Eyes.
A/N: I was bored. Bad things happen when I'm bored... oh and i can't write...
Rated M for dark themes, abuse, rape/non-con, and overall messed up-ness…
Summary: They say that the eyes are the path to the soul. For him it was all about the eyes. Blue eyes. Red eyes. Black eyes. Green eyes. It was always the eyes. SZC-ish
I warn you…might be messed up
-x-x-
It was always about the eyes for him. It didn't matter what type or colour, it was just always about the eyes.
For as long as he'd known he'd always been able to see people through their eyes.
Blue Eyes first realized this when he watched his mother destroy herself. He watched as she slowly killed herself with drugs and alcohol.
He could never remember much of her though. Blue Eyes couldn't remember what she looked like he only remembered he eyes. He saw her eyes whenever she took the drugs and he saw relief and happiness,
He saw the same eyes fade out when his father beat her to death. He saw as blue eyes turned into dead eyes and watched in fascination as blood poured out of her wounds. That was when his fascination with blood started.
It was during the screams that he realized that her eyes were empty. Cold. Unfeeling.
Blue Eyes was only 4
-x-x-
Only a year later, at the age of 5, Blue Eyes learned to fear eyes.
He learned to fear the look in his father's eyes during the beatings. How those blue eyes turned to, what seemed like, red in pure rage. How rage would mean he was thrown around the house like a rag doll.
Those times usually meant he was going to miss school the next day.
He grew absolutely fucking terrified when those blue eyes turned into something much worse. After the first thrust, he screamed and turned to catch a glimpse of his father's eyes. He saw the usual rage but this time there was lust as well.
Those blues eyes showed nothing else when they were finished. Not a single bit of worry or guilt.
There was only a happy fucking birthday.
It was during one of those nights when he realized he would never be loved. Be accepted.
At age 5, he learned to fear eyes, but, at the cost of losing what little innocence he had.
-x-x-
By the time he was 8, Blue Eyes hated eyes.
He hated how they looked every time similar blue eyes lied to him, beat him and raped him. He hated how those blue eyes didn't even care that they were slowly killing their own flesh and blood. Those blue eyes only showed anger then happiness whenever he screamed.
The same eyes were the ones that took his innocence and his life from him.
Those eyes told him that it was their little secret.
Blue Eyes still had a fascination with blood. Now, he had learned to watch his own whenever he was beaten and raped. He watched with awe whenever the blood pooled into the drain and disappeared.
He wished he could do the same.
Often, he would watch families from his window. He loathed how everyone else's eyes sparkled with happiness and joy. How they had normal families yet he suffered everyday at the hands of his.
He despised the way they would look at him with sympathy and pity. Fake.
He was angry at them. Jealous. Envious.
Yes, by the time he was 8, he learned to hate eyes.
-x-x-
At 12, Blue Eyes could no longer look at his own.
Every time he did, all he saw was a pair of soulless eyes staring right back at him. Blue Eyes saw a pair of dead eyes staring at him, just like his mother's. They were ice cold and unfeeling. They didn't look like his anymore.
He absolutely loathed them.
His father still hated him. Those familiar blues would tell him it was all his fault that they lived the way they did. They still laughed with joy every time they would hurt him, still flare up every time he did something wrong.
He had turned to cutting. His need to see blood disgusted him, but it was the only thing that kept him stable.
It was this time that Blue Eyes met Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes. Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes had done the impossible and befriended him. The other two boys had broken through his walls and gotten to know him.
He could see the innocence in Violet eyes. He seemed to radiated happiness to everyone and bought smiles to peoples' faces. In Emerald Eyes, he could see care and, for the first time, safety. He felt cared for.
But Violet Eyes never knew what went on in his home, never knew of the beatings and abuse. And Emerald eyes never knew about the rape and the amount of mind-fuckery that went on. They only saw the fake smiles and laughs
Blue Eyes never saw how worry crept into either pair of eyes when Violet or Emerald caught a glimpse of his bruises or the scars on his arms.
-x-x-
At 14, Blue Eyes lost all hope.
Hell, he was beginning to forget what his eyes used to look like.
His father began to sell him for money to provide for more drugs and alcohol. He died a little more inside at first, but slowly he became numb.
