Title: Wordless Rage
Author: Kyatsuki Ora
Notes: Currently in a bad mood. Odd how quickly something can change. This is to vent steam and frustration. Italics are memories and dream.
Notes again: Updated version. I actually am thinking of making this into a two-chapter story instead of a oneshot. Comments and suggestions are extremely welcome.
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Wordless Rage
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Damn this to hell.
Looking at the words that were written in a flowing script, Tsuki was shocked at the newly discovered rage in her. Dull anger throbbed inside her heart, feeling like a tremendous weight on her chest. Quickly, she started her breathing exercise. Anger, resentment, confusion… If they are present tomorrow during her test, she'll fail for sure, and Ritsu-sensei won't be gentle about it either. "Oh no… It's Ritsu-sensei tomorrow…" a soft and worried sigh rushed out of her, disrupting her attempt. It's no use if Ritsu-sensei was the one to test her. He'll find out at the first word she speaks.
Combing her hand through the dark hair, Tsuki attempted to write something to explain her anger, but found it to be impossible. In a fit of frustration, Tsuki throw the notebook down. She can't even calm down enough to think! Cool fingertips touching flaring cheeks, she listened to the thudding of her heart echoing in the empty bedroom. Amid the various discarded books and papers, she buried her head in the crook of her arm before growling in irritation.
Falling back on the bed, Tsuki sighed and click the flashlight off. She stared at the ceiling for a long time. She had not felt this small and helpless in the presence of fate since watching her parents waste away, not even is able to make them proud for a single moment. Staring at the back of her hand, Tsuki remembered the feeling of a marker drawing a smiley face there.
"Maybe those words are enough…"
oooO.O.Oooo
"Hi, there."
Tsuki didn't even bother to look up. Whoever is the person the voice belongs to, she can't be talking to her. Calmly turning a page, Tsuki almost was able to drown out the annoying shouting of classmates when the voice spoke again.
"Not very sociable are you? But you don't have to be so rude; I was only trying to be friendly."
Finally looking into the round baby face, Tsuki was annoyed beyond expression. Dark hair framing the pale face, her eyes flashed dangerously, making Ryu take a step back. "You're very rude yourself. Can't you tell when a person doesn't want to be disturbed? Or is every single person here as air-headed as you?" A chilling smirk appeared on her face. Satisfied that the nameless person understood the warning, her eyes went back, searching for the place where she stopped.
"I remember reading that book too."
Almost growling, Tsuki looked up again, only to find a thoughtful face gazing at the cover. It's like she's looking to have a put-down rained upon her today,
"I didn't like it quite as much, a little too dark for my taste."
Automatically, Tsuki began defending her favorite book. They haggled back and forth, discussing the themes and semantics of the language. Arguing and laughing at their mistakes, the lunch time was over much quicker than usual. Tsuki, surprisingly, had end up with a sore throat. This was the longest time she had talked to someone within the six years of her short life.
"Oh!" The girl, Ryu was her name, slapped herself on the forehead. "Here, give me your hand." Taking a blue marker out, she drew a smiley face on the back of Tsuki's hand. "Since 2nd hour was the only class we have together, I give you this to keep you company. See you tomorrow!"
Waving tentatively, Tsuki nodded to the retreating figure, standing up as well. Staring at the ink on her hand, what could be passed as a smile almost appeared on her face. Mother would be happy to know that her daughter has finally made a friend.
oooO.O.Oooo
She woke up to a cold and grey morning, which is the mood she should be in if she was to come out of the examination room alive. But, as of the moment, she's anything but. The shock was over, the anger subdued and frozen, except the problem remains unsolved. Breath crystals fan in front of her, shifting and changing its shape without her will. Something else beyond her control. Staring at the sky, the hated feeling of hopelessness washed over her again, bleaching every bit of color away.
"But what else can I do…?"
oooO.O.Oooo
Tsuki hummed while doing her chores, surprising everyone in the vicinity, including herself. She felt…relaxed. Content, even. Savoring the words in her mind, the words tumbled out with a hint of joy in it. She, like half of the students in Seven Voices Academy, lives within the school. The other half is scattered across Goura. Ryu belonged in the 'normal' crowd. Although they only have one class together in elementary school, these two stuck by each other for most of the time. If you find one, you're guaranteed to find the other. Since Tsuki was accepted into Seven Voices, the two don't see each other often anymore, but their friendship was able to sustain each other through their studies. Tsuki was able to get out of school once in a while to rest and forget for a while that she's a fighter. And Ryu gets to vent some steam and have an excuse to get out of her house.
