There are things out there you can't even imagine.
Things aren't always easy, but that mean they aren't always hard either. You can't always look for the dark, one day it will get to you. As a child you're learned to enjoy the small things, and be happy, normally. Of course I'm one of those who didn't. My father was sure to teach me that stronger meant better. If I wasn't able to do what he wanted, if I do it right, fast enough or long enough, I would be punished. I wouldn't get anything to enjoy, but I wouldn't let it show. At school I would get questions, why are you always bruised, why are you so skinny, why are you so good at everything. My father didn't agree, I was never good enough in his eyes. Must have been why he had been given away.
I heard my roommate itch his hand as I was rolling a cigarette adding a tiny bit of weed. "We should stop doing this shit." I said it more to myself. He wasn't much of a talker, but sometimes he would talk. "Yeah," was his drowsy response. I light up my cigarette. We would swear to stop living this life every now and then. It never worked out, now it seemed that he was too high to know what he was agreeing to. I got up and slipped on a dress. "You need me to get you a shot?" He seemed to out of it to get it himself. He just nodded and kept looking at the ceiling. I didn't mind using the money I earned on him. It was some sort of trade. He would take care of me when I came home beaten and sore, or just drunk out of my mind. I would get him drugs when he couldn't himself. I didn't need any myself. I now had an appointment at eight. I was going to this classy restaurant, then we would go to his place, I would stop at the park then get home again.
I had sent Itachi a message that I was coming. He didn't seem to care who of us came, hell he would have us both over if he could afford it. He longed for a real relationship. He would always take us somewhere first. He was ruined by war, but he was sent home when they found out that he had a weak heart. He was nice, one of a kind. I always felt bad for leaving him. He just wanted love, we wanted his money.
I was really hungry for some chocolate when I arrived at the restaurant. Itachi was waiting. He was always early, or maybe I was just late. I'm not sure, I never bothered to find out. He smiled and got up when I came over to the table. I didn't know why he just didn't get a girlfriend. He wasn't some ugly creep, not my taste of boys, still not ugly. "I was expecting Deidara. How is he?" He helped me get seated. "He's as good as a junkie can be." That meant that he was high, too high to function. Itachi nodded. I looked in my purse to see if I had any mints or something. "Looking for something sweet?" Itachi asked and handed me a small chocolate. He knew me too well.
We were able to hold a conversation over the dinner. Talking about the latest gossip around town. We had some mutual acquaints. I used to be full of gossip until I turned 16 and was shipped off to where I live now. When chances are small that you'll be adopted they gave you a place to sleep so you wouldn't be on the street and said goodbye. Of course I could have been adopted many times. I was pretty and smart. I had gotten to know this life at the age of 14 and did everything I could not to change it. I worshiped my freedom. I would do whatever I needed to keep it. My body was just the container of my mind. I didn't care what happened to it. I didn't have a heart anymore. I was just a body and a mind.
I didn't know if Itachi was gay or bisexual. If he was gay it didn't stop him from sleeping with me. Slightly high on weed I sort of wanted it to. It was a trick I had picked up. He would always look me in the eyes while his hips did the work. Always him on the top. Things never changed. Just before everything was over I would wish I was somewhere else, that I was someone else. I was a rich spoiled brat. He would release inside of me and slip out, and everything would be better. I would get my high, I would soon feel better and forget. He held me close and placed his head on top of my chest. I couldn't stay the night. I waited until he had fallen asleep. I got dressed and went over to grab the money I had earned when something took a hold of my hand. "Stay the night!" he begged. "I can't, Deidara needs me." He would let go of me and I sneak out into the night.
The air felt so fresh, like I had been locked up in a box for ages. I went over to the park to get next day's fix. I decided against buying Deidaras heroin and bought some pain killers and some overprized bottles of vodka. Deidara was half asleep and burning up when I came back. The house was so quiet at the moment. We all know it was an illusion, it was all a lie. It's never this quiet unless someone has just died. I ran up to my room before someone showed up. "You need to stop eating all that candy, you might get fat you know." He didn't speak as slowly as he does when he's high. His hair was hanging in front of his right eye and he was rubbing his other eye. How he knew I was eating candy I don't know. "I eat what I want to, when I want to. It's not like I want to be as skinny as you anyway." Deidara was really skinny. The drugs were slowly killing him. He didn't see, he was never hungry. "I brought home something to drink." I could feel his glare of death hit my back. This is how we start every single fucking time. I wanted to help him, but I was never able to. "We need to stop doing this shit." I took a bit of my chocolate. He was tired of trying. He wanted to quit, but as soon as his worst turkey moments were over he'd run and get a new shot.
