Suddenly in Love.
He wasn't my favorite person in the world at first, I guess you could say we didn't really get along too well. He didn't like me either really, maybe it was all the cracks I made about his small stature, maybe it was because I was always somwhat cold towards him. It's not that I didn't like him deep down, in the bottom of my heart I cared for him deeply. More than I knew.
I suppose it all started two weeks ago, maybe it was a Tuesday, I can't really recall, and to me time has no meaning anymore. Not now, not after everything that happened. Not after I got everything I ever wanted. I suppose it started somthing like this:
"ARE YOU SAYING I'M SHORT!?" Ed screamed in my direction. I continued to stroll down the hall, waving my hand to dismiss the comment. It was approximately 12:00pm, and I had a meeting, I couldn't be bothered with petty differences right then, I would get him with another snide comment later. Nothing really seemed to matter then, nothing he said or did fazed me, at least not on the outside. I never could show how i cared, never could show that inside, all I really wanted was to be near him.
In my meeting I couldn't stop thinking about the last time I heard his voice, what I could have said or done to make him even more aggrivated. It was always so funny to see the little guy get all worked up. I chuckled to myself, and opened my eyes. Everyone was looking in my direction bewildered. "Ahem, sorry everyone, continue with whatever it was you where saying." I choked out, It didn't click in then, I didn't realise that I was always thinking about him. He was always on my mind, making me laugh or smile. But I couldn't see it, my thoughts where always clouded when it came to him.
I sat at home that night, just thinking, reminising, remembering. "Just who do you think you are Mustang, HUH!?"
"Heh heh, that kid really is somthing." He had tried to attack me, ran straight for me. Of course, I dodged, and him? He went flying over the desk. "What are YOU laughing about?" I wipped my head around only too see a soaked Ed standing in my doorway.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him, aggrivivated, and I'm sure alittle hostile, but happy to see him, even if I didn't know it.
"Got got lost, this part of town SUCKS! Not only that, it's RAINING!" He yelled, as he went to sit infront of my fireplace. "I see, well, you might as well get those wet clothes off Fullmetal. I'll get you somthing to throw on"
He looked pretty good in that shirt. I remember it so clearly. White shirt, much to big, black pants, much too long. It was rather cute, though at the time all I could say was, "Don't worry Fullmetal, you'll grow into them somday." I don't regret anything I've ever said to that kid...but, maybe if I had been just alittle nicer, it wouldn't have taken so long.
When I think back on everything that went on, there are many things I wish I'd said. Things I wish I'd done. People tell me not to dwell on the past, but when it comes to him, I feel like I've made to so many mistakes:
"And who did you say you where" I asked the girl standing there in my office. "Winry" She smiled and shook my hand.
"Nice too...meet you." I said distant, and un-friendly. I couldn't understand why I was so irritated at the time, I understand it now. Maybe it was how she looked at him, those eyes, always lingering on his face. Maybe it was how he looked at her, so happy whenever she was around. I hated it, I despised her, and I had no idea why.
"Would you like to join us Colonel?" She smiled and waved me over.
"No thank you, I'm very busy this week, I'll sit this one out." I said as I turned my back and rolled my eyes. "GOOD, I wouldn't want you there anyways." I could hear his voice from down the hall. I chuckled, and walked into my office. As I sat down in my desk I began to think about him again.Him, and her, and thier "innocent" little dinner. Why was I so angry? I put my head in my hands bewildered. I could hear her voice chime in from the front courtyard as they where leaving. I bolted upright to my window, only to see them walking together towards a Taxi. Her arm intertwined with his. Both smiling and laughing. I scowled and sat in my desk laying my head in my arms.
I suppose by that point things should have clicked, I was angry all the time, always so resentful of them both. I obtained an even more stoic nature around everybody, even behind closed doors all I could do was sit and drink and remember him, and the days antics. "WHY I OUGHTA'! Get back here, I'm about to kick your ass!" He was funny. Charming in his better moments, "Well, don't worry, no matter what happens I'll always protect my friends" My mind always reeled when I thought about him at way. I suppose I was refusing to acknowledge my feelings. Soon, for me, it would come crashing through my subconcious in a bad way.
