Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Remus Lupin and the other Marauder belongs to J.K. Rowling
"The Lupin boy got Bitten."
"He has turned into a monster."
"A beast."
"His parents refused to put him out of his misery."
"The boy is a savage now. If his parents refuse, we should."
Half a month earlier, three o'clock in the night,
Lyall and Hope Lupin nervously paced the waiting room of St. Rosaline's, where they were waiting for the diagnosis of their boy, their son. Remus who had been attacked by a werewolf, and not any werewolf but Fenrir Greyback, three hours earlier, and had been taken to the hospital in an attempt to save his life. The risk was big that he had now been turned into a werewolf – lycanthrope bites didn't always infect but eight cases out of nine they did and Remus had been bitten many times. But his parents would be happy if only he survived. Their boy, it was only a month until his fifth birthday and he couldn't die now. Lyall would never forgive himself if he did. He would never forgive himself if he had been infected with lycanthropy either but it was better than the alternative.
"This is my fault. This is all my fault." He muttered to himself, feeling tears prickle down his face.
"You only did what you thought was right." His wife tried to comfort him, but to little success seeing how she too was crying.
"I was an idiot. I knew what Greyback had done to other people who offended him. And now… if anything happens to Remus it would be my fault. I don't deserve to be a father."
"Listen here." Hope's voice was like steel. "It doesn't matter if it was your fault or not. Remus needs you, and you're going to act like the father you are, because I don't care if you think you deserve being one or if you don't, you are one. You are our son's father, and if you start acting differently and he has been infected he will think that it's his fault. You know our Remus, and he's only a child, hardly more than a toddler. A child will believe it is his fault if his parent suddenly starts acting weird."
"You're right." Lyall said after a few moments and wiped his tears off his face. "As usual. Remus is our son and I will let nothing more happen to him."
"Excellent."
A nurse stepped into the waiting room and almost everyone in the room turned their head to him, waiting for him to tell whose turn it was. Lyall and Hope swallowed nervously, hoping desperately that they would get to know how Remus was at the same time as their feared the answer.
"Mr Lupin, Mrs Lupin." He said. "You can come and see your son now."
They hurried after the nurse toward the room where their child was. Outside the room the nurse suddenly stopped and looked at them seriously.
Lyall blinked as he waited for him to speak, fearing what he would get to hear. It couldn't be good seeing how the man looked.
"Your son is alive." He said and they both breathed in relief. They had guessed that much, but having it confirmed made it real. "But he has gotten infected with lycanthropy. He is a werewolf. So I would suggest that you made your goodbyes and then we can take him to the final room to end his suffering, as I suppose you won't want to house a monster. No one needs to know anything, you can pretend like he died in the attack."
The Lupins gaped at him in shock, unable to comprehend what he had said, before Hope quickly stepped forward and slapped his cheek with all her force.
"How dare you? How dare you talk about our son like that?" She yelled furiously as the nurse moved his hand to his cheek, which bled slightly.
"Ma'am…"
"No." Lyall said. "She's right. That's our son you're talking about, our child. Like he was some kind of animal. It's our Remus, the most kind, intelligent, charming and happy child you can imagine. And I refuse to believe that this has changed anything. Don't you even dare suggest that we would 'put him out of his misery' as you put it. Don't you dare."
Ignoring the nurse they opened the door and gasped as they eyed the sight in front of them. The room was white, of course, and filled with magical devices. In the middle of the room a great white bed was placed and it was much too small for the boy lying on it, with light brown hair and closed eyes. His face was still filled with dried blood and what you saw of his arms was filled with scars. They whispered his name as they walked closer to the bed and sat down, watching their son sadly.
Lyall knew he would never forgive himself for doing this to Remus, but Hope was right. His son needed a father, needed him, and he had to let his child know that they wouldn't stop loving him because of this, like so many others did. How you could just abandon your own child because of something like this… or kill them…
"Maman? Papa?" A weak voice asked and both Lyall and Hope were unable to stop the tears as Remus opened his eyes and looked at them. He looked so tired and in so much pain, but he was alive. He was alive, and he was going to be fine.
"Remus!" Hope cried out and embraced him. Remus cried out in pain and his wife gasped and just let go of the boy as he answered it and threw his arms over her shoulders and began to cry.
"Mummy!" He sobbed and Hope held him closely. Lyall swallowed and put his hand carefully on Remus' shoulder, not wanting to hurt him.
"We love you, we love you so much, Remus." He told his son as he too embraced his son and wife on the bed. For a while the family just sat there, crying, until Hope dried her tears and took a deep breath.
"Have they told you what happened?" She asked him and he nodded weakly.
"I remember that big wolf climbing in my window and attacking me." He began, his voice wavering. "It hurt, it hurt so much. It bit me and clawed me, and it was so scary. The healers said it was a werewolf. I'm a werewolf too now, am I not?"
His parents nodded. Their son was so bright. Perhaps a little too bright for their own good, but they could just be grateful that they didn't have to tell him that.
"Are you going to leave me?" Remus asked with a small voice. "You said that werewolves are monsters, papa. Am I a monster too?"
A pang of guilt flashed through Lyall so violently that he almost doubled over. How could he ever have said something like that, especially when his son was there? He was a horrible human being.
"No. You're not a monster, Remus. Not ever. I was wrong. You're our son and we love you. And we wouldn't leave you for anything."
The brunet nodded with a grateful and relieved smile before falling asleep again.
A woman with red hair came in through the door. She smiled tenderly as she watched how the young lycanthrope lied asleep in his mother's lap and with his father's hand carefully combing through his hair. She waved her wand and made some papers fly over to her from the desk.
"Hello, Mr Lupin, Mrs Lupin." She greeted. Lyall noticed with relief that she didn't seem to find it strange that they wanted to keep their son, because he guessed that if she hadn't already been told, their position would say that much. "My name is Colette de la Fontaine. I came to tell you that you can go home now if you wish to, Remus' condition is stabilized, and also that I am going to be your son's primary healer if he – hopefully – survives his first transformation. Unluckily it is rare that children so young survive their first time turning into a werewolf, but if he does then he should be safe." She noticed how afraid they looked and gave them an understanding look. "I have a sister his age, you know. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. But Remus seems to be strong and stubborn, and I think his chances are as strong as they possibly could be. He survived the attack itself without getting too hurt, physically or emotionally, after all."
