Title: Memories
Rating: PG
Author: tika12001
Summary: "People are stupid. And mean." Maura reached out to stroke her daughter's hair. Angela looked up at her mother, tears still shining in her eyes. "Will you tell me again how you and Ma first fell in love?" "Oh Ang..." Maura started, but Angela interrupted: "Please mom... I need to know that true love does exist. "
Disclaimer: Not mine, make no money, etc etc.
IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: this story contains character death. No one actually dies in the story, but it is sad so be mindful. Don't like, don't read. :-)
Maura Isles could tell that it was going to be one of those days when she first woke up. Still half asleep, her hand had stretched across the expanse of the bed, searching for the warm, sleepy body of her wife. When all her hand met was cold blank emptiness, her eyes snapped open and she stared at the ceiling, her eyes prickling with unshed tears. She always expected the pain to go away, but it never did. She just learned to struggle through the days, and some days were better than others.
She had a quiet day at home with her son while her daughter went off to school. Vincent Rizzoli-Isles was only 5, but he understood his mother's moods and played quietly in his room while Maura sat on the couch, alternating between pretending to read her medical journals and staring out the window. She didn't look at the photo albums, and all the photo frames in the house were turned down permanently so she didn't have to look at pictures of happier times. She just couldn't deal with it.
When the door slammed, signalling her daughter's arrival home from school, Maura jumped. She hadn't been watching the clock, and had been thinking it was earlier than it was. Time seemed to have no meaning on days like today: it leapt ahead, cruelly reminding everyone that life goes on, and dragged, making every minute last a millennium.
"Hi Angie, how was school honey?" she called out, because no matter how she felt, she was a mother and her children always came first. There was no answer, and Maura frowned, slowly pushing herself up to a standing position as she heard muffled shouting down the hallway. Suddenly a red blur came flying at her, sobbing wildly, and Maura found herself staggering with her arms full of 5-year-old superhero. "Uh oh, what's wrong?" she asked, stroking his wild black curls away from his face.
"Angie kicked me outta da room," he sniffled. "She slammed da door, and said 'GO AWAY' like dat." Maura sighed and pulled a tissue out of her pocket.
"Blow," she ordered, and Vincent obediently blew his nose. Maura pulled out another tissue and wiped his tears away.
"Okay, Vincey, I'm going to go talk to Angie, okay?"
"Okay," Vincent said softly, giving another big sniff as he did.
"There are tissues on the counter. Blow your nose on a tissue if you need to, okay? I do not want to see snot on your new Spiderman outfit. You may watch an extra half hour of TV today while I talk to your sister." The morose look was instantly wiped from Vincent's face.
"Okay!" he yelled excitedly, almost vaulting over the back of the couch to get the remote. Maura shook her head fondly at the rebound rate of 5 year olds, then headed down the hallway to knock on the door to her daughter's room.
"GO AWAY, VINCENT," Angie yelled. Maura could hear tears in her voice.
"It's not Vince, honey, it's mom."
"Oh." There was a pause, and then quietly: "Okay, come in."
Maura walked in. Angie was lying on her stomach with her head on her pillow facing away from her mother.
"What's going on?" Maura asked, walking over to the bed and starting to pick up the various clothes items on the floor.
"Nothing," Angie replied, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. Her eyes were red rimmed. Maura sighed and sat down on the bed.
"You don't normally kick your brother out when he comes to play in here."
"Maybe I just got sick of him invading my space."
"Maybe," Maura agreed easily. "Or maybe there's another reason." She waited patiently.
"Ella's parents are getting divorced," Angie finally said, and squeezed her eyes shut.
"Oh Angie, that's upsetting."
"Yes! It is! Because do you know what they're doing, mom? They're making Ella choose. They're telling her she has to choose what parent she wants to live with. They're telling her all sorts of nasty things about each other, and Ella's sure that no matter what she chooses, she's going to end up breaking someone's heart. It's not fair!"
"No, it's not," Maura agreed, slowly folding the T-shirt she still held. "People can do cruel things when they're in a psychologically vulnerable place."
Angie huffed. "What you mean, mom, is that people are stupid. And mean."
Maura smiled at her 13 year old daughter, and felt herself amazed again by how much she reminded her of Jane. She reached out and stroked her daughter's smooth honey-blonde hair lovingly. Angela looked up at her mother, tears still shining in her deep brown eyes. "Will you tell me again how you and Ma first fell in love?"
