Title: "Together We Live or Die"
Author: Pirate Turner
Dedicated To And Thanks To: My beloved Pirate Sparrow for giving me the title
Rating: R
Summary: Sam has to know why his brother won't fight for his life and their future together, and this time he isn't backing down. This is my take on why Dean would fight, and I don't believe it would have taken him as long to make the decision as it did on the show. Slash.
Warning: Slash, Incest, Wincest, Pre-established relationship, Alternate Universe
Disclaimer: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, and Supernatural are © & TM their respective owners, not the author. The author makes absolutely no monetary profit off of this work of fan fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended.

"I deserve to know why."

The question came to him as unexpectedly as a shot out of the dark. His head jerked back, and he shook it slightly as he took in the sight of the face before him. The face he loved with all his heart was pale from fear and tight with anger. Dark bags hung underneath the brown eyes that had enchanted him for almost as long as he could remember, and he knew he was the reason not only for the bags but for the exhaustion, fear, and anguish that filled his partner's being and for the tear streaks that ran down his handsome face. He knew his decision had filled his love with anger, anguish, and grief and had hurt him beyond anything else he could have ever done. In that moment, he hated himself, but, even more so, he hated not having another choice.

He knew exactly what his brother was referring to, but he forced himself to play dumb, hoping Sam would give up as he had every time before. He shook his head again, his lips turning up into one of his most charming grins. "Why what?" he asked innocently.

Those two simple words caused the facade to crumble and then the one he loved more than life itself to explode. "Don't play dumb with me, Dean! I'm sick of you acting so careless! This is your life we're talking about here! Why are you just so willing to throw everything away?!" The tears had started again, and Sam hated himself for appearing so weak in the eyes of the one he loved. "Why . . . " he demanded, his entire body and soul trembling like a leaf caught in a hurricane. "Why are you so willing to throw us away!?!"

"Sammy . . . " Dean's own face was crumbling now, his true emotions taking over as tears filled his eyes. He reached for his soul mate, but his little brother jerked angrily away.

"No, Dean! Don't Sammy me this time! Just tell me the truth, damn it! Tell me why I'm not important enough to you to make you want to live!"

"Sammy . . . " His voice shook. "Sam, it's not that . . . "

"It's not?" Sam retorted, the look on his face one of obvious disbelief. "Then what is it, Dean?! You tell me you're tired. I'm tired too! But you say ending it all would come as a relief! How can leaving me behind . . . " His tears were pouring down now like a never-ending flood, and his words choked up for a moment. "How can leaving me be a relief to you!?! Do you think I'm that weak?! Have I become that much of a monster to you that you can't stand being with me any longer?!"

Tears were pouring down Sam's face like a torrential typhoon, and every tear that dropped from his beautiful eyes hit Dean like a knife in the heart. He didn't know when he had jumped to his feet, but he stood before Sam, his hands reaching out to him but unable to touch him for Sam evaded his every effort. His last questions finally caused Dean's own barrier to explode. "DAMN IT, SAM!!! HELL NO, THAT AIN'T IT!!" He whirled around, his fist slamming into the wall. Tears were running down his own face now, and he, too, was shaking yet still he kept the truth bottled up for fear of what it would bring to his beloved.

"Then what, Dean?" Sam questioned, his voice hoarse and sore from all the crying he'd been doing. "What is it?"

Dean yet again attempted to evade the question. "You're not a monster." His words were soft and choked, but Sam heard them nonetheless. "You're my little brother and . . . and the man I love. I'm the monster for bringing you to this."

"You're not a monster, Dean! You're my hero! Yes, you brought me to this point, but you can end it, baby! Just tell me why and stop this stupidity! Stay with me, Dean, please!"

"I can't."

"How do you know that if you won't even try to fight!?!"

"Sam . . . " His words broke into a sob that raked his muscular shoulders, and he buried his fist further into the thin wall of the hotel room they were staying in. "Sam, please . . . try to understand . . . "

"I have tried, Dean. I really have, but I still don't know why I'm not worth fighting for to you!"

"You're more than worth fighting for!" Dean finally looked at him, and Sam could clearly see the grief and pain in his beloved's eyes. "You're worth doing anything for, Sammy, even dying!"

"There's got to be a way out!"

"If I even try to find out, if I try to get out of the deal, you die!"

"I'm dying any way, Dean! Don't you see that?! The only difference is you're the one who's killing me!"

That statement seized Dean with fear to the point that, for a minute, his tears stopped falling. He looked into Sam's eyes, and suddenly he knew. He knew what Sam had been doing in their bathroom for so long that night, and he hated himself even more. "Sam . . . ," he demanded through gritted teeth, " . . . don't tell me . . . Please, Gods, don't tell me you . . . "

"You know I've always had a problem trying to do in the monster . . . "

Dean grabbed his brother's forearms and held him tight. "YOU'RE NOT A MONSTER!" he yelled, shaking him as he shoved the sleeves of his sweater up. His fingers brushed against the stickiness of blood, and Sam could see the toll it took on Dean's soul in his eyes. "Sam . . . " Dean shakingly breathed his love's name as he stared in horror down at the bloody cuts that ran from Sam's elbows to just inches before his wrists. There were old cuts mixed with the fresh, and Dean's heart pounded wildly in his chest as he wondered and feared over just how long his baby brother had been hurting himself. He belonged in Hell, he thought, for not having noticed and stopped him sooner.

"Don't leave me, Dean!" Sam begged, his tears somehow managing to increase even more and his voice turning into a whimper. "I can't do this on my own! I can't survive this world without your love! Haven't we already gone through this before? You know what you mean to me, but what do I mean to you? How much do you love me, Dean?"

Dean's eyes slowly rose to meet his brother's. "With all my heart. You know that, Sammy . . . "

"You love me enough to die for me." Dean nodded breathlessly. "But do you love me enough to live for me?"

"Sam . . . "

"No, Dean, don't! Answer me! Do you," he demanded, looking straight into his eyes, "love me enough to live for me? Because without you, Dean, this world is going to swallow me whole and I'm not going to have the heart left to stop it!"

"Sam, if I . . . "

"We can find a way together, and if I die because you're looking for a way and then you die, too, what does it matter? At least we're still together, even if it is in Hell."

Dean let out a long, shaky breath as he stared into the eyes of the only person he'd ever truly loved, of the one soul he'd spent his entire life fighting to protect. "I love you, Sam," he said at last, "and I'll fight for you, no matter what the cost."

"You'll fight to be with me?" Sam persisted, knowing all too well how tricky Dean's wording could be.

He closed his eyes for a brief second, and when he reopened them, the hope that shone through Sam's tear-filled eyes pierced him straight into his heart. He nodded slowly again, praying he was making the right decision and that they'd live through whatever was yet to come. "I will."

The brilliant burst of Sam's smile was worth more than almost anything else to Dean. He smiled shakingly and sadly as his fingers wrapped into the curly ends of Sam's brown hair, and he pulled him into a kiss that promised his love that he would do everything and anything he could to assure that they were together for as long as possible.

The End