Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate SG1… I only own one really strange mind…

Hawk: I can't believe I decided to write this…

"Hi Ho, Hi Ho," Jack sang as SG1 walked through the Stargate, "Welcome to PX yadda yadda."

"P378989… sir," Carter corrected. Jack shrugged, "Yadda," he declared. They looked over the landscape.

"It's very…" Daniel began.

"Deserted," Jack finished. He was right. They ended up in a wasteland. Jack was sure if they waited long enough they would see a tumbleweed.

"That's impossible." Carter stated snapping Jack out of his thoughts, "This is supposed to be a forest, there were people…" she trailed off. The Stargate activated.

"Let's go, find cover quick." Jack ordered.

"There IS no cover sir!" Carter frowned.

"And chevron seven's a lock." Daniel muttered ironically watching as the wormhole came to life with a loud whoosh. SG1 stood, waiting for friend or foe. To their surprise it was another SG team.

"Why would they send another SG team for us? We only just went through…" Carter muttered.

"Hi Ho, Hi Ho," the female officer of the SG team sang, "Welcome to PX yadda yadda."

"P378989… Ma'am," the second in command corrected. The Colonel shrugged, "Yadda," she declared. They looked over the landscape and their eyes met with SG1's.

"Uh… that sounded…unnervingly familiar…" Daniel finally said as the two teams stared at each other.

"Colonel Jackie O'Neill SG01," the woman Colonel said.

"…That's Jack…" Jack blinked thinking the female officer got his name wrong.

"No… Uh… It's Jackie…"

"Jack…"

"Jackie!"

"Jack!"

"Jackie!"

"JACK(IE!)" Daniel and… another Daniel shouted. They looked at each other blinking.

"Umm… I think Kansas is a few light-years from here…" Jack muttered raising his eyebrow at… 'Jackie.'

"Colonel I believe we're in an alternate reality," Carter and the male second in command said.

"Uh…" the Daniels could only blink.

"I'm a woman!" Jack and the second in command yelled.

"I'm a man!" Jackie and Carter yelled at the same time.

"This is…" Daniel began.

"Weird…" The other one finished.

"I'm Colonel Jackie O'Neill SG01, this is Major Samuel Carter, Doctor Daniel Mathews and Teal'c…" Jackie finally said.

"Mathews?" Daniel muttered.

"Well I'm JACK O'Neill SG1 … no 0, this is Major SamANTHA Carter, Doctor Daniel JACKSON, and … um… Teal'c…" Jack finished.

"Jackson?" Mathews blinked in an oh so Daniel like way. Jack was… confused… as was Jackie.

"Carter, why am I a (wo)man?" Jack and Jackie asked.

"Well Colonel," both Carters began. Jack and Jackie held up their hands.

"In words I can understand?" they asked.

While the Carters talked about wormholes, time travel, quantum mirrors and who knows what, the Teal'cs studied each other intently. The Teal'c on SG01 had hair and no tattoo. Daniel Jackson who was standing beside the Teal'c from SG01 jumped. He gave a bewildered, uncomfortable look to his friends counterpart.

"Teal'c… uh… other Teal'c… did you just pinch my ass?" Teal'c from SG01's eyes flashed.

"You have a nice ass," he grinned. Daniel's eyes nearly shot out of his head. He jumped back a bit behind Jack.

"Jack, he's a Goa'uld! … How can he be a Goa'uld!" he asked frantically.

"Teal'c's not a Goa'uld… per say…" Jackie said thinking, "He's a Tokra… slash Goa'uld…"

"A what!" Daniel Jackson and Samantha gaped.

"Okay… um… maybe we should introduce the other parts of Teal'c," Mathews said, "Jolinar and Junior…"

Jackie shook her head; "The one that's hot for Daniel is Junior…"

"Hot for Daniel…" Daniel Jackson said faintly.

"JOLINAR!" Samantha yelped in surprise.

"Junior?" Jack asked incredulously.

"MY NAME IS NOT JUNIOR!" Junior shouted.

"Button it," Jolinar hissed. The Teal'c that had hair kept an even face, "You may call me TJ…that's what everyone calls me now…"

"Ah…" Jackson muttered sliding ever further from TJ. Junior pouted at Jackson's retreat. He shrugged and swung a hand on Mathews' shoulder. Mathews gave him a Daniel-Death-Glare that was usually reserved for Jack… or Jackie as the case may be. TJ removed the arm wishing he could give his own Teal'c-Jaffa-Death-Glare-of-Doom to Junior… but as Junior was inside his body he settled for a chilidog when they got home.

"My apologies Danielmathews, Danieljackson,"

"That's okay TJ," The Daniels said, "It wasn't YOUR fault…"

"Well… this is odd…" Jack and Jackie declared. They nodded at each other.

"Stop agreeing with yourself Jack…" Jackson said shaking his head feeling a migraine coming on, "We need to think of a way to get back to our respective realities…"

"How do you know this isn't their reality?" Samuel and Samantha asked pointing at one another.

"We were supposed to end up in a forest." Daniel explained, "And judging by your reactions I'd say the same applies to you." The Carters nodded, it did make sense.

"Can't we just go back through the Stargate?" Jackie asked. Samantha shook her head.

"No… uh… Ma'am… we might just end up in yet another SGC." she explained. Samuel nodded.

"Exactly, we need to find another way… we need to find out how we both got here in the first place."

"He's right sir," Samantha said looking back at her commanding officer, "I've never seen a Stargate act this way before… I have no clue how this could have happened…"

"I need to do some tests," both Carters finished.

"Permission granted," the O'Neill's agreed. They turned to their Daniels and Teal'cs, "Meanwhile, the Daniels will set up camp, the Teal'cs will look out for anything dangerous, and Jack(ie) and I will go find water."

