Homestuck fanfiction
Be Jake English ==
You are Jake English. You stand in your room, which you just got back to after picking up some supplies from downstairs. They were sendificated to you by your best bro. A tropical breeze comes in from the open window and you quickly close it! You have important work to do and you can't have the breeze distracting you, or risk something interrupting you.
Jake: Ride zip line out of window and to the forest ==
You just said you have important work to do! Instead you go over to your workstation where a scattering of indiscernible mechanical parts and tool lay. The stuffed rabbit, which has been patched many times, looks out of place. You retrieve all the relevant items from your sylladex and lay them on your worktable. Two colored transparent lenses, one green, one red, almost roll off the table but you manage to catch them.
The scalpel on the table is sharp and draws your gaze. You take it and gut all the stuffing out of the rabbit. It doesn't need it anymore, since you are going to give it a metallic endoskeleton. This happens to be in pieces on the desk, and only needs to be assembled. You capchalogue the soft stuffing to clear the space on your desk.
You begin assembling the mechanical parts in the bunny when your friend pesters you. It is almost always a friend who calls you, not the other way around since you are too busy with your jungle adventures to think about calling anyone. You retrieve your laptop and open PesterChum.
Jake: answer Jane ==
- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering golgothosTerror [GT] -
GG: Good evening Jake! Oh wait; it's only the afternoon for you. Sorry about that.
GG: For a moment there I forgot we live in different time zones. I suppose that means you've only just started today's adventure.
GT: Hello jane. Yes my day is far from over, but ive allocated today for working on johns birthday present. I have procrastinated enough on this, and grandma has been hounding me about its progress.
GG: Is this the rabbit that you're supposedly going to send back in time?
GT: Yes. It is that rabbit.
GG: The one you are working on with your deceased grandmother?
GT: You are spot on! Jolly good!
GG: If you say so… It all sounds impossible to me. It fiction, like something out of those silly sci-fi movies you love.
GT: Hogwash. Those movies are the bees knees!
GG: No, Jake, they are lame.
GT: You just dont know good cinema when you see it.
GG: And you don't know bad movies because you love all movies. Another impossibility. Have you ever seen a movie you didn't like?
GT: Not of yet! Speaking of which, have any good ones come out recently?
GG: I wouldn't know, I don't go out to the movies often. Sitting down with my dad and watching Park and Recreation is much more enjoyable in my opinion.
GG: How about you ask Roxy? So she can torrent you any movie you want from THE FUTURE!
GT: Dirk already does that! I should request more though.
GG: uuhhhhhhggg :B
GT: But that will have to wait.
GT: Testing out the rabbit is my current imperative!
GG: Well then I will stop taking up your time, Jake.
GG: However, first, the reason I contacted you.
GT: Oh right, i guess you didnt call me to talk about my tastes in movies.
GG: No, I didn't.
GG: I was the target of another assassination attempt.
GT: Oh my!
GG: They are getting more frequent; my dad is getting more paranoid than usual.
GG: I think he's going to put the house on lockdown if this keeps happening.
GT: If that happened to me I think i might lose my marbles! You know, if I had a father who cared about me enough to do things like that.
GG: I'm not mad at him, he's only protecting me, and I am not ungrateful, but I think he is overreacting a bit.
GG: It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't barring me from entering the kitchen and preventing me from doing any baking!
GT: Why is he doing that?
GG: Well…
GG: The bomb was planted in our oven.
GT: So even if you were allowed to enter the kitchen, you have no oven to bake with.
GG: I know, but I have this new recipe I want to try.
GG: Do you think you could make it and tell me if it's any good?
GT: Why me of all people?
GG: Well I don't trust Roxy near any possible sources of fire, and Strider can't cook, he only has a microwave.
GG: You do have an oven don't you?
GT: I have means of cooking food.
GT: Send the file to me and ill see what i can do!
GT: Assuming i have the ingredients.
GG: Thanks Jake!
