Apologies for once again vilifying Rachel for the purposes of my plot..(I'm so so evil)
A character story rather than something Sci-Fi, Eventual Peter/Olivia Pairing. Set vaguely in the realm of season 1, Post "No Brainer".
For xixlovexgreenx for turning me into a P/O shipper. Hope I haven't butchered your couple totally :)
Chapter 1
The sky seems a little duller this morning. The air a little colder. The world seems to be spinning a little bit slower than usual. There is a tight, ever-present ache in her chest, making it hard to draw in breath.
But she reminds herself, life goes on. The world, slowly and painfully perhaps, is still spinning. People are still counting on her. That thought and that thought alone motivates her to drag herself out of bed that morning.
She has never been one to lie around feeling sorry for herself. Yet as that ringing phone wakes her from her restless sleep, for a fleeting moment she wonders what would happen if she simply ignores it. If she pulls the covers over her head and shuts the world out completely?
But she simply doesn't have it in her. Wearily she sits up in the semi dark of the early morning and reaches for the receiver.
It's Broyles. Of course it is. Who else would it be? It isn't like she has any kind of life outside her job. Not like she has anyone to be ringing just to speak to her, just to say Hello. Not anymore.
While his professional no nonsense voice is a bitter disappointment, at least it gives her a purpose, a reason to get out of bed, to stop feeling sorry for herself.
They congregate in the lab, Walter, Peter, Astrid. She is thankful Broyles has already briefed the others on the case, because she isn't sure she can remember a word Broyles had told her.
Walter is blathering away incoherently about something. In the past it would have made Olivia smile in amusement. But she only stares blankly this morning.
She wonders as she stares at the man, wonders about him, about Peter, about the years they had been apart, not even on speaking terms. And yet somehow they had forged a family. They meant something to each other, were a part of something. Neither one of them were alone in the world. Not like she.
It doesn't take Peter long to notice something isn't quite right this morning. He leans in close, while Astrid is still captivated by Walter and his ramblings. "Is everything ok?" He asks.
Quickly she flashes a reassuring smile at him. She will have to try harder. She doesn't want his pity. She has made her own path in life, made choices.
"Everything is fine." She answers, somehow disquieted by the compassion and concern from her colleague.
The previous night...
"You chose this." Her sisters bitter voice slices right through her heart. "You chose this job over us. You chose to endanger Ella's life."
"I would never do anything to endanger Ella." Olivia protests.
"Not intentionally." Rachel is quick to respond.
"Don't you want Ella to grow up in a world that is safe? My work is important." Olivia stops there. She doesn't want to frighten Rachel. If Rachel knew even half of the things out there she would never sleep through the night again. Better to leave her uninformed. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, Olivia decides.
"Well, while Ella is around you, she isn't safe. Is she Liv?" Rachel accuses.
Olivia can't answer that. Horrifying, it's all too true. The kind of life she leads is fraught with danger, and yes, perhaps Ella is at risk. And while Olivia wants to protest that she will protect Ella no matter what, she knows she can't make that claim. That she can't promise nothing bad will ever happen to Ella, no matter how much she wishes it were so.
"And aside from that, all of that nonsense you fill her head with, about monsters and bad guys, that's not good for her. It scares her." Rachel explains.
"She is a child, she has an imagination..." Olivia begins to protest, but her voice is shaky. She can not stand there and proclaim that monsters are all in the little girls head. She knows all too well how real monsters are. But she can't quite bring herself to strike fear into the heart of her sister just for the purpose of proving her point. Besides, things have gone too far now. Rachel simply things she is selfish, self centered and delusional. Nothing she says is going to change that. And she is so tired.
"If you loved us, you'd give up that job Liv. It's not good for you either, surely you can see that."
Olivia is stunned into silence by Rachel's suggestion. Is that what this is about? Rachel wants her to quit her job? Something about that prospect makes Olivia's heart stop beating for just a moment in time. Her job is her identity. Her job is important. She is important. She is the only one that can do it. People are counting on her. The idea of walking away just to give in to her sisters demands is inconceivable to her.
"Some of us have to work." Olivia snaps back "We can't all go out and trap a rich man by getting pregnant."
It was uncalled for, totally uncalled for, to attack Rachel's relationship with Ella's father, and Olivia knows it was complicated. But she feels like she is being attacked. Like Rachel is trying to take away every last thing that matters to her. And she gets defensive.
Rachel says nothing. She only turns and heads to her room, packing furiously.
She snatches Ella from her bed, the little girl wakes up disoriented, rubbing her eyes wearily "Mom, what's going on?"
"We're leaving Ella. We don't belong here. Aunty Liv is too busy with her job to be bothered with us." Rachel tells the little girl bitterly.
"Hey!" Olivia protests. "Don't put her in the middle of this."
"She is my daughter, not yours. What would you know about being a parent, about considering someone else's needs for once?" Rachel is shouting now.
"Aunty Liv has an important job." Ella tells her mother sleepily.
"I know sweetheart." Rachel tells her daughter, softening her tone "A very important job, more important than we are."
Ella's questioning considering eyes shatter silently as she looks to her Aunty Liv with the unvoiced conclusion that her mother had filled her head with. 'If you love us more Aunty Liv, then leave the stupid job.'
"Ella." Olivia begins. She doesn't know what to say to the little girl. It's not something they should be discussing infront of her, in anger, like this. And so, finally, all she says is this "Ella, you know that I love you very much. That I always will. No matter what."
"That's not enough Liv!" Rachel tells her. "You don't care. You don't have any idea what it's like. Every day you walk out that door, leaving me here wondering if you're ever coming back. I can't take it anymore. I can't stand to lose you." There are tears in Rachel's eyes. It soften's Olivia's heart.
"Rachel. I'm not going anywhere, you're not going to lose me." Olivia believes this somehow. Believes she is indestructible. "You're the one walking away, please stop."
Rachel does stop, for just a second. "Tell me I'm wrong. Look me in the eye right now and tell me that you're safe, that Ella is safe here. Tell me, and I'll stay."
"You're being unreasonable, no one can make promises like that, this is life..." Olivia lets her voice trail off. Rachel is no longer listening. She has already decided she is right. Besides, Olivia lets it sink in, Rachel is right.
"Deep down you know I'm right Liv. I never should have come here."
The truth, the horrible painful truth of it all, stings Olivia. Rachel is right. There is danger here. Her own life never meant so much to her. Not as much as the greater cause she was fighting for. And when it was just her, that was fine. If she died, who would have cared? But now she has Rachel and Ella back in her life. Now she has someone at home worrying about her, someone to target to get to her. Rachel is right, it is the best thing for her and Ella to leave.
And even though she understands it, even though she blames herself partly for it, for not being a loving enough sister to just walk away from that damn job, she still hates Rachel in that moment. Despises her.
For coming back here in the first place, for allowing her to get used to having her sister around, for allowing her to grow so attached to Ella. For the way she dragged Ella right into the middle of their bitter argument. And most of all, for the way she snatches the little girl up in her arms right there and then, before Liv can even say goodbye. Dragging the child, who is literally kicking and screaming, out into the night.