Maura felt her heart constrict. She had tried hard not to think of Jane today, to keep her own tears at bay, and yet here was her daughter begging, with tears streaming down her face, to hear stories of her other mother. Maura was torn. "Oh, Ang..." she started, but Angela interrupted.
"Please mom... I need to know that true love does exist."
Maura looked up at the ceiling and pressed her lips together, blinking rapidly. "Okay. Well, first of all," she looked back down at her daughter with a sad smile, "I think you're now old enough to know the actual details of the first time we met."
Angela frowned. "You said it was in a coffee shop, and Ma didn't have enough money to pay for her coffee so you bought it for her."
"Yes, well, while that's technically true, I neglected to mention what Jane was wearing at the time."
Angela sat up and looked at her mother, her eyes shining with curiousity and mischief. "What was it?"
Maura hesitated at saying the word 'hooker'. "You know when we hired out 'Pretty Woman'?"
"Yeeeees..." Angela said slowly, and Maura watched as a grin gradually lit up her face. "Wait, Ma was dressed as a hooker?"
Maura smiled, and Angie cracked up laughing. "Oh my God, what was she wearing?"
Knee high boots, fishnet stockings, a black shiny miniskirt, big white faux fur coat and bright blue eyeshadow, Jane Rizzoli (or Tiffany, as she called herself for the purpose of her current assignment) was certainly a sight to behold. Maura couldn't help but stare as Tiffany pleaded with Stanley to give her coffee and a donut. She didn't know why she did it, but she started rifling through her bag for some cash. Firstly, though, she pulled on a glove.
"...and I hope you die of psoriasis," the hooker said as she glared at Stanley. Maura approached, holding the note in one gloved hand. "Do you mind? You can get your non-fat latte in a minute."
"It's for you. And given the vitamin-D deficiency likely from your... night work, you might be better off with some plain yoghurt and some leafy greens."
"Oh my God!" Angela squealed. "What did Ma say to that?"
"I have my lice under control, thank you, but Stanley here, has psoriasis," Tiffany replied, her anger simmering on the surface.
"Psoriasis is not contagious. It's a genetic disease," Maura piped up brightly. Tiffany rolled her eyes and turned back to Maura.
"What about rudeness, is that genetic too?"
"I'm simply trying to be nice," Maura replied, and was met with a look of incredulity.
"Not every hooker has a heart of gold, all right sister?"
"Apparently not," Maura replied, eyebrows raised, then did a little wiggle, "sister."
Angela giggled. "This is a lot more interesting than the story I've been told till now. How did that ever lead to a friendship?"
Maura considered. "You know, I don't really know. But it did. We ended up working together on homicides. I did the autopsies and studied the evidence, your Ma took that evidence and figured out who the murderer was. We were a great team."
"But that's all you were, wasn't it? For a long time, you were just a team."
"We were best friends as well." Maura smiled at her eldest child. "We helped each other out with our problems."
"What kind of problems?"
Maura had just figured out that her biological father was the infamous Paddy Doyle, a man wanted for questioning on at least 15 murders. Her half brother was lying on her autopsy table at the time, and it was the discovery of his body that led Maura to this realization of her birth father, as well as the fact that she was in danger for simply sharing a genetic link to Paddy. She had headed downstairs to continue working, telling Jane it was okay when she offered to come down with her. This is when Paddy Doyle kidnapped his daughter.
"Your mother was so worried about me. She didn't say she was, but when she answered the phone... her voice sounded terrible. She was frazzled, desperate, and the relief was almost palpable when I told her I was okay."
"She must have been so worried," Angela said, looking closely at her mother.
Maura nodded. "Paddy gave me a phone when he kidnapped me. He told me to call it when we figured out who had murdered my brother. I didn't want to. Jane... your mother... she would have done it, in a heartbeat, if it meant that my life would be saved, but I told her not to."
"Why?" Angela asked, and Maura looked down at her sweet child.
"I didn't want to feel responsible for someone's death. Even someone as horrible as that."
"So what happened?"
"I gave the phone to Jane to take down to the crime lab. The next day, we found the body of the man who killed my brother. There was a picture of me as a baby and Paddy Doyle stuck to his chest."
"Did Ma...?"
"No. I don't think so. She promised me she wouldn't." Angela frowned up at Maura in deep thought. "But, I think she gave it to someone else to do it for her. For me."
Angela sighed and snuggled into her mother's side, wrapping her arms around Maura's waist and resting her head on her breast. "Keep talking please," she requested softly.
