This is my first fanfiction story, so bear with me. :-)
I am open to criticism and feedback, so please drop me a mail if you like to!
The Truth in her Eyes
Harry had seen something. Something he should not have seen. It had been an accident, he had just gone for a stroll! But he couldn't help feeling like he had intruded on their privacy, in that last, special moment they had. He had somehow destroyed it.
They didn't know. He remembered that moment exactly, it had dug itself into his memory forever. Peace and happiness had never seemed so real before.
Next to that beautiful river, the green riverbank was sprinkled with petals, only the sound of the water could be heard, soothing; it had probably lulled them into their peaceful slumber. The Captain – that term didn't fit her that day, she was simply a woman then... The Commander – he was simply a man, at peace. He was lying against a big tree, which had it's roots spread over the grass like tentacles covered with moss. The leaves' shadows played upon their bodies – Kathryn. That was her. Harry stared. She looked more like herself than ever before. Her head rested on Chakotay's chest, his arm lay loosely over her hand on her waist, fingers entwined, like the branches of the tree above, it's leaves rustling in the wind. Her other hand rested in the grass, a flower in it – he had probably given it to her, it occurred to him... Harry, you have to leave. You can't just wake them now. But for some reason he stared. And this moment was forever committed to his memory. He smiled. He had never seen either of them so calm and quiet before. He could only fathom what it meant to them, who always had the bustle of Voyager to put up with – Voyager. He had to get back. Tuvok. He mustn't find them like this. Give them more time. Give them an opportunity to say goodbye to this paradise. They had been notified they were coming for them, but had left the communicators at the shelter, no doubt to get away one last time. Here. Harry slowly traced his steps back to the shelter. Tuvok, no I guess we'll just have to wait for them.
When they arrived, Harry expected them to be holding hands. They weren't. They had already put their command faces back in place, and Harry could only discern a certain look of regret in the Captain's eyes, something even she couldn't purge so easily.
*****
Three weeks later, nothing had happened. Things had slowly settled back to normal, and Harry kept watching in vain. No signs of love or a secret relationship. They either concealed it extraordinarily well, or there was simply nothing there to conceal. Chakotay and the Captain behaved as usual, but when they thought nobody was watching, Chakotay would send a small smile her way, she would look away sadly and he looked worried and sad, too. They became more distant than they had been before. He didn't go to her ready room anymore when there was nothing to do. He left for his own instead. And Harry watched. And waited.
*****
On the day a month after they ripped them away from New Earth, as Harry thought of it, the day Voyager got her Captain and First Officer back, as everyone else thought of it, on that day Harry couldn't take it any longer. The Captain had hardly been seen anywhere, and when he got a glimpse on her she looked like she hadn't slept the night before. Chakotay was in even worse shape. Harry imagined it to be obvious to anyone, but then he realised he was the only one who saw them differently now.
Tom and B'Elanna met before the holodeck that night. "He ordered you here, too?" "Yes, well, I don't know what he's up to, but you could hear his tension through the comm line!"
They went inside. They found themselves inside a beautiful forest, on a riverbank. The air was warm, the water sparkled in the sun, the leaves played shadows on the grass. Harry sat next to a big, winding tree. As he saw them approaching he stood up.
"Well, Harry, this is certainly a nice place! Are we having a picknick?" Tom joked. B'Elanna smiled, too. "He's right, good job! Are we the first to have the honour to see this?"
Harry looked nervous. In a serious voice he started: "And the last. This is between the three of us. You won't mention this to anyone, alright?" They stared. Tom laughed. "Harry, we feel honoured!" "I'm serious, Tom."
B'Elanna arched an eyebrow. "We can see that. What is this place?"
"Well, um..." he fidgeted. "It's.. er... New Earth. Part of it anyway."
Tom and B'Elanna looked at each other, now they knew why Harry was so serious. Tom took a few steps towards the river.
"Well.. wow. I wouldn't have wanted to leave this, I can tell you that much!"
