"Remember, your homework is due two weeks from now. Get started on it right away - better safe than sorry."
Carlos dismissed his class. He watched as the students grabbed their backpacks and laptops and filed out the door. He turned and began to wipe away the notes and equations written on the white board behind his desk.
"Dr. Rodriguez?" A student had approached his desk.
"Yes?" Carlos turned to face him. He had spent enough semesters teaching here to know that no matter how much time he gave them for homework, there would always be a few asking for an extension.
"Oh, I just wanted to say, I read your book on your Night Vale research, and it was fascinating! I mean, I didn't understand all of it, but I felt like I really learned a lot."
Carlos smiled. Night Vale. There's something he hadn't thought of in a while. "Thank you. Living and studying there was quite… An experience."
The two chatted for just a little more, and then the student left. Carlos finished locking up the classroom and walked outside into the cool night air.
Night Vale. How many years had it been since he moved away? It had taken him a while to get used to the outside world again. Out of habit, he still stayed away from wheat and wheat by-products. For the longest time, it still surprised him that when he ordered a coffee it didn't come with a drizzle of that mysterious dark red stuff that tasted strangely coppery. What he was able to get used to quickly was the safety of the outside world - or, as Cecil would call it, the "illusion of safety".
Cecil. Carlos smiled sadly as he felt an ache in his chest. He wondered what the radio host was doing now. Did Cecil still think about Carlos? Suddenly, he felt awful for not having even thought about Night Vale or his ex-boyfriend in so long. Most of the time, he pushed it to the back of his mind. There was no point in thinking over the past, not really. What they used to have was wonderful, but things move on - people move on. They have to, sometimes. Cecil had probably moved on, just as Carlos had. That's just how life works.
~~ o 0 o ~~
"Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight." Cecil waits a second before switching off the microphone. He sighs. Another day over. He locks up the recording booth. He goes out to the parking lot, but he doesn't get into his car right away. He leans up against his car and pulls a cigarette and light out of his pocket instead. He's stalling, he knows. He just doesn't want to go back to his apartment.
His dark, cold apartment where he lives all by himself. But isn't that just how life is? We're always by ourselves, aren't we? Even when surrounded by people who seem to care, in the end, it always comes back to just us. The thoughts pass through his mind as he lights the cigarette.
"Mr. Palmer?" An intern pauses as he walks over to his bicycle. Cecil glances up. He can't seem to remember the name of this one.
"Um, isn't smoking, well… Bad for you voice?"
Cecil smiles sadly. "It is." He would go on with an explanation, waxing philosophical about the nature of good and evil, about how sometimes the thing you want the most is the thing that's the worst for you, but he doesn't. He doesn't have it in him to speak more than he has to.
He hasn't, ever since Carols left. It has been five years, two months, eight days, and 13 hours since the scientist left the little town. When he left, he unknowingly took the heart of the Voice of Night Vale with him. Time may not be real on Night Vale, but it was all too real to Cecil Palmer.
He throws the cigarette on the ground and gets in his car, driving away.
~~ o 0 o ~~
Carlos arrived at the front door of his apartment. He didn't remember when he got in the habit of walking to work and back, but he lives close enough so it didn't really matter. He pulled a tupperware container from the fridge and put it in the microwave. When it finished cooking, he took it with him out the living room and sat down on the couch, flipping through television channels.
Nothing really seemed interesting that night. He thought uncomfortably about Night Vale. He missed it there, occasionally. But he had so much to do around here - papers to grade, finals to teach, office hours to keep. He told himself, as he always would when he thought of the little desert town, that he could always go back. He had vacation time coming up, and it might be nice to go back and visit. But every time his vacations would come up, it seemed like there was something else to do - a side project he could on, another semester that needed planning, or even just wanting to spend a week on the couch watching Netflix.
He could always go back, he told himself. Anytime he wanted to.
~~ o 0 o ~~
Cecil doesn't even bother to lock his door. He throws his coat over the couch and sighs. He feels very tired, more so than usual. He brushes his teeth and changes into his pajamas. He skips dinner, something that's becoming the norm. He just doesn't feel hungry.
