Reflection by KirigiriKyoko
Disclaimer: I don't own Haikyuu
A/N: I'm sorry
mir·ror
ˈmirər/
noun
1.
a reflective surface, now typically of glass coated with a metal amalgam, that reflects a clear image.
2. A torture device
I stared at my cold reflection in the bathroom mirror, my dull blue eyes reflected the hopelessness I felt. A sharp stinging sensation engulfed my senses. A hot substance dripped down my side. Blood. My shaky hand held a razor, red liquid decorating the blade. Long, angry cuts littered both sides of my rib cage. All I could think about was how pathetic I was, how weak, how worthless. This had become a daily routine for me. Wake up, go to school, go to volleyball practice, come home, shower, self loath and cut, go to bed, repeat.
"Kageyama! Hurry up in there" I heard my mother call. I broke my gaze away from the mirror.
"Okay" I called back, my voice its usual monotone.
I wiped off the blood coating my torso and threw on a black shirt; if any blood seeped through it wouldn't be visible. I tossed on a pair of shorts and left the bathroom, carful not to leave any evidence of what I had previously been doing.
I calmly walked into the living room, throwing up a façade so my mom wouldn't see the mess I am.
"Welcome home from work" I said, giving her a hug, like usual.
"Thanks dear, how was practice?"
"It was good, we're definitely improving"
"That's good to hear"
A steaming bowl of rice and curry was set In front of me, the taunting smell wafting throughout the room. I put on my best fake smile and ate what my mom gave me, forcing down every bite. After finishing I placed the dish in the sink and rinsing it out before heading out of the room.
"Thanks mom, I'm kinda tired so I'm going to catch up on some sleep, good night, love you" I said, standing in the door way.
"Goodnight hun, love you too. See you in the morning" my mother replied sweetly. I left the room and quietly went down the hallway to the bathroom. I went in and shut the door, turning the sink on to mask any noise I might make. I ran over to the toilet and emptied my stomach off all its contents. I flushed the toilet, removing any signs of what I had done. I rinsed the putrid taste of barf out of my mouth and stood for a moment.
Weak.
Useless.
Hated.
Ugly.
Fat.
Pathetic.
A waste of space.
A lone tear slipped down my face as I stared into the mirror that constantly haunted me. I trudged my way back to my room and collapsed on my bed, drifting off into a dreamless sleep.
;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;-;
"Kageyama!" I heard Hinata shout just before I was slammed in the ribs with a volley ball. I was sent shooting backwards, hitting the ground with an audible thud.
"Oh my god Kageyama are you okay?" I nodded my head, even though my side was burning from the new cuts I had acquired from last night. I felt a little dizzy, but brushed it off. I attempted to stand back up, but a strong wave of nausea and dizziness hit me, sending me tumbling back to the ground.
"You're defiantly not okay kage!" Hinata shouted.
"Hinata, take him to the club room and help him" Suga said urgently. Hinata nodded and helped me into a standing position. I could feel a sticky feeling on the side I got hit. The cuts must have reopened. I covered the side where I was bleeding with my arm, hoping Hinata wouldn't notice. But he did.
"Kageyama, why- why is there blood on your shirt?" Hinata asked quietly, worry evident in his voice.
"It's nothing" I said nonchalantly, trying to get Hinata to drop it. Unfortunately, he didn't. He dragged me to the club room and slammed the door.
"Kage show me" he demanded
"No"
"Kageyama." Hinata said again, this time more threatening and forceful.
"No" I sunk away from Hinata, avoiding his gaze. The orange haired ball of sunshine was my ultimate weakness. Ever since I had come to terms with my feelings for the boy, it had become increasingly harder to act like I had before I liked him. Hinata backed me into a corner; staring me down.
"Please, let me help you" he pleaded.
"There's nothing wrong, I'm fine." I said Turing my head away.
"Getting hit with a volleyball doesn't cause people to bleed Kageyama"
My heart stopped, my eyes widened. We both knew that he had gotten me. There was no way out now.
