King of the Castle (We All Fall Down)
Rating: PG
Pairing/Characters: Arthur/Gwen, Arthur/Merlin (friendship), Gaius, Sir William
Disclaimer: Merlin belongs to the BBC.
Spoilers: Based on the episode "Sins of The Father"
Summary: Sometimes you have to lose everything to realise that without the ones you love, you're nothing. Having banished Merlin and Gwen, darkness falls in Camelot and Arthur struggles to regain his sense of self. But with the help of an unlikely source, Arthur seeks to make Camelot a better place and in turn, bring back Merlin and Gwen. Sequel to Broken Spells and Wounded Hearts and Wishes for Your Heart, Comfort for Your Soul. It won't make sense if you haven't read them first.
Special appearances from Sir William of Daira.
A/N: Thanks to everyone who commented previously, I really appreciate it. This was actually a lot harder to write than the others, but with a little help from Eric Clapton, I got there in the end :D
***
It takes losing everything to realise that without them he's nothing.
At first, he hates them for leaving.
He hates Merlin for lying all this time, when he was supposed to be his friend.
He hates Gwen for being the one to know Merlin's secret and for choosing Merlin over him.
He hates Morgana for spiralling out of control and destroying everything.
But not once can he admit that the person he hates the most is himself for driving them all away.
***
With them gone, he falls into a pit of despair. There's no salvation to be had here; no good to be found. His mind is consumed with thoughts so dark that he knows that the old Arthur would be shocked to see them.
But he's not that boy anymore.
Often, he stands by the window, watching to see if they return, but they never do.
It makes him angry and sad at the same time.
***
He hates being king.
He hates ruling a kingdom of people he doesn't even care for; hates making decisions that he doesn't give a damn about.
He's not the king that they want and they're not the people he needs. He was thrust into this position too soon and under the worst possible circumstances.
He's not ready to be king.
He just wants to be that boy whose biggest problem was proving himself to the girl he loved.
***
There's a dark cloud that seems to be permanently cast over Camelot. It's been there ever since Merlin and Gwen left. It emits a gloomy spell all over, and instils misery into everyone's hearts.
And he is not immune to this.
The decisions he makes are ruthless and heartless. He throws people in the dungeons for the slightest of errors and when people beg for reason, he refuses to listen.
Yet, he can't quite follow through in his decisions to have the worst of them- those who are magical- hanged.
Even though they aren't here, he knows the two people he cares about the most, would never forgive him if he did.
***
In rare moments, Arthur thinks of something that makes him laugh. Wishing to share it with someone, he always turns around in search of Merlin.
But then he remembers he's not there.
Other times, he wishes for words of kind wisdom, of love and concern.
But there's no Guinevere to bestow those words upon him.
***
A few weeks pass and still his soul exists in this perpetual state of unrest.
After many weeks away, Sir Leon, one his most trusted knights, comes to court with a grim expression on his face.
"My lord," he begins. "My quest brings unsettling news."
Arthur looks at him in apprehension; scared that the news is to do with Merlin and Gwen. "What is it?" he asks.
"Whilst in Mercia, we saw her, sire."
Arthur looks at him in impatience. "Saw whom?"
Sir Leon hesitates. "The Lady Morgana, my lord."
His breath hitches. "And?"
"And she's terrifying, sire. Never have I seen an evil as great as she."
Arthur nods and dismisses him.
Once Sir Leon is gone, his head falls into his hands.
He thinks of the Morgana he used to know. Beautiful and feisty, strong and spirited, but above all, compassionate and kind, he loved her as if she were his own sister. Even though she was older than him, he always looked out for her as if she were younger and expected great, great things from her.
But not this. Never this.
He blames himself for her downfall. Sees his selfish actions and the need to find the truth the reason why Morgana found out about her true identity. If he had heeded Merlin's words, maybe things would never have turned out this way...
