Jack's POV
I slowly felt myself drifting out of a deep sleep. It was strange, I fet like I was floating... my body felt weghtless... I opened my eyes... and felt a peircing sting in them. I snapped them shut again in pain. Then I realised I was under water. Without opening my eyes again, I quickly kicked for the surface. I gasped in the cold night air. I filled his lungs again and again, my body desperatly starved of oxygen. I glanced around me. I was surrounded by dead bodies, most floating in life jackets, some floating on deck chairs or peices of wood like Rose. Rose!
I jerked his head around wildly looking for her, but I couldn't see her or the wood anywhere. I must have drifted too far away. I tried to shout her name but all that came out was a feeble whisper. My throat felt sore, unable to make the words properly. I tried again and again, desperatly trying to find her. I eventually realised that she must have let herself die, thinking I was dead. I felt a tear fall down my cheek at realising the girl I loved more than anyone was dead. I decided that if she couldn't live, then I would live for her. I decided I had to survive. For her. I scanned the dark feild of bodies and found a discarded peice of wood, smaller than the other one, but still big enough to climb on. I scrambled on top of the wood, my joints stiff and aching with cold. I immediatly began to shiver uncontrollably. Suddenly it felt warmer to be back in the water. But I didn't let myself retreat back into the icy sea. I stayed gripping the wood tightly, shivering so violently it hurt my muscles.
I suddelnly saw a light in the distance. I opened my eyes as wide as I could, given the frost that had formed on my eye lids. I lifted my head to see where the light was. My vision was blurred but I could just make out a white life boat, empty except for 5 people, 4 rowsmen and a stewards flashing the light around and yelling "Is there anyone alive out there?! Can anyone hear me?!" I tried with all my might to call to them but my voice was just a feeble whisper. I called desperatly but they couldn't hear me. As they carefully rowed towards me searching for people alive, I tried splashing the water and banging on the wood. I felt so weak I couldn't make much noise but I tried as hard as I possibly could. I kept trying to regain my voice, shouting and calling for help as loud as I could bare. In my desperation, I began to cry. I cried because I was trying so hard and yet the couldn't hear me. I was crying because I'd lost all my freinds; Fabrizio, Tommy, Helga, Cora. Rose. I couldn't stop the tears falling from my eyes. I finally was overcome with sorrow. I lay my head down on the wood, sobbing heavily. I felt like I was excepting my fate, to die here in the freezing Atlantic, alone.
The light shined in my direction finally. It shone right in my face, damn near blinding me. I opened my eyes to see the life boat about 20 metres from me. I tried to shout again. "Help! Please help me! Please, help!", I shouted as loud as I could, i.e not very loud. However, it was enough for the steward to see that I was alive. He shouted at the rowers "Row over there! As fast as you can, hurry!" He shone the light back onto me. I suddenly heard a farmiliar voice from the boat. "Jack! Oh my God! It's you!" I glanced in the boat to see that one of the rowers was none other than Molly Brown. She must have insisted she go back to look for survivors.I tried to lift myself up but I couldn't, I still felt so weak. I collapsed back onto the wood hopelessly.
As soon as the boat was a few inches away, Molly dropped her oar and swept along the boat to join the steward. The steward extended his arm to me. I took his arm (he shuddered as he felt how cold I was) and he pulled me closer to the boat. Molly grabbed my other arm and they both helped pull me into the boat. As soon as I was on board, my legs buckled underneath me and I collapsed into Molly's arms. I was still sobbing uncontrollably, and shivering like mad. I felt several thick blankets being wrapped around me tightly and the steward shouting orders to the other rowsmen. Molly didn't go back to the rowing. She stayed with me. I was still shivering uncontrollably through my heavy sobs. I felt like I just wanted to fall asleep. I was wrapped so tightly in blankets that I couldn't move. I suddenly started coughing uncontrollably. I could barely breathe through the coughs. Molly stroked my icy hair, gently calming me. I felt exausted. The world around me suddenly became a blur as I felt myself falling alseep.
I awoke to the sound of crewmen shouting orders. I opened my eyes to see a huge ship with the word "Carpathia" written on the side. Several rope ladders dangled over the side of the ship and people were climbing up from the life boats. Our boat was rowed over to one of the ladders and began to climb up on borard. Molly had stayed with me. When she saw I was awake she said "How're you feeling?"