"Did I ever tell you about the time we stopped talking?"
"You and Ma?" Angela asked.
"Yes. It's..." Maura shook her head, "It's not one of my favourite memories."
Maura was standing in the warehouse talking to Kevin from the Fire Department. She was wearing a wire, hoping to trap him into a confession, while Jane, Frost and Dean waited behind the scenes, guns drawn. Suddenly, all hell broke loose. Kevin drew a gun, Maura immediately dropped down with her hands shielding her head, and Kevin was falling backwards, shot through the chest from above. Maura spun around and saw Paddy Doyle standing on a ledge above, gun still smoking. Dean darted out, and yelled out to Doyle to drop his weapon, firing a shot when it became apparent that Paddy had no intention of doing so. Paddy fired back at Dean, hitting him in the leg and then Jane was out there as well. Paddy seemed to hesitate for a second, but then appeared to come to a decision and started to aim. Jane whipped her gun up and Maura yelled out 'NO!' but Jane had pulled the trigger and Paddy Doyle was flying backwards, hitting the wood barrier which, weakened from the fire, snapped under his weight. Paddy Doyle fell over one story and Maura raced to his side, ignoring Jane's desperate cry of her name. Paddy kept saying the word 'Hope' and Maura was questioning him, wondering what he meant. Jane appeared at his side, ripping off her jacket as she came. 'Oh Maura,' she cried, leaning down to press her jacket to the wound.
'Don't touch him!' Maura said though, pushing the jacket away.
'Oh Maura, please...' Jane said, leaning forward again, and Maura again pushed the jacket away.
'No, I mean it!' Maura screamed, and Jane fell back on her haunches, looking at Maura through sad, confused eyes. 'Don't you dare touch him.'
"I was so angry. I didn't believe Paddy would have shot Jane. But you want to know the funny thing?" Maura shook her head and Angela tilted her head so she could see her mother's expression. "He told me he would have. And he was lying. I think... I think he wanted us to be friends again."
"How did you guys make up?"
Maura shook her head sadly. "It took a while. We were both so stubborn, angry and hurt. Hurt most of all I think. But we were trying to solve a case."
'Rachel definitely swam in that lake and I know why it's so polluted. I saw fracking equipment.'
Jane glanced over at Maura. "What is fracking?"
"It's a controversial process to drill for natural gas. They pump hundreds of chemicals, thousands of feet underground, it pollutes ground water..."
"You gotta be kidding me, that's why we pulled a Thelma and Louise?"
"Well Jane, it's illegal here!" Maura said. Jane's brow furrowed as she thought.
"But Rachel was a geologist. Maybe Sensei Mata didn't bring her to sleep with her; maybe he brought her here to help."
"But she wouldn't have helped; her interest was in the environment."
"Well, exactly. So maybe she saw what you saw, she uncovered the fracking and that's when..."
"And that's when the car smashed into the side of us."
Angela's eyes widened to almost comical proportions. "What?"
"We were pushed off the road and my leg was stuck when the bullets started flying."
"You okay?" Jane asked, looking over at Maura. Maura told her she thought she was and Jane leaned down, over Maura's leg, grabbing her phone from a pool of water. "Crap, my phone is wet," she said when suddenly Maura cried out in pain. "What, what? Can you move your leg?"
"It's stuck," Maura told her and Jane looked it over.
"Okay," she said, but then they were being shot at. "Get down, get down!" she told Maura.
Jane managed to fire off a few shots, then reached over and opened Maura's car door. "Maura get out of the car," she said, pushing against her friend. "Get out of the car!"
"I can't let my leg out!" Maura cried, struggling desperately as guns continued to be fired directly at them.
"Maura, get out of the CAR!" Jane cried, turning around to fire off a few more shots.
"My leg is stuck!" Maura grabbed at her thigh and tried pulling it out that way.
"Maura GO!" Jane screamed, and finally Maura's leg was free and she was able to crawl out of the car. Jane came after her, shooting every couple of seconds as she came. "Stay down, stay down," she warned Maura, jumping up to shoot and ducking back down again. "Go find a tree and get behind it, go, go!" she said, pushing Maura. She fired off a couple more bullets then started helping Maura up the hill.
"We walked for hours without seeing any signs of our gunmen," Maura murmured, now thoroughly lost in memories. She hadn't even noticed that Vince had crept into the room too, and was now sitting on the floor at her feet, gazing up avidly, "when my leg started to hurt so much that we had to stop. I asked Jane to take my boot off."