"Thank you, Healer de la Fontaine." Lyall choked out before looking over to his wife. She nodded.
"We're going home." He told the healer and she nodded, writing something on her papers.
Two months later
Remus was playing with a set of gobstones on the floor in their new house and new village. They had moved only a day after his first transformation – a long word, he was proud that he could say it – but his parents hadn't told him why. It was grown-up-business they said so he hadn't questioned it even though he was sad that he had had to move away from his friends. He had just recovered from the last full moon, his second, and still had a bandaged arm but other that he seemed fine even if he was a little quieter than usual. But no one could blame him for that. He had just turned five years old, too, but what should've been a celebration had turned into an argument, and he stopped playing to watch the adults who were almost yelling at each other. Scared, he crawled to the corner of the room and sat there hugging his teddy bear, as his parents, his paternal aunt and uncle, and his paternal cousins yelled at each other. Only one of his cousins, Angelique, wasn't shouting and seemed to notice that he was frightened.
He listened to what the adults were screaming about and he knew the argument was over him. He heard his Uncle Emile, Angelique's dad, shout something about werewolves being monsters and his own dad replying that he didn't dare say something like that about Remus, as Angelique crawled over to him. She was almost an adult, he knew, but she was one of his favourite cousins, second only after Ferdinand.
"Hé." She whispered.
"Bonsoir." He answered, worried that she would yell at him. He must've been very bad if the grown-ups were this angry at him.
"Can I play gobstones with you?"
Remus smiled. He hadn't had anyone to play with except his parents for two months. He didn't know why they hadn't let him play with the other children in their new village but he wouldn't disobey and sneak out, because that would make them angry and he had had enough of angry people for a lifetime.
"Oui."
Half an hour later he had played several parties of gobstones with Angelique and won about half of them, which he was proud of. Suddenly a crash caught their attention and they saw that Ferdinand had thrown a glass vase into the wall.
"I don't care if he was my cousin. He's not my cousin anymore. My cousin is dead, and that beast that has taken his place is not for me. Keep the monster if you want to, but Remus Lupin is dead, and we won't visit again!"
Remus felt tears prickle his eyes. Why did Ferdinand say something like that? He mustered all his courage and stood up before Angelique could stop him.
"I'm not dead. I'm here." He said with a trembling voice, holding his hand up. "And I'm no monster. Papa said so."
"Don't speak to me, freak." His cousin said and the other cousins, and his aunt and uncle, nodded in agreement.
"I-I'm not a freak!"
"You're right. You're not a freak. You are a savage monstrosity. Uncle Lyall and Aunt Hope should've killed you when they had the chance, before you kill them. Because you will. Your werewolf-instincts will make you."
"That's not true!" Remus yowled, fighting the urge to cry. He didn't want to cry in front of Ferdinand. Why was Ferdinand so dumb? "I would never hurt maman and papa!"
"Okay, that's enough." Lyall yelled. "Out of my house! You've overstayed your welcome, and don't you dare ever have contact with my son again."¨
"Fine!" Aunt Emmanuelle said and stormed out of the house, followed by her husband and children. Except Angelique, who stood up where she was standing. Lyall and Hope were glaring at her. She held up her hands.
"I'm so, so sorry." She apologized. She looked down at her little cousin who was fighting his tears. "Don't listen to them, Remus. You're still my little cousin, and you're great. You beat me at gobstones and I'm incroyable at that game." Remus smiled slightly, feeling a little bit proud. "I'm so sorry, Aunt Hope, Uncle Lyall. But I promise I don't agree with them, and if you'll let me, I'd love to keep visiting Remus. I'll be seventeen in a few months and then they can't stop me from doing anything."
His parents' faces softened and they didn't look angry anymore, just very, very sad.
"Thank you, Angel. If you want to, you're very welcome to visit. Just don't drag any of your siblings with you."
"I promise. I've got to leave now, but see you next time, petit cousin?"
"Oui. Au Revoir, Angel." Remus smiled.
As soon as she left Remus turned to his parents.
"Why did Ferdinand say that I would kill you?" He said, his lip trembling as he thought about it again. "And what is a savage?"
Two years later
Remus was sitting in a sandbox on the public playground in his village. This was a village with a mixed wizard and muggle-population, but right now he was playing with a little witch and wizard. They were twins, their mother was halfblood and their father muggleborn, but Remus didn't know any of this, except the twin-thing since a seven year old hardly cares about blood-status unless he's been brought up too, which Remus obviously hadn't. That would've been rich seeing that he was both halfblood and half-breed.
The two other magical children were named Chloé and Timothée, and they had decided they wanted to play with the child that was building such a nice sand castle when they saw him this morning. Remus usually didn't play with other children, his parents kept him away from it – now he knew why though. He had understood that after the episode with his cousins and aunt and uncle two years ago. People didn't like werewolves, and he was beginning to think they were right.
But nothing of that was on his mind right now. He was just happy to have the company of children his own age. He pretty much only met his parents and Angel. He knew it was because he couldn't go to school – it would be too easy to find out he was a werewolf if he did – and because his parents didn't know many people in this village, even if they had lived here for two years. The Lupins mostly kept to themselves. Not being allowed to go to school made it easier for Remus to differentiate himself from other children too. He was too dangerous for school.
"Can't we tell secrets?" Timothée suggested and Chloé nodded eagerly. After a moment Remus nodded too, albeit hesitantly.
"I start!" Chloé said, with a small child's eagerness to share her 'heart's biggest secret'. "I ate daddy's birthday cake, but I said it was the dog." She continued proudly. "Daddy believed me, because Spotty is a very hungry dog. Tim's turn."
Tim nodded and thought before deciding which secret that was his darkest one.
"I'm in love with Alexis in our class." He whispered and Chloé giggled before turning to Remus with big, mottled eyes.
"Your turn, Remus. Your biggest, darkest secret."
Remus pondered over this a moment. It was obvious which his darkest secret was, and he was forbidden to tell anyone, but they had told their secrets and it couldn't be that bad, right? He meant, everyone who had disliked him were adults. Surely other kids wouldn't mind, right? After a while he nodded and leaned forward, making sure no one else would hear.
"I'm forbidden to tell anyone this, but we're friends, right?"
Tim and Chloé nodded eagerly and Remus smiled. He hadn't had friends for a long time now.
