And She Was Good
Chapter 1: The Innocent Hobbit
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing (or The Lord of the Rings).
Click, drag. Click, drag. Command D, choose file, and place. Size image. Command L, check levels, and edit gray scale. Shift, move, option + shift, duplicate.
Usagi Tsukino's eyes held a listless boredom as she edited the image on the screen before her. It was a graphic meant to accompany the Dining Department's feature on burgeoning vegan trends. Usagi stuck out her tongue in mild disgust as she drew a face with googly eyes on some tempeh burger.
The Sanc Kingdom relied too much on trends but she'd admit it kept their magazine in business. The Kingdom Observer was everyone's go-to on where they should be eating, what they should be wearing, what was "happening" artistically, and a more lackadaisical cover on politics and finance.
When Usagi was hired as a graphic designer, she figured it'd be a beautiful hustle and bustle like something out of The Devil Wears Prada. But alas the drab cubicle dream awaited her, cloaked under the guise of an artistically open set-up and good interior design.
Usagi sighed as she sank dramatically in her chair, butt hanging precariously off of her seat as her arms flopped outwards.
"Save me tempeh burger, savveee meeeee" she mumbled quietly, making a comically choked face. In a clean and modern bubble beneath the image of the googly-eyed burger, a crisp Helvetica read: "Try tempeh, it could turn your life around!" before splurging off into some long-winded explanation about nutrients.
The quick clacking of keys to Usagi's right puttered slowly to a stop. Pressing her lips into a straight line Usagi squinted and slowly turned her head. The redheaded woman next to her was eyeing Usagi strangely, a carrot hovering between the bag and her mouth as she made no effort to hide her repulsed expression.
Usagi's squint narrowed as she puckered her lips. She'd never liked this woman.
"What's up, Genevieve?" she said, imitating Bugs Bunny and looking pointedly at the carrot.
"You're so weird," Genevieve said with a small, degrading laugh.
Usagi pouted as she glared at the cruel woman. "Whatever, you left-handed ginger veg."
Genevieve gaped, briefly displaying a cavern of orange carrot in her mouth. Usagi slapped a hand over her mouth, amazed she'd said that out loud as Genevieve pointed an unhappy and accusing finger at her.
"God, everyone thinks you're so nice and dumb but I know the truth about you," she hissed, grabbing a carrot from the bag and purposely biting into it obnoxiously. The loud snap caused Usagi to sit up straight, not sure whether to take her first words as a compliment or a diss. Genevieve wagged her finger at her. "You're not nice. You're a sour puss. And you're dumb." She sat back with a satisfied smirk.
Usagi's mouth fell open. It wasn't that Genevieve's words had particularly hurt her, it was just…that was the best she could come up with? Usagi almost felt insulted to have such a terrible arch nemesis.
She stood up abruptly, her chair rolling far behind her. "Oh yeah? Well you devour carrots like that witch in Hansel in Gretel ate children. In…instead of trying to be young, you know, you just try to make your hair redder!"
Ok, so she wasn't very good at it either. Usagi wasn't even sure that there was a witch in Hansel and Gretel or if it ate children to stay young.
Genevieve looked so disappointed. "Seriously?" she said, raising an eyebrow as a blush filled Usagi's cheeks. "Just, I mean…seriously?"
"Shut up!" Usagi pouted, crossing her arms and stepping past both of their workstations. She paused before she'd cleared Genevieve's and leaned in to whisper, "your graphic of a rocket looks like a penis," before scampering away.
She breathed out heavily, running a hand through her bangs as she trudged into the Style Department. Spotting a long shock of dark green hair, her riled up nerves began to ease. Swooping in just as a man was about to sit in the chair next to her friend, Usagi held up a hand at his appalled yell.
"Hey!"
"Get lost Swelton, I need to talk to Setsuna about the graphic for tampons versus pads and—"
"Alright, alright! Jesus." Swelton rolled his eyes and held up his hands in defeat, backing away from the chair with a grossed-out blanch.
Setsuna raised an eyebrow as Usagi slumped childishly in the chair, crossing her arms. "Usagi, I am doing no such story. I work in style," she said obviously.