"What was wrong with your leg, mommy?" Vince asked, and Maura jumped slightly. She smiled down at her baby boy and ran her fingers through his hair.
"It's compartment syndrome," Maura said.
Jane looked frantic. "Well, what does that mean?"
"The post-tibial artery must have ruptured in the crash." Maura looked down at her leg and she couldn't stop her hands from wandering over it, as though her hands thought they could fix the damage even though her mind knew differently.
"But you've been walking on it!" Jane cried.
Maura gasped out "Blood from the artery is leaking. The pressure builds. And now the blood is trapped in one of the lower compartments of my leg."
"Okay, bottom line it for me," Jane insisted and Maura looked up at her.
"The blood supply to my lower leg has been compromised. I'll lose my leg unless..."
"Unless I get you to a hospital, come on!" Jane cried.
"No, unless you do a fasciotomy. I need something sharp." Maura started hunting through her pockets while Jane stared at her in disbelief.
"What? No, Maura, I...Maura, I'm not going to cut your leg off with a nail file!"
"Jane had to make a 6 inch incision on one side of my leg and a 5 inch on the other. She was so scared but she did..." Maura shook her head, "an amazing job. I was in so much pain that I was fading in and out of consciousness, and..." she shook her head again, "the next thing I remember we were in a car, with water gushing out of a pipe behind us. We were left there to die, but..."
"Type 4, 2, 1, 3, 9, 1, 0..." Maura smiled vaguely with her eyes closed and Jane looked up at the ceiling.
"Okay, thank you Maura," she said.
"Bing bing! Boop boop boop. Bing bing boop boop..." Maura murmured.
"Your Ma sent some Morse code symbols to Sergeant Korsak. He interpreted them and found us by the coordinates." Maura smiled gently, looking down at her two children who were rapt with attention. "I remember at the end, when Sergeant Korsak said to Jane..."
"You stayed with her."
"I wouldn't leave her," Jane replied, smiling fondly after them.
"We made up that night. Hugged it out."
"Is that the only fight you two ever had?" Angela asked. Maura looked at her.
"Every couple fights, Ang. What's important is that they know how important it is to fix it up later."
"What else did you fight about?" Vince asked, resting his chin on Maura's knee.
"So what are we arguing about here anyway? History, or are you just mad at me for who my friends are?"
"This is about work. Okay? I've just... I've just never seen you hugging suspects before."
"We don't even know what happened here!" Maura replied, gesturing to the body laid out on her table, and Jane just stared at her.
"You know what, maybe I'll just figure it out for myself."
As she walked out, Maura looked after her, unsure of what to do.
"I talked to Korsak about it. He said it seemed like your Ma just wanted to know I had her back. So I proved to her I did. And when we worked together we found out that it was my old boyfriend that had..." she looked down at her son, "that had been the bad guy."
Angela sat up and tucked her long thin legs under her body. She clasped her hands in her lap and stared at her mother, her eyes dancing.
"So when did you guys fall in love?"
Maura opened her mouth, and then something made her look down at her son. He had lifted his head off of her knee and was staring at her, his light hazel eyes curious and eager.
"I'd been arrested."
"Arrested?" Angela gasped, and Maura smiled at her.
"Yes. And that's a memory I won't be sharing anytime soon. But your Ma figured out I was innocent, even when I doubted myself. She got me out of jail."
"What happened when you got out?" Vince asked.
They were all clapping when she came through the door. Angela Rizzoli, Frankie, Cavanaugh, Frost, Korsak, Susie, and lots of other people too. And, of course right in the middle, stood Jane Rizzoli, a big smile on her face as she looked at Maura. Jane walked forward and Maura took a few steps to meet her, closing her eyes as Jane wrapped her up in a warm hug.
"Hi. You sure know how to make an entrance," Jane murmured in her ear and Maura laughed.
"Mmm, I was thinking of wearing my neon orange jumpsuit but I thought it would be too much."
"Yeah, you can wear it tomorrow," Jane smiled, then took Maura by the arm. "Soo... did you get any prison tats?"
"None that I want to show you," Maura told her and Jane smiled.
"So what do you want to do now?" Jane asked.
"Go to work."
"What? Go to work? That's not romantic!" Angela pouted and Maura smiled at her fondly, thinking how much she looked like her Ma when she did that.