"Tired", I muttered feebly. The steward had stayed behind too. He had shouted up at the crewmen onboard something and came over to us.
"Can you climb?", he asked me. I managed to sit up well enough.
"I think so", I replied. He and Molly helped me to my feet and the steward went up the ladder first. Then I began to climb and Molly went last.
I slowly but surely climbed up the ladder and climbed over the top of the deck. When I finally got to the top, I felt so exausted, I collapsed onto the floor. Blankets were immedialy wrapped tightly around me as I grew closer to falling into a deep sleep. The last thing I felt before going unconsious was my body being carried into the warm.
I was floating in the water again. Drifting wieghtlessly through endless water. But this time my eyes were open. I tried to kick for the surface but I couldn't. I was slowly sinking downwards, down into the black ocean. I kicked furiously. I could see the top of the water, I could see Rose. It was the first time I'd seen her, standing on the deck of the ship with Cal, arguing with him, a symbol of how she would spend the rest of her life. I tried to reach her but couldn't. I kept going down... down.... "No!!", I screamed. But nothing came out except bubbles of air. I shouted over and over again "No! no! NO!!" but it was no use.
I thrashed my head around wildly, my eyes tight shut, still screaming "No, no!" I was sweating heaviy and tears fell from my eyes as I thrashed around. I opened my eyes wide. I was panting heavily. I didn't know where I was. I couldn't remember how I'd got there. All I knew was that Rose needed me and I wasn't with her. "Rose? Rose!", I found myself shouting. I was so confused. All I knew was that I was lying in a bed in a strange place. A doctor and nurse entered the room. The doctor smiled when he saw I was awake. "Ah, good, your awake" he said.
"Where am I? Where's Rose? Where is she!". I shouted.
"Shh, calm down", the nurse said calmly. She felt my burning forehead and said to the doctor "Still no improvement sir". The doctor frowned and wrote something on a form. I grew frustrated.
"Where is Rose!", I shouted again. I sat up in the bed, staring at the doctor.
"Shouting won't get you anywhere. We don't know a Rose but you can check the survivour list when it's been printed. Now calm down and rest" said the nurse firmly. I didn't move.
"I need to know where she is! Please where is she", I pleaded. The doctor ignored continued to write on the form. The nurse firmly pushed me back onto the pillows.
"Now stop this", she said sounding annoyed. "Calm down or we'll have to sedate you" she said threateningly. I wasn't giving up.
"Not until you tell me where Rose is" I spat back at her. She didn't reply. Insead, she just got the doctor to hold me down whilst she checked me over. No matter how I struggled, it was useless. The doctor was stronger than me and I was still weak from illness. I felt a raw pain in the back of my throat an suddenly had a coughing fit, struggling to breathe between the violent coughs. The nurse listened to my heart and felt my throat which caused me to moan in pain. I still struggled against the doctor's grip but in vain. The nurse eventually got the thermometre under my tounge and had to hold my jaw shut so I didn't spit it out. When she finally took it out, she frowned at the doctor and said "One hundred and four, sir" The doctor frowned too and finally let me go. He spoke to the nurse who nodded and left the room. She came back a minute later with a bottle of cough syrup. I refused to take it, a memory of taking it when I was a child resurfacing in my mind. Not only had it tasted bitter and horrible but it also made me feel dizzy and drousy. Eventually the doctor had to hold me down again and pinch my nose so I'd have to open my mouth. Then the nurse quickly tipped the dose down my throat. I coughed and choked but was forced to swallow it. I was nearly sick, the taste was so horrible. The nuse sighed and said bitterly "You're worse than a child" The medcine soon took effect and I felt drousy. I tried to stay awake but couldn't. I soon fell into an uneasy sleep.