B'Elanna suddenly realised Harry was looking profoundly sad. "And neither did they. Right, Harry?" Harry only nodded.
Tom gestured around. "But why recreate this and show us. I mean, show THEM! I'm sure Chakotay and the Captain would be thrilled!"
Harry turned to the tree. B'Elanna could see there was still a piece of the puzzle missing. "What is it, Harry?" she asked softly.
Then it all blurted out of him at once. "I saw them together. Right here." He pointed at the tree. "They looked so peaceful. I went back to Tuvok and told him I hadn't found them, just so they'd have a few more minutes before..... before..." he gestured helplessly.
Tom looked suspicious now. "Wait a minute... you mean.. you saw them – together. Here." He let out a small whistle. "HOW together exactly?" B'Elanna elbowed him. "Hey! I mean, why did he ask us to come here if he wasn't going to spill it all.. right?" He added, looking at Harry.
Harry sighed. "Computer, add characters."
They saw them. And stared. As Harry had that day. He turned away. Now it was B'Elanna who started. "Wow...." she was stunned. Tom smiled – she was a hopeless romantic. But this touched even him. Harry had really surpassed himself this time. They looked so real, the breeze even rustled the Captain's loose hair.
For a few minutes they all stared in wonder at what they had destroyed. Tom could see why Harry was so agitated. But then it hit him. "Harry – no offense, this is brilliantly recreated, but.. I mean, you can't just … recreate them like that. It's.. well." He scratched his head nervously.
"I know. Really, god I didn't mean to pry on their privacy any more than I already did. I did it, because now I have the chance to do what I couldn't do down there." He produced a Holocam from a corner of the holodeck.
"Have you looked at them since they got back? Really saw how they must feel? They're suffering, Chakotay even more than the Captain. I think.. well I hope a photograph of that moment might make them both happy. Even if they chose not to carry on with whatever started down there, they should have something to remember it by. Although I don't believe they'll ever forget."
Tom and B'Elanna looked at each other. "I'm not sure what is going on between them, but I like the idea." Tom said and nodded. B'Elanna agreed. "I hope they reconsider when they see this. Noone should have to give something up so precious."
Harry broke a smile for the first time that day. He grabbed them both on a shoulder and took a deep breath. "Thanks, you guys.. I wouldn't go through with it if you didn't agree it was okay."
Tom and B'Elanna took a step back and smiled. Harry took a few pictures, they picked the nicest one and shortly afterwards they had replicated two beautiful frames along with it.
*****
It was late. Kathryn was still reading, but her eyes were heavy and she couldn't concentrate on her book anyway. She put it away and started pacing her quarters. She sat down again. Sighed. She had to stop thinking about him. During the day, busy all over the ship, she had little time to ponder her sad situation. But now she was alone, all alone, like every night. Knowing his quarters were only a wall away kept creating a funny feeling in her stomach. Down on New Earth she had been able to hear him breathe every night. It had calmed her. Made it possible to get used to the situation. He had wanted her. It still made her knees weak to think about that massage.
He was patient, oh so patient, and quietly, almost unnoticed, love stole into her heart. She wasn't ready for him yet, but she kept telling herself soon. She thought they had all their lives to explore these feelings that were so fragile still. But then their time was cut short. His smile, touch, the sun, river, sounds, breathing, love. All gone.
Doorbell. Chakotay frowned. It was the middle of the night – and if there was trouble surely he would've been contacted by now. He put down his book and answered. "Come in."
No one entered. He got up and went to the door. It was quite dark in his quarters and the light on the corridor hurt his eyes for a second. There was a small parcel on the floor. Actually, it was wrapped. Like a gift. No one in sight. But then the door next to him slid open and she stood there, his heart skipped a beat, he took a gulp of air, as if to brace himself. Even before she turned to him with a surprised look had he taken her in completely. She wasn't wearing a nightgown, but comfortable and rather cute boxers and a tank. She looked like someone you might want to spend a whole day in bed with, talking, laughing, loving. Oh how he wanted that anyway.