There's no reason for her to relax, though. The prefect of her floor is getting on her nerves and always tried to get her kicked out of the place. Her teachers decided to skip a level of training and placed her with some older kids who all are in accord to beat her into a pulp. And Ritsu-sensei… Tsuki's face turned significantly paler at the thought of the man. Scars and bruises automatically flared up, and pain was registered on her left leg.
"I must not fear pain. Pain will not be registered on the psyche. It is only information for strategy, and to be used as a weapon. Those who feel pain will know signs of danger. Those who do not feel pain will perish. I must not fear pain…"
Over and over she chanted the litany aloud, using the words to deaden the pain and liberate the mind. What Ritsu-sensei taught her is invaluable, she's know that much, but her well-being, both physical and mental, is constantly stretched to breaking point. Fatigue is something that's always with her now, and she can't ever get away. Slightly hobbling, Tsuki retired to her room. At least she could have a good soak in the hot spring today, and prepare for tomorrow against –
Riiiinnng. RRRIiiiing.
"Hello?" Leaning against the wall, Tsuki picked up her cell.
"Tsuki?" A girl's voice, slightly deeper than her own, floated towards her ear. It sounded almost dead from the heavy weights that could not be abandoned. Sadness, resentment, and a sense of emptiness reached at Tsuki, tugging at her in all the directions she does not wishes to go, but must travel.
Not caring who or what saw her, Tsuki jumped out of the window, and ran toward the springs. "Tell me everything."
oooO.O.Oooo
"Name?"
"Yukosome Tsukiko."
"Rank?"
"2nd level."
"Resident?"
"Boarding."
The machine made a beep. "What is Ritsu-sensei's favorite fruit?"
The sigh was audible even to those outside of the room. "Sensei really has a twisted sense of humor. It is pomegranate, though why do I know that, I have no clue."
"All answers: correct. Voice pattern: recognized. Please stay in the room until your opponent comes." A whir and the machine turned off,
Leaning against the now-chained window, Tsuki looked outside at the trees and the sky. There's no doubt that she will fail today, that's the one thing she's sure of. Emotion means weakness in her wall, which leads to exploitation and defeat. If only she could talk herself out of here…
"Talk…"
That's it! She has her words, and it will be enough to suit her purpose. Much needed serenity flooded her mind, removing everything until it covers every thought and action. She'll do her best, although winning against Ritsu-sensei is a bit far-fetched. And afterwards, she'll take care of the problem in her mind.
"It's turning out to be a lovely day."
oooO.O.Oooo
Sitting on a branch of an oak tree, Tsuki was able to get a good view of the city below the hill. If she really wanted, she probably can see the building that's Ryu's home. The drifting of dark grey clouds and the strong winds whipping at her face gave warnings of rain about to fall. Dangling the phone between the fingers, her eyes were unfocused, staring at nothing and everything at once. Every inch of her felt cold and lifeless: her skin, her surrounding, her heart…
A crackle of static came through the speakers. "Are you okay, Tsuki?"
For a moment, she can't even summon the will and composure to reply. She stared at the handset as if seeing it for the first time and not knowing what she should do.
"Tsuki? You're still there? Come on, talk, dammit!" Concern and worry permeated her voice.
Finally, something sounding like a chuckle came from Tsuki. "Odd question, since you're the one who's hurting at the moment. And I'm fine, seeing as you asked."
A sarcastic laugh came through. A little bit later, Ryu said quietly, "Thanks for listening."
"You're welcome."
Pause. "Don't hide yourself. You know how much I hate that."
Tsuki sighed. "You know me too well, Ryu-san. But I have to, sorry. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Wai-"
The phone snapped close.
oooO.O.Oooo
Tsuki woke from her dream. Suddenly sitting up, her head spun with the effort, making her gasp in pain. Slowly opening her eyes only to stare at the various specimens of butterflies on the wall, Tsuki tried to think of where she could be, only succeeding in making her headache worse.