She never would have resorted to dark magic, never would have sought an alliance with Morgause. She never would have sought revenge on Uther. She never would have destroyed Camelot and never would have killed his father. She never would have caused him to lose his mind and send Merlin away for being part of something responsible for all these horrors.
He hates Morgana. But somehow, he forgives her too.
***
Gaius is talking to him in his drawing room; informing him of Camelot's spiralling descent into impoverishment.
Arthur listens, but the words are hard to hear.
What did I do to deserve this? He wonders. How did I go from having everything I dreamed of, to having nothing?
Suddenly, he is consumed with a violent rage. Angry with the hand that fate has dealt him, he begins to throw everything in sight. Throwing books and heavy ornaments, he thinks of his fallen father, his ruined sister, his departed friends- and everything that he's ever lost.
Somewhere in the background, he can hear Gaius talking; pleading with him to stop.
But he cannot.
Object after object, he throws them all until there is nothing left to throw, and everything lies in ruin.
Seeing the destruction, Arthur feels oddly purged and all that's left within him is a lingering sadness.
And for the first time since his friends left him, he falls to his knees and cries.
Weak but sturdy arms lift him back up.
Gaius looks on at him with sympathetic eyes.
Brushing away the fallen hair in his eyes, Gaius asks, "What is it that you want, Arthur?"
Voice breaking slightly, he answers, "All I want is to have them back."
***
He'll never forget the look of disappointment in her eyes when he banished Merlin away. It broke his heart then and it still breaks his heart now.
Of all the things he ever wanted, he never wanted to disappoint her.
Right from the start, he only ever sought her approval. He didn't know what it was about Gwen, but whatever it was, it always made him want to be the man he was in her eyes and not the uncertain one he felt inside.
He closes his eyes and thinks of her, as he has for the hundredth time that day.
He thinks of her beguiling smile, that certain look she gets when she's concerned about something and the sound of her melodious laughter. He frowns when he realises that even before she went away, it had been a long time since he had heard her laugh.
When he closes his eyes as he goes to sleep that night, he's deluged with memories of her holding him tight and comforting him, as he mourned the death of his father. More than anything, he wishes that she were here beside him now.
She comes to him in his sleep, tantalising him but reminding him of his loss. Often, he tries to catch up with her, but she always gets away. Except tonight, he finally reaches her and she doesn't runaway.
Instead, the Gwen of his dreams looks at him with sad eyes.
"I've disappointed you, haven't I?" he asks her.
She shakes her head, but her eyes still remain sad. "Never, Arthur Pendragon."
"Then why did you leave?" he demands.
"Because it broke my heart to stay."
And he frowns, because it certainly sounds like she's disappointed in him.
"What will it take to bring you back?" His question is a desperate one, but he needs to know.
She smiles at him. "You already know the answer."
He looks at her in desperation, knowing that at any moment now she's going to fade away and he'd have no idea what she means.
Her skin begins to get fainter and she draws her hand up to his face, stroking his cheek.
"Just remember, Arthur, I have faith in you."
And just like that, she disappears.
When he wakes up in the morning, it finally dawns on him how to make things better.
***
These days, Gaius is the only person he has to talk to.
Before, he wasn't too familiar with Gaius. He knew him as Merlin's guardian and his father's confidante, of course, but other than that, he hadn't had much interaction with him.
After Merlin and Gwen left, it would have been easy for Gaius to fade into obscurity, had he chose to. Having sent his beloved Merlin away, it wouldn't have surprised Arthur had Gaius chose never to see him again. But instead, he did the most remarkable thing: he stood by him.
In those initial dark days, Gaius would stand with him, uttering simple words to ease his heart. Even though they didn't work, his presence was reassuring. As time went on, Gaius would advise him on the problems of Camelot and often offered solutions. Most of the time, Arthur didn't listen, yet Gaius still persisted, waiting for the day when Arthur was ready to take heed of his words.
And today, he is finally ready to listen.
