I wake up and look over to my bedside table where my phone was buzzing, I grab it and answer the call.

"Hello?" I ask groggily sitting up, "Clary sweetie?" My mom's weak voice says over the speaker, "Could you come help me? I went to the bathroom and I can't get up" I sigh in my mind and tell her that I was coming.

When I reach the bathroom I see my mom sitting there her head in her hands, she looks up when she hears me and begins to apologize for waking me up, I scold her for apologizing and tell her that I want to help her, and that if I didn't want to I would've just ignored her call.

After that is done I hug her under her arms and lift her arms, it was a little tiring considering the amount of water in her swelling her up, but I managed, I stand behind her as she washed her hands and got into bed, I kissed her forehead and said, "I love you" before going back to bet.

The next time I woke up I hear sirens and ran out of my bed, I reached the front of my house and saw my older brother, Jonathan, helping the paramedics carry my mom into the ambulance.

Just as I was about to run over there I felt someone grab hold of my waist and look up to see my father, Valentine, looking at me with sorrow in his eyes, "Go get dressed sweetie, Jon will go with your mom, you and I will drive there" I nod and rush up the stairs, putting the first pair of jeans and shirt in sight before grabbing my phone, shoes, and headphones before ran down the stairs into dads car, all I could think of during the drive to her hospital was my mom, and hoping that she was alright.

I sit in between John and my dad, waiting for the doctor to come in.

My mom had luckily known this doctor for a while, he was the head of this hospital. His name is . But he prefers us to call him Hodge.

I look up when I hear the door open and Hodge comes in, after greeting us he takes a seat and begins telling us what happened.

"Joceleyn is weak, due to the overdose of her medications and the cancer itself she had a seizure, and after running some tests and taking a few scans we had a good look of what's happening, her body is simply giving up. Her liver and kidney (That's where the cancer is located, along in her lungs and butt) are failing too fast and there's no way to save it, for a few days she'll seem like she's getting stronger and talk to you, but after a while you will notice that she only sleeps and doesn't respond, and at some point her body will give out, I'm sorry for the news. I know that you will want her home so I've arranged to bring equipment to your house to make sure she's comfortable, and we will have round the clock nurses." He said, wiping a few tears in his eyes.

I just sit there, for a moment I don't understand but then it hits me, she's going to die. My breathing begins to feel shallow and my heart feels like someone was squeezing it, and… I just couldn't describe it. Most people say that at these times you feel hollow and feel no pain, I felt the hollowness all right, but the pain over powered it, how am I supposed to live without my mom?

Its 2 in the morning, and I am sitting by my mothers side, holding her hand and smoothing down the little hair she had left.

Everything happened just as Hodge said it would, it was the sixth day now, my father and my brother were across from me, and the two nurses were outside. I look to my mom, staying brave and keeping the tears down, her heart rate was extremely low, and I couldn't feel her pulse. She was taking ragged breaths, her eyes wide and unseeing.

I whisper to her that I love her, the she was my life, my reason for living, my everything. I see her mouth move, trying to form words, then it all ends. The monitor beeps constantly, alerting us that there was no pulse, no oxygen, and no heart rate.

I let the sob that I have been keeping in for the whole week escape my body as lay my head on my mothers now motionless body, unable to stop the pain I feel in my heart.

After a while I stand and walk over to the living room and call simon, my best friend, as soon as he hears the news he hangs up planning on coming over. Then I call my moms best friend, Luke Garroway.

After a while simon comes and I collapse in his arms, knowing that he was there for me.

When Luke came, he cried over my mom for a bit before pulling himself together and begin making calls to put the news of her death on the newspaper and for the cemetery to prepare my moms grave in the Fairchild's private cemetry, after a while lukes sister Amatis (Who specializes in this type of thing) comes over and prepares my mom for her grave.

She first binds her hand then closes her mouth shut with a rough piece of cloth, with my help she finds the two tubes in her body and begins to take them out. She first took out the one on the side on her stomach, we used it to drain the unwanted liquid from it, then she took out another tube from her back, we used that to drain the urine that couldn't go down normally.