The next few days were like hell. I spent most of the time in an uneasy sleep. I'd wake up, spend a while thinking of ways in whch Rose could've survived. I still held hope in my heart fr her. I would often be stopped in mid-thought by the doctor or nurse. After a while, I figured out that it was 4 times a day they forced that horrible medicine down my still sore throat. I'd resist but would soon be overcome with drousiness and fall asleep. I'd have the nightmare alost every time I was asleep. It was always the same as the first one. I'd wake up, tossign and turning vioently, sweating and often shuting Rose's name. The doctor or nurse often had to inject me with a seditive to calm me down. It was horrible.
When I woke up on the 3rd day of being in the infirmary, I could hear someone talking. It was once of the very rare times I didn't wake up from the nightmare. I recognised the voice. I knew without opening my eyes that it was Molly. I slowly opened my eyes which suddenly very heavy eyes. My vision was blury but I could make out the shape of Molly sitting beside my bed talking to the doctor. Neither of them ralised I was awake.
"Well, sonny? How serious is it?", Molly asked the doctor.
"We don't really know for sure. He has a very high fever we can't seem to bring down and yet his body is ice cold. He's showing all the signs of severe hypothermia. Plus the fact that he keeps having nightmares and wakes up screaming"
"Well, I'm not surprised after what he's been through!", Molly shot back at the doctor. "Plus it can't be good knowing that the minute you wake up, you're gonna have that stuff forced down you"
"I''m sorry Mrs Brown but it's for his own good"
"If you ask me, it doesn't seem to be ding any good if you say he hasn't improved" I couldn't help but smile then, that's exactly the thing I'd expect to hear from Molly Brown. The doctor gave up and left, hastily saying he had to check on something. Molly sighed. I chose that moment to stir like I'd just woken up.
Molly looked at me and smiled when she saw I was awake. "Hiya Jack", she said cheerily
"Hi Molly", I said back, my voice still a little hoarse.
"How d'you feel?", she asked.
"Horrible", I replied. I did. I was drousy, I felt sick, I was hot, I was cold, I was weak. I summoned all my streanth to pull myself up. Molly looked at me sympatheticlly.
"I'm not surprised, the amount of drugs they're injecting into you", she said with a glare at where the doctor had been standing.
"Molly", I asked. "Please, have you seen Rose?", I asked sounding more like I was pleading. She hesitated for a moment then said sadly,
"No, no one has, not since she ran away from the life boat" My heart sank. I felt tears welling in my eyes. My worst fear was that Rose was dead. "Jack, I'm so sorry" she said, putting her hand on mine and giving it a reasurring squeeze. "I don't know why she did it, she just ran off. Cal ran after her but she spat in his face and was gone. You don't know how upset her mother was, she begged the stewards to stop lowering the life boat. I honestly don't know what posessed her to pull a stunt like that" I lowered my head.
"I do", I muttered, more to myself than Molly.
"You what?", Molly asked, confused. I lifted my head and looked her in the eye.
"I know why she ran away from the lifeboat" Molly's eyes widened. "She did it to save me", I continued. Molly looked at me, stunned and confused.
"What do you mean, Jack?", she asked me gently, sensing that it was a sensitive subject. I drew in a deep breath and told our story. I told her everything, from when I'd been arrested to when we were in the water. From when I passed out after making Rose promise, to when I woke up drifting in the water. Molly was almost in tears when I was finished. So was I. It was so painful reliving each detail of the sinking. It was then that I remembered I was still wearing the handcuffs of my wrists, the hospital had been unabe to remove the strong metal. When I reluctantly told Molly about the nightmare I'd kept having, I couldn't help tears falling from my eyes. I reminded me that either Rose was dead or trapped in her life with Cal, and me unable to free her again.
"Oh, Jack", she said softly and pulled me into a hug. I lay my head on her shoulder and cried.
When we finally broke apart, Molly told me the one thing I didn't want to know. "Cal survived", she told me, her voice bitter after I'd told her the details of the sinking. "He's acting like he's greif stricken over Rose but now I know what he's been up to, I bet he's not"
"Well the last thing he needs to know I that I survived", I said.
"Barely", said Molly. "You lived but you're very sick with doctor says it'll be a couple more weeks until you're fully better"
"Great. Two more weeks of being drugged every other second", I said, sounding frustrated.
"Well, you don't have to stay in hospital. You already sound better than when we found you. Have you got anyone you could stay with when the ship docks? You parents perhaps?"