Usagi waved her hand. "Whatever. Men cower from the period like a fish should from a Taser." Her eyes followed Swelton with a glare.
Setsuna raised an eyebrow. "That was…a strange comparison, Usagi-chan."
Usagi ignored her, turning her fiery gaze down the hall towards Genevieve. "Ugh, even the way she types bothers me."
Setsuna kept her steady gaze on the fuming blonde. "Speaking of periods…" Usagi made a garbled noise that made Setsuna worried for her wellbeing. "Are you alright?"
"Her red hair gives me a headache…"
"Usagi-chan?"
"You can never trust someone who eats carrots…"
Slowly Setsuna reached out a finger, its point sinking into the softness of Usagi's cheek. Said girl was pulled from her reverie. "Hm?" she asked distractedly, Setsuna's finger creating an artificial dimple.
"What are you complaining about?"
"I can't stand Genevieve," Usagi mumbled, pulling down her eye and sticking out her tongue. Unlucky for her Genevieve took that precise moment to acknowledge the burning stare she felt on her.
Usagi squeaked and hid her face in her shirt like a turtle, turning her chair to face only Setsuna.
Setsuna sighed and chose to ignore her friend's dramatics. "Hey, I'm stopping by the fabric joint near your apartment. Do you want to walk home together?"
Usagi immediately perked up. "Yes!" she said excitedly. She and Setsuna had become fast friends when Usagi had started at the Observer. She liked to think that Setsuna recognized the shy quality about her and picked her up like an older sister. Where Usagi was a little rash, childish, and innocent, Setsuna, a mere three years senior to Usagi's 23, was rational, grown, and experienced. Where one would think they'd clash, they meshed like two pieces of a puzzle. "I hate walking home alo…Setsuna? Setsuna?"
The older woman had tilted her head to peek past her young friend. She used her finger to jab in the direction of Usagi's desk. "Um, Usagi-chan."
"Hmm?" Usagi looked over her shoulder and witnessed an irate and flustered Genevieve whipping carrots like darts at her desk. When she looked over her shoulder and saw Usagi's dropped jaw her look of strict determination grew and her arm became a circular blur. Orange bullets ricocheted off of her desk, spilled her pencils, and gathered on her papers.
"That freaking carrot nazi!" Usagi screamed, running over to her desk in a streak of blonde pigtails.
Setsuna shook her head and gave a small laugh, appreciative of Usagi's youthful luster. But soon the smirk on her lips slowly faded and her expression sank into a secretively serious one. She wasn't walking Usagi home because she wanted to drop by the fabric store…Setsuna had an uncomfortable sinking feeling in her stomach that something bad was going to happen that night.
"I mean, like who does that?!" Usagi squealed as they came to her stop on the subway. She balanced her feet as the car rocked and halted before letting go of the pole and stepping through the doors.
Setsuna followed calmly after her, hands placed in the small pockets of her stylish dress. "You did shove a carrot in her nose, Usagi-chan," she pointed out.
Usagi blushed as they stepped onto the escalator. "But that was only because she was shooting up my desk like it was D-Day or something," she whined loudly over the beehive-like bustle of the underground transportation hub. When the escalator finally broke through to fresh air it was no quieter.
Setsuna brushed back a lock of hair that took up in the sudden breeze. "You're both lucky you didn't get suspended or a pay deduction," she said gently as she watched the colors of the city lights emerge like a sunrise.
Usagi sighed, readjusting the bag on her shoulder and stepping from the escalator. "I suppose you're right," she admitted. "I just don't get why she's so catty."
Setsuna had opened her mouth to respond when a man in a green and black jacket barked an order at them.
"To the left please ladies!" he demanded when they'd tried to exit right. He held out his arm and moved the other like he was ushering cattle. "All commutes down Liberty Avenue are to follow the detour! Follow the orange signs people, Liberty Ave is closed off!"
Usagi followed the slow moving herd but peeked curiously over her shoulder. The street was closed off with metallic blockades, a series of large black vehicles with tinted windows flanking the sides. Preventers of all shapes stood directing anyone and everyone who came close to the blockade.
"What's going on?" she asked absentmindedly, wondering what all the hubbub was about.
