PhanFiction
Exerstential Crisis
by Sbuna101
"Dan?" I said rubbing my head. "Dan, where'd you go?" Dan and I had slept in my room together last night as we did when he was having trouble sleeping. He had knocked on my door, his eyes
slightly puffy, murmuring something. I had let him into my bed, always enjoying getting to watch him sleep. As creepy as that sounded, it was true. His face, so calm and peaceful, resting there. It was
very angelic. But now, I had woken up and Dan wasn't in his bed. I grabbed my phone. Eight o' clock. Dan never got up this early. I felt something in my stomach. Something uncomfortable. Worry. I
jumped out of my bed and went across the hall into his room.
"Dan?" I heard a slight groan coming from the lounge. I ran in. At first I didn't see him, but there he was, laying face down on the carpet. I knew what was happeneing. In the years that I had lived with
Dan, I had learned a lot about him, including his exerstential crisises he occasionally got. I hadn't completely found the perfect way to snap him out of it, if there was one, but I had found somethings
that had helped before.
"Dan, I know your going through one of these 'exterstential crisis things', but you can't lie on the floor all week." He made a slight noise and shuffled a bit, not moving much.
"Come on, when was the last time you tweeted?" A slight groan. "You're fans are going to get worried."
"I can't be bothered."
"What about your newest video? Has it been uploaded yet?" He made a noise that sounded more like a 'no'. Through the times I had seen Dan like this, I had found that persistence was the best.
"Has it been editted?"
"No" He muttered. I gave a sigh. I knew Dan wasn't trying to be difficult, but we had things we needed to do.
"Dan." I said firmly. "The radio show is in two days. We haven't even thought of something for Dan v.s Phil"
"Can't you just do it." At least I was getting him to talk, theres some progress.
"I'm not gonna sit here all day. And neither are you." Was I being to harsh. Should I let Dan wallow in his world of self-pity, or have him help with the radio show, getting his creative juices flowing.
Letting him lay there wouldn't be the best for him, but forcing him up seemed so cruel.
"Dan.." I took a deep breathe. Something I had never really had the chance to do when he was in this mood, was to sit down and talk. To hear what was wrong. Maybe that was it. Maybe it was because
I wasn't there for him when he needed it. When he truley needed it. "Do you.. do you wanna talk about it?"
A deep sigh erupted from Dan. It sounded choked, as if it were accomponied by tears.
"I feel.. like a.. I.. sometimes" Dan stuttered through his sobbing trying to catch his breathe. Phil asking to talk about it was one thing he had always hoped would happen when these crisises rolled
around. He wanted a shoulder to cry on.
"Take your time." I whispered. I started to rub his back. He rolled over to look at me. sitting up straight he threw his arms around me, in a tight hug. He attempted to mutter something else, but was
obviously to upset to do so right now.
"Shhh, there there." Was this what I should be saying? Treating him like a child? When I was younger and got upset, my mum would hold me, pat my back, and whisper calming things into my ear. I
tried this, and it seemed to help Dan, just like it had to six year old Phil.
I lifted Dan up so he could stand, he was skaing slightly, and sat him down on the couch. I put my finger under his chin, gently lifting his face so we were eye to eye.
"I will always be here for you. You can tell me anything." I said. Dan looked back down at the floor. "Do you want to tell me what's been bothering you so much?"
"I just... feel like.." Dan paused. "a failure" He whispered. I felt my heart break in two. Shattered. Dan had always put on the front of being witty and overly self confident in the eyes of the camera, when
really.. he felt like this..? How could I not have guessed!? How was I not there for him!?
"Dan." I finally said. "You are in no way a failure! I don't know how you could think that." Dan had his head laying on my shoulder now. I could feel the wet tears on my shirt. That didn't matter right
now. "Listen to me. There is not one thing I would change about you Dan Howell. Not one. Everthing about you, the way you smile, and how your brown eyes dance when your happy. The things you
say, the way light up every room. It's all perfect." Dan was blushing. It wasn't all true.. was it? Phil pulled out his phone and opened up the YouTube app, turning on Dan's newest video. He scrolled
through the comments, reading aloud all the kind ones.
"Three million people Dan. Three million. Each one of them care about you." I was trying my hardest not to fall apart.
"You didn't bother to read the hater comments." He muttered.
"Becasue those don't matter."
"But-" Dan started, I interrupted.
"They don't matter." I opened up the Twitter app.
AmazingPhil: Let's tell everyone what we love so much about danisnotonfire ! :)
Instant replies.
AmazingPhil danisnotonfire His eyes *blushes*
AmazingPhil danisnotonfire The way he says 'zebra' and 'literally'
AmazingPhil danisnotonfire That hair and his personality. *faints*
The list went on and on. I smiled. My fans, our fans were the greatest. They always knew what to say. I read every single one to Dan. I could feel his smile. So warm and fuzzy.
"Thank you" Dan whispered.
"No need to thank me"
"No. Really. I mean it. Thank you for everything you do. Even leaving all the cupboard doors open to make one bowl of cereal. Everything." Dan leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back.
I had finally found the cure for an