Waiting

Notes: I think it's safe to say that this is fairly cracky. But looked at with an open mind, it's also sort of canon, or suggested in the canon...anyway, it's a crazy, light hearted little Jack/Ianto oneshot which I hope you'll all enjoy. And will someone please find out how we can set up a Torchwood section on this site? It's getting a little crowded in here, don't you think?

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Ianto reached the door of Jack's office with his usual accessory -- a tray of coffee mugs balanced in his hands. Unable to knock, he waited patiently outside for a moment, convinced that Jack would notice him through the glass. Jack did not. He was lying back in his chair, which was tipped at a very precarious angle, and seemed completely absorbed with looking at the ceiling of his office. Determined not to spill anything, Ianto attempted to knock the tray against the door. Whilst this only produced a slight scuffling sound, the door did click open, and he gratefully stepped inside.

"Coffee, sir," Ianto announced, setting down the tray and unloading one of the mugs. Jack didn't even blink.

"Mmhmm," he said, still staring at the ceiling. Ianto paused.

"Sir?"

"Mmm?"

"What are you doing?"

Jack looked at him and leant forwards so that the front two legs of his chair came down again with a slight thump. He folded his hands on the table and smiled politely at Ianto. "Waiting for something."

Ianto nodded, happy to accept this vague explanation. He gathered up the tray again and started to make his way back towards the door. But just as he reached it, he hesitated again, curious. He glanced back at Jack, who had taken up his leaning back pose again, this time with his eyes closed.

"Waiting for what?" Ianto asked before he could stop himself.

"Godot."

Ianto smiled and put down the tray. "He'll be late."

"Damnit, he stood me up last time too. That's just cruel." Jack opened his eyes and lazily reached for something on his desk. A small white stick, made of plastic. He held it up for Ianto to see.

"A pregnancy test?" Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't that. His eyes narrowed. "It's not Gwen's is it?"

"Why the hell would I wait for the result of Gwen's pregnancy test?" Jack asked, arching one eyebrow. He put the little white stick back on the desk. Ianto waited for a moment.

"So…"

Jack looked at him questioningly.

"So…whose is it?" Ianto asked, curiosity getting the better of him. Jack put his hands behind his head, studying Ianto with a satisfied smirk on his face.

"I like it much better when you have to guess," he decided. "And before you say it, it isn't Tosh's either."

"Actually, my next guess was Janet," Ianto said primly. "And please tell me it isn't, because I don't think I'm quite prepared to clean up baby Weevil shit."

"You'll be relieved to hear that it isn't," Jack said, just as politely. His eyes glinted mischievously. "Gonna guess again?"

"One of the other aliens," Ianto asked vaguely, trying to work it out. Jack shook his head immediately.

"Nope. It's a human. At least I hope they are, because if they're not I have been heavily misinformed," he added. Ianto wracked his brains, having run out of options.

"A…a secret girlfriend?" he asked wildly. Jack pretended to look insulted.

"Would I do that to you?" he said reproachfully. Ianto decided that this question was best left rhetorical. He sighed.

"I give up," he announced. Jack leant forwards so he was sitting properly in his chair, and just looked at Ianto for a while. Ianto felt as if his gaze would bore straight through him. Clearly Jack thought the answer was obvious. Then just for a brief moment, Jack glanced at the pregnancy test, and Ianto saw a strange expression flicker on his face, just for a moment. It was something like…apprehension.

"No…you…what?" Ianto's voice trailed off as he gaped at Jack. "No way."

Jack grinned. "Yes way."

"But…hold on, how?" Ianto felt as if he should be sitting down, or drinking something very strongly alcoholic. Preferably both. He searched Jack's face desperately for any hint that his boss was playing him. Nothing. Jack was telling the truth.

"Let's not go into the gory details," Jack said, shifting uncomfortably. "Just trust me on this one."

"Has it…has it happened before?" Ianto asked, his voice hoarse. Jack nodded. As he was trying to process this thought, something else suddenly hit Ianto with the force of a sledgehammer. Several sledgehammers. Each wielded by very big burly men. "Who's the other parent?"

"Whoa, don't get ahead of yourself," said Jack, grinning. "The instant this thing gives me the go ahead, I'll have a T-shirt made for you. Will 'World's Greatest Dad' do?"

"Oh my God," Ianto breathed, feeling his knees give way slightly. He grasped for the arm of a nearby chair and fell into it gratefully. "But I…we…we can't Jack. We just…this is too much…"

"Like I said, we've still got a couple of minutes," Jack said.

"Then explain everything to me," Ianto said. Jack noticed that his hands were trembling, and realised now was the time to start taking this seriously.

"OK. You've probably guessed by now that I'm not from around here," he said calmly. "And where I come from, this was a failsafe. Men chose to have it done because the human race could need them in the future. If something ever happened…"

"You…you chose--"

"No." Jack was deadly serious now, and there was an edge to his voice that had not been there before. "I didn't get the choice. Protocol, they called it, but they used me as a test run. A guinea pig."

Ianto fell silent for a moment. To his surprise, Jack laughed.

"Don't beat yourself up over it," he said carelessly. "You've got bigger things to worry about."

Ianto rubbed his face with his hands, trying to clear his head a little. Then he was laughing too, because this was so huge, and so bizarre, and what else could he do? "I can't believe this," he said. "And I can't work out whether I'm happy about it, or angry that you didn't tell me before, or just…freaked out."

"Go for all three," Jack suggested. He smiled gratefully at Ianto and caught his hand over the desk, lacing their fingers together. "Trust me, I know how it feels."

Ianto squeezed Jack's hand, glancing at the little test that lay between them. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "But what if you're not?"

Jack shrugged. "Then I'm not," he said nonchalantly. He looked at Ianto, and a small smile crept over his face. "You're disappointed."

"I…no, I'm not," Ianto said defiantly.

"You are!" Jack exclaimed, grinning now. "Do you want to have a child? With me?"

Ianto put his head in his hands, raking his fingers through his hair. "I don't know. I…I suppose…" He looked up into Jack's waiting gaze and swallowed, his heart thumping uncomfortably. "…I…care about you Jack. A lot. And…maybe…" He faltered. "But we're not ready for this. Not yet…no way." He stopped suddenly, not wanting to continue. But Jack's eyes urged him on. He took a deep breath, steeling himself. "If we…this is a commitment. To each other. And if that happens…I want it to be because we both need it to. Because we want it to. Not because it's forced on us by circumstance."

Jack gazed at him impassively for a moment. "Do you love me Ianto?" he asked quietly.

"I love the idea of it," Ianto said, smiling nervously. "But I'm finding it hard to see past the next two minutes at the moment."

Jack stood up abruptly, put his hands in his pockets, and started to leave the room. Ianto gaped up at him, clutching at the arm of the chair. "Where are you going? Don't you want to know--"

"Relax," Jack called back to him. "It's negative."

"How do you know?" Ianto demanded, feeling flustered. He ran towards the door just as Jack stuck his head back round it.

"Well," he replied, pretending to give it some serious thought. "It was when I took it half an hour ago. If you feel like checking…" He grabbed a mug of coffee off the tray and walked away, a satisfied smile on his lips. Ianto stared after him, and tried to work out whether he was happy about it, angry that Jack hadn't told him, or just freaked out.

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