Setsuna smiled. "Don't you ever read the news, Usagi-chan?" she asked. "Foreign Minister Darlian is returning from a summit in Brussels."
Usagi's face lit up and she clasped her hands in front of her chest. Setsuna could have sworn she saw swirling stars in her eyes. "Ah, Queen Relena…why she gave up the title of Queen I'll never know. I dream of becoming a Queen…"
Usagi, lost in her daydreaming, did not notice the very soft smile Setsuna gave her.
"I feel as if the title of Queen would give her a very different role, one I'm not sure she was willing to take on," Setsuna tried to rationalize as they broke off from the pack down a less crowded street.
Usagi shrugged. "Yeah but to be a Queen," she squealed, holding up her arms and spinning. "I would be Queen Usagi," she said giving an affirmative nod. "How do you do?" She curtsied to figments of her imagination.
Setsuna scrunched her nose. "Your British accent is terrible," she joked.
"Ugh!" Usagi groaned dramatically, on a fit of histrionics for the day. "Don't be the rain on my parade, Setsuna."
"Plus your curtsy was clumsy."
"The wet blanket on my fun fire!"
"Do you even know anything about politics?"
Usagi snorted. "Yeah, I know that they suck."
Setsuna smirked as Usagi's look became very sour. "Some Queen you'd be," she said, half jokingly, half serious.
Usagi held up her finger as they turned right again, making their way around Liberty Avenue. "Don't act like you wouldn't love me as Queen," she responded. "Free candy for everyone!" she cried, holding her hand up like a scepter. "No war, only peace. And everyone would have to wear pink at least once a week."
Setsuna giggled as they came across the lobby to Usagi's apartment. "Yes, My Queen."
Usagi waved hello to her doorman and offered Setsuna a snack before she left for the fabric store, which the older woman accepted politely. The ride up the elevator was silent, Usagi's mind drifting into royal fantasies and the sinking feeling of disaster growing within Setsuna at every floor they passed.
They got off on the sixth floor and Usagi trudged merrily down the hallway, Setsuna on her heels. When they approached the door, however, Setsuna grabbed Usagi's arm.
The blonde, startled by Setsuna's uncharacteristic abrasiveness, looked up in surprise. But that surprise was unmatched by the sudden amazement that struck her at the alarmingly serious look in Setsuna's wine red eyes.
"Setsuna, what is it—"
The green haired woman placed a finger to her lips, pulling Usagi quietly and slowly to the door. Finally the blonde caught a detailed look at her apartment.
Her door was slightly open, the wood near the lock blown away. A sinking feeling plummeted in her chest as she thought of all of her possessions. Usagi moved to enter the apartment but Setsuna held fast to her arm.
The older woman pressed her body flat to the wall and Usagi followed suit. Gently, Setsuna placed her palm to the door and pressed it open. It creaked gently and drifted wide to reveal a ransacked apartment.
Setsuna stepped through slowly, her head on a swivel for any disturbance or movement. Whoever had broken in could still be lurking in the shadows. She was careful to evade the debris on the floor but the girl she dragged along behind her was not as stealthy.
Broken glass crunched as Usagi's boots stepped on leftover shards. Her shoulders hiked up at the loud sound that pierced the silence and Setsuna froze her advancement into the apartment.
But nothing moved.
Swiftly she stepped into the bedroom and swung the door open, checking under the bed and in the closet. Usagi peeked into her bathroom. Nobody was there.
Finally Setsuna spoke up. "Luna is in here, Usagi-chan," she said from the bedroom as the dark cat emerged from the closet with wide eyes. She stood and walked to the door, making eye contact with the blonde's broken-hearted eyes. "Check around and see if anything is missing."
Usagi gulped and nodded as she started rummaging around her belongings, taking a mental inventory. Setsuna quickly turned around and kneeled in front of the cat.
"Luna," she whispered softly, a worried look in her eyes. "Are you alright?"
The cat rubbed her cheek against Setsuna's knee with a gentle meow. "I'm fine," she whispered shakily as she sat down in front of her. "Thank goodness they didn't find me," she almost squeaked. "It was them Setsuna, they're making their move."