There lay a similar package in front of her. She put some hair behind an ear and smiled that crooked smile of hers. It looked natural enough, but her voice betrayed her. "What do we have here? Ghosts?"
*****
He relaxed. Smiled that dangerous, dimpled smile of his. Before she had broken the ice, he had looked positively shocked. He was wearing long comfortable pants and a shirt that revealed enough muscles to make her heart beat faster. He held the parcel, she held hers. Now what.
She tried to sound amused. "Shall we have a look?" She turned back into her quarters. He followed – it seemed natural enough. She sat down on the couch and put the gift on her knees. He knew her well enough to know she was dying to know what was inside but wanted to wait for him to unwrap his. All the stress of the last month seemed to drift away, suddenly they were just Kathryn and Chakotay again, sharing a nice moment together. He sat down on the couch below the windows. It was reasonably dark, only the passing stars illuminated them with their glittering light.
"Well, you go first" he nodded towards her parcel. "No let's both go at the same time" she smiled. She seemed giddy like a child. He grinned. Even if this is all I have with her, it's still special, he thought. He couldn't imagine her giddy with Tuvok. He laughed a little at that thought.
She began unwrapping it, and so did he. They stared.
"Oh my god...." her voice died. She put a hand over her mouth. Tears began flowing from her eyes almost instantly. As if they had been bottled up since that day, no, he realised, she didn't cry since..., she just went back to business, but she's crying now. His heart flooded with compassion and love. He had suppressed it all, and so had she, but now, seeing that picture – who, why, it all didn't matter, what mattered was Kathryn, and she cried.
She hadn't noticed that he had come over to sit next to her, but suddenly a strong arm was around her, taking her, comforting her, nice, warm, stay. She held on to the photograph as if clinging on to dear life. She probably was. He had put his on the table and gently brushed away her tears with his other hand.
"Kathryn..." he whispered.
"No!" she suddenly burst out. She broke down into his arms completely. Sobbing, shaking. He just wanted to hold her, comfort her, heal her. But she hadn't let him down there, how could she now. Suddenly she collected herself a little, breathing quieter. Her voice was steady, almost a whisper, full of regret. "I would've been yours."
His eyes jerked open.
She continued. "I could not... take it much longer, couldn't live without your warmth. But there was no time. No time. You offered... Lost my chance." Her last words were nearly inaudible.
He had stopped stroking her. Frozen, his heart hammering against his chest. She looked up, confused. They stared at each other for what seemed like a lifetime. She broke it by swallowing back some tears. He frowned at her, gripping her shoulders so tight, it nearly hurt her. But something in that grip made her feel secure. He looked incredulous. "Gods, Kathryn why didn't you tell me. Why didn't you show me that day by the river. I waited and waited. This -" he grabbed the photograph - "was the most peaceful I have ever felt. I have never seen you so calm and content with everything." He lowered his head and hands and sighed. "But you didn't... and I thought... well" He wiped his face with his hand.. tears?
"I couldn't.. I... I was so afraid. It was too late... they were coming for us... it's too late." She whispered sadly.
But then, suddenly, he sat up again and grabbed her shoulders, gently this time. "No, Kathryn, it isn't."
He came closer, she could see a tear on his cheek, feel him close to her, smell of his skin, missed it so much. Their lips met, softly, gently, then he pulled her close and it became the most passionate kiss she'd ever thought possible. Her whole body felt weak, not important, he is holding me, cradling me.
The Captain. The crew. Complications. Professional distance. Her eyes opened. She became cold, felt like she was breaking apart.
He felt her withdraw from his touch, kiss, embrace. Breathless, she stared at him. "No..." she said, quite resolute, not whispering. Captain. Control. It was back. His breath was shallow and fast. She couldn't do this. How could she be so cold, without feelings. He was torn. Anger, shout at her! Shake her, make her see your pain! Dispair, helpless, pointless.
