absolutely deserved to die.
ME: Hope y'all enjoyed this. Why don't we all play tiny violins for Tee Ka and the others?
Seriously, Satine acted like an idiot at the end of that episode. The only benefit out of flamethrowering the warehouse was a slightly less boring episode.
This episode ranks high on the stupidity list, from Ahsoka not immediately yanking away her lightsaber in the episode where a thief stole it to the Senate Commandos being sent to the Tranquility even though they probably are the equivalent of a civilian SWAT team rather than a military spec ops unit (and predictably getting slaughtered as a result because Reality Ensues). Seriously, if they wanted remotely realistic Red Shirts for a military setting, why not just use clones in plain white armor who don't really talk and never take off their helmets? Look at the movie, where they charged the battle droids on Christophsis despite having cover and artillery (and predictably getting massacred as a result).
Read and review, please. Praise and constructive criticism is appreciated.