When she finishes with the tubes I leave the room, not able to bear the sight of my mother anymore. I walk into the living room and sit by john, taking his hand and leaning my head against his shoulder. He tightens his grip on my hand and squeezes his eyes shut, a lone tear escapes them so I wipe it away, giving him a small but sad smile when he looks at me.

After a while my dad comes in and asks me if I'd like to help wash my mother in the morning before we bury her, I instantly agreed, wanting to be the one to give her her last shower. At around four in the morning I decide to go to bed, being exhausted and not wanting to be in reality anymore. Simon leads me into my room and gives me a hug before he goes into the room we had made for him for when he sleeps over.

I change into my PJ's and pull my soft blankets over, shutting out the world by closing my eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep.

I wake up at around nine AM and go to my bathroom to shower, when I was done I go into my room and pick out my mourning clothes, I know its weird that we would bury my mom the next day, but its a tradition on both sides of the family.

In the end I choose a white loose top with white lace and a pair of black pants along with my moms favorite black flats. I walk into her room and see her cousin, Amber wayland kissing her forehead, I walk over to them and look at my mom. They closed her eyes last night but they began to open, and all I could see in them was dark brown.

I lean over and kiss her cold forehead, wondering what I'm going to do without her. My life revolved around her and I can't imagine it without her.

When I begin crying I go out of the room and hug John, both of us crying into each other's shoulders. My dad comes and hugs both of us, whispering soothing words to calm us down

Once we were done I go into the ambulance with my brother, my dad, simon and luke in the car behind us, following us to the cemetery.

Once we get there we walk over to the grave they prepared for her and put her in the coffin. She wasn't wearing anything but the white blanket that was covering her. I go into the grave and help them lower her down, once I'm out we each take our time throwing a pile of earth on her, a kind of way saying goodbye.

Its been a month since mom died, I didn't cry a lot after the funeral because I knew this was better for her, she taught me that everything is a gift from god, and that the greatest gift would be to go to heaven. But things still got worse.

After a week I noticed that my right arm felt itchy so I had brought a toothpick and dragged it along my arm, at first there was pain, but then I felt a sensation of relief. I look down at my arm and see two long lines, red but not bleeding. I know that its weak but I was honestly too afraid to use a razor, of what it would do to me.

Then about two weeks ago I finally used the razor. It hurt like hell, but after seeing the blood run down my arm I was entranced, I did one more to make it even then quickly cleaned my arm, fear over taking me. What was I supposed to tell John? simon? My dad? I look at the damage I made and see that it looks like the marks I made with the toothpick and that it would probably heal quickly. I had felt so relieved.

I hadn't used the razor or the toothpick since that day, knowing that my mom would be ashamed of me. It was hard not to use them sometimes, but I had fought the urge and ignored it. One thing I learned about giving up a bad habit is that you have to be strict with yourself. You cant let your self even do a small amount of it, no matter the urge or how long it has been, you have to fight it. But never mind that, the real problems are happening now, I am going back to school.

I shut off my alarm clock with annoyance, seeing that it is 7 Am, and walk over to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. After that was done I walk over to my closet and pick out my outfit for today. I choose a white lace off shoulder crop top with a matching high waist skirt and white knee high gladiator sandals (If your wondering why she's wearing white, it is a family thing to wear white for mourning and it's actually in my religion). I decide to leave my Flaming red hair down, knowing I won't be able to tame it.

When I'm done I look in the mirror to make sure I looked alright. Like I said, I had fiery red curls that went down to my waist, green eyes, freckles across my nose and cheeks, and I was 5 ft2 (Thats actually my height). Everyone says that I look like my mother, which I do, so it kills me every time I look in the mirror.

I quickly look away and grab my backpack along with my sketch book, song book, two regular books, my phone and my headphones.

I walk down the stairs and grab a quick bite before going to the Garage with John.

He got into his black Hyundai while I got into moms, well my, black pejuet (Sorry if I spelt it wrong) with white leather seats.

After ten minutes of driving I reach the school and park where I usually park near the entrance, John doing the same next to me.