But then, as she collected herself more and more, he saw it, plain in her eyes. Fear. Guilt. Love. He suddenly understood, it hit him like lightning. She had stranded them in the Delta Quadrant, it was her obligation to get them back. She had accepted her stay on New Earth as punishment. The quiet complacency she had developed there after a while – she had accepted her fate, her research destroyed, it was like higher justice to her. Oh Kathryn. She had fallen in love with him, he hadn't been sure before, but now he was. She felt guilty. She thought she didn't deserve it. She must continue to suffer alone for her decision.
He wouldn't let her. He suddenly got up. She wanted to hold him back, tell him how sorry she was, how it was all necessary – he pushed her hand away. "I have seen enough." he managed, before he left her quarters in a hurry. Quiet, not angry, understanding, loving. She was surprised, taken aback. She had expected anything but this quiet acquiescence. She felt like in a daze. He had finally kissed her, they had been one, for a singly, precious moment, and now she had destroyed it forever.
*****
She didn't remember the next day how she got into her bed, rolled into a ball of suffering and cried herself to sleep. But she sure looked terrible. She needed longer than usual and 2 cups of coffee before she had collected herself enough to leave her quarters. Was he on the bridge? She didn't even stop to look. Straight from the turbolift she almost stumbled down the steps, so fast was she trying to get past everyone there and into her ready room. No good morning, no status reports.
The bridge was quiet. Everyone stared at the Captain's ready room. Tom and Harry shared a look. Harry looked wretched. Great idea, Harry, well done. The only one not staring was Chakotay, who had been very quiet all morning. Soon after the Captain had vanished in her ready room, he slowly retreated into his own. "Harry, you have the bridge," was the only thing he said, and his voice sounded more tired than it had all month.
*****
About an hour later, B'Elanna stepped out of the turbolift and made her way to Chakotay's ready room. He had sounded urgent. She wasn't surprised to see Harry and Tom there, slightly taken aback by Neelix and Tuvok though. Harry was fidgeting and looking uncomfortable. Tom put on a hardened face, preparing himself for the worst. Neelix looked confused, realising something serious was going on. Even Tuvok looked troubled, although with him it was usually hard to tell. B'Elanna tried not to look too nervous.
Chakotay paced. His hands became fists, then relaxed again, then fists again. He saw everyone was there, but didn't know how to begin. Then he looked at Harry. He smiled sadly. Stood before him, grabbed one shoulder and pressed it with a grateful look on his face. "It was you, wasn't it. You found us."
Harry looked really uncomfortable now. He didn't answer, only opened his mouth slightly. Closed it again. Let out a sigh.
"It's alright, Harry. Thanks for the beautiful picture. You got some details wrong, though." He smiled a little, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Tom, B'Elanna and Harry let out a simultaneous sigh. Chakotay laughed. "Oh, so it was the three of you conspiring together!" Tom raised his hands, B'Elanna started fidgeting. They both spoke at once.
"Look, Chakotay -" "Harry thought -" "we thought..." "...worried about you"
He smiled and lowered his head. "You know there's probably a rule against recreating commanding officers on the holodeck. I could discipline you all!" Now the four of them laughed, relaxing. Chakotay felt a surge of gratitude for having such friends.
Neelix frowned and looked from one to the others. "Er, Commander, ...the holodeck? Might I ask what's going on?" Tuvok said nothing.
Chakotay sighed. "I'm sorry, Neelix. You see -" he became more serious now. He might as well tell them. They all had seen Kathryn on the bridge before. "...the captain and I got an unexpected gift from Harry.. and we had a little... talk." He emphasized the last word. Tom grinned, but immediately checked himself. Judging from the Captains behaviour earlier, the 'talk' had not ended so well. Neelix looked worried now. Chakotay continued.
"You see, she is... unhappy."
B'Elanna had seen her before she had left for engineering, she couldn't help it: "Devastated is more like it!" "B'Elanna!" Tom elbowed her again. She growled at him.
Chakotay fidgeted. "Yes, she is devastated. But I.." he spoke slowly, "You see, I am in trouble. I want to make a proposal " - he looked up and watched their reaction - "...but I haven't got enough replicator rations left."