Setsuna picked up the cat and held her small, shaking body in her arms. She pet her comfortingly as the cat mewled. "Don't worry Luna," she whispered determinedly, "then it's time to make ours."
Luna was about to respond when the sound of crunching glass broke through their silent conversation. Luna shut her mouth as Usagi appeared in the doorway with a look of pure befuddlement.
"I don't get it," she said, reaching out for the meowing cat. Setsuna handed her over. "Everything is still here."
Her television, her stereo, her expensive clothing and perfume…nothing had been taken. Even her extra stash of money that she kept iced in her freezer was untouched. "It's like they just broke some stuff and left." She looked down at the purring animal in her arms. "At least you're okay, kitty. They didn't hurt you, did they?" she asked as Luna meowed in return, rubbing her face against the palm that petted her.
That confirmed Setsuna's deepest worries, but she tried to play it off like any other robbery. "Let's call the police then and see what they can find," she said rationally. "In the mean time you can stay at my place tonight. I'll take off from work and help you clean up tomorrow."
Usagi sighed, the stress of the situation finally hitting her. "Damn," she cursed, rubbing her hand across her face and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Thank you for being such a good friend, Setsuna."
Trying to lighten the mood, Setsuna gave a tiny curtsy and Usagi giggled. "Of course, my Queen."
Setsuna knew precisely why all of her belongings remained and why the crazy destruction of some of her items seemed peculiar.
The break in had been staged. Whoever had stolen into her apartment hadn't been looking for items to steal or goods to take.
They'd been looking for Usagi.
"And one more round for the Hobbits!" Usagi howled as a crowd of curly headed men cheered around her, lifting frothy and empty mugs into the air.
Setsuna rolled her eyes and smiled as the drunken blonde slammed her own, albeit smaller, cup onto the table.
After they'd dealt with the police and dropped Luna off at her apartment, Setsuna had suggested that they get some drinks to ease the blow of Usagi's apartment being broken into.
Usagi had agreed heartily, letting loose a string of cusses all the way to the bar. They'd met some rugby players visiting for a tournament from Wales and Usagi had taken immediately to their curly hair and their gruff boorish appetite. She wanted people to get drunk with her, she wanted people to be angry with her, and she wanted cute and fit guys to hit on her.
They'd tried to approach Setsuna ("Don't talk to me, please.") and pull her into the rowdiness of their assemblage ("Get your sausage fingers off of me.") but she had reserved herself to watching Usagi let loose and have a good time.
Usagi chugged the fizzy liquid from her newly filled cup like a woman dying of thirst. She gasped for air as she took the cup away from her lips, sighing in contentment. A moustache of foam clung to her upper lip.
"Drink with me, Setsuna!" she chastised, looking to Setsuna's measly three cocktails compared to her five, albeit small, cups of beer.
Setsuna eyed the three cups absentmindedly, admitting that she was a little bit tipsy. She was drinking liquor, after all.
"Yeah, but you're not drunk," Usagi said exasperatedly again and Setsuna couldn't hold her giggle in anymore.
She pointed to the blonde's face. "Usagi…you—"
"You've got a beer-stache, love!" one of the rugby players bellowed with a laugh.
Usagi stood proudly, placing her hands on her hips and lifting her nose to the sky. "They call me George Washington," she said regally as the table silenced around her.
One of the rugby players turned to his teammate. "I'm not sure George Washington had a mustache. I'm not so fresh on my American history, though."
Usagi was not bothered by the comment or the newfound silence. "We lead the troops to Mordor!" she cried, lifting her fist into the air.
The rugby players erupted into wild cheers as she gave a huge, sunny smile and plopped back down in her seat. The player next to her grabbed her flushed face.
"Let me help you with that," he said, taking his thumb and brushing the stache from on top of her lip.
The glow from the alcohol blossomed into a full blush as Usagi gave a lopsided and girly grin. "Thanks," she gushed girlishly, melting at his boyish charm. She turned to Setsuna with a lidded look and wiggled her brows with a smirk that read, 'I got this.'
Setsuna rolled her eyes and without even looking, smacked away the hand of a player that had reached out to touch her. With a frown he leaned in to the table and made eye contact with the drunk blonde.