"Dead", I replied. "They died when I was 13"
"Oh, I'm sorry", Molly said, looking uneasy. "You could always stay with me?" I looked at her.
"Really?", I said hopefully. She smiled.
"Of course you can. You can stay with me as long as you need" I hugged her again in gratitude just as the doctor came in. I felt a jolt in my stomach thinking about the dreaded stuff they called medication. He did walk towards the cupboard where they kept the drugs but Molly beat him to it. "Oh come on, sonny, you can see he's doing fine as it is. Anyway, any more of them drugs and he may aswell have that stuff instead of blood", she said. The doctor reluctantly closed the cupboard again and began to check me over again. He said my heart beat had slowed down (good news apparently) and my temperature had gone down slightly too (again, apparently good news but I didn't think so as I was already cold dispite my burning forehead). He asked me if I felt I could stand and walk. I tried but the second I stood up my legs buckled underneath me. I felt so weak. When I was back in bed, the doctor told me to get some rest. I was reluctant at first but Molly convinced me. "Come on, do as you're told", she said lightly. "If you don't go to sleep yourself, they'll just drug you again" Not wanting anymore drugs inside me, I gave in and snuggled down under the blankets. Molly stayed until I was almost asleep. Then she stroked my hair and quietly left.
I enjoyed my best sleep since I'd arrived. The dream didn't haunt me and I didn't have to worry about the drugs waiting when I woke up. I was however, gently shaken awoken by the doctor and Molly. I panicked when I saw the doctor was filling a saringe with liquid. "Jack, calm down, it's ok", said Molly, placing a reasuring hand on my shoulder. "It's just some fluids to help bring your fever down" I relaxed and let the doctor slip the needle into my extended wrist. He then wrapped the wrist in bandages and punched a small plasitc nozzle into my wrist (Which made me yelp in pain but was over in a minute). The doctor said it was for the injections so I didn't have needle marks all over my wrist. He said I had to take some other antibiotics to help me regain my streanth too. I willingly took the foul tasting medicine, even though I had trouble swallowing the disgusting stuff. After checking me over, the doctor said I was making good progress but was still very sick. "I'll be back in a couple of hours for your next dose. You need an injection every 6 hours and 2 doses of antibiotics every 5 hours. The injections might make you feel a bit drousy but I promise you they're not intended to make you go to sleep", he explained and left. Molly pulled out a long sheet of paper from her pocket.
"I managed to track down this list of surviours", she said. I sat up, eagerly staring at the paper which held the answer I'd prayed for. "I've got some bad news, and some maybe good news", Molly continued. She unfolded the paper and said "There are 3 Roses named on the survived list. A Rose Jacobs, Rose Coombes and Rose Dawson" As soon as she'd finished speaking, I sat bold upright.
"That's her!", I said in delight. "It's got to be her!"
"Jack, calm down!", Molly urged. "I said I had some bad news too. There were 4 Roses listed on the deceased list. A Rose Henderson, Rose Parker, Rose Canning and... Rose Dewitt Buckator. I'm sorry Jack but Rose is dead"
Those words hit me like a punch in the stomach (not unlike the one Lovejoy had given me the night the ship sank). I felt tears welling up in my eyes, which soon overflowed and fell down my face.
"No, she can't be dead she can't!", I said, my voice shaking. "She promised she'd survive" Moly had tears in her eyes, she'd always been fond of Rose. "She can't be dead. She wasn't in the water with me, she was lying on a peice of wood, I know she was" I was pleading with fate to be wrong. I had one last glimour of hope though, a small, tiny chace that she might still be alive. "Molly, please, you have to find out who Rose Dawson is", I said. She looked at me like I was crazy.
"Jack, the chances of it being her are one in a million",she tried to persuade me.
"Molly, the chances of me surviving the sinking were one in a million. And I survived. Please Molly, you have to try" I begged. Eventually she gave in reluctantly. "OK", she sighed. "I'll try but don't get your hopes up too much, chanced are it's not her. And she was under 3rd class which makes it even more unlikely"
"Thanks Molly", I said gratefully. "Please try" She said goodbye and left. I sank back into the pillows, hoping against hope that the Rose Dawson on the list was my Rose.