We walk up to the front office an pick up our schedules, but before I could leave the principal called me over, I asked what was wrong and he told me that there three new students coming and that he would like me to show them around. I agreed and took their schedules before going outside and waiting.

After a few minutes two cars come in, one BMW and a Jeep. A girl with long raven hair and brown eyes came out of the BMW, she was gorgeous and had a supermodel's body, she was probably 5ft10!. I look over at the Jeep and see two guys come out, one looked just like the girl, except he head blue eyes and was probably 6ft2, and all I could see on the other one was gold, literary. He was probably the same height as the other boy, maybe even taller. He had golden blonde hair that curled around his neck, golden eyes and a golden tan, he was obviously strong, but not too muscular.

Once they reach the entrance I walk up to them and introduce myself, "Hi, I'm Clary Morgenstern, you guys must be the new kids, I will be the one showing you around today. Can I have your names so I could give you your schedules?" I ask holding them up.

The raven-haired girl introduced Isabelle, or Izzy, she said that we are going to be best friends and stood next to me the whole time, she is a sophomore like me. The guy with blue eyes is called Alec and he's a Junior, just like john, and the golden boy is Jace, he's a junior too.

After giving them their schedules and showing them around. I hand Jace and Alec over to John because he had the same classes as them, and I walk Izzy to our first class, and saw that we almost had the exact same schedule.

1st period, Homeroom

2nd Period, History

3rd Period, Math

LUNCH

5th+6th Period, Art (Clary) Fashion (Izzy)

7th Period, Music

8th Period, Gym

We head off to Homeroom, laughing the whole time.

I was at art right know, sitting at a table with my other best friend Magnus bane. Magnus is a very flamboyant and eccentric person, he loves dressing in multiple bright colors, dying the tips of his hair and wearing an excess amount of glitter. Because its the first day, they let us draw whatever we want.

I grab a canvas and some paints and begin. In I finish my painting half way through our second hour and I'm proud of my painting.

In it theres a girl, she had flaming red hair, she was on her knees, her hand holding a piece of black fabric on the ground. You couldn't see her eyes, they were squeezed shut, tears falling from them. In front of her was a blood red rose, but it was withered and falling to pieces. surrounding the rose was a dark shadow, laughing.

The teacher comes over and praises my work, asking if the school could showcase it. I agree and take out my phone to listen to music. When I look at Magus I see that he is smiling at me with a sad look in his eyes. I grab his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze, he nods his head and returns to the painting of his cat, chairman meow.

When the bell rings the two of us walk to music, this year they were joining us with the junior class so it should be interesting.

I sit by John when we arrive and Izzy sits next to me, then simon come and makes sure I'm fine before sitting down and introducing himself.

I look behind me and see jace there, with Seelie Queen sitting on his lap, her hand on his shirt.

I roll my eyes and look next to simon and see alec talking to my Magnus. He was a Junior too.

The teacher enters and begins calling students up one by one to perform. When it was my turn I walked over to the Piano and sang a song I wrote after my mom died:

(Human by: Christina Perri)

I can hold my breath,

I can bite my tongue,

I can stay awake for days if that's what you want,

Be your number one.

I can fake a smile,

I can force a laugh,

I can dance and play the part if that what you ask,

Give you all I am,

I can do it [3x],

But I'm only HUMAN,

And I bleed when I fall down,

I'm only human, and I crash and I brake down,

Your words un my head, knifes in my heart, you build me up and I fall apart, Cause I'm only human, yeah.

I can turn it on,

Be a good machine,

I can hold the weight of the world if that what you need, be your everything.

I can do it [2x], Ill get through it,

But I'm only human,

And I bleed when I fall down,

I'm only human, and I crash and I break down,

Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up then I fall apart, cause I'm only human.

I'm only human [2], just a little HUMAN!

I can take so much,

Until I've had enough.

Cause I'm only HUMAN… and I bleed when I fall down,

I'm only human, and I crash and I brake down,

Your words in my head, knives in my heart, you build me up and then I fall apart, cause I'm only human.