"O'Neill in stereo… just what I needed…" Mathews muttered. Jackson nodded in agreement.

"Move out people." the O'Neills ordered glaring at Jackson and Mathews.

Teal'c looked over curiously at TJ… how was it possible? He was a Jaffa, not a Goa'uld.

"How did you become a Goa'uld… or a Tokra?" he finally asked. TJ frowned.

"It obviously did not happen to you in your reality," he said, "Hathor came. Before she tried to take over the SGC. The scientists were conducting experiments. I volunteered. I was put in the Sarcophagus and my immune system was healed…" TJ stopped bowing his head.

"Then I jumped in." Junior grinned. Teal'c glared at Junior. TJ's bowed his head again and he was once again the Teal'c personality.

"This is true, the Goa'uld was weak though… it went into my body, but this was not known to the scientists, they thought it was destroyed."

"He went into a hibernation?" Teal'c asked. TJ nodded, "We did not know until Jolinar entered me,"

"So… … … Mathews?" Jackson asked. Mathews nodded.

"Jackson…"

"How did that happen… uh… the Mathews?" Jackson asked.

"Mom remarried a few years after Dad got crushed…" Mathews said bitterly, "I hated him… but Mom made me take his last name." He turned back to Jackson.

"What's Dad like?" He asked assuming both Jackson's parents were alive.

"I couldn't tell you," Jackson said sadly, "They're both dead in my reality."

"I wonder how this is possible," Samantha muttered.

"Just what I was thinking… the fact that we're both… the opposite sex." Samuel agreed.

"And the Colonel… Colonels." Samantha amended, "It is funny to see the Colonel as a Woman though… I take it the introductions were a bit different when you met her," Samuel blushed.

"I don't know… did Jack asked you to arm wrestle?" it was Samantha's turn to be embarrassed.

"Uh… no… it was the other way around." She muttered. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Anyways, uh… what's the deal with your Teal'c… I mean… TJ?" Samantha asked. She would never admit it to Jack or Teal'c, but she loved gossip. Daniel knew this. She mentally shook her head… he's almost as bad as her.

"Well, Junior has a huge crush on Daniel." Samuel said rolling his eyes, "Teal'c has the hots for the Colonel, and Jolinar…" Samuel shook his head at this, "has feelings for me."

"Wow…" Samantha muttered mouth hanging loosely at a loss for what to say. Samuel nodded in agreement, "I'll say. Junior likes Daniel because Daniel killed his other 'brothers and 'sisters' don't ask… Junior has a weird sense of love, so he thinks Daniel's worthy of being his… uh… lover…" Samantha gave a small twitch. It was hard to imagine Daniel and Teal'c together… how would they… Teal'cs a big guy… who would be on top… WHAT WAS SHE THINKING?

"UH… anyways…what about the Colonel and Teal'c?" Samantha asked quickly.

"Teal'c respects her warrior abilities and thinks she would make a good wife…"

Samantha nodded… okay that seemed reasonable.

"Do you have feelings for the Colonel?" Samantha asked. Samuel shook his head.

"No… I don't know it's really hard… one with TJ glaring at me … or winking at me…and two she's older and stronger than me…"

"She would wear the pants in the family?"

"Oh yeah…"

Samantha nodded… once again that made sense, "Okay… what about um… Jolinar and … us… you…"

"Well… as I found out a month or two ago Jolinar is in fact a women… with womanly needs… well at least she prefers being a women… she was in my mind for awhile before she jumped in to Teal'c. She fell in love with me apparently." Samuel sighed unhappily.

"What about—"

"Her lover died in an attack." Samuel explained. So much for that…

Meanwhile Jack and Jackie were doing some gossiping of their own.

"Okay, lemme get this straight," Jackie said as the two made their way west towards water (they hoped), "As a man, I hit on Carter… CARTER… female though she may be… still, same personality, tecnobable and all!" Jack nodded. Jackie shook her head.

"What about you and your Carter?" Jack asked. Jackie shook her head.

"He's a typical man… no offence. We would have this huge power struggle… he hates it that I'm taller than him… and stronger… more battle experience… the fact that I'm a Colonel, we're good friends but… uh… it just wouldn't work… I think he's still mad that I asked him to arm wrestle the first time we met."

"… well…" Jack muttered thinking back to his first meeting with Samantha Carter, "Who's in your life then? Are you married? Have any kids?" Jackie shook her head.

"No, I was married, Michael… we had a son… but…"

"He died…" Jack finished, "Let's not talk about-"

"Charlie… yeah…" Jackie said holding her emotions back, "I'm seeing Daniel right now though.

"DANIEL!"

"YES!" Came a chorus from the camp.

"Uh… NOTHING!" Jack yelled walking faster.

"Yes, he's perfect for me," Jackie shrugged, "He doesn't mind my bossy in your face attitude… much…I can be independent, he can dig up rocks… works out well… though… Junior's about ready to throw me through an incoming wormhole…"

"…I'll… bet…" Jack muttered. Him and Daniel… HER and Daniel rather…gah…

"Isn't it kinda dangerous… having a Goa'uld/Tokra/former Jaffa that has the hots for your boyfriend on your team?" Jack asked.

"Eh, all of his personalities balance out, Teal'c personality has a bit of a crush on me, he protects me from Junior, Jolinar's got it bad for Samuel and Junior's obsessed with Daniel."

"What if there was one of those life or death choices where it's like, choose one of them to live, the rest dies sorta thing?"

"Let us hope it never comes to that," Jackie muttered shaking her head.

"Daniel…" Jack muttered again.

"Sam…" Jackie said at the same time. They shook their heads. They looked at each other then shrugged.

TBC

Hawk: Yeah… my mind is strange… VERY strange…. more to come… please review