Kiss It Better

Disclaimer: Bleach (c) Kubo Tite.

In Kurosaki Ichigo's experience, there was only one solution to quell injury-induced waterworks when he, Karin and Yuzu were much, much younger. These usually occurred whenever they fell over the last step of the stairs or they'd played too hard and one of them had fallen down. Usually, the cases were never serious; mostly scratches across shins, knees and elbows that weren't likely to cause any temporary harm much less death.

Try telling that to the wailing kid who's convinced modern medicine ain't no help and they're gonna die right there and then if somebody doesn't DO something.

That was when his dear, sweet mother would gently pick them up, coo comforting words and bend down to kiss the afflicted spot "all better".

As if on automatic reflex, the sniffling would come to a halt, rainbows and butterflies would emerge from the once dark, miserable atmosphere and all would be right with the world once more.

Of course, contemplated the orange headed teenager with a slight grimace, all that changed when one turned the age of ten and realized that one really couldn't expire from tripping over one's shoelaces. (1) That and your idiot of an oyaaji attempted the healing smooch resulting in you getting your butt grounded for two weeks after punching your dad's jaw and causing him to lose several molars.

However, right now he was in one of the most precarious times of his life, his fifteenth year. And while fifteen-year-olds with different coloured hair and somewhat of an attitude problem weren't in the habit of confessing childhood memories, that time had been different. That time had been a rare break from Hollow fighting when he had been in a reminiscing mood and Rukia who willingly listened without a word. In those kind of circumstances, she didn't make it a habit to tease teenage boys over memories of their mothers.

But it didn't mean she wasn't in the habit of relating stories to other people.

"Rukia."

"Yes?"

"You remember when I told you how my mom made me and my sisters feel better when we were kids?"

"Yes…?"

"You said something to somebody, didn't you?"

"Uh…"

He gave her the look to which she squirmed slightly.

"Okay, so I may have mentioned something to someone but I didn't state any names, if that's what you're worried about."

Ichigo felt rather relieved to hear that. He loved his mother dearly, that was undeniable, but the last thing he wanted to be made public information was that the near invincible ryoka, the one who'd kicked both Zaraki and Byakuya's butts plus destroyed that execution pole on Soukyoku Hill, had had his boo boos tended to by his mother once upon a time. It wasn't the type of thing you made known really.

Nevertheless, relief is no excuse for not being sarcastic.

To reiterate; a most precarious time, is the fifteenth year of life.

"Gee, thanks for keeping my sacred childhood memory a secret. I'm sure I don't mind letting that tender recollection be made known throughout Seireitei."

Rukia suppressed a growl and settled for a seething glare. "I was feeling nice. Forgive me if I wanted to defend you humans by showing your less harsh, more reasonable sides."

Ichigo snorted, jabbing a thumb towards the sight before him. "You call us unreasonable? Then I can't wait to see what Shinigami consider reasonable."

Rukia reddened in both irritation and at the fact he actually made a valid point. "May I remind you that YOU'RE also a Shinigami, Ichigo."

"And you were also once human, Rukia."

Rukia nearly wrung his neck. He was getting too logical nowadays. Not necessarily a good thing. "In any case, you think this is because of your story? Don't be ridiculous."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow at her. "Somehow I really can't think of anything else at the moment."

-ººº-

"Isane-san! Isane-san!" yelled out a male Shinigami, running towards the fourth division lodge with frantic arm waving.

The fourth vice captain looked up with a tired sigh. "Yes, Kotoharu-san, what is it?"

"I inadvertently tripped over my own sword and by complete accident, scraped my knee really badly! I need immediate treatment!"

Before Isane could reply, several other Shinigami with respective ailments like sprained fingers and twisted pinky toes yelled back at him.

"Go wait your turn, Kotoharu! No cutting!"

"Yeah! To the end of the line! We were here first!"

"And it's my turn now!"

"You're delusional from that 'wrenched esophagus' of yours! It's mine!"

Despite the entire crescendo of voices, Kotetsu Isane nevertheless answered him over the crowd of male Shinigamis in front of the fourth division lodge. It was comprised of the lower seated members of all thirteen divisions and was growing in number from the looks of things.