I still remember the first time I had meet him. He had this glow around him, contagiously good mood. His smile would make you want to cry out of joy. I had just gotten here. They had given up all hope of me ever getting a foster family. He wasn't this down then. He had shown me around this crappy hellhole. Told me what I needed to keep for myself and what was safe to let the others see. Basically everything of value. That meant my mother's necklace. I don't remember much about her, but I still value what is left of her. He still wore a shirt at that time. He only had a few needle marks. It had only been a few weeks months ago. Everything had changed so fast. I had started smoking weed, I wasn't addicted. I just needed it to feel better. I had started skipping at school. Then I had sold my body for a few drinks. I haven't gone further down. Deidara have been refusing me to start using heroin. He'd told me just how terrible it is. He cared for me as much as a junkie can do. I know he'll start hating me as soon as I stop helping me when he's too high to earn enough for his next shot.
"Can't we just wait, just a week? I need it! I can't do this next week! I know you didn't spend all your money on some shitty vodka!" He was getting desperate by now. He knew he wasn't going to get what he needed. I wasn't born yesterday. This wasn't going to be easy. He could attack me anytime just to get his hand on some money. Thankfully I've learned. I had given my money to Kakuzu. He had a few hiding spots. For some money he would hide whatever cash we had from the house lord. He didn't care what we were doing, but he didn't mind stealing whatever he had of money. "Do you have any Rohypnol then?" I gave him a small laugh. "What makes you think I have date rape drugs?" He wasn't in any laughing mood at the time. "You tend to keep on the soft side, and I know you have trouble sleeping." He was right and I did have some. They did help me sleep, it's mostly better to sleep then to be awake. I removed a plank from the wall on my side and took out a box of pills. I would hide my stash in there seeing most of the people in here had a drug addiction of some sort. I took a bottle and the pills with me over to him. I started laughing as I watched him swallow the pills to vodka. "Do you really think THIS is funny?" He had been without his drugs for a few hours and he was getting this mad already. "It's just that at school we learned that one plus one is three when it came to mixing pills and alcohol."
"Hey! You need to stop acting like some stuck up rich girl. You're just as high or low as anyone here. Less worth since you're a girl even." We were sitting on the kitchen benches. "Why are you even here? I mean, you're not like anyone here." He was looking over at me. I pushed him with my shoulder and gave a laugh as he almost fell down. "I like this life." He hated it more than everything; maybe he hated his drugs more. "This life isn't for you, you're too soft. It's going to break you."
I wasn't going to let it break him. He was shaking and crying now. I tried to comfort him, but I had no idea how bad he was feeling. Must have been 12 hours or so since he last got his shoot. This was just the start of it. Why did I even bother? He looked really sick, crying, sweating and shaking. All I could do was to let him lie in my lap while I pated his back. I bet he wouldn't even notice if I stopped, but it was all I could do for now. He jumped up and threw himself at the bucket. He was throwing up blood now. I gave him something to drink and he lay back down on my lap. "You're doing fine." He didn't answer. He hated me right now, but at the same time he loved me for caring enough to do this to him. He had started freezing now. Hoping the painkillers would kick in. They never did, they weren't strong enough for his poisoned body. "It's too late for me," he said. He would always say such, but I felt that this would be the last time. "Shh, it's never too late. You'll stop using, we'll use my money and move from this shit hole. Close to a mountain, next to a crystal clear little lake. There we'll live. Away from everything that's harmful." He nodded. He had heard so much about this plan.
"If you could get one wish, what would you want?" We were at our room this time. "To get away from this place. Move away from everything, where no one knows this life. They've always had a great life. Living close to mountain where I would walk every time I could. Drinking from the river that leads down to our house. Living with you where the stars are bright at night and the sky blue at day." One day we'll be living there. One day that would be our life.