"Well, that may be true but real love isn't like the movies. It's a process. Anyway, she came over to my place for dinner that night."
"Ooh!" Angela said and lay on her stomach, resting her head on Maura's lap. When Maura didn't start stroking her hair right away, Angela reached out, found Maura's hand and plonked it on her head. Maura laughed and started stroking, while Vince climbed up on the bed to curl up next to his mother on the other side.
"I was so scared, Jane," Maura admitted, and Jane reached out to grab her hand.
"I know. I was too."
"I mean, I didn't want to think that I had done it, but there was so much evidence..."
"But you didn't, okay? You were innocent, and we proved it."
"You proved it, Jane," Maura said, and turned to face her head on. "You never gave up." Maura paused, looking down at the cushion she held on her lap. "That video Angela had... what would you have done if she had given it to you?"
Jane didn't pause. "I would have deleted it."
"You would have gone to jail."
Jane half shrugged. "At least then I would have been able to protect you for a while."
Maura stared at Jane for a while after that, and when Jane's tongue darted out to wet her lips, Maura's eyes followed the movement. Everything seemed to come clear in that moment.
"I loved her. I loved her so much it hurt, and I was pretty sure she loved me. You don't do something that will land yourself in jail for just a friend." Maura looked at her children. "So I kissed her."
"Oh my G..." Angela started to squeal, but Maura interrupted.
"And Jane ran out the door."
"Why did she do that, mommy?"
Maura reached out and gave her son a one armed hug. "I think she was scared, buddy."
The next day it was as though nothing had happened. Jane talked to Maura the same way, joked around with Frost and Korsak, did nothing out of the ordinary. Maura was beginning to wonder if she had imagined the kiss, maybe even dreamt it. But then she caught Jane staring at her for just a few seconds too long, and Maura knew it was real. It had happened, it was freaking Jane out, but Jane also wanted it to happen again. She just didn't know how to instigate it.
That afternoon, Maura sent Jane a text, telling her she had something on the body they'd found earlier that day. She ensured all of her lab techs and criminologists were engaged elsewhere so that when Jane came down, they would be alone. Jane immediately headed downstairs to see Maura, as Maura knew she would, and as soon as Jane walked through the door, Maura grabbed her by the hand, yanking her into the office. When the door was shut, Maura reached up, tangling her fingers through messy black curls, and then slowly withdrew her hands slightly to run gentle fingernails up and down Jane's cheeks. Jane shivered.
"Den you kissed her, right?" Vince asked.
"No. Then I stopped and waited for her to kiss me."
"What are you doing?"
"Waiting for you to be ready," Maura replied, suppressing a smile as Jane's hands wrapped around her back. Their bodies were so close together now that there was no room for a hair to pass between them.
"What if I'm never ready?" Jane asked softly.
"Then I will never stop waiting."
"Then she kissed me."
Angela and Vince both sighed happily, their eyes dreamy. Maura smiled. Suddenly she jumped. "Oh, what's the time? 4:30! Okay, you need to start on your homework Ang, and Vince, you need to go do your homework for preschool. I'll start getting dinner ready."
Angela sighed and detangled herself from her mother, grabbing out a book from her bag and tossing it onto her desk. Vince popped up and started running towards the door while Maura stood up and slowly stretched her back out by bending backwards.
"Mommy?" Vince asked, and Maura looked at her son.
"Yes, honey?"
"Do you... do you think you could talk about Ma some more later?"
Angela, who had just plopped down in her chair, immediately twisted around to look at her mother too. Maura looked between the two of them. "You... you like me talking about her?"
"I do," Angela replied softly.
"We miss her, mommy. And I fink she would miss us. She'd want to know we were finking of her, right?"
Maura felt tears building up in her eyes. She nodded blindly, not trusting her voice at the present time. After a second she cleared her throat. "It won't... it won't make you too sad?"
"We're going to be sad anyway, mom. We might as well laugh while we cry," Angela said softly, and Maura looked at her two beautiful children. She silently held her arms out and they ran into them. Angela smiled at her, then sat back down at her desk, while Vince gave her an extra squeeze after his sister had let go.
"It's okay to be sad, mommy. I will always wipe your snot away, okay?"
Maura laughed, swatting him on the butt to get him moving.
As she headed out to the kitchen, she thought of other memories she could share with her children. Some would have to wait till they got a lot older, as they involved things that could not be explained away with just 'bad guys', but there were also some she would probably never share.