"I-I'm a werewolf. I turn into a Wolf during the full moons."
He hadn't known what to expect, probably that they would nod and they would keep playing, but instead they stared at him for a moment before both began to scream loudly.
"Monster!" They both yelled. "Mummy! Daddy! Monster!" They pointed at him, and their parents who had been only a few feet away immediately were on their side. Remus backed, regretting trusting them.
"I'm not a monster!" He cried out, but half-hearted. Perhaps he was one. No, maman and papa said he wasn't.
"What is it, dears?" Their daddy asked, worriedly, eyeing Remus suspiciously.
"Werewolf!" Tim shouted and Chloé pointed at Remus.
"He's a werewolf!" Chloé continued. "He said so!"
Lyall and Hope had been sitting on a bench a bit away, happily watching their son play with other children for the first time in so long, and they were now on their way there as quickly as they could. The witch and wizard that were Chloé and Tim's parents looked at Remus coldly, and looking slightly afraid even if they had no doubt they could kill this little beast if he had bitten their children or was going to do anything wolf-y.
"Werewolf, you say?" their mummy said and gripped Remus' arm roughly, making him whimper in pain as Hope and Lyall reached Remus.
"Maman! Papa!" Remus cried out, relieved that his parents were there.
"Are you the parents of this little… freak?" The woman asked as Hope forced her to let go of the boy before she carefully took Remus in his arms, holding him close, and Lyall reached into his pocket to have his wand close if necessary.
"No. We are the parents of this little boy." He said. "Don't you dare call our son a freak."
He had been saying that a lot the past two years.
"That's no boy!" The man said. "That creature is a werewolf. A monster, a beast, a feral demon!"
"Freak!" Chloé called out, Tim soon following suit. "Devil! Ogre! Beast! Monster! Monster! Monster!"
Remus clung onto Hope with all he was worth, crying into her shirt.
"Stop it" his voice was heard, muffled by her shirt but it was easy to hear that he was sobbing. "I'm not a monster. I'm no monster. Not a monster."
It almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself, but that couldn't be the case. Hope and Lyall hoped so with all their hearts, at least.
"No, you're not, Remus." Hope assured him, petting his head. "You're not a monster."
"He is! He's a werewolf! He's a beast!" Tim repeated. They had gotten the attention from most of the playground by now and people were beginning to look threatening. Not many liked werewolves, and the wizards and witches around here had begun to drag their wands out. A woman who worked in the kindergarten walked up to them, holding her wand.
"Get out." She said threateningly. "Get out of our village. We don't want any monsters like werewolves here."
Agreeing calls came from the surroundings and Hope and Lyall looked at each other. Both of them looked frightened. No, they couldn't stay here. Soon the entire village would know that their son was a werewolf. They nodded and then turned around and ran back to their house, Hope holding Remus close all the time and Lyall having his wand in a fast grip just in case.
An hour later a messenger came – a man in his fifties – who told them that they had one day to pack and leave, and then they would come after the monster.
Once again the Lupins were homeless.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry." Remus cried as they left the village with the train that evening. They would stay in a hotel in a town a few miles away for the evening, and then try to find somewhere to live, far from here. "It's my fault. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have trusted them. I'm sorry!"
His parents hugged him closely.
"It's not your fault. They're all prejudiced fools who would think that you would ever hurt someone, Remus." Hope said, trying to make him stop crying. He hadn't stopped ever since they left the playground and it was a wonder he wasn't dehydrated yet. Perhaps that was a lycanthrope-thing, that you didn't get dehydrated. She would have to look it up.
"It's my fault. I shouldn't have told them! It's my fault we had to leave home! I'm sorry!"
"Remus…" Lyall tried but their son shook his head.
"It's my fault. Don't worry, papa, don't worry, maman, I won't tell anyone again. I won't trust anyone but you and Angel again."
That was not reassuring at all. If anything, it made Lyall and Hope feel worse. How could those people destroy the trust of a little child? Remus was only seven, he shouldn't have to go through this. More than once people at St. Rosaline's had offended Remus and treated him horribly after they found out about his condition, but they had always succeeded to lessen the damage. But now, because of two spoiled children, the last trust for the world Remus had felt had been utterly destroyed. But they didn't say anything, they just rocketed the brunet until he finally fell asleep.
Half a year later
Remus sobbed in pain. He was lying on the cement floor of the cellar, and he could feel the sun shine in through the window, hitting him in the face, but he wished he couldn't. The window had to be there, his transformations were so much worse if the Wolf couldn't see the moon, but on the mornings, instead he had to feel the sun and it was torture.
He felt blood run into his eyes and pressed them together. He didn't want to feel the blood. He didn't want to be here. Why did he have to go through this? What had he ever done that warranted a punishment like this?
Everything hurt so much. The fresh cuts on his arms and legs and stomach had yet to be healed, and the blood was flowing freely. There was a reason he hated being wet nowadays even though he had loved it when he was younger, and it was because water, especially hot, was so reminiscent of blood.
Think of Sammy. Remus told himself. Sammy. She would be there to hug him when she was let into his room. His last birthday he had gotten a Newfoundland puppy to keep him company as he was pretty alone, and the dog was his only friend. She was great, because she didn't care about him being a werewolf because she was a dog, and she couldn't tell anyone by accident either, because again, she was a dog. She couldn't speak. She was five months old now, and loved to cuddle him. She was a great comfort after the full moon, and he even had someone to play with now. Maman and papa played with him sometimes, but Sammy was more fun since she was a child just like him.
There was also an unfamiliar smell. His strengthened senses could feel how something was odd, something that wasn't his blood, but he couldn't open his eyes to look. They were filled with blood and he couldn't manage to lift his hands and dry it away.
A gasp was heard, and he knew his parents had arrived. He heard his name being whispered before the steps came closer and a handkerchief wiped away the blood on his face, to his big relief. He let out another sob.
"M-maman. Papa." He stuttered out. "It hurts. It hurts so much."
"I know, Mon bien-aimé. I know." Hope's voice came, whispered lowly so she wouldn't risk giving her son a worse headache than the one he already had. She had learnt that after his first three full moons. "Let's get out of here."
"Don't look, dear." Lyall told his son, but as Hope took him in her arms he couldn't help but do what he had been told not to. He was too curious about what it had been that was wrong. He knew he shouldn't, when something was wrong after a full moon it was usually wrong, but he had to know.