"You're awake." Ritsu-sensei's voice came from above, managing to tighten the already-strained nerves. Tsuki tries to get up from the cushions, but her knees buckled at the last second, toppling her. Her eyes squeezed shut from reflex, waiting for the impact against the floor.
oooO.O.Oooo
"Tsuki!" Running at top speed, Ryu crashed into her friend, almost toppling both of them. She had not seen her friend for almost one semester, and the changes were startling. She had gotten thinner, with almost a haggard look on her countenance. Bandages were wrapped around the upper arm and her knee, making her look like a Yankee who got into a fight with the opposite gang. "Are you hurt? How did it happen?"
"Training. I got careless." Tsuki grinned. This is the first time the two were separated for so long. Even though they talked non-stop on their cells, it couldn't replace the close friendship they developed during elementary school. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt anymore. It's just there to keep dirt from getting in. Are we ready to go?"
"Yep. This is the first time I've been camping." Ryu laughed eagerly, shouldering her backpack.
"Me too." They stepped out of the Seven Voices Academy gates and began their trek toward the woods. As they moved deeper into the forest, Tsuki found Ritsu-sensei and Nagisa-sensei standing at the entrance. She gave them a small wave before going to catch up with Ryu.
oooOooo
Glancing at her arch-rival, Nagisa said nonchalantly. "You've certainly being rushing with her, haven't you, Ritsu?"
Not taking his eyes off the swiftly disappearing figures, he replied. "I'm pushing her as much as she can handle, Nagisa."
"She's certainly an interesting case for anyone to study. Most fighters lose any contact they had with the outside world within weeks of being accepted. She still retained contact with that girl for a whole semester."
"Hmm." That was all Ritsu cared to say, knowing that enraging Nagisa is the only way for her to come out and say what's on her mind.
Rising to the bait, Nagisa continued. "Don't pretend. You're the one who gave her the cell phone. You gave her special privilege to talk on it whenever she wishes. If I didn't know you better, I could have sworn that you're attached to that girl." Her voice turned scathing at the end.
"Come now, Nagisa. Don't tell me you're jealous of this fighter who's obviously stronger than your painless prototypes?" Smiling, Ritsu taunted her. Not waiting for her to reply nor wishing to hear it, he continued. "This is a test for her. Even without me, she can obviously become the strongest there is within the school."
"Then why –"
"That," He pointed at the direction the two friends had gone. "is her weakness. If she willingly cut herself free from it, then no one else will ever be able to challenge her and survive."
Nagisa stared into the forest, looking for tell-tale signs of human life. A few moments later, she sighed. "Then she will fail that final."
Raising his eyebrow, Ritsu turned to look at Nagisa, waiting for the explanation.
"You watch. That girl will break Tsuki's heart and mind, rendering her useless to her Sacrifice." With that ominous warning, Nagisa went back inside, leaving Ritsu to ponder her words. "And when that happens, don't even say I didn't warn you."
oooO.O.Oooo
She never felt the wood against her back.
If she could move, Tsuki would have jumped in surprise at the hand behind her that's guiding her gently back to the cushion. "Would you stop trying to hurt yourself further? Probably you won't be able to move, let alone think, for several minutes." A little later, a cup of tea was pressed into her hands. "Drink. It'll help." He commanded.
She was about to say thank you when Ritsu-sensei continued, "Now be careful with the cup. It's spilling. I don't want the school nurse on my hands again."
Sensei is still sensei. Tsuki sighed, her throat feeling very scratchy. "Yes, sensei." Watching him making a phone call, Tsuki still couldn't completely figure out her teacher. He's capable of kindness, which is as rare as find a particular grain of sand in the ocean, but it is soon followed by something completely contradicting. Either he always works for his own end, or it's just his personality. No matter, she'll puzzle it out soon enough.
The sound of the receiver being placed back woke Tsuki from her thoughts. Pouring some tea for himself, Ritsu-sensei said, "You'll take today and tomorrow to rest, then follow your regular schedule."
"Of course, sensei." She nodded, her strength returning. "Umm… Ritsu-sensei?"
"Yes?" He replied without looking at her.
Swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, she asked, "Did I … pass?"
A long time passed before he finally looked at her. "You're alive, aren't you?"
The words took a while to sink in, but the effect was no less profound. This time Tsuki succeeded in supporting herself up. Placing the cup on the table, she left.
"Thank you, sensei."
oooO.O.Oooo
The chill from last night's rain saturated the air, causing Ryu to shiver. Already wearing long-sleeves and a sweater, she can still feel the cold prying its way through the threads. Maybe they could go for a run in the park… or not. Right now, she just wanted to be in the house, reading a book.