Maura was sitting at the table reading a medical journal when she saw the familiar BPD sedan pull up outside her house. Her face lit up as she jumped up, racing over to the door. The smile dropped from her face slowly when she saw Frost, Korsak and Tommy stepping out of the car in full uniforms, hats held in front of them. As if in slow motion, she watched them come up the stairs. The closer they came, the more apparent their distress became.
"She's dead, isn't she?" Maura asked, falsely calm.
Korsak let out a shaky breath. "I'm so sorry, Maura. She died a hero. An 11 year old girl is alive because of her."
Maura looked down at the floor at their feet. She wasn't crying. She just felt empty. "Come inside, I'll get you a cup of tea. You must have had a hard day."
The detectives and sergeant stepped inside and Maura immediately busied herself in the kitchen, making cups of green tea. She was about to put the last one down in front of Frost when Vince woke up from his nap with his regular squawk of ill temper. Maura jumped so violently that the hot tea sloshed over her hand.
"Ow!" she cried, racing over to the tap. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..." she mumbled as the cold water poured over her hand. Her head tilted as she watched the water flow down the drain, disappearing forever.
"Mommy," a little voice sniffled, and she whirled around. Vince was sitting on Frankie's lap, rubbing his eyes and holding his teddy bear by the arm.
"Sorry, Maura. He was crying so I got him up for you," Frankie said, cuddling the child to his chest.
"Jane got him that teddy bear. For his second birthday," Maura whispered, approaching her son slowly. "Three months ago. He loved it immediately. I've been meaning to ask her where she bought it so I could get another one or two."
Korsak stood up and put his hand on her shoulder. Maura looked at him desperately. "She can't be dead..." she pleaded frantically, "please, she can't be... not Jane... please, no, she can't be... she can't be..." she sunk onto the floor and started sobbing hysterically, not even hearing her son's wails as he joined in.
No, that was one memory that she would be keeping to herself. Vince was too young to remember, and Angela had been at school. The only ones that kept that particular memory were her, Korsak, Frost and Frankie and she intended to keep it that way.
As Maura chopped vegetables, her lips lifted at the corner while she thought of another memory that would not be shared for a good long while, if ever.
"I want to have a baby."
"I... Jane I don't know. The IVF process is difficult, adopting is a challenge. Both of our jobs pose a problem too, how are we going to manage it?"
Jane stared at her. "What's the real issue here, Maura?"
Maura froze, looking up at her wife with a terrified look in her eyes. "What if I'm a bad mother?"
Jane held her hand. "You won't be. You are an amazing person, and I bet you'll make an even more amazing mother."
"I'm scared, Jane."
"There's nothing to be scared of when I'm around."
They had decided to go for IVF so that the baby would be at least part one of them, when Frankie of all people, came up with a great idea.
"Why don't you use Maura's egg and sperm from one of Jane's family? That way the baby is genetically belonging to both of you."
Jane looked at him, then at Maura. "Who could we ask to donate sperm though?"
Frankie took a deep breath. "I'll do it."
Jane jumped up and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Are you sure?"
"Of course I'm sure. You guys deserve to have the family you've always dreamed of. And I know Maura will look adorable with a pregnant belly." He grinned at Maura cheekily. She just looked flustered.
"Me? I'm carrying the baby? Why am I carrying the baby?" she panicked, and Jane reached out to touch her.
"Because I need you to realize what a fabulous mum you're going to be. And the best way to do that is for you to carry the child inside of your womb."
Maura shook her head. "I'm scared, Jane."
"Hey, remember what I told you? There's nothing to be scared of when I'm around."
The first ultrasound had been amazing.
"Hear that? That's your baby's heartbeat," the ultrasound technician sound, as a fast beating came through the speakers.
"Oh... oh my God, that's our baby! That's our baby, Jane!" Maura squeaked, looking at the monitor at the little peanut on the screen. The little peanut that would grow up to become Angela Rizzoli-Isles.
Afterwards, walking out of the scanning place hand in hand, Jane stopped Maura. She knelt down in front of her, lifted her shirt slightly and kissed her barely protruding belly. "You are going to be the best mom ever," she whispered.
That night, after she'd sent both children to bed, Maura sat on the couch and thought hard. With suddenness that came of quick thinking, she leapt to her feet and starting walking around the house. Every single photo that had lain face down for the past 3 years were set out again proudly, hanging on their hooks or sitting on their stands. Every photo she raised got the same treatment: Maura traced the face of the beautiful woman within, lifted the frame to her lips and pressed a sweet kiss to it.