Remus opened his now blood-free eyes and looked down on the floor where he had been lying and let out a scream followed by even more violent sobs as he saw what was lying there. Mixed with his own blood what must be dog blood was, and only a few feet away from the spot he had been, was the corpse of his dog, torn into pieces and barely recognizable anymore. He had killed his only and best friend, and he had probably enjoyed doing it too. He would probably remember it later, as his memories of transformations became clearer every time.
"I killed her." He cried, shaking violently. It hurt extremely much, but he deserved it. He deserved the pain after having killed his dog. His friend. "I killed her. I'm a murderer. I'm a monster."
"Remus!" His parents both exclaimed loudly, but lowered their voices as Remus' winced from his headache. "You are not a monster." Lyall said strictly. "It was the Wolf that did this, not you. Somehow Sammy found her way down into the cellar, she probably wanted to help you, but don't worry. We'll secure the cellar better in the future. And you are not a monster. I forbid you to think you are. I know we can't replace Sammy, but we'll buy you a new dog, and this won't happen again."
Remus dried his tears on Hope's jumper.
"You're right, papa. It won't. Because I will never have another pet but the family owl again. Someone like me doesn't deserve it."
"Remus…" Hope began but was interrupted.
"S'il te plait, maman, don't. Just please don't." Remus shook his head, wincing again but once more ignoring it. He began to cry again, harder this time. "Don't."
Hope and Lyall Lupin exchanged a hopeless gaze. They had no idea how they were going to make Remus believe this wasn't his fault. If anything it was theirs, who had been careless enough to let her slink down here, but they knew their son wouldn't listen. How could they ever convince him so, when his only friend and pet had just been killed by what technically was him?
Three years later
Remus was inside, as usual. He didn't go outside often nowadays. And never ever without his parents. That would only be stupid, he knew that. Why tempt faith?
Instead he was learning to play the piano. It was a cheap piano, they had been getting less and less money the last years. Lyall had been fired from his job at the Ministère de la Magie and had to take a less paid one, and Hope couldn't get a real job seeing how much they moved around. Nothing more than part-time in the local shop or something like that. He knew it was his fault. Hadn't he been a werewolf they wouldn't have been in this situation. Hope could've had a real job and Lyall wouldn't have been fired, and they would've had the same amount of money as they had when he was a child, before moving around so much and laying all their money on potions to him and hopeless attempt to find a cure.
He never told his parents this, though, because they would get bad conscience and be sad and try to reassure him that this wasn't his fault. Not that he would believe them. He knew that if he hadn't been bitten his parents wouldn't have any problems affording anything necessary. And they still found the money to give him presents and books and even musical instruments, even though they weren't high quality. If anyone should have bad conscience it was him, and he had, but he didn't tell his parents because they would be sad and look pained again, and Remus didn't want them to suffer for his sake. And he was grateful, so grateful, for his books and his instruments, and his drawing things and toys. They were everything he had to amuse himself with seeing that he didn't have, and didn't want or need, any friends. That, and studying, of course. Except his first tongue, French, he had to learn English when they moved from France to England after that incident when he was seven, and he was trying to amuse himself by learning other languages too. So far, he spoke a little Spanish, a bit of German and a bit of Hebrew, simply because his parents were so good and got him the books he needed.
He was fighting his way through a piece of Allegro un peu louré by Adolphe Adam, from the ballet Giselle. Perhaps it was a little out of his league still, but he didn't have anything better to do so he was determined to learn this piece. Lyall was at work right now, for the moment he worked as janitor at the English Ministry of Magic, which was quite a bit under his skill level, but hopefully he would get a better job. Hope was out buying groceries, as her job at the supermarket didn't start until the evening when Lyall would be home. It had taken quite the effort for Remus to persuade his mother that he was old enough to be home for a half hour while she was shopping.
Just as he was working his way slowly through a particularly hard part someone knocked on the door. He was unsure on whether he should open or not, seeing that he was alone at home, but finally decided to do so.
Sighing he closed the lid of the piano and stood up. He was aching slightly from the last full moon, Mrs Potter who was his new healer since they moved to England hadn't succeeded to heal all his wounds since they were inflicted by a Dark creature such as himself, and it had only been two days since his last transformation.
Remus walked to the door and opened it, and saw one of the muggle neighbours, Mr Roberts, standing there. They hadn't made the same mistake twice and moved to a mixed community. They were the only wizards in the small town. He smiled a friendly smile.
"Hello, Remus. Are your parents here?"
Remus smiled tentatively back. He didn't want to be rude, but he didn't really know how to socialize with other people who weren't his relatives or healers.
"No, but they should be home in not too long, sir." He replied.
"Great." The man answered. "Could I possibly come in and wait? It's quite urgent. But don't worry." He said when he saw Remus' face. "It's nothing bad."
After a moment Remus nodded.
"I suppose so, sir. Come in."
Remus held the door open and the man smiled as he walked in. Remus closed the door and showed the way to the living room. Mr Roberts spotted the piano and the violin lying on it.
"Do you play, Remus?" He asked curiously and Remus smiled. Playing music was one of the few actual delights in his life, and he loved it. He nodded as he closed the door to the living room. Mr Roberts gestured to him to sit down next to him and he obeyed, relishing in having company other than his parents and cousin. But as he sat down, the man's face suddenly changed and he looked ferocious.
A sudden fear was inflicted in Remus as he saw the man's face change from friendly to savage in a second. It was scary, especially for a nine year old boy, but even an adult would've thought so.
"Sir?" He asked, fighting to keep the fright out of his voice but couldn't help but squeak and jump backward in the couch as Mr Robert's eyes glared at him with dark mistrust.
"I know what you are." He said and Remus' eyes widened. No. No, not again. And his parents weren't home this time. No. "It took some time to puzzle it out, especially since I don't believe in magic, but there is no doubt. You're a werewolf. A freak, a monster."
Apparently Remus' scared look was all confirmation the man needed and he suddenly lifted his hand. Remus wasn't sure what to expect, but curled up nevertheless, trying to look small. Not that it was hard, he was unusually small for a boy his age.
"You're a beast, and as such you shouldn't be allowed to live. Just like those pests of animals, you should be put down. And if your parents are too weak to do it, I'll have to do it for them."