***
It took a long time to finally get to this point, but Arthur is finally ready to rise up to his duties as a decent king and be the person always expected of him.
And that starts with making all the wrongs right again.
Talking extensively to Gaius, Arthur is able to draw up a plan of all the things needed to make Camelot a better place.
It began with releasing all the people he had thrown in the dungeons and completely scrapping the ban on magic.
It takes a while before the people of Camelot are able to trust him again. But through listening thoroughly to their needs, they are all able to put back together their broken kingdom. News spreads of this new age of Camelot, and it brings back many magical people initially driven away.
Arthur watches with deep content as Camelot flourishes; the magical community integrating well with the non-magical community, giving way to a Camelot it always had the potential to be.
At his side, Gaius looks on with tremendous pride.
Both of them stand at the window, looking down at this new Camelot. A quick glance at the sky, and Arthur sees the dark clouds disappearing. In their place, the sun begins to shine.
There hasn't been sun for a long time here.
***
There's one more important thing that Arthur knows he has to do to set things right.
Travelling down to the caves, he goes in search of the Great Dragon. He's never seen him before, nor did he know that he existed until Gaius told him of him. Gaius also informed him of Merlin's great desire to free the impressive creature.
Merlin isn't here to do so himself, so he does it for him.
Standing at the edge of the cave, he holds out his torch and calls out for the dragon.
After what seems like hours, the dragon appears out of nowhere and settles down before Arthur. Startled by his appearance, Arthur tries to hide his initial fear. Instead, he focuses on the dragon's face and notes the incredible sadness there.
"Hmmm." The dragon's low hum echoes throughout the cave. "I do not believe I have met you before, young man."
"I am King Arthur," he tells him.
The dragon's eyes widen in surprise. "So you are the one the young warlock talked of." The dragon let out a sigh. "I have not seen him for a long time."
Arthur tries not to squirm. "I sent him away," he admits. "But I fully intend to bring him back."
The dragon looks at him thoughtfully. "Then what brings you here, King Arthur?"
"I have come to do what Merlin intended all along."
The dragon looks at him in confusion.
"I have come to free you, Great Dragon."
The dragon looks at him in incredulity, but still he knows he can't comprehend his words.
"You are finally free to go. I will send my blacksmith down immediately."
"You mean, I am free to go wherever I choose?"
"Wherever you choose. But I will be honoured if you stay here, in Camelot. We could do with a dragon guarding our skies. That is, if you wish to."
The dragon looks at him intently, and for a moment, it looks as if he's smiling. Suddenly the dragon rises a few feet up and emits a roar, sending a stream of fire up and above the caves.
Arthur smiles, knowing that the roar is the sound of elation...and freedom.
An hour later, Arthur looks out the castle window, only to see the dragon flying in the sky in delight.
Wherever you are, Merlin, I hope you're proud of me, he thinks.
***
Getting up is easier in the mornings these days. Camelot is a lot happier, but it hasn't escaped his attention that something is missing.
As he walks into court that day, he sees Gaius eyeing him shrewdly.
"You're going to go and find them, aren't you?"
And Arthur nods.
"It's about bloody time!" Gaius exclaims.
Before Arthur sets off, he knows there's a few responsibilities he has to sort out first, like who will keep watch of Camelot while he's gone. Although a great advisor, both know that Gaius cannot look after Camelot, for he prefers his assisting role.
Arthur's next choice would be Sir Leon, but Sir Leon is away on patrol. Other than that, there is no one Arthur trusted enough to keep his place.
At that moment, the doors open and in came Sir William of Daira, dressed in his armour.
Looking a little bit dishevelled he says, "I was um...just passing through the fields my lord, and I couldn't help but notice what a state the sheep were in. They looked like they hadn't been shorn in months, sire! So naturally, I had to go and do it myself. Can't have loads of sheep milling around, fluffier than a cloud. I just thought that you should um...know, that the sheep need tending to. Um... my lord."
