Ah, but yes, tis I, the Ruler of Randomness. And with my superb fanfic none-the-less. J
Summary: I have decided to take one of my favorite characters from an anime show and write a story completely in his point of view; this time it will be Gaara but next time, who knows?
Disclaimer: fan fiction me no own
Bored. I am bored. B-O-R-E-D. And when I am bored, pain soon follows for those around me. There is absolutely nothing and I do mean NOTHING to do. Seriously, you'd think that with an entire village full of shinobi something interesting would be happening but nooooooo. Geez. Hey look there's Spork. Who is Spork you ask? Why, he is my ever faithful gerbil companion…who just ran his hamster ball down the stairs…No, Spork! Don't worry! I'll save you!
As I run out of my room, which is conveniently located between the living room (hey, we have a 43 inch plasma screen t.v. in there!) and the kitchen but is also not so conveniently located next to the stairs, I look down the hall and notice that Temari isn't in her room. Hmmm, I wonder where she could have gone. Let's see, she's not on a mission because I'm not on a mission and she isn't somewhere with her friends because she thinks that the other people her age are complete knuckle-heads…well that and the fact that everyone else is so terrified of me that they don't want anything to do with the rest of my family either but that is beside the point. Oh yeah, back to the stairs which Spork is currently rolling down…okay he stopped half way down, we're good. But now…where is Temari?
Thunk
Pow
"Stupid microwave!"
'Heh, found Temari; wonder what she was trying to cook this time.' As I go down the stairs I pick up Spork and look at the little swirl marks that are now his eyes. 'Ouch.'
Going into the kitchen I see Temari and Konkuro throwing things at each other.
"I TOLD you NOT to put METAL in the MICROWAVE!"
"Well the stupid POP-TARTS packaging doesn't LOOK like METAL!"
(a.n. seriously, don't put pop-tarts packaging in the microwave, it shrinks and explodes into flames)
When they see me everything stops, well except for the package of instant chicken broth that fell on Kankuro's head. Uh oh, Temari has that 'dear-brother-of-mine-I-want-you-to-do-something-for-me' look.
"Oh Gaara-chan!"
'I knew it.'
"Will you be a dear and go to the village and buy some pop tarts; we seem to be out."
"BECAUSE YOU BLEW THEM ALL UP IN THE MICROWAVE!!! GRRRRRR!!!"
"WHO ASKED YOU, YOU MORONIC FACE PAINTED CAT WANNA BE!"
Blank stares
"Gaaa-chaaan…Gaara? Get back here!"
No way am I staying in there with her. Nope. Not gonna happen.
"Gaara!"
No! She's coming! I must escape!
"GAARA!"
Dang. A corner…what happened to Spork? Oh no! I left him in the kitchen with Kankuro! I must rescue him! Due to the kitchen's lack of food and Kankuro's ravenous appetite, Spork might become a mid-day smorgasbord! Doing a complete about face, I am now running towards Temari…towards Temari…towards Temari…passed Temari…and now I am back in the kitchen…I am here…but neither Kankuro nor Spork are here…someone is going to pay…
Meanwhile…
…Kankuro has taken his knew little 'friend' to an all you can eat buffet in order to fatten…err…fill him up. (a.n. why doesn't Kankuro just eat at the restaurant? Because then I would be plot-less and then people would suffer)
Kankuro's drool leaks down his face onto the sides of the table onto the floor and is slowly washing away whatever unfortunate object is in its way. But, wait there's more! Kankuro's spit seems to be toxic as what-so-ever comes into contact with it, is instantaneously morphed into a headless, zombie Barbie doll (a.n. hey, they have a pregnant Barbie, so I'm allowed to have zombie Barbie if I want!).
Back to Gaara…
'RUNNING!! MUST KEEP RUNNING!!!'
"PPPPPPOOOOOPPPP-TTTTAAARRRRRTTTTSSSSS!!!!!!"
'SOMEONE SAVE ME! RUNNING!!!!!"
'Okay, we're in the middle of the desert. Where is the sand? There is supposed to be sand in the desert. I am able to control the sand. If sand were here, which it is not, I would be safe, so WHERE IS THE BLASTED SAND?!?!?'
"Gaaaaraaaaa, oh, Gaaaraaaa."
'Dear lord where did she learn to sing? I need sand! Lots and lots of sand! And a plasma gun. In fact, forget the sand.'
It's meanwhile again…
…Spork has found the deserts. Mental note: gerbil's go psychotic when exposed to sugar. Spork is currently swinging from the chandeliers tossing mini powdered doughnuts at anyone who goes near his not-so-secret hoard of sugary goodness.
Kankuro has been carried away by the headless zombie Barbies which the authoress created from his saliva.
Suddenly, noise is heard from outside of the restaurant…if we listen carefully, we might be able to hear what it is.
"PPPPOOOOOPPPTTTAAAARTTTSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! GIVE THEM TO ME!!"
"MOMMY! SOMEONE SAVE ME! IF I EVER SEE ANOTHER POP-TART I WILL DESTROY THE PLANET WITH WHICH IT RESIDES…unless it is earth, that is; that would be bad…where was I? …oh yes…IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD: MAKE HER STOP!"
Suddenly, Temari stops. She looks into the restaurant and ,somehow managing to ignore the zombie army that has her brother tied to a stick over a fire, sees a poptart on top of the stack of sweets.
'Uh-oh…Spork! Hey Spork! Quickly! Run away! He can't hear me. Mental grrr. What can I do? Oh what can I-' "Hurk!"
"Gaara! Do you see what that is?"
'Well, I'd have to be a complete idiot to say no. Ow. Rib. Cage. Breaking. Everything. Going. Dark.'
"It's a pop-tart! A POP-TART!!"
"YES, TEMARI! I SEE THE BLOOMING POP-TART! NOW, IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR HAIR VACUUM AGAIN, YOU WILL RELEASE ME!"
Temari starts and gasps. "Ga-Gaara! How did you know about my (glances both ways) hair vacuum? I mean it's not like all-anime-characters-have-hair-vacuums -that-they-use-in-order-to-keep-their-hair-in-unnatural-positions-over-extensive-periods-of-time-without-it-becoming-excessively-hard or anything. " Temari laughs nervously and looks for signs that someone heard her.
'It's times like these that I think to myself, …riiiiight.' I glance into the restaurant. 'Good, Spork is in position.' I give him the nod. Spork gives me the nod back. I nod again to show that I understand. He nods again. I do a final scan of our surroundings and nod. Spork does a final slow nod. Heck, Temari nods, Kankuro nods, the pop-tart nods, and if the zombie Barbie's had had heads I'm sure they would nod, too. I feel my nonexistent eyebrow twitch and give a final nod.
Spork slowly peeks around the corner of the restaurant. He eases around the corner and then makes a mad dash towards us. He's running! He's almost here! Just a little further! Almost! …ouch…open sewer. But it's okay! His hamster ball is too big to go through the hole. He's okay! And, he's got the pop-tart!
Temari runs to Spork with the speed of rapidly fired blow-darts. She picks him up with tears in her eyes and takes the pop-tart with a look of pure adoration. She then goes to Kankuro's bonfire and uses it to heat her pop-tart. She's happy; she has her pop-tart. I'm happy; Spork is not eaten, and I'm sure he's happy for the same reason. We even rescue Kankuro from his bonfire and go home so that he will be happy as well. Happy endings all around. Hurrah!
This is the Ruler of Randomness signing off. Another chapter depends entirely on my own personal laziness or lack there of. J