Remus felt a fear worse than anything else he had felt as he watched the man, which now had a slightly manic look in his eyes, and he brought his hand higher before he quickly hit Remus, who flied of the couch and down onto the floor by the sheer force of the hit. The hand had met his cheek. Remus crawled backwards, trying to get away as the man stood up and kicked after him, but didn't come long as the foot hit him in his side, and he cried out in pain. Mr Roberts had hit the exact spot on an injury from the full moon that hadn't healed yet.
"Scream, little monster. No one will hear you anyways."
Remus curled up in a small ball and tried to protect his face as hits and kicks began raining over him. As a particular hard hit stroke his stomach he suddenly opened his eyes and felt a rush of magic, upon which Mr Roberts froze in the middle of a movement.
"Thank Merlin" Remus sobbed where he was lying on the floor, now bleeding from cuts that had opened again. His accidental magic had saved him, it seemed. After about five minutes he heard the front door open but was too weak to do anything, so he didn't even answer when his mother called out his name. Then he heard the door to the living room open.
"Remus, are yo…?" Hope's question was cut off as she saw her son and Mr Roberts and screamed. She dropped the groceries and ran over to Remus, carefully lifting his head.
"Remus? Remus, please be okay."
Remus smiled weakly, feeling better, now his mother was here.
"I'll survive." He said with a bitter laugh. "I've had worse."
And then he immediately felt extremely guilty as her face dropped even more and even more sadness flowed over her.
"What happened?" She nodded toward the frozen man, changing the subject, of which the brunet was grateful.
"I- he hurt me, and I think my magic lashed out on him to protect me." Remus explained and groaned in pain. Hope nodded and carefully lifted up her son and carried him to his bed before getting out a rope and calmly binding Mr Roberts in case the magic stopped working and he got loose again, and then she began treating her son's injuries before calling Lyall, hoping he was somewhere where his mobile would work. Luckily he was and answered quickly.
He was home again within minutes.
Mrs Potter, his new healer, was called upon and luckily she could come immediately as her own son was being tutored by a private teacher at the moment. Remus was patched up and once again the Lupin family made a quick depart from their home, just in case, after having erased Mr Robert's memory of lycanthropy, magic and everything else that had happened in the last hour.
A little more than one year later
Hope and Lyall Lupin sat on the couch and watched their son who was playing the violin in their combined living room and kitchen/dining room. By now Remus had become really skilled with both a violin and a piano and could play advanced pieces of music. It wasn't surprising seeing how the young lycanthrope didn't have much else to do during the days when he wasn't tutored by his parents but train, study or play on his own.
They knew he was a lonely child, but there wasn't much they could do. As he grew older they had tried to prompt him to go out and play with the people in their new village now when they knew he would never tell anyone about his lycanthropy, but as the years passed Remus became more and more reserved and hardly ever talked to anyone who wasn't family. They had taken him to the park with other children his age once but he had just climbed a tree and sat there, reading, until they went home again. When they asked him why, he either answered that it was too dangerous, he was too dangerous, or simply that he was a monster and didn't deserve friends. He said it with such indifference that it hurt them physically and nowadays they had stopped asking, and stopped trying. They didn't want to force him to do anything so they let him stay on his own.
Remus was currently performing "Autumn" by Antonio Vivaldi, one of Hope's favourite compositions, and had just played the last tone as someone knocked on the door.
"Who would come at this time of the day?" Hope wondered as Lyall stood up to open the door. It was seven o' clock in the evening. The sandy haired man walked over to the door and looked out through the window next to it. He froze.
"Remus, go to your room." He said, voice sounding strained. Remus quickly nodded and put down the violin before making his way toward his bedroom. The person knocked again.
"Lyall, I know you're there." A voice, sounding amused, came from the outside. As Remus reached his door Lyall opened the door, revealing a man that looked very old with long white hair and beard. Remus couldn't help but glance at him and immediately recognized him from the newspaper. Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts. Why was he here?
"Professor Dumbledore." Lyall greeted, not sounding very welcoming, which was odd because Lyall usually spoke very highly of the man standing in their door. Remus hurried to close his door, because he was told to be in his room and he had learnt by now that nothing good came from disobeying. Especially since he once was assaulted by a muggle because he had refused to leave. Luckily they hadn't had to move, just wipe the woman's memory.
"Hello, Lyall. And Mrs Lupin." Remus was too curious, though, not to listen through the door, so he heard every word especially since he had better hearing than the normal human. Better senses came with lycanthropy. "And where's young Mr Lupin?"
"What are you doing here?" Hope's voice came, ignoring the old wizard's question.
"I came to speak with you about your son and Hogwarts."
Remus swallowed. He already knew he couldn't attend, had the man come to tell them that? Why should he, it was obvious he couldn't and he did not need it rubbed into his face.
"Why?" Lyall asked, voicing Remus' thoughts. "We know he cannot go, there's no need for you to come here personally to tell us."
"Why in Merlin's name should he not be able to go?" Dumbledore was heard, sounding surprised. Remus frowned.
"Surely you know about his condition. I'd think it obvious why."
"Of course I know about young Mr Lupin's… illness. But I don't get why that would mean he cannot go to Hogwarts."
Remus had heard enough and didn't even think before he quickly opened his door and stepped out, ignoring the small twinge of fear that was always present when someone but his parents and Angel were there, especially if they knew about his lycanthropy.
"Because I'm a monster!" He almost shouted, ignoring for the first time in a long while, his parents, when they, with gazes and gestures, told him to go back into his room. "It's too dangerous! I could kill someone, or bite them! I don't want anyone else to have to go through this hell every month! I don't even deserve education! I'm a beast!"
Dumbledore's mouth smiled even though his blue eyes had a sad twinkle in them. He ignored the Lupin parents' protests and the fact that Remus recoiled slightly as he walked up to the boy before bowing down and looking into his green eyes.
"I want you to listen very carefully, Remus. Firstly, you are not a monster, or a beast. You are a human who has had very bad things happen to you. Secondly, everyone deserves an education. Being a lycanthrope does not change anything on that aspect. And thirdly, do you think I would let you into Hogwarts if it wasn't safe? My professors and I have made arrangements for you to be taken away from school into a safe place before the full moon, where you will have a lot of space to transform. It is perfectly safe, I promise."