Silence. Proposal. Suddenly it dawned on them.
B'Elanna's happy shriek was heard by a shocked ensign on the bridge who shuffled away from the door a little.
"Chakotay, you don't mean...." "A ring, he needs a ring!" "You're serious!" "Are you..?" "Oh my god!" "How wonderful!"
They all gathered closely around him, B'Elanna had thrown herself around his neck, Tom slapped his shoulder, Neelix the other. Harry grinned from one ear to the other. Only Tuvok didn't move. They all noticed and looked at him. He arched an eyebrow. "Finally."
"Tuvok?"
"Well, Commander, I suggest you put the Captain out of her misery quickly. We will all be grateful for it. How many rations do you think you're going to need?"
They all laughed and slapped Tuvok's shoulder as well, something he regarded with little more than a slightly annoyed look.
*****
At the end of her shift, what time was it anyway, she got a comm call. The Captain looked up and answered tiredly. "Kathryn, will you meet me for dinner?"
Silence.
"Kathryn, please." How can I say no when he says please in that damn soft voice. "1900 hours, my quarters. No uniform."
She didn't answer, but he knew she'd come.
*****
Kathryn looked at herself in the mirror. God, she felt like she'd rather die that instant than go over to his quarters. She had taken a long bath and thought about it, but in the end she decided she couldn't avoid him forever, so they might as well get it over with. No matter what she did, her hair was a little ruffled. As if it was nervous, too. She had no clue as to what clothes she should wear. No uniform. Easier said than done. It was a comfortable shell, it protected her. Not anymore. She paced around as she weighed her choices, picking up different items of clothing. Nothing too revealing, but nothing uptight, not too masculine, not too feminine...
She stopped herself, staring at what she held in her hand. A simple blue dress, soft fabric. Earth on her fingers. His soft voice. Smell. Earth, small plants she watched growing. It was the dress she had worn that last day on New Earth. Suddenly she frowned at herself. She couldn't wear it, couldn't do that to him. But he invited me, after all. He can't be that mad. I want to stay friends. Kiss him just one more time. No. Don't even start.
*****
When the doorbell rang, he had just finished setting the table. Some flowers and candles. He opened personally. Leaves rustling, shadows, river, sounds, smells. She was wearing it. He was stunned, but quickly managed to put on a confident smile. She was really nervous. He thanked her for coming, led her to the table. They ate almost in complete silence. She kept eyeing him nervously, bracing herself for whatever might come afterwards. She really has no clue, he thought. He was a little confused himself. Why that dress. What was she expecting? Love or friendship? As she had walked past him to the table he had smelled her hair. It drove him nearly insane. He needed all his strength to wait until after they had eaten. Somehow, he found he enjoyed seeing her hanging between hope and desperation. She hardly touched her glass of wine.
She hoped he didn't notice how often she looked at him. She felt like a silly teenager again. Boy, he looked so amazing. And his quarters smelled like him, they felt comfortable, like his warm embrace. But still she shivered, feared what he was going to say. He didn't say much during dinner, but she seemed to detect a smile radiating from him. Love? she thought. She didn't know what to expect. He wore a beige/brown shirt with a few top buttons casually left open so she could just about guess the rest. His eyes sparkled, his face illuminated by the candles. She suddenly took a big gulp of wine. His eyebrows went up and he smiled. God, what is going to happen?
*****
After they had finished, they silently cleared the table. He could finish the rest alone and she didn't know what to do with herself. At a loss, she sat down on the sofa. He took their glasses and joined her. Sat down next to her. Too close. She shifted uncomfortably. She couldn't withstand him a second time, she thought. He looked at her, and suddenly laughed. "Kathryn, relax. You look like I'm about to transform into a Klingon targ!"
She realised she had been fidgeting with her dress. Embarrassed, she laughed and smoothed it again, hooked some stray hair behind her ear, smiled.
"Look, I'm sorry I left you like that yesterday."
"Oh God, Chakotay, I'm the one who should be sorry! After what I did to you..."