"Please... Let me help you" Hinata said softly while griping the bottom of my shirt lightly tugging at it
"Trust me"
I stared into Hinata's pleading eyes. My arms slowly dropped to my sides in defeat. I began to shake slightly in fear.
What if he hated me?
What if he was disgusted?
How would he react to my jutting out rib cage from lack of nutrition and my angry red cuts and scars? I could feel my eyes water. Hinata slowly pulled the hem of my shirt up, still looking into my eyes. It was as if he knew what he was going to see. It was as if he already knew everything. I lifted my arms and let him completely pull my shirt off. I screwed my eyes shut, terrified of what would come next. A small gasp was heard, followed by a quiet "why?" I regrettably opened my eyes to see Hinata's sad face. Tears were threatening to spill out of his eyes.
"Why Kageyama?" He whispered
"Why!"
The sudden shouting startled me slightly.
"Why would you do this to yourself?" Tears began flowing from my eyes. My body trembled and gave way. I fell to my knees and hunched over, unable to control my emotions for any longer. Hinata slid down with me, holding me, making me feel safe, making me feel loved.
"You want to know why?" I said shakily
"Because of you"
I heard Hinata take a sharp intake of breath.
"Wha- what?"
He managed to choke out.
"Every day, I have to deal with the fact that you don't love me back!" I shouted, letting go completely.
"Every day I go home thinking that I'm too shitty and worthless to get the love of my life!" I said looking up to face him. Tears still flowing freely.
"Now you know, now you know how useless I am, now you know what trash I am, now you know..." Hinata began to cry hysterically and shake uncontrollably.
"Kage..." He said between sobs, "I've loved you ever since the begging of high school"
My eyes widened, did I just hear what I thought I heard.
"I always thought you were into girls or just straight up hated me"
"I could never hate you" I whispered, wrapping my arms around the shaking boys waist.
"I love you Kageyama. please, I beg of you! Please don't hurt yourself any more"
"I won't, I promise" I said smiling lightly, hoping to lighten the situation even in the slightest.
"I love you too, Hinata"
Hinata buried his head into my bare shoulder, brushing his had over my cuts causing me to shiver slightly.
"Oh Kageyama..." He said softly, sniffling slightly.
"Let's get you cleaned up yeah?" He said pulling me up. I nodded and took a seat on the bench closest to the bathroom. Hinata wet a cloth and began to gently mop up the blood. I watched as he wiped away the red substance, softly running his thumb over my old faded scars. He stood up silently and threw away the bloody rag. I stood up and pulled the boy into my arms
"I love you so much" I whispered into his ear, running my hand though his soft hair. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to say that" I said, coaxing a soft smile from Hinata.
"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that." He said getting on his tip toes and wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling my face closer. I finally gave into the temptation and closed the distance between me and him. My lips lightly brushed his, sending a jolt down my body. my stomach flipped, my heart raced, my face heated up. I pulled away just enough too look into the love of my life's eyes. The were sparkling, from lingering tears, but also happiness. I swooped in for another kiss, Hinata happily obliged. I tightened my grip on Hinata, never wanting the let him go. We pulled apart for air and pressed our foreheads together.
"I know I've said this already, but Hinata, I'm completely and utterly in love with you" Hinata's face resembled a tomato, earning a light chuckle from me.
"Kageyama, I am head over heals in love with you too" the orange haired spiker said back, smiling like an idiot. I shivered slightly from the cold, bringing us out of our revere. We moved apart unwillingly, I grabbed a new shirt while Hinata grabbed some antiseptic and bandages. I flinched at the sudden cold feeling of the antiseptic. The bandages were quickly wrapped around my rib and I threw on my shirt just in time before the rest of the team bursted in. After I convinced everyone I was fine, we all left for our respective homes. Me and Hinata walked hand and hand until the point in our walk where we had to part ways. I turned to face Hinata, his face was illuminated by the moon light, giving him a celestial appearance.
"You're beautiful" I whispered, before capturing his lips in a sweet goodnight kiss. I could feel Hinata smile into the