By the end of her journey through the house, tears were streaming down her face and she was sobbing quietly but she knew what she had to do.
Maura could tell that her daughter had noticed the changes immediately. Angela flung open the door as per usual, stumbled to the bathroom, washed her hands and came out, but that's where the regular morning routine ended. The steps down the hallway were slow and stilted. Maura closed her eyes, imagining Angela as she examined every photo, greedily drinking in her mother's image.
Angela eventually made it out to the kitchen and by then her eyes were shining with tears. She looked at her mother with confusion. "Mom?" she asked hesitatingly, and Maura just shook her head, nodding at the bowl on the table. Angela sat down but didn't pour herself any cereal, just watched her mother with a thoughtful look in her eyes.
About 15 minutes later, Maura heard her son get up. He made it almost all the way down the hallway before he noticed any changes, and Maura listened as he backed up, staring at the photos. When he came out to the kitchen, his mouth was opened and he stared at his mother in fascination.
"Eat," Maura said, and both of her children sat down and started serving themselves breakfast, still staring at her as though she'd grown three heads. Or perhaps it was more like she'd started handing out chocolate and they couldn't quite believe their luck. When they were more than three quarters through their cereal, Maura finally told them what was happening.
"I'm not going to work today guys."
"You're not?" Angela asked, after exchanging a look with her brother.
"No. You're not going to school either, and Vincey is not going to preschool."
"What are we doing, mommy?" Vince asked. Maura took a deep breath.
"I think it's time we visited your Ma."
They stopped off on the way to get flowers, and Vince insisted on buying a pack of gum as well. "Maybe she's got bad breff up in Heaven but she hasn't got gum and wants some, please mommy?"
It was late Autumn and the graveyard was beautiful and peaceful. Maura hadn't been there since the day Jane had been buried but she led the way confidently, finally stopping in front of the angel gravestone. She looked up at it with tears prickling her eyes.
"Hi Ma." Maura jumped at the sound of Angela's voice. Her eldest child had dropped to her knees in front of the gravestone. "There's so many things I want to tell you and can't. I really wish I could hug you again." Maura felt the tears slide down her face as she listened to her daughter's choked up voice. "I just wanted to tell you though that we're okay. I'm looking after mom, just like you told me to do if anything ever happened to you." Maura looked up at the sky at those words, gasping quietly as her chest heaved. "We're getting there. I love you Ma." Angela stood up and gestured for her brother to take her place. She walked over to Maura and slipped her hand inside her mothers.
"Hi Ma! I made a new friend at school yesterday, his name is Tony. He's really nice, and you know what? He's got two dads! And one of his dads is a cop. Or maybe he said dat he was a fireman. Anyway, he's really brave but I told Tony dat no one in the whole world is as brave as my Ma. Except maybe my mommy." Vince reached out and traced his fingers over the carved words in the stone. "I bought you a present Ma. Dis is a pack of gum, cause maybe you got bad breff up there like you had down here in da morning sometimes. And dis is my teddy."
Maura stepped forward, her mouth coming open in protest. "Mommy doesn't know I'm giving dis back to you, Ma, but I know you'll understand why. I'm a big boy now, but I was a baby when you had to go away. I can remember you just fine without my teddy, but maybe you need something to remember me." He smiled down at the earth, then back up at the angel. "I'm going to go now, okay Ma? I love you forever, but I think dat mommy needs to talk to you now."
He stood up and Angela grabbed his hand, pulling him back to stand with her. Maura froze.
"You can do it, mom. She needs to hear you most of all," Angela whispered.
Maura forced her feet forward. One step, two, three and there she stayed, trembling, until she slowly sunk down to her knees. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry I tried to forget you. I'm sorry I tried to make it stop hurting." The angel stared down at her and Maura found herself trying to read the expression carved into the stone. "Thank you for everything you've given me," she added, but it didn't seem like enough. "I promise to share our memories with our children. I won't hide you away from them anymore." She took a deep breath. "I love you Jane Rizzoli."
The delighted gasps from her children distracted Maura at this point, and when she turned around, it was to a world that had exploded with colour. The leaves had begun to fall off the trees en mass, with no wind or tempest to start the fall. Maura watched as her children held their hands up to the sky and spun around in giddy circles.
"Thank you, Jane," she whispered, before joining her children in their delightful dance.
END
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