The Hair under the Armpits
The title probably sounds funnier than this story is. This is a Secret Santa fic for _dharmamonkey. I was very nervous writing something for the women who brings us #Boothporn, but I hope this is what she had in mind. I even added allusions to her other prompts! Happy Holidays everyone!
The Prompt:
A future-fic wherein Booth talks to a late teens/early 20s Parker about some part of his past he's never been willing to tell him about when he was younger
—
"Are you sure about this, absolutely sure?" Booth glanced from the road to his son, the man, sitting in the seat beside him. When had he become a man?
"Yes, Dad, I'm sure." Parker replied with a slight eye roll.
"Because I can turn the car around right now and…"
Parker cut his father off. "Dad, I'm sure. And I already signed that contract, it would be hard to get out of this now." He knew his father wasn't trying to be annoying, but it was all he could do not to roll his eyes and turn up the radio.
"Bones and I know some of the best lawyers in the country, we could get you out of it," Booth offered.
"I know. I don't want you to." Parker was so confident, so sure, that it both calmed and scared Booth.
"OK." Booth refocused on the road. Just six weeks ago Booth had watched with a tear in his eye as his little boy walked across the stage at graduation. Booth, Brennan and Christine had gotten to the auditorium just in time for the ceremony to start thanks to flight delays. They were frantic and grumpy but it had all faded away when Parker's name was read. Booth's heart warmed at hearing the name, Brennan clapped harder when it was announced he graduated with honors.
The family had made a vacation out of the ceremony, but Booth's favorite part was when Parker packed his bags and got on the plane to come home with them. With a busy senior year, Parker rarely got the chance to fly in to Maryland and spend time with them. Christine was ecstatic to have her older brother around and Brennan had even taken time off from the lab. Booth's picture perfect family scene had become a reality for a few short weeks.
Booth had tried to forget about the reason why Parker had come back with them. When he had first heard that Parker was considering the army, he was unbelievably proud. His son had grown into a fine young man and the fact that he wanted to follow in his footsteps was overwhelming. It calmed fears of being an absent parent. It validated months of sleepless nights when he was on tour, worrying about missing out on his infant son's life.
But after a few minutes, harsh reality set in. Amidst all of the brotherhood and love of country, cold nights in undisclosed locations and pulling the trigger have haunted his memories. It was the best decision to make for an 20 year old Seeley, but it was a hard decision to watch for a 46 year old father.
Booth had insisted on driving Parker. He knew that recruits were supposed to travel with each other, but with a little name dropping and flash of the medals, Booth had gotten permission to drive Parker to basic. He was desperate for these last few hours with his son and was hoping for the courage to have a conversation he had been putting off for years.
There were things in his past that he wasn't proud of. He tried to live in the present, in the future, and put the things of the past behind him. But as he was sending off his son, he knew that the lessons he had learned could help his as well. With an hour left of the drive, it was now or never, Booth had to man up and just talk to his son.
"Hey, Parker?" Booth continued to look ahead, somehow this would be easier if he didn't have to look at him. "There, uh, some things…"
"Yeah, Dad?"
With a big sigh, Booth continued, "There are some things I should probably tell you."
Parker had expected the 'It's gonna be tough' speech and was surprised it hadn't happened yet. "I know what to expect, Dad, I've been over it with the recruiters. I know it won't be easy, but this is something I really want to do."
"I know you are ready. I just, I wasn't ready. Or, I was ready for the training and all that, but I wasn't ready for what came next." Booth knew he was killing this speech, but he had to get it out.
"What do you mean?" Parker turned to his father with the same confused look he had worn since he was a little boy.
Booth tried to ease into the conversation with the bits and pieces that Parker already knew. "You know that I was a sniper?"
"I know."
"Well, there are things I had to do that, well I don't regret, but I, well…I really don't know how to talk to you about this." Booth sighed, frustrated with himself.
"Dad, I'm not a little kid anymore and I've had hair under my armpits for a couple years now." Parker tried to lighten the mood, to make his dad feel better, but his joke felt awkward.
Booth chuckled and relaxed a little, "I know, Bub, I know. I just don't like talking about these things, even if it was almost 20 years ago. There are things in my past that I have to live with every day…"
"Are you talking about PTSD?" Parker had heard the stories of men who came back and were different and had nightmares. His dad never seemed to fall into that stereotype in his mind, but maybe he was wrong.
"No, yes. It's just that… addictive tendencies…. run in our family. Your grandfather, my dad, I know we never really talked about him, but he was a drunk. It was how he dealt with coming back from the war. He would drink and get mean and when that would happen he wasn't a good father all the time." Booth didn't know how to explain it. This wasn't the time to weigh his son down with stories of broken arms and trips to the Emergency Room.
"I know that he left and you had to live with Pops. I figured that something bad was going on."
"Yeah, yeah." Parker had never asked Booth about it in the past, but Booth was finding out that his son was much more intuitive than he had given him credit for. "Well, your uncle Jared was like my dad, he doesn't drink anymore, but see, I had another problem and I just want you to know so that you can, well, so you can be careful."
