AN: Just a collection of letters Sam writes Mercedes but doesn't send. This is my Sam, older and wiser from seeing life for what it is. Set along the current timeline. If you don't like angst, you won't be a fan of these letters.
Dear Mercedes,
How are you?
You'd never know it but I've wasted 12 pieces of paper on that first sentence. How are you? It's not very original, I know. I'm sure I can see your reaction – eyebrow raised, wondering why I'm talking to you like you're a stranger. I'll bet you'd be smiling now and telling me to get on with it. Well, as you wish.
You'll be glad to know the fam is well. Dad got a job he's about to start and Mom is working nights. I've also got a job at a small hardware store. Things are better here than they were in Ohio, and we're finally starting to get our lives back together.
I run a lot now. More than before. I thought it would be a good way to clear my head, but I suppose using the playlist you created for me doesn't help. I know it sounds unhealthy, I know I shouldn't be dwelling on the past, but there is nothing else that makes me as happy as when I think of you. You can't blame me for that. It's just...sometimes it gets overwhelming, being so stuck in my own head with you on repeat. And so I run faster. I run and I push myself until my lungs fill with fire and every inhale feels like it's going to suffocate me. But the pain, the physical pain, even with the head spin and nausea, is better than the pain of trying to forget. At least it's over in a few minutes. This pain? I feel like it's never going to go away.
I'm sorry. This won't be helping you at all. You've probably moved on to much better things and it's all I want for you. From you.
I think I'll put this with the other letters. One day I'll write one I can send to you and you'll think I'm fine, that I've moved on to a better life. You could always tell when I was lying though so for now, yes, I think I'll put this with the other letters.
All my love,
Sam
P.S - One of my regular customers wears your perfume. It's...distracting.