"Well, you are stubborn. But at least last night you finally let me in your heart. I saw the truth, Kathryn." She was shaking. "Please, don't..."
"No, this time, you won't stop me. I needed some time to think about it, but I've made up my mind. I'm not going to let you punish yourself anymore."
She frowned, seemed surprised. He continued.
"I couldn't back then, but now I understand you. Don't tell me you didn't think it was a personal punishment that you were stranded on New Earth? When your equipment was destroyed, you accepted it, it seemed almost just to you. You feel guilty about your decision to destroy the Caretaker's array. And you felt comfortable on New Earth, knowing that somehow, somewhere, justice had been served."
She swallowed. He looked at her intently. She looked at her knees. He took her hands. A tear crossed her cheek – she gave the slightest indication of a nod.
"But you didn't anticipate this, did you." He pressed her hands and moved his head next to hers. His voice sank to a whisper. "You didn't think we'd fall in love." She held her breath. She felt his on her neck and ear. It sent a shiver down her spine. Chakotay looked at her again, his face was only a few inches away. He searched her eyes. "Stop telling yourself you don't deserve this. That planet wasn't a punishment, and there's no need to come up with a new one now."
He kept quiet for a while, just holding her hand and letting her fight it out in her mind. Finally, she looked up, doubts and fears in her eyes.
"Kathryn, I love you. I wasn't sure about your feelings until last night. But now there's not a shadow of a doubt in my mind."
She was taken aback by his open confession. Shocked that he knew her so well, understood her like no one else did. And somehow, she felt relieved. It was all out in the open. No more hiding. But what was going to happen now. Where are we going from here?
He smiled. Kathryn realised she had said that out loud.
"There is only one way we're going to take from here, Kathryn. And I intend to take it with you by my side." He pulled something out of his pocket. Her eyes went wide. She took a slow breath. He couldn't possibly.
"Oh my God."
He slipped from the sofa and went down on his knees close to her, still smiling, radiating, his eyes overflowing with hope. The small box produced a beautiful, slender silver ring; A tiny, glittering stone shone from it's top, entwined by tiny silver lining that looked like plant vines.
"I caught some sunlight for you from that day. I never want your beautiful eyes to miss it again."
She breathed heavily, tears in her eyes. "Oh god, Chakotay, what are you doing to me?"
"Kathryn, this comes with a message from B'Elanna." She looked at him, horrified. "She, Tom, Harry, Neelix and Tuvok all gave up a substantial amount of replicator rations for this. She says she is personally going to rip your head off if you don't accept it."
Kathryn couldn't help laughing. They all wanted her to be happy. They must've seen how beaten up she was all the time. Here was the man that would make her happy. He was willing to share her burden, protect her and love her not only for their trip home, but for the rest of his life, like he would have on New Earth. They all supported this, there was nothing to worry about.
And then she smiled. She still looked surprised, she couldn't believe it. She held out her hand, and he gently put the ring on. There was a second of crackling silence between them, but then he swept her into his arms, drawing her into his lap.
She laughed, free and happy, I don't think I've ever seen her so light-hearted before. She threw her arms around his neck. He kissed her neck, shoulders, tried to keep her as close as possible. His hands went through her hair, suddenly holding her head right in front of his. She beamed at him, her eyes overflowing with emotions. Chakotay planted a quick and intense kiss on her lips. They looked at each other. Nothing was stopping them anymore. She let all her restraint go and sank towards him, losing herself in his kiss. They swayed and sank to the floor, arms entwined around each other, like the tree, near the river, leaves rustling.