Remus' eyes grew wide. That sounded too good to be true. Of course he didn't believe the headmaster about him not being a monster, he had seen too much proof of that he was during his life, but the other things… even the possibility that he would go to Hogwarts was too much to comprehend. Dumbledore seemed to see this and let his eyes sweep over the room until he saw Remus' set of gobstones on the table.
"Say, Mr Lupin, you wouldn't want to play a party of gobstones with me?" He asked, eyes twinkling happily again. "I haven't played in years and would love to do it again. You might have to remind me how to do it, though."
The sandy haired boy swallowed and looked at the wizard in disbelief before looking over at his parents who seemed to have accepted that Dumbledore wouldn't leave. They nodded in answer to his unspoken question.
"I'd love to!" Remus exclaimed as he got an OK from his parents.
Soon Remus found himself on the floor in front of his fireplace, playing gobstones and eating crumpets Hope had come to them with, together with the headmaster of the best wizarding school in the world. That was not something he had ever thought would happen, even less than going to school. Dumbledore also taught Remus a few tricks on how to play and the young wizard was sure that with these he would be able to beat Angel anytime.
"Mrs Lupin." Dumbledore said as he took a bite from another crumpet. "You surely are a master cook. I'm not sure if even the house elves at Hogwarts could make crumpets like this."
Hope smiled. She had been really unsure about this man – she knew who he was, Lyall had told her about him many times – but seeing her son playing with him couldn't do anything but warm her up to him. Anyone who could make Remus laugh was good enough for her. When he had been little, Remus had done nothing but laughed but as he grew older he had laughed less and less. It wasn't often you saw him look untroubled. He didn't now, either, but at least he looked happy.
After about twenty minutes Dumbledore seemed to think there had been enough procrastination when he and Remus finished another party of gobstones. He vanished the crumbs and then looked serious again.
"Now, Mr Lupin, Mrs Lupin, young Mr Lupin." He said. "Why don't we talk about why I'm here?"
Fast as lightning Remus turned his gaze to the headmaster, and Hope's and Lyall's hearts broke with how terrified, disbelieving and hopeful he looked. They wanted him to go to school, they wanted it so much, but was it worth the risk?
"You were a very bright student, Lyall, and I've understood that Remus has inherited this?" Dumbledore continued without waiting for an answer. "Your son seems brilliant and I would love to have him in my school. Naturally we cannot risk to put the other students in danger, though, but together with my most trusted professors I have found a way to ensure both their and Remus' safety. If you accept my offer we will build a place outside of the Hogwarts grounds where you can spend the full moons," he spoke directly to Remus now who hardly dared to breath "and afterwards the school matron, Miss O'Connor, will take care of your injuries. She is very skilled and went through the healer education with top grades. Before and after the full moon you will of course be excused from lessons if necessary. The head of houses, Miss O'Connor, our groundskeeper Hagrid and I will be the only ones who knows about your condition. The other teachers and staff will be told that you have an illness that will excuse you from lessons now and then, and you can decide for yourself what you shall tell your fellow students."
Remus was sure he was dreaming. This was too good to be true. It didn't sound like he would risk anything at all. As long as he kept on his own and didn't make any close acquaintances he wouldn't risk anyone finding out either. "Are you serious?" He asked Dumbledore, worrying a little that he sounded rude but that was not the most important now. The man laughed slightly and nodded. The soon-eleven-year-old wizard turned to his parents, the final decision would be theirs, after all. "Maman? Papa? Please, please may I go? I really want to go to Hogwarts."
Lyall and Hope looked at each other, unsure. They wanted to say yes, but could they risk it?
"Are you sure it is safe, professor?" Hope asked, worried. Dumbledore smiled.
"I am entirely sure. The staff won't say a word and our plan for the full moons are spotless. If Remus doesn't choose to tell anyone, no one will know anything about his lycanthropy."
"Please please please."
Oh, goodness. Remus was making the puppy eyes. He never ever did the puppy eyes, so when he did it was so much more powerful. The Lupin parents glanced at each other again. Hope sighed and nodded and Lyall smiled.
"Alright. Remus, you're going to Hogwarts."
"Really?"
"Oui."
And for the first time in years Hope and Lyall saw their son stop being so serious and adult-y and actually behaving like the carefree child he deserved to be as he flew to his feet, hugged them both and then began dancing around the room.
"I'm going to Hogwarts!" He'd exclaim once in a while as the adults watched him, feeling joy swell in their chests. Seeing Remus like this was so incredibly rare.
Suddenly Dumbledore felt something around his waist and when he looked down he saw a small head filled with sandy brown hair pressed into his beard. The small Lupin boy hugged him hard.
"Thank you, professor." He whispered, sounding on the verge of tears, and the old wizard chuckled and hugged back. "Thank you so much."
"You're welcome, Mr Lupin."
After about thirty seconds the little boy let go off him and looked embarrassed as they parted. Dumbledore chuckled again and didn't mention it. Instead he dragged an envelope out of his bright blue robes.
"Your Hogwarts letter. It's a bit early, they should normally not come until the beginning of the summer holidays but why not now when I'm already here?"
He gave it to the eager boy who looked like he wanted to rip it open immediately but wasn't sure about whether that would be rude or not.
"Well, I will make my exit. It was nice to see you again, Lyall. A pleasure to meet you, Mrs Lupin. And we will see each other on the first of September then, Mr Lupin?"
Remus nodded happily. He was really, truthfully, honestly, actually going to Hogwarts!
Lyall and Hope smiled when they saw their happy son.
"We'll go to Diagon Alley this weekend, then, Remus."
Remus nodded and hurried to rip his letter open.
About one and a half years later
Remus was feeling weak. It was only a few hours left until the full moon – it was lunchtime at Hogwarts – and everything hurt. His headache was killing him and he sweat and froze at the same time. It was unusually bad today. The moon would be strong tonight. He already dreaded it, and was sure he was going to spend the next day in the hospital wing. He was just happy Miss O'Connor, the school matron, was so good at mending bones and patching up even the injuries he had caused himself by biting and clawing on his body, even though they couldn't be healed completely since they were caused by a Dark creature such as himself.
The only two bright spots in his life right now were the fact that he was at Hogwarts, even though in this mood he almost would've preferred to be home so he could've lied in his bed all day without someone noticing, and his friends. James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew – and Lily Evans, Marlene McKinnon, Luke Vincent, Jenna Hunter, Caspian Hayward and quite a few more in both Gryffindor and Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw.