-gutsyGumshoe [GA] sent golgothosTerror [GT] the file "RecipeX"-
- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothosTerror [GT] -
Jake: Watch James Cameron's cinematic masterpiece, AVATAR ==
That is a ridiculous suggestion! You just wasted a whole bunch of time talking to Jane. You're losing daylight and still have mechanical projects to work on. Anyways, you have seen that movie so many times you could close your eyes and just imagine it frame by frame. You put on the proper eyewear for working on small circuitry and finally get down to more serious business. This device is not merely a robotic rabbit; it will do so much more than that! Assuming you build it correctly.
Or built it, since you just finished the eyes. Those are probably the most important part of the gift, and the toughest to build. The two eyes have separate, yet similar functions. The construction of each was pretty much the same, only a few differences in parts. Now assembled, you can't tell the difference.
Jake: test out eyes ==
That is exactly what you were planning to do, why did you bother to say it? It would have been stilly to place then in the bunny without making sure they work properly. They need some uranium to function so you retrieve some from your worryingly dwindling supply and use it to power… one of the eyes. You didn't label them with the green and red filters so you can't be sure which one this is.
But before you find out maybe you should answer your best bro? He has been pestering you for the last few minutes.
- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothosTerror [GT] -
TT: Bro, you there?
TT: This would be a great time to answer me before you do something idiotic like power up the rabbit's eyes without labeling them first.
TT: I hope your inability to respond is due to you being out in the jungle.
GT: Hey bro.
GT: I hope i wont be getting your knickers in a bunch, but…
GT: I forgot to label the eyes. I cant tell which is which!
TT: You were supposed to label them before you started the construction.
TT: That way you could avoid having to muck around and waste time and power.
TT: and also avoid doing something stupid.
GT: Im sorry.
GT: I guess i got caught up in the excitement of building this thing!
TT: Well then you should test it out and get back to me with a full report.
TT: If there is any malfunction I would be happy to provide assistance and help correct the problem.
GT: Thanks man, you are really my best friend.
GT: I will get back to you in two shakes of a lambs tale!
TT: Wait!
TT: Jake!
TT: Make sure you don't aim it at something important!
TT: Dude, I think he is gone.
TT: Shit, you're right.
Jake: Test one of the eyes ==
You hook up one of the two eyes, which you chose at random, to a power source and it immediately activates.
Jake: Shrink ==
You don't really register that that is what happened, all you know is you are falling, and there is a ledge above you. Thinking quickly, like the experienced adventurer you are, you retrieve your harpoon gun and aim it at the ledge!
But it does not appear in your hands! Instead it deploys next to you, several meters away and, for some reason, it is many times its original size! You are still falling.
Jake: retrieve bunny fluff ==
You remember that you captchalogued the stuffing you took out of the bunny! If it grows to the same size, it may break your fall. All you have to do is concentrate and make sure it deploys beneath you.
It works! Instead of landing on the hard ground, you land in a pile of plushy stuffing. Your harpoon gun lands next to you with a loud CRASH… and breaks into several pieces.
Scrambling from the stuffing you look around. The world is very blurry. Since you aren't wearing your glasses you aren't able to discern what happened. You'd better contact Dirk again.
But your laptop is nowhere near you! Good thing you carry more than one computer on you. You put on your skulltop. It deploys next to you, too big for you to wear. Still, the green, skull-shaped helmet is a mind-computer, you don't need to wear it, as long as it can read your thoughts, it can be used.
You crawl underneath it, entering a domed world of flashing colors as it senses your thoughts and turns on. If you had your glasses, the intricate circuitry would have been visible to you, all the mysteries of its functions revealed.
Jake: continue conversation ==
GT: Something went wrong.
TT: I know Jake.
GT: You do?
TT: Yes. There was a 98% probability of you fucking up.
TT: Which are generous odds, if I do say so myself. That's giving you way more credit than you deserve.
GT: Thats dandy, but im in serious shit right now bro!
GT: When i try to get things from my sylladex, they are way out of proportion! I am actually sitting under my skulltop! I think i hugened it.
GT: But i dont see it could fit in my room.
TT: That's because it is not your sylladex that changed size dude.
TT: It seems that you littlefied.
GT: …
GT: …
GT: FUCK
[END PART 1]