*****
The next morning, Kathryn felt a little disoriented. She was in his quarters. In his bed. In his arms, to be precise. It all came back to her, and she stole a glance at her finger only to see the beautiful ring there. It hadn't been a dream. She smiled – he looked so adorable when he was sleeping, and so at peace now. As quietly as possible she tried to get up, but before she could even think 'sonic shower', she heard his voice quietly but clearly. "Where do you think you're going." He sounded pretty serious, so she turned to him, a little surprised. But then she saw his face – dimples showing, smile, eyes still closed. She giggled and bent to kiss him. "Well, there is a bridge waiting for the command team.." she tried, and was snatched back to his side. "They can take care of themselves for a little longer, don't you think?" he whispered. In one quick movement, he pulled her on her back and leant over her. For a moment they just looked at each other. His eyes were soft, caring. "You are really beautiful, you know that?"
"If you weren't my First Officer already, I'd think you were trying to land a promotion, Commander!"
They laughed and he began kissing her again, very slowly at first, her neck, her cheek... as if he couldn't quite believe it all yet. Suddenly, their movements became faster... they held on to each other, entwined in a fierce kiss, as if they both just realized how fragile this new bond was, and how they longed to keep and protect it.
Hearts beat faster, breaths quickened. He felt her beautiful curves bend with his hands only too willingly. She ran her fingers over his muscles, trembling with anticipation. The night before had been incredible. They had explored each other's bodies for the first time, and had actually taken their time. Now, knowing what lay in store for them, they couldn't. She thought she was going insane. This man had been sitting next to her for so long now, and she hadn't realised what she was missing! As he moved within her, she felt like her entire being was centred around him. She wrapped her legs around him and moaned with pleasure.
It drove him crazy. In some weak moments he had imagined what he'd love to do with her should he ever get the chance. But this beat everything he ever dreamed of.
It was shorter than the night before, intense and fierce. It almost made her forget where they were supposed to be. Almost. Head on his chest, she softly nudged his chin, smiling.
"Are you asleep?"
He chuckled. His chest vibrated with life. "I wish I could. But then again, I wouldn't want to miss a second of this moment." He pressed a soft kiss on her forehead and closed his arms around her tightly.
"Tuvok is going to come looking for us if we don't show up soon."
"Always the Captain, hm?" He smiled. For some reason, he didn't feel regret or sadness – it wasn't like he hadn't known. It somehow made his world complete, to know her as the strong woman she was, Voyager's Captain; but also Kathryn, his love, his very soul.
She suddenly looked at him, as if she thought the same. Her eyes wide open, taking in the meaning of their situation. He became quiet and loosened his arms a little to look at her. A tear shone in her eye.
"Possibly the luckiest Captain in Starfleet."
He grinned and kissed her again. "Well, lucky Captain, let's show off a little, shall we? I bet they can't wait to see the ring." He got up and started to get dressed. She sat on the bed and looked concerned. She knew that they approved, but still it made her nervous as hell. He immediately kneeled in front of her and grabbed her shoulders. "If you put on that face again I'll have the Doctor declare you unfit for duty!" She smiled a crooked smile and started to gather her clothes together.
*****
Much later than usual, he had gone to the bridge. She had watched him dress and decided she'd never be able to look at him in uniform again without imagining him naked. After he had kissed her one last time and left, she quickly sneaked back to her quarters to get a quick sonic shower and then get dressed herself.
She stood motionless in front of the turbolift for a few minutes before she finally plucked up the courage to get in. "Bridge." She straightened her uniform. Deep breaths, Kathryn. Relax. You're only engaged. She trembled with anticipation.
As she entered, all senior staff eyes turned towards her, and then all but Chakotay's stared at the ring on her finger. Chakotay grinned and failed trying to look innocent. One Vulcan eyebrow went up (though, she imagined, it did in a friendly way) and Tom, Harry and B'Elanna beamed. The Captain still looked a little uneasy. She fidgeted with her hands, especially the unfamiliar ring. Then she gathered her senses and stepped around to her chair. Everyone was still staring at her, grinning.
She made an annoyed gesture but sounded touched. "Oh... well what are you all looking at. Status report!"
Everything was back to normal. No, it was better than normal. Now everything was right, finally. They all smiled and busied themselves with their consoles, giving unusually enthusiastic news of random daily routine procedures. While she was listening, Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the starship Voyager, grabbed her First Officer's hand.
~ FIN