"That looks like just a minor scratch, Kotoharu-san."

Kotoharu shook his head vehemently. "No! I swear, Isane-san, it's infected with this rare bacteria that's working together with another virus! I'm gonna die in minutes if I don't get that newest treatment everyone's been talking about!"

Expressions of disbelief, both audio ("Yeah right!" "Rare bacteria, my sprained ankle!") and visual (Rolling of the eyes, scoffing etc. etc.) echoed from everyone in the crowd.

Isane sighed deeply again. "Kotoharu-san, there is NO such healing method. But if you insist, I'll go get a plaster-"

"No, no! What I need is that new treatment! I'm sure it's the only cure!"

Having entertained an entire morning's worth of such medical diagnosis, Isane's normally very patient and understanding personality was already frayed quite badly. This last insistence just made something snap as the fourth vice captain offered Kotoharu a rarely employed glare. It didn't really work but Isane saw good reason to practice that particular facial expression and put it to full use.

"For the sixteenth time: there is NO such treatment as has been rumoured! The fourth division doesn't supply such- such- UNMEDICAL treatment! And even if we did, it does NOTHING!"

"Awww, Isane-saaaan…!"

"C'mon, Isane-saaaaan!"

"It's perfectly SCIENTIFIC!"

"Pleeeease, Isane-san? We're all practically knocking at Death's door here!"

"Wasting away to nothing! Gonna kick the bucket!"

"About to join the choir invisible! Worm chow!"

"Do you really want our deaths to be on your conscience?"

At that point in time, Isane couldn't have cared less about her conscience seeing as the longing to smack the Shinigami who was spreading this utterly nonsensical rumour to high heaven was growing rapidly.

"Then go ask Kiyone or Matsumoto-fukutaichou! Or Ise-fukutaichou!" She uncharacteristically snapped at them. While she loved her friends and her sister with all her heart, this was a desperate situation and it was every Shinigami for herself. The small shred of hope was that maybe, if she shoved these people to her other clearly more attractive female friends, she'd finally get some peace and quiet.

And enough time to barricade the fourth division lodge entrance.

"Or even Nemu-fukutaichou! That kind of medication dispensed by them should work just as well!"

There was a sudden sullen muttering as everyone glowered.

"Matsumoto-fukutaichou will only treat Kira-fukutaichou…"

"Though HE was the one who actually got hurt…"

"Lucky devil…"

"Kyoraku-taichou's sitting outside the office with his shikai swords unsheathed …"

"Can't even get near enough to Ise-san to ask her for a pencil…"

"That Sentarou actually pulled out his zanpakutou at us…"

"Can't believe the nerve of that guy…"

Isane had her face in one hand. There were no mentions of Nemu since anyone who had tried was already inside the fourth division sickbays alongside the other unfortunate souls who'd dared to ask Hinamori. It was uncanny how Hitsugaya-taichou seemed to know exactly what was happening on one side of Seireitei when he was supposed to be on the direct opposite side in his office.

The fourth vice captain, after what looked like some sort of silent discussion with her hand, raised her head again tiredly to appeal one last time to these bull headed and desperate males.

"Please, I'm telling you, there's no such medical solution. And to be frank, you're all not injured enough to warrant even one square inch of gauze."

And, as expected, there were vigorous protests, more emphatic than ever and more demanding. Then a new voice entered the fray.

"Isane-san! Help! I've got an, uh, pulled lip muscle!"

The poor vice captain groaned.

-ººº-

Ichigo turned towards Rukia who winced.

"Alright so maybe the story got a little twisted along the way…"

"A little?"

Rukia rolled her eyes in defeat. "Alright, fine, VERY twisted. But this is the reason I called you here. Since this is all your fault, you're the one who's going to fix it."

"WHAT! How's all this MY fault! YOU'RE the one who couldn't keep your dumb mouth shut!"

"It's YOUR story that STARTED the whole thing!"

Ichigo gaped at her, flabbergasted. The illogic Rukia spouted occasionally just stunned him. "What kind of-"

She'd already shoved him towards Isane. "GO."

"Rukia! OI!"