James, Sirius and Peter were those he were the closest to, though, and they were his best friends. He still had a hard time believing he actually had friends. Real friends. Or, as much of real friends as a lycanthrope could have as they obviously would abandon him if – when, because they were all intelligent, especially James and Sirius, of course it would happen in the end – they found out about him being a werewolf. But until that day came, he would enjoy himself and make sure to have many great memories for his future friendless days.
His friends had wanted him to stay in bed this morning, but he had refused. He couldn't miss class when he so obviously would do so the following days. There was no way he would be able to leave the hospital wing in at least two days if this moon was as bad as he thought it would be. So he had to study as much as he could before it.
Remus was woken from his thoughts by Peter's hand waving in front of his eyes.
"Remy? Rem? Remus?" The mousy haired boy's voice came. "Are you okay?"
"He's obviously not okay, Pete." Sirius replied in his place, sounding annoyed. "Remus is sick, but too bloody stubborn to stay in bed."
"Of course." Peter quickly agreed, sinking back slightly in his seat in front of the Gryffindor table. The youngest member of the group was pretty intimidated by them all when they were angry or annoyed, but Sirius most of all even though Remus and James both could be pretty scary.
"Why can't you just go see O'Connor?" James asked, sounding concerned. He stared intently at the werewolf as he was trying to read the answer in his face.
"I'm fine." Remus almost hissed. He was glad they cared, he really was, but they shouldn't be so irritating so close to the moon. He always became in a foul mood close to his transformations, especially when he felt this bad. "I don't need to go see her."
"If you're sure…" James didn't sound convinced but he seemed to let it be, for which Remus was grateful. He just wanted to get distracted, which was really hard when they kept talking about it. He decided to switch the subject, and soon they were in a great conversation about their next prank – hushed, of course – even though they kept giving him gazes.
Remus woke up, feeling nauseous and sore. Everything hurt. Yep, it had been just as bad as he had thought, perhaps even worse. He stirred slightly, but gasped and became still as it made his headache flare up and the pain worsened. He didn't remember much from the night yet, but he knew the memory would come within the hour. Sometimes he wished he wouldn't remember what happened during his transformations, he didn't have any wishes of having memories of the Wolf tearing him into bits, but he supposed it was good. This way he would at least know for sure he hadn't hurt someone.
He groaned as he moved his arm slightly. It could've been worse, and he had had worse especially since Miss O'Connor seemed to have patched him up already, but he was still in pain. He heard sounds over him, like someone was standing there. The matron must be there. Slowly he opened his eyes, getting used to the bright light of the hospital wing. Someone stood leaned over him. Wait. That wasn't someone. That were more than one. Three human contours stood leaned over him. A horrifyingly familiar voice was heard.
"Oh, thank Merlin. You're awake." It wasn't the matron's voice as usual, but a very beloved one. Peter's. Remus opened his eyes completely and blinked a few times until he could see normally again. Over him his three best friends stood, looking at him and looking worried. What did they do here? They were supposed to think he was home because his Uncle George had died.
He tried to speak but his throat was too sore after howling the entire night. He needed water.
"Miss! He's awake!" James called out, resulting in feet hurrying toward them and soon the school matron stood there, holding a cup to his mouth. She knew by now that the first thing Remus needed always was water. He drank greedily but kept his eyes at his friends the entire time, wondering how they had known he was there, and what they thought. They probably didn't know the truth, or they wouldn't look so worried for him, so what was their story?
While Miss O'Connor took care of him, giving him different potions and adjusted his bandages James, Sirius and Peter didn't look away even once. They nervously watched him like he would fall apart anytime. It wasn't a gaze Remus was unused to, even though he disliked it, but it was really strange coming from his friends who were practically the only ones to never look at him like he was made of porcelain. He liked that they didn't, so it felt a bit uncomfortable now when they did.
After a few minutes the matron left, giving strict orders to his fellow Marauders to get her immediately if he showed any signs of impairment.
They turned to him as soon as she had left, the worried look never leaving their faces.
"Remus, we know." Sirius stated, and Remus' eyes widened slightly before he caught himself and laughed nervously to stop the sinking feeling. They couldn't mean what he thought they meant. It was impossible, he had been so careful.
"Know what?" He replied, trying to smile, trying to look carefree, but the pain turned the smile into a grimace. James frowned.
"That you're a werewolf." Was all he said and Remus' breathing turned shallow. No. No no no no no no. They couldn't know. They couldn't. Automatically he tried to back away, but as he was lying down and his body very injured he couldn't do much other than groan in pain as he pressed himself down into the mattress.
Why wasn't Miss O'Connor there? Where was she? He was all alone, with three people who hated him now. They must hate him. You're all alone, not only here, but in the world, again. You deserve it. A voice said in his head. He tried to push it away, but couldn't. He knew he deserved it. Not only was he a monster, but he had lied to them for more than a year. He had never been their friend for real, friends didn't lie to each other. Whatever they did to him he deserved it. But that thought didn't make him less sad, less frightened and less panicky to get away.
He began to tremble. It hurt, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't help it when a single sob escaped him before he could stop himself. He looked away, didn't want to see the hate and disgust he was sure would show up on their faces. Of course they had played the concern they had showed, both James and Sirius were amazing actors. Peter wasn't a small voice said in his head, but it was easily outnumbered by the voices telling him they hated him and would hurt him.
"I-I-I'm sorry!" he sobbed. "I knew you were going to hate me! I just… I just wanted to feel how having friends felt, once in my life. I promise, I'll get out. I'll leave the dormitory, the Tower, Hogwarts even. Just please don't tell anyone and let me go in peace. Please! Just let me heal and take my things, and I'll leave. You'll never have to see or hear from me again, not ever. Please!"
The other Marauders stood frozen, staring at him in shock. Not that he saw it, he still didn't look at them. They exchanged terrified glances, having no idea what was going on in Remus' head. What the hell made him react like this?
"Re…" Peter began to say, not sure what he was going to follow up with, but he was interrupted.
"I'm so sorry. I know I'm a mon-monster who doesn't deser-deserve to be here, but please don't tell anyone. I'll do whatever you want, but please don't have me thrown out. Hogwarts is my home!"
"Remus?" Peter tried again, but Remus was still crying loudly and didn't seem to hear him.
"Remus!" Sirius yelled, finally waking Remus up from his crying. Luckily there weren't any other patients in the wing that could hear them. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks, but he stopped sobbing as he finally looked at them.