He couldn't remember what colour his first costumer's eyes were. All he remembered was the same lust and uncaring look that his father had given him whenever he was fucked.
His friendship with Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes seemed to be straining. Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes noticed many things about him now. They noticed the bruises, the dark bags under his eyes, the cuts, the absences and the both of them would question.
The other two boys would never know the true horrors that Blue Eyes faced though. Never.
Blue Eyes met Green Eyes at 14. He could see fun and mischief in those eyes. They seemed to know what it was like to live on the wrong side of town. They seemed to understand.
Green Eyes introduced him into the world of drugs.
After seeing what they did to his family, Blue Eyes promised himself to never touch them, but he broke after his second costumer. The drugs brought with them escape, and with the cuts, Blue Eyes could maybe, just slightly pretend.
Could he really be blamed? He just wanted to forget.
He never realized that they could hear the screams though.
-x-x-
When he was 16, Blue Eyes' broken little world shattered into a million little pieces.
He completely forgot what his eyes used to like like.
His father was still selling him to other men. But now, along with anger or that messed up happiness and lust, there was insanity added into the mix inside those eyes. Those eyes got more violent, more painful. Most nights ended with him huddled in the corner staring blankly at the darkness, in too much pain to do anything.
He rarely went to school anymore. He was in too much pain to move most times but Blue Eyes forced himself to go just to pass. Because Blue Eyes always knew about what would happen if he didn't. There was an unspoken threat in the air. Or else.
The strained friendship between Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes was non-existent now. Last time Blue Eyes heard of them, Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes were dating each other.
Blue Eyes had spent more time with Green Eyes now. Together they had gone deeper into the drug world, getting higher and higher.
Over the years it had taken more and more to affect him anymore.
He had ended up in the hospital many times by now. Sometimes it was for overdosing and others for cutting to deep, but every time, he was beaten more and more. Many of the staff at the hospital began to think that he was suicidal, he kept telling them he wasn't though. When he did, the staff would look at him with their judgmental eyes as if they didn't believe him.
Judged. Always judged.
He honestly didn't believe himself either.
He still never noticed the pair of violet eyes and of emerald eyes that watched on from the sidelines.
-x-x-
And at 18, Blue Eyes had finally found stability.
His father had finally lost him to a man that he owed money to. The man had black eyes. They only showed cruelty and greed. He was still beaten daily, still raped. Black Eyes would tell him exactly what he was to the other man. A whore, a toy to be played with.
He was just like his father, both treated him like an object and not a person.
Then he watched Green Eyes overdose and the light fade out of his eyes. It was on one of the days he could get away, they were too high to notice anything wrong until it finally happened.
Blue Eyes was slightly disappointed that there was no blood.
It was that moment that he knew he would snap one day.
So when he was beaten when he got home one day, Blue Eyes had broke and murdered his new owner. He stood out in the rain washing away the blood, he had been staring at the red wash away and he started laughing.
He wanted to be like the red. He wanted to wash away, to disappear. Forever.
He was preparing to shoot himself when they had found him.
They were two years older then he was, so they always watched over him.
Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes had taken him back to their apartment and watched him. They had told him that they always suspected about the beatings, and the abuse but never knew how to help. So when he had drifted off, they broke a little on the inside. They thought that it would be best to let him befriend someone who knew what it was like – Green Eyes.
They never knew what path it would take him though. Blue Eyes told them that he thought that he was always destined to end up like he had. They proceeded to shake him and tell him how they really felt.
When they did, he froze.
Violet Eyes and Emerald Eyes apologized.
They told him that they always loved him. Still did.
So when Blue Eyes stared into Violet and Emerald, for the first time he found love and honesty.
-x-x-
hmmkay…. I warned you didn't I?
This was written at 4am with a sudden obsession with eyes. And with the help of a manic episode.
In case you didn't get it…
Blue Eyes = Cloud
Those blue eyes/anything similar = Cloud's father
Green Eyes = Reno
Violet Eyes = Zack
Emerald Eyes = Sephiroth
Black Eyes = honestly no idea, could be anyone you want.
Eh…. I'm tired so…
Hope you enjoyed!