Arthur beams.
And thus he finds the perfect person to look after Camelot whilst he's gone.
***
When Arthur thinks of Sir William, he thinks of the circumstances of which he met him. It was one of the first few times Merlin, him and Gwen had worked on something together, and so he will always associate the honorary knight with those happier times.
Sometimes he feels guilty that Sir William made it as a knight without ever being found out, where as good men such as Lancelot did not. It was just another example of how inconsistent his father could be.
Although not the most conventional knight, Sir William does a pretty good job and besides that, he is also a great impressionist.
Arthur looks on at him.
"In my absence, it is up to you to take good care of Camelot. Do you know what that means?"
Sir William shakes his head.
"It means showing compassion."
Sir William thinks about this. "I am so sorry for your loss," he says, putting on a voice. "I will give you a chicken."
Arthur nods. "Responsibility," he carries on.
"How dare you steal that poor woman's bread! Go to the stocks immediately and hang your head in shame."
"Sovereignty."
"You have made a wise decision, Bernard, and for that I will give you a cow."
"Wisdom."
"When I think about it, your vegetable stew will not be sufficient to feed your family. Here, have this pig. It will keep you fed for a week."
"Excellent!" Arthur cries. "Right, if you need any help or advice, seek out Gaius' counsel. I will hopefully not be gone for long. But if you are in need of me, do hesitate to owl me, or to get one of the magical folk to contact me. Is that clear?"
Sir William nods. "Of course. Good luck, my lord."
"You too, Sir William." Arthur begins to head out of the door, but turns to the knight. "Oh, and William? Be sure that when I return, you haven't given away all our livestock, okay?"
***
Before he leaves, Gaius bestows upon him his well wishes. He can see it in his eyes that he is eager for Merlin and Gwen to return, and Arthur vows that he will do the best he can to bring them home.
One of the seers in his kingdom has given him advice in the general direction that Merlin and Gwen may be in. His powers aren't strong enough to pinpoint exactly where, though, but he is thankful for the guidance.
Arthur's journey is a long and bleak one, and without anyone to talk to, he finds it hard.
He occupies his thoughts of his two friends, and tries to imagine what they'll do when he gets to them. He prays his hardest that they don't turn him away.
At night, it is thoughts of Gwen that keep him warm as he lies on the forest floor, and imagines that he'll get the chance to be with her, just like she always suggested.
It is these thoughts that keep them going on his perilous trip.
***
On his journey, he stops off at every single town and village he can, looking for signs of Merlin and Gwen. One town says that the couple stayed in an inn many months ago, but other than that he hears nothing. He lingers in each place to make sure that there's no sign of them, and when he's absolutely sure they're not there, he moves on.
He doesn't know how long he continues like this for, but he feels the days turning into weeks, and the weeks months.
Finally, he gets to the point where he feels like he's never going to find them. He's almost tempted to go back, but he knows he will never forgive himself if he does.
***
He's riding through a dense forest, when he realises that he's passed a distinctive tree that he's sure he passed not too long ago.
Letting out a cry of frustration, he stops.
He has no idea where he is and no idea how to get out of the forest. Instead, he looks at the tree in despair.
Then all of a sudden, a noise startles him out of his reverie.
Trying to locate the noise, he looks up at the sky, only to see a bright light heading in his direction. A little frightened, he's not sure whether to move out the way, but the bright light stops a few feet above him.
It's then that he realises that it's in the shape of a star, no bigger than his hand.
It's pulsating, as if calling to him and his mind thinks back to his time in the caves beyond the Forest of Balor, when a bright light came to guide him. Maybe like then, this light is here to guide him.
And so he follows it.
The star shines the way, drawing him out the dark forest and continues to guide him even when far clear of it.
Over the next few days, Arthur spends following this light, until it brings him to an extraordinary, magical kingdom, and he knows immediately that he will find his friends here.