"Usagi!" he said. "Why doesn't your friend want to have fun like you?"
Usagi smiled and reached out a hand to pet Setsuna's hair lovingly. Instead she managed to slap a hand to the unamused woman's cheek and slide it adoringly over her eye and her nose.
"Because Setsuna is so pretty and so smart and so cool that nobody deserves her!" Though she'd said it in a voice one would use to talk to a baby, Setsuna was not offended. But she was not enjoying this.
With a lackluster glare at nothing in particular Setsuna raised her hand for the waiter. "Bourbon, three fingers, straight please."
Usagi squealed and threw her hands into the air as the team erupted into cheers and slammed their fists on the table.
"To the Shire!"
"TO THE SHIRE!"
Usagi held out her arms and did a sloppy jig as they walked down the sidewalk.
"I can't get no." Shake, shake, shake. "Satisfactiooonn." Shake, shake, shake.
"Hey Usagi," Setsuna whispered from behind her, waving the girl over.
Usagi froze mid shake, her rump sticking out to the right. Puckering her lips and slowly looking over her shoulder she drawled, "Yeeesssss?"
"Want to do something fun?"
Usagi turned on her heel with a devilish smirk. "Liiiike…" she looked left and then right before cupping her lips. "Something illegal?" she whispered excitedly.
Setsuna grinned and nodded emphatically, the blush on her darker cheeks obvious.
Usagi hopped from one foot to the other in excitement. "What do you want to do?" she asked, glazed eyes perking up. "Should we ding dong ditch?" She muffled a squeal. "That would be so mean!"
Setsuna watched her half lidded, amazed at her pathetic idea of illegal.
Usagi twittered excitedly, ready to go ring some doorbells.
Setsuna raised a finger. "No," she said and Usagi's look fell. "First off, we're in the city," she said, nodding at the closed stores and restaurants and lights that surrounded them.
Usagi nodded. "You're so smart."
"Second," she said, a small wicked smile coming over her face. "I have an idea."
Usagi stumbled after Setsuna as the taller woman bounded off down the street, retrieving a can of something from her purse.
"Where are we going?" Usagi whispered even though no one was in their vicinity.
"You'll see," Setsuna said absentmindedly over her shoulder, shaking the can.
In her drunken haze Usagi watched with a slightly open mouth. Setsuna had come prepared to do illegal things? She was totally the type of person to have a secret bad girl bone…Usagi smiled, liking her friend even more.
Suddenly Setsuna stopped in front of a brick façade. Some of the lights in the windows were on and when Usagi saw a man pass by she flattened her body to the ground. Setsuna raised her eyebrow at her.
"People!" the blonde hissed in response.
Setsuna shook the can, approaching the side of the building. "We haven't even done anything yet."
With a look of determination and the Mission Impossible theme song playing in her head, Usagi nodded and rolled like a spring roll down the sidewalk. She popped up and crept to Setsuna's side, arms out and eyes on the look out. "Ok, what do I do?"
"Hold my bag."
"Eh?" Usagi was suddenly weighed down by the heaviness of Setsuna's purse and her disappointment.
The green haired woman hopped into the air and grabbed onto the end of the fire escape, pulling it and herself back down to the ground. She climbed up the ladder, can in hand, and snuck high upon the building.
Usagi watched as her mysterious friend snuck around the fire escape, spraying some sort of image onto the brick. Usagi couldn't tell if it was because she was drunk or because the spray can was clear but she couldn't discern the image Setsuna was drawing.
When the taller girl was done weaving back and forth, drawing whatever it was she'd been doodling, she came back to the ground. Adding the finishing touches she turned with a smirk to the bewildered blonde.
"Are you ready?" Setsuna asked, grabbing her bag back from her friend and placing the spray-can within its depths.
"Uh…yes?" Usagi asked, not sure what she was supposed to be ready for.
Setsuna smirked. "Good," she said, fiddling around in her purse again. From within it she withdrew a small pack of matches. She handed the box to Usagi. "Just trust me," she said, "light a match and place it to the brick."