Parker didn't say anything, he just let his dad continue. "When I got home on leave, I had no where to go. Well, I could have gone home to Pops, but I was trying to escape the things I had seen and the things I had done, so a buddy of mine suggested Vegas and I went along for the ride. The first night I went in with $35 and left with $10,000. I, well, I couldn't stop. I went back the next day and lost it all, cleaned out any account I had to try to win it back."
"That sucks."
Booth shook his head. "Yeah, yeah it did. Well, it didn't stop. I would play craps or bet on any race or game I could. I got really good at pool and started playing for money in some seedy places. I would make some money and tell myself I would stop, but then I would get greedy and lose it all.
"At the time it was just me and I really didn't have a reason to stop. It helped me escape. When I was playing the odds in my head, I wasn't thinking about anything else. And then the high of winning money… I never got into drugs and I drink, but it was never an addiction for me, but the feeling of walking out of a room having just won thousands of dollars, nothing else could compare. I, we, never had a lot, so the money gave me dreams of being a high roller. I wanted… you know, I'm still not sure what I was looking for, but I don't need Sweets to tell me that it was my way of dealing with the stress, being home, and all that."
He knew that his dad didn't have poker night and he had heard Brennan make comments here and there about Booth playing even some board games with the kids, but he never knew the extent of the gambling. "You don't do that anymore right?"
"No, I haven't placed a bet in 16 years," Booth said proudly, thinking of the chip in his pocket.
"Good. I don't think Temperance would be OK with that."
Booth couldn't help but laugh outright at that. Parker was right, Bones would never allow him to continue gambling, especially to the extreme that he knew he was capable of. And he knew he wouldn't have the family he had today if he still gambled. It was one of the reasons why Rebecca and him didn't work out. It was one of the reasons he didn't see Parker a lot when he was a baby.
"You're right, actually, the last day I bet on anything was the first time I kissed Bones."
"But you said it was 16 years ago."
"It was. I kissed her and told her that I was a gambler and she should know because I thought this was going somewhere." Parker looked over to find his father grinning at the memory. He was so glad that Temperance made his father happy. Parker was old enough now to realize that his parents were never meant to be together. They were both so much happier now.
"She didn't believe me though. Bones, she doesn't believe in fate or any of that stuff. It took years for us to be on the same page to be ready. But it was worth it."
Parker saw his opening to ask the question that every young man wonders about. "How did you know? I mean why Temperance and not my mom or that Hannah girl you were with or anyone else?"
"It's hard to explain. I just saw my whole life with Bones, right from the start. She made me want to be a better person. I did forget every now and then. Hannah is a good example. I was in Afghanistan doing those trainings and I couldn't stop thinking about Bones. We really didn't have a way to contact each other and I missed her. But she had broken my heart and I was mad at her too. I was frustrated that she didn't just know like I did. That's when I met Hannah.
"A part of me did love Hannah. It was easy and fun and a way to take my mind off things. But I used her. Just like I used gambling before. I used her to forget and I hurt a lot of people in the process." Booth stopped and glanced at his son. "Parker, I wouldn't do anything over again, I probably would not have the family I have now if anything had been different. But I could have saved a lot of people a lot of pain if I had been patient and followed my heart."
This wasn't the concrete answer Parker was hoping for. "But, what if Temperance didn't change her mind? What if she never knew?"
"Well, you are old enough to know and have probably done the math to figure out that Christine was unexpected. It wasn't too long after Hannah had left and we were both upset over losing a colleague. Anyway, I'm not going to give you details, but the night Michael Hodgins was born, Bones told me she was pregnant. It was a lot of change for her, starting a serious relationship with me, thinking about having a kid. Those were both things that she had never planned on, and you know Bones when her plans get screwed up." They both laughed remembering plenty of holidays and vacations that had not gone exactly to plan and the meltdown that had ensued.
"Anyway, we didn't tell anyone for almost 2 months after she found out. The first person on the list was Max. I was freaking out, I mean, Max can be scary when he wants to be and we were going to tell him that I had knocked up his daughter. I was hoping my phone would ring and we would have a case or something.
"We invited Max to dinner at her place and the doorman had rung up to say that Max was on his way. I must have had this panicked look on my face. Bones just chuckled, came over and kissed me on the cheek. She told me everything would be alright. I asked her how she knew and she said that she just did.
"That was the first time she had just followed her heart and took us on faith. That moment is something I will always cherish. It means just as much as any time she says I love you.
"I want all of that for you Parker. Maybe not two unplanned pregnancies and addiction and the torture I had to endure, but I want faith and love and all the good things, Bub." Booth's voice was getting emotional near the end of his speech but his chest and shoulders felt like some of the world had been hoisted onto someone else for a bit.
"I know, Dad, I want those things too. I mean not now. I'm 18. But, some day." Parker added nervously.
"Good." Booth nodded and turned back to the road.
They were turning off the exit and were coming close to the anticipated good bye. There was one last thing that Booth had to tell Parker. "Bub?"
"Hmmm?"
With tears in his eyes he turned to his son and really looked at him. "I just want you to know that I love you and I will always be here for you."
"Thanks, Dad. I love you too."
For the rest of the trip and the goodbye they were the stoic army men that people expected them to be, but for that moment, they were father and son. The next time Booth would see Parker he would have a shaved head and would be down to a 22 inch waist. He would be a man. But in this moment, all Booth saw was his little boy grinning and waving goodbye.