The bedraggled vice captain looked to the side above the raucous demands for the new type of medicine. "Rukia-san?"

Then she spotted Ichigo.

"Kurosaki-san, not you too…!"

"Never in my entire lifetime or after it, Isane-san. No offense."

Isane shone with obvious relief. "None taken."

"We're here to help, Isane-san," said Rukia helpfully.

Isane's eyes lit up some more. "You are? Thank you."

Ichigo shot Rukia another glare and then taking in a deep breath, addressed the now highly suspiciously glaring crowd.

"LISTEN UP! There's NO such thing as a 'Kiss It Better'! Not ONE of the female Shinigamis in Seireitei has the lack of common sense to KISS all of your, and I need to say it, FAKE injuries better! It doesn't work that way so forget about it! It doesn't WORK!"

"Who said it even needed to work?"

"Yeah! Where've you been Ichigo!"

"Get lost, intruder! Stop spoiling the fun!"

Rukia sweat dropped, Isane shook her head, Ichigo fumed.

"What the- Are you THAT pathetic until you can't ask Isane-san out or something! Kissing something better is a PARENTAL TACTIC, you TWITS! Your own MOTHERS kissed your scratches better!"

There were more shouts and declarations of who cared, that was different and who you callin' pathetic, punk!

Rukia slapped her forehead.

Captain Unohana returned from her meeting with Commodore Yamamoto to see an entire horde of males yelling at a very familiar looking orange headed Shinigami.

Blinking for a moment, she approached her vice captain, standing by the sidelines andlooking worried enough to start chewing on her own hair. Rukia was busy trying to restrain Ichigo from killing everyone.

"Isane, what on earth is going on?"

"Unohana-taichou! Thank goodness!"

One babbled, hurried explanation later, Unohana nodded. Using a particularly neat spell, she separated Ichigo and another Shinigami he'd ended up tousling with, despite Rukia's best efforts.

A serene announcement followed, confirming once and for all, that there never was and never would be such a thing as 'Kiss It Better'. Such a solution, while effective on small children, was hardly useful for grown adults such as themselves. Furthermore, continued the captain, if there were any real injuries, the fourth division would be glad to heal them. If not, would they be so kind as to leave the premises as soon as possible since there were patients in the sick bays who needed peace and quiet if they were to recover to full health. Any further unnecessary disruptions would have consequences.

Ichigo would never have believed such a rapid and silent exit from this bunch of Shinigami was possible if he didn't see it with his own eyes. And at the back of his mind, he made a mental note not to trifle with Captain Unohana whenever possible.

-ººº-

Both Ichigo and Rukia left soon after, Isane's profuse thanks going with them.

Captain Unohana had applied a helpful plaster to Ichigo's forehead for a rather large bruise he'd suffered in the scuffling. He was none too pleased about it though and from the furious glare he was shooting at Rukia, blamed it entirely on her.

She had been about to snap "What" at him when a thought crossed her mind. So instead of retorting sharply, Rukia's lips merely curved into a smirk.

"You want me to kiss it better?"

There was a choke and then a growl as Ichigo returned his focus forwards, muttering about "stupid Shinigami" who possessed a "lousy sense of humour."

Without warning, she pulled suddenly on his sleeve, bringing him to a halt and throwing him a little off balance backwards.

"Wha-"

His exclamation was cut off as Rukia stood on tiptoe and squarely kissed his plastered forehead. She drew back, the smirk remaining at the sight of his face.

"Better?"

Ichigo blinked several times then straightened, huffing while his face turned slightly red. Several moments passed before a mutter emerged.

"Yeah, I guess…"

Rukia only smiled as they strode onwards through the corridors.

The End.

(1) Unless one tripped over one's shoelaces right onto a train track with said locomotive pulling into the station right at that precise moment. But really, what were the chances of happening?

A/N: Right, so I now owe an apology to EnigmaticWind for that extremely abrupt IchiRuki moment. Wind-chan, I know you love RenjiRukia with an almost unhealthy fervour but I promise you, I'll read the next RenjiRukia fic you write. Okay?

...probably not. Thanks for reading, everyone! (starts running from an enraged friend)