Usagi, even through her alcoholic haze, suddenly became wary. When Setsuna had suggested something fun, she hadn't anticipated that it would involve fire. But…she'd also said to trust her, something Usagi invariably did. Perhaps it was the beer that made her light the match with a sinister grin.
Usagi reached out and held the match to the red brick.
At first nothing happened. Usagi watched with bated breath as she waited for whatever Setsuna had done to take lite. And then suddenly the wall burst into flame, causing Usagi to drop the match and shield her eyes, stumbling backwards and falling onto her butt.
Her eyes widened in amazement as she watched the rushing flame crawl up the façade like a wild vine. The fire raced to its peaks and filled in the rest of Setsuna's design, a billowing heat wafting from it. Usagi's face glowed orange in awe as she watched the flame take the shape of a giant crescent moon.
They both stared at it, mesmerized by the image of the symbol alive on the side of the building. So giant and looming, Usagi felt as if she was in the presence of something ethereal and magical.
And then suddenly an alarm went off.
Usagi was shaken from her awe as the pounding noise infiltrated her ears. She gasped as she heard shouts from within the building and saw men peer out from the windows. She recognized their jackets…
She turned to Setsuna from the ground, wide eyed. "The PREVENTERS office?!" she screamed over the alarm, scrambling unsteadily to her feet as shouts sounded from opening doors. "What in the HELL Setsuna!" she screamed, grabbing the girl's arm and pulling.
But the girl would not budge. She looked down to her blonde friend with steadfast eyes that melted sadly. She took her arm from Usagi's grip and placed both of them behind her head, sinking slowly to her knees. The alarm faded away, the noise of encroaching officers no longer panicked her as Usagi watched Setsuna with a tragic realization.
She'd done it on purpose. She'd meant to be caught.
Not bothering to try and deduce how or why, Usagi turned around and made a run for it. The fire burned at her back as she stumbled down the street, the panic rising in her chest again. Her heart swelled with betrayal as he heard a man close in on her drunken form. There was no way she was going to outrun him.
Strong arms wrapped around her waist and tackled her to the ground. Usagi slammed into the concrete and attempted to free herself from the officer who was trying to detain her. She squealed and squirmed in his arms, landing a heavy blow to his stomach.
The man grunted and turned Usagi over, slamming her chest into the ground. Metal handcuffs were immediately slapped onto her wrists.
"I didn't do anything!" Usagi cried as the man pulled her to her feet. "I'm innocent!"
The officer behind her snorted as he began to shove her back towards the Preventers building. "Yeah sure, because pretty ladies who run away are always innocent."
Usagi struggled again and he had to wrap his arms around her stomach. "I was set up!" she yelled as the officer tried to goad her back towards the flame. Her feet lifted into the air and she kicked them ferociously. "Oh my god, get your hands away from my bladder I'm going to pee all over you!"
The man made a disgustedly girly "Ew!" before dropping her unceremoniously to the ground.
"Gwah!" Usagi cried as she crashed into the concrete.
"Sorry babe," the officer said sheepishly, pulling her to her feet, "But that was disgusting."
"Maxwell, status!" somebody called off from the distance. Usagi looked up and saw the silhouette of the man who had handcuffed Setsuna, his features erased by the giant wall of fire behind him.
"Detained!" the officer who held her yelled back. Suddenly he chuckled and Usagi couldn't help the tears that began to roll down her cheeks. "For your sake I hope you're innocent," he said, pulling her to her feet. "Girls like you never do well in jail."
"I'm just a Hobbit!" Usagi bawled drunkenly, 'Maxwell' pushing her gently towards the building. He sweatdropped as she continued to cry and mewl odd references to The Lord of the Rings. "I'm being used!"
They passed by the other culprit and the blonde in his arms cried even harder. "What did you do Setsuna?" she yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I thought you were my friend!"
Duo didn't miss the pained look that crossed her friend's eyes before it was replaced with a stone like visage that reminded him of Heero. Suddenly he was struck with the notion that perhaps the girl in his arms was innocent…
Oh well, he shrugged. They'd find out soon enough.
Whaaaat, a new story? I am a fool and I don't care. I actually have a really good idea for this story. It may be a little confusing at first but trust me, it'll all come together. Haha, wut, ok, read and review! Love you all