He gets into bed, pausing as he reaches for the lamp to turn it off. Instead, he pulls open the nightstand drawer. He pushes aside some of things inside the drawer and pulls out a small, framed picture. It's of him and Carlos, sitting in front of the Arby's and looking much younger. He looks at the photo for a few minutes before putting it back in the drawer and turning off the light. He rolls over, tears staining his pillowcase, and thinks back over that day when everything changed.
After he had moved away, Cecil had texted him every day.
He stopped after a few weeks of not getting a response. He didn't know if the texts even went through. It was either that, or Carlos was ignoring him.
Cecil hated his new apartment. He didn't bother to decorate. Things just kind of filled the space, and some boxes he didn't open again. For a long time he was bitter towards Station Management for not letting him out of his contract so he could go with Carlos. But he realized they weren't who he should be mad at. Asking Station Management about his contract was something he did on his own - Carlos hadn't even asked if he wanted to go with him when he left. It was much easier, though, to be mad at the shadowy shapes that growled behind closed doors than it was to be angry with his beloved scientist.
He wanted Carlos to be happy, though. And if Carlos was happier when he was away from Cecil, well…
Sometimes he would think of all the things he had wanted to together, but never got the chance to.
~~ o 0 o ~~
Carlos sat on his couch with the television off. He rarely let his mind wander like this, but tonight he couldn't help it. It's not that he didn't miss Cecil - he did. It's just… Well, he couldn't spend all his time thinking about him, now could he? Besides, Cecil probably wasn't even thinking of him anymore. He was probably busy being fascinated by some other mysterious stranger's perfect hair now. He thought briefly about texting him, but decided against it. After all, he had never heard from him again after he left Night Vale. Cecil couldn't really miss him that much if he hadn't even tried to text him once. Carlos sighed and headed off to his bedroom. This was his life now, and it just wouldn't do to mope about the past.
"I think it'll be great. It'll be twice the money I'm making now." Carlos leaned back in the booth at Big Rico's.
"Oh." Cecil can't find the words to express his thoughts. Is money that important?! His mind screams.
"I've got more than enough research to write a book on this place." Carlos looked out the window.
"You don't want to stay here?" Cecil manages to squeak out.
"It's not like I'll never come back." Carlos looked at Cecil, a little concerned. "My schedule will be on the academic calendar, so I'll have time around holidays and the whole summer free. I can spend all that time here, if you'd like."
Cecil nods.
That's when Carlos said the words that cut into his very heart. "It's not like we thought… This… Was forever, right?" He gestured between the two of them.
The word 'forever' stretches out in Cecil's mind, a cruel mockery. He pictures a future suddenly cut short, and there's nothing he can do about it. He feels hot and cold at the same time.
"I don't know. What do you think about it? Taking the job is the right thing to do, right?" Carlos asked.
"I'm happy… If you're happy." Cecil says.
Carlos smiled. "You're so great, Ceece. I'll write them tonight and let know I accept. I can get some boxes from the store tomorrow to start packing. Oh! You'll need some boxes, too, won't you?"
Cecil hasn't even considered that yet. With Carlos leaving, he won't be able to afford the rent on their condo. He'll have to move, too.
There's so many things Cecil wants to say.
I don't want you to go. Don't make me leave my home. I thought you loved me? I still love you. Am I not enough for you? If I've done something wrong, I'm so sorry.
Please don't leave me alone.
He doesn't say any of these things, though. The only thing worse than what he's feeling right now would be to ask Carlos to stay and get rejected. Clearly, the thought of the radio host is not enough to make him want to stay. And even if he did stay because Cecil asked him to, he would only end up resenting the host for holding him back.
Maybe it is better this way.
They finished their meal in silence. Cecil just pushes his food around his plate. His mind is still numb.
"I'll miss you." He whispers as they get ready to go. His eyes start to well with tears, but Carlos doesn't really notice.
Carlos reached across the table to hold his hand. "Oh, Ceece." He gave the younger man's hand a squeeze. "There'll be other scientists." He smiled a little as he said it.
Cecil couldn't tell him that there never would be. There could never be someone in his life again like Carlos.