I wipe the tears in my eyes and go back to my seat as the cheers die down.

After everyone sang or performed the bell rand and I went to my last lesson of the day, P.E.

Izzy and I walk to the locker room together and get changed, She puts on a hot pink sports bra with black short while I just put on a black one with white shorts.

We walk out and I notice that we have this class with the juniors too, some of them wolf whistle at Isabelle but she ignores them and stands in line with me.

When the coach came he made us stretch then told us that we would be running the track to see who could be on the team. Nobody knew this but I was actually a pretty fast, but I never showed anyone but my mom.

People are paired against someone and run while being timed, when its my turn I see that I'm paired with Jace.

We wait until the coach blows his whistle to start running, I run as fast as I can and let all of my anger and frustration leave me. When I stop I notice that I had won, the coach informs me that I had broken the schools record, it was 10 minutes, but thanks to me it's now six minutes. After changing and promising Izzy that ill go over to her house later I pick up some flowers and go to my moms grave. When I get there I put the flowers over her grave, you could barely see it but what can I say? I love to spoil her.

I sit in front of the tomb and talk to her, I always do this once a week, it helps give me relief.

After a while I hear the rustling of leaves and I turn around and see Isabelle standing there, with Alec and their parents with them.

I stand up, wiping the tears away, Izzy comes over and asks what I'm doing here. She turns her head to the tomb and gasps when she see's the name. She doesn't say anything surprisingly, she just pulls me in for a hug. When we let go I ask her why she's here, and she says that there here visiting her grandparents.

After I was introduced to her parents I followed them to her house and spent the day with Izzy.

I was driving home when I see a little kid, probably around six sitting under a bench to protect himself from the rain. I pull over next to the bench and get out of the car using my large umbrella. I knelt down and placed a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched and looked up at me, fear in his eyes, "Hey, what are you doing here alone? Where's your family?" I ask helping him stand up and sat him on my lap on the bench. "My mom died two years ago, and I don't know who my father is" He said sniffling.

I instantly connect with him, his mom died too, "Well my mom died too" I said taking out a tissue and giving it to him so he could blow his nose, "Really?" He asked, relaxing in my arms, "Yeah", I say. Then an idea pops into my mind, "How would you like to come with me? you could sleepover tonight and we could call social.." "WAIT!" he said sitting up and looking me in the eye for the first time, "Please don't send me there" he said in a voice filled with fear.

I sigh and think for a moment and come up with a solution, "How about you stay with me for a bit?" I ask. His head snaps up and he smiles a big toothy grin before hugging me I hug him back and carry him to the backseat of my car. Once he's buckled up and comfortable I go to the driver sear and drive home.

Dad and Jon were confused when I came in with the little boy, but when I told them what happened they happily agree to let him stay and decide to put him in the elementary school next to my high school so that if he needed anything me and john would be close by. I take him up to my bathroom and leave him there to get some of John's old clothes, when I come back I see him sitting on the floor.

"Hey, why aren't you showering?" I asked kneeling in front of him, "I don't know how, Momma always gave me one" I think about this for a moment before deciding that I would give him one.

Once he was clean and dressed I led him to my room and tucked him in, changing gin to my pajamas and going in with him, then I remembered something, "I didn't ask yet but what's your name?" I ask, taking off his glasses and putting them on the bedside table, "Max" He yawns out, snuggling deeper into the comforter. I watch him for a minute, taking in his raven colored haired, and the freckles that dusted his cheeks like they did mine. I smile and close my eyes, letting sleep overtake me.

Hi guys. I am Goldenshadow401 (Used to be known as shadowhunter401), and this is my rewrite of "Whats life without you?". After being MIA for a while (Thanks to exams) I decided to reread what I had written and saw that I wasn't doing a good job and was rushing the plot a bit. this is almost the exact same as the original but i just changed minor things. to interact with you guys i decided to do stuff like truth or dare or just random questions. so my question is:

if you could bring a loved one back to life who died of sickness would you? the catch is that if they are to come back they will have the same sickness and it has a 50% chance of never being cured.

till next time, love you guy.