"Shouldn't you wear another jacket? You look freezing." Tsuki appeared soundlessly by her side, causing Ryu to back away in surprise. With her attitude already approaching zero degrees at elementary school, the Seven Voices Academy managed to bring it down even more, making her almost impossible to approach without thinking something like 'danger'. Ryu frowned at the thought. Ever since Tsuki started at the other school, she always looked haunted. As if every step takes tremendous amount of will to move. Always there were bandages on her, but she seemed oblivious to pain. Tsuki's…changed, and Ryu isn't sure if she likes the changes.
"And what about you and the outlandish clothes? You'll be an icicle before I freeze." Only wearing a shirt and shorts, Tsuki didn't even seem to feel the wind's icy grip.
Leaning against the railing, the fighter waved her hand dismissively. "It's fine. You know I can stand the cold more than you do."
Just as she finished talking, a loud voice inside shouted. "RYU! GET BACK IN HERE!! NOW!!!"
"Damn." Ryu sighed, weary of the voice. "I guess-"
"No."
Ryu turned and stared at Tsuki, hearing the steel behind the words. Eyes narrowing like a cat, she said in a neutral voice which always signifies something precarious in her friend's mind. "Wait here. For her to come outside."
"Are you crazy? Mother's already-"
The door slammed open precisely at that moment and Ryu's mother screeched, "Didn't you listen-"
"Listen to me." Tsuki cut her off, making Ryu confused. Tsuki's always polite, no matter who she's talking to. So why…
Looking at Tsuki disdainfully, the woman continued, "Why should I listen to a brat-"
"You will."
Ryu backed away from the menacing tone. Even her mother is shock at the meaning implied behind the words. Winds gathered around her as Tsuki bring her power into play. "You will stop forcing Ryu to do your chores. You will be responsible for your own actions and deeds. You will allot time for her on activities. You will give her room to expand into her full potential. You will not use that tone or words against her ever again. And you will follow my orders."
Her voice dropped to a whisper at the end from the intensity of her words. Tsuki advanced toward Ryu's mother while speaking, causing her to walk back. Step by synchronized step, they moved until the older woman reached the wall. Ryu wanted to move, to speak, to do anything to break this terrifying atmosphere. For the first time, she was afraid of the person she called friend for most of her life.
"If you hurt her at any time from today onward, physically or mentally" Tsuki continued, voice ringing menacingly, "you will answer to me. I will happily provide a lesson that you will never forget." The impression of absolute terror remained on Ryu's mother for a moment before Tsuki unexpectedly bowed. "Thank you for your time." Using her normal, calm voice, she bid her farewell.
Abruptly turning, Tsuki walked past Ryu and down the street. Her little regained strength instantly disappeared. Maybe she should have waited until tomorrow to do that, but then she would have abandoned it. It's only when she's this tired could she indulge in her reckless schemes. Almost falling asleep while standing, she hurried.
"Tsuki, wait!"
Turning slightly, Tsuki saw Ryu racing toward her. She stopped within a few feet of her, looking at the lazy stance and the blank mask Tsuki wore. No, this person wore. This is not the kind and caring friend she had before, but a cold-blooded rebel who is willing to hurt anyone to achieve her end.
Watching the emotions play out on Ryu's face, Tsuki's icy composure cracked and took a step toward her, her arms reaching out. "I've scared you…" When Ryu flinched and stepped back, Tsuki was sadden by the unconscious expression. Her shell came back; a small, sad smile flitted across her face. "They were right, after all. Ritsu-sensei is rubbing off of me. I did sound rather sadistic back there, too much like him."
Looking back up again, Tsuki forced herself to say coldly. "Go back, Ryu. The Tsuki you know will never exist again, and this will be the last time you will ever see me. It is for the best for you to stay out of my world, after all."
Silence stretched between them like thin ice, unforgiving cold and sharp. Holding Tsuki's eyes in her own, Ryu saw the ghost of the kindness she remembered seeing in Tsuki resurface for one fleeting moment.
"You're the best friend I've ever had." Ryu said, not knowing what else could or should be said.
Tsuki nodded and headed toward the mountains once again.
"Sayonara."
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Huh. I didn't expect it to turn out this way, but that's okay. I wanted to include more characters from Loveless but couldn't really find a place. Oh well. Read and review, please.