"Shhh." The Black heir said, putting his arms around Remus as best as he could while the other boy was lying down and injured. Remus froze and paled, looking even more frightened, but Sirius didn't let go. "Please stop. Calm down. We won't tell anyone, we promise. On our honour as Marauders."
""Wh-what?" Remus gasped out, trying to comprehend what was going on. Why did Sirius touch him? How could he do so? Most people who knew treated him like he had the plague, why didn't they do so too?
"You heard him." James said, voice soft and concerned. How? What? Remus was really confused now. James and Peter both placed their arms around him, gently and not at all threatening. "We won't tell anyone. And what was that nonsense about moving out? You're not going anywhere. I'm afraid you're stuck with us."
"Yeah." Peter agreed, smiling. "Don't be stupid, Remy."
Remus stared at his friends with large, disbelieving eyes. They were still filled with tears, but they had stopped falling. He swallowed before speaking.
"What? But… But I'm a monster. Why would you still want to have me here?" He was really confused. This was not how it was supposed to go when someone found out about his secret. All of his three friends – because perhaps, just perhaps they were still his friends. He didn't want to let hope blossom up, but he couldn't help it. They hadn't even yelled at him yet, it must be a good sign.
The three of them growled ferociously and he flinched, so they immediately stopped even if they still looked angry. All of them looked like they were going to say something, but Peter was the quickest.
"Remus, you're not a monster. You're the most good, loyal and kind human I've ever met. Would a monster stand up for me when someone teases me – including James and Sirius? Would a monster offer his own free time to help me study? Would a monster take the detention for James and Sirius so they won't miss a match? I think not."
Neither Remus, James nor Sirius had ever heard Peter sound this logical before, and all of them were impressed. Sure, they knew Peter wasn't as dumb as many thought, but still.
"B-but…" Remus began to protest but was cut off by Sirius.
"Stop that right now." He sounded strict. In fact, he both sounded and looked remarkably like McGonagall. "Not a word more. You are not a monster, you are our friend. And being a lycanthrope won't change that. Like Jamie said, you're stuck with us. Got it?"
For a moment Remus just stared, before he fully understood what those words meant, and it felt like his heart would explode from happiness.
"You really don't care? You don't care that I am a werewolf?" He asked, sounding breathless.
"Finally got that, did ya'?" James smirked and Remus laughed out loud. It hurt his ribs, but it was worth it.
"Merci." He said, looking at them from face to face. "Merci beaucoup."
His fellow Marauders hugged him closer.
"Anytime, Moony." Sirius said. He raised an eyebrow when they let go off him.
"Moony?" He asked, and Sirius smirked.
"Yep. That's your new nickname. Moony."
Remus sighed heavily, he had never been a fan of nicknames, but everyone could hear he didn't really mind. And he was still too grateful to put up a fight over something so little. And it did sound good.
"You really don't mind? For real?" He asked one last time, just to make sure.
"No."
"Of course not."
"You're a Marauder, and we stick together."
Came from the other three.
Remus smiled brighter than he had ever done before. Soon they were talking and laughing like they always did, even though everyone was careful so Remus wouldn't get more hurt. He had finally got rid of the eternal fear that they would find out and have him expelled. They didn't care. They really didn't care. He repeated it over and over again. They were the kinds of friends that would last a lifetime, he knew that much now. They loved him even though he was a lycanthrope. They didn't care.
Finally.
Twenty minutes later Miss O'Connor came and threw them out so he could rest, and that was the last thought that came into his mind before he fell into a deep sleep.
Five years later
"Of course I don't care about you being a werewolf, Moony, you idiot. You're the same as you've always been, and I love you. And I'm proud of you all who became Animagi for him, even though it was pretty stupid of you all." Lily said, smiling. Remus looked slightly disbelieving but happy, and the other three Marauders, especially James, beamed at her.
Four years later
"They promised they would never abandon me because of my lycanthropy." Remus thought, not knowing whether to sob violently, laugh bitterly or curl up in a ball under a blanket with the purpose of never coming out, so he did all three at the same time. "And they kept that promise, at least. James and Lily and Peter never abandoned me. And Sirius didn't do it because I'm a werewolf. He had reasons all of his own to do so."
Almost thirteen years later
"I just saw Hagrid," said Harry. "And he said you'd resigned. It's not true, is it?"
"I'm afraid it is." said Remus. He started opening his desk drawers and taking out the contents.
"Why?" said Harry. "The Ministry of Magic doesn't think you were helping Sirius, do they?"
Remus crossed to the door and closed it behind Harry.
"No. Professor Dumbledore managed to convince Fudge that I was trying to save your lives." He sighed. "That was the final straw for Severus. I think the loss of the Order of Merlin hit him hard. So he - er - accidentally let slip that I am a werewolf this morning at breakfast."
"You're not leaving just because of that!" said Harry.
Remus smiled wryly.
"This time tomorrow, the owls will start arriving from parents - they will not want a werewolf teaching their children, Harry. And after last night, I see their point. I could have bitten any of you... that must never happen again."
"You're the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've ever had!" said Harry. "Don't go!"
Remus shook his head and didn't speak. He carried on emptying his drawers. Then, while Harry was trying to think of a good argument to make him stay, Remus said, "From what the Headmaster told me this morning, you saved a lot of lives last night, Harry. If I'm proud of anything, it's how much you've learned. Tell me about your Patronus."
Four years later
"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Remus' robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times..."
So, what do you think? I think I am a horrible human being.
I also know that Remus with all likeliness is not French, but English, but I love French!Remus so I made him originally from France either way.
If you wonder why there was so much about the Marauder finding out when I've already written that once but almost nothing about Lily, it is because I've tried to write that for an eternity and I think I've finally gotten an idea, so when - if - I've finished that it'll be its own fic.
Of course there's more times he wasn't abandoned, seeing how the entire Order knew, but obviously I couldn't write all of those. So... that's it. I've got nothing more to say. Except tell me break a leg for the premiere of the play I'm in tomorrow. Don't forget to not wish me good luck.
Oh, right. Give me prank ideas! I got an idea for something that would be really fun to write, but for it possible I need a lot of prank ideas, and I'm not good at coming up with them. So put them in a review, send me a PM, do what you can and give me ideas and then I'll try to write my idea.