Note: I do not own Xena.

I. Gabrielle's Woe

"Even in death, Gabrielle, I will never leave you."

Xena held out her hand as Gabrielle met it midair to grasp it. Just as they touched, the image became blurred threatened by her consciousness. She reached out in the vain hope that she will be able to feel her one more time. But she felt only air. Cold damp air. As she came to, her gaze settled upon the black urn sitting unassumingly beside her. The urn that contained the ashes of her companion, partner, mentor, friend and beloved.

Beloved. Funny word, that. She pondered the last word that never made it to her lips in the 6 winters they have travelled together.

Upon gaining her thoughts and controlling her emotions, Gabrielle stood up groggily to a ship shaking back and forth violently. Her head felt light and heavy at the same time. She felt a pool of wetness on her pillow. She has been crying through her dreams.

"Some warrior," she thought to herself helplessly as she came on deck to check up on the others. She has been on this ship from Japa for a season now. Or so she tried to remember. It has been hard keeping track of her whereabouts and time as she struggled to come to terms with the permanence of Xena's death. Sure it is true that they have 'died' a countless times and explored the many stages of heaven and hell, but their love… the need to be together never failed to always bring them back to the land of the living. No matter how implausible. Against all odds, they would always find a way. Like yin and yang. One could simply not exist without the other. At the time the possibility and certainty of death almost seemed non-existent. But right now, she just feels powerless, alone, desolate, dreary and defeated at the thought of losing the one person who taught her everything and gave her every opportunity to live and most importantly, to love, for good, over a cause that was greater than the two of them.

"Hey! You there!" a husky voice called out to her, breaking her trance of depression; she swayed back and forth with the motion of the ship, trying to keep the bile from rising to her throat.

She managed a squeaky, "Yep". The captain seemed agitated as he struggled to maintain the course of the ship.

"Man the sails!" He ordered her as everybody on deck frantically tried to keep the ship stabilised through rough seas. Before she took a step, she felt a surge of warm liquid course through her oesophagus. She vomited on one poor deckhand who just happened to pass by her.

The captain rolled his eyes. "Some warrior, you are, aye?" he chided under his breath. "Move! Move! I'll not have you tainting this deck with anymore of your bodily fluids. By the gods, and here I thought Poseidon was enough worry," he pushed her over to one side as he shouted his orders to the others who were capable.

She smiled meekly as he cursed under his breath. Images of Xena's warm gaze during the times when she could no longer contain her seasickness and her tender touch as she would rub her back filled her thoughts. She felt another coming up as she grasped her chest for some form of comfort. She's never felt this helpless. Never this inefficient. Never this weak.

"I… I think I'm just gonna go back below deck," she muttered under her breath. The poor deckhand nodded sympathetically despite her vomit on him. He knew she was not in her best form seeing the colour drain from her the moment they stepped on rough currents. Not to mention the prospect of being vomited on twice in a row was something he was not looking forward to. "…and sorry for that, by the way," she added abjectly as she went down the steps.

The ship rocked once more as she tried to find her footing. She eventually touched the warmth of the fur on her makeshift bed. She reached out for the urn and hugged it closer to her as she traced its rough contours, closing her eyes and taking in every essence of the most important person in her life… or what's left of her.

How am I supposed to go on without you?