The light brings him to a wood, and he finds himself walking through it. Eventually, he reaches the end and finds himself at the edge of a lake. He's disappointed to find no one there and when he looks to his side, the star has already faded.
Feeling incredibly dejected and empty, he's not sure what to do.
But then he hears the familiar sound of laughter coming from the other side of the lake. And what he sees there takes his breath away.
***
It's them.
He knows it is.
He's never been surer of anything in his life.
Gwen and Merlin are sitting down on the ground facing one another, and he can see them mouthing exaggerated words.
Puffs of smoke appear before them, before finally, one takes on the form of a rabbit, causing them to jump up and down in excitement.
He looks on in surprise: he's never seen Merlin cast a spell openly before, and to have Gwen do it is mind-boggling.
He's suddenly hit with a pang, knowing that in his absence, the two have obviously become incredibly close, as well as changing in ways he no longer recognises.
Arthur watches as the rabbit begins to move and his eyes widen as the rabbit heads his way.
And before he knows it, Merlin and Gwen are looking at him in shock.
***
He doesn't know how long they stand staring at one another, or indeed, who makes the first move. All he knows is that one moment he's looking at them in surprise, and the next, the water has stopped flowing and him and Gwen are standing in the middle of the lake; her in his arms.
He can't believe that she's finally in his arms, and more than that, he can't believe she isn't shouting at him, telling him to leave them alone.
He revels in this moment, wishing it to last forever.
***
Much later, Gwen is out picking flowers and he stays behind in hers and Merlin's tiny house, having a much needed talk with Merlin.
Of all the things he's been apprehensive about, this is one by far is the biggest.
He knows that in the past, he never showed Merlin his true appreciation for him, and the memory of him banishing Merlin away stands clearly in both of their minds.
He needs Merlin to know how much he regrets this, needs him to know that not a day passed that he didn't think this his greatest mistake.
Merlin listens on, and he knows that he's slowly accepting his words. They aren't much, but they're something to begin to heal a broken friendship.
"But what of my magic?" Merlin inquires.
"I welcome it with open arms," he tells him sincerely. And he hopes for the day that he will get to know this different Merlin, with his vast powers of magic.
***
He spends a week in the magical kingdom, and he's glad to realise that conversation between the three of them flows easily, despite their new unfamiliarity.
Things between them hadn't been this light-hearted since way before Morgana fell, so reaching this same sort of camaraderie is something he cherishes.
Sometimes, Merlin will leave him and Gwen to spend time in each other's company. They go for long walks together, and spend a lot of time talking. It's never about anything deep or meaningful, but he knows a time will eventually come when he gets to talk to her about what he really wants to. It just isn't now.
Finally, the time comes for him to leave.
With a great sadness, he packs his things, not once hinting that he wants them to return with him.
But just as he leaves he turns to say, "I know that the two of you are happy here. But there will always be a place in Camelot for you, should you wish to return."
A long moment passes when neither of them say anything, but then Merlin slowly begins to smile and he knows he has his answer.
***
It took falling to rock bottom before he was able to climb back up to the top and make amends for his errors and get his friends back.
Arthur knows that things were never supposed to turn out this way; that they were never supposed to suffer like this.
But he's learnt a great deal during his time in darkness, and he knows that he's become a better man for it. For that, he's glad.
As the three of them set off, he smiles deeply.
He cannot wait to be back in Camelot with his two dearest friends by his side, and all that it entails.
***
A/N: Some general thoughts:
For me, my favourite part to write was the dragon scene (it was tempting to write Arthur saying, "I will free you, as soon as I get the giant key my father has been hiding"- but where, Uther, where?!) as well as the Sir William scene. I really can't wait to see the dragon freed, if that ever happens. As for Sir William...they should have made him a regular .
Thanks for reading, thoughts and comments welcome!
When I get the chance and inspiration hits me, there will be a sequel.