It was a Saturday, I think, I was walking down the street, rather drunk I'm sure, at somwhere around 2:00am. The dark alleys, the street lamps blurring my vision. You know what it's like when your drunk, your always alittle slurred, and you say things that mean more than they are supposed too. Well, there was no exception that night, not when he showed up. Maybe I showed up, it's hard to recall if I went to seek him out in a drunken quest to spill my feelings. Either way there he was, standing on that street corner, waiting for the light to change. As I approched, I must've had a dissaproving look on my face, because all I could see was him begin to glare. Winry might have been there, I don't remember, and I don't recall looking to see if she was around. All I could do was spill my heart, because when your as drunk and in denial as I was, everything you say has way too much truth behind it:
"Ed, what are you doing out this late?" I managed to slurr out.
"What's it to you Mustang?" I'm sure he said with an attitude.
"I'm just worried for your saftely Fullmetal..." I said, eyes half closed.
I must've moved closer somwhere between my incoherent sentences because the next thing I know I was leaned on his shoulder.
"Look Mustang, I need to get home, are you going to call a cab, or am I just gunna have to drop and leave you here?"
"Shut up Fullmetal," I said my eyes now completely closed, "I didn't come over here to ruin your night."
"Then what DID you come here for exactly?" he said pushing me onto my feet in disgust at my attempt to quite him.
At that point I suppose I must have blacked out, because the only thing I can remember is his blushing face, my out streatched hand, and rampant footsteps getting farther and farther away. And then me, on my knees. Head down, hand out, in the rain. I must have stayed there for hours. Slumped over, tears mixing with the raindrops running down my face.After that I didn't see him for a while, two or three days, though it seemed like an eternity to go even a minute wondering where he could be. Worries began to swirl, my imagination running away with me, and my head and my stomach doing flip-flops. That is, until he brurst through the door on the night that would change me forever:
I was alone in my office when I heard the door swing open, "Did you think you could just say all those things and get away with it Mustang?" He demanded. My eyes where closed but I could hear his footsteps nearing my desk.
"No, I didn't, but I also thought you where never coming back." I said quietly, I still hadn't found the courage to open my eyes, I guess I was hoping he would just dissapear and I could go back to imagineing be would never return.
"I wasn't going to." He paused, I looked up at him, trying to decide if he was angry. "I wasn't going to...I didn't want you to see me cry." he muttered as his eyes welled up. I jumped to my feet, rounded the desk and embraced him roughly in my arms. My body practically engulfed his small frame as I wrapped my arms around him.
"Edward? Please Edward, don't cry. I can't bare to witness it." I said, my own eyes burning as the tears began. "Why, Edward, why would you cry?" I said closing my eyes and letting the tears run freely down my cheek. "BECAUSE YOU'RE A LIAR MUSTANG!" He said as he struggled to push me away.
I tightened my hold on him as he tried to pull away. "You're...you're a liar..." He trailed off then, relaxing himself into me. "You don't really love me. Do you?" He said, his voice muffled into my collar bone. Though I'm sure it was suppose to come out as an accusation, I could tell from his voice that all he wanted was for me to say it. To say I loved him, just like I must've that night on the street corner. Tell him, sober and unwavering, that I loved him deeply. Loved him like noone should ever be able to love sombody else.
"I do Edward, I love you more you'll ever know." I brought my voice to a low wisper then, and hugged him so close it hurt, "I love you...Fullmetal"
I leaned back, and loosened my hold on the him then. I looked into his tear stained face, stared into his glassy eyes. I could see it then, all the love he had for me was spilling out in his tears, all I wanted in the world, in that moment, was to catch it. As one more tear fell to his cheek, I took it onto my finger and brought it too my lips. I kissed it. I kissed his love, and then, without a word leaned in and kissed him. I kissed him for all the times I had made a crack about his height, I kissed him for all the times he charmed he with his valor and wisdom beyond his years, I kissed him because I loved him more than I could tell him, and I kissed him because I knew he loved me back.