He was the most destructive man Wilson had ever met. And it wasn't just the destruction of himself, of House and no one else, which occurred when he does something like pop another pill or recklessly speed away on his motorcycle. Wilson saw the hurt in Cuddy's eyes when House just didn't care; he saw the respect flicker and die out of the team when House stopped thinking about the patient; he saw family members of dying patients that House couldn't be bothered to comfort. And he felt the stabbing pain of hurt disappointment love fear that he felt every time House walked away, leaving Wilson standing behind when he was the only one who always stood by him, no matter what.
And he would never change. Maybe before, Wilson might have had hope that House would one day give up the drugs and give up being such as ass and just try to deal with his problems like a healthy human being. But after years of giving help that House would simply not accept, and trying to fix what House would not admit was broken, Wilson began to give up the idea that he could change him.
Everyone that Wilson talked to about it told him that that was for the best. Why should he waste his time on someone who couldn't care less about him? But that was not what he meant. It didn't matter so much whether House cared about him or not, he would always be there for him. True, Wilson would love nothing more than for House to reciprocate even a shred of the affection that Wilson feels for him, but he doesn't expect it, not anymore. He's not sure if he can ever remember a day when House was real enough with him to tell him how he feels. He's heard other people say that Wilson was House's best friend, but he had never heard the words from the man himself.
Wilson would do anything for him, and maybe that made him crazy. He would pick him up from the bar every time, he would bail him out of jail every time. He would be his doctor and nurse him back to health every time, even though he would just have to face House's abuse once again. He would never stop loving him; he was his best friend, nothing would change that, not even the things that probably should. Sometimes Wilson hated that. Sometimes he wished that House would give a damn. Sometimes he wished that he would just let Wilson be there for him. And most of all (and worst of all) Wilson wished that he could just make himself let go and give up on House altogether.
Out loud, but quietly, as if the words had accidentally slipped out of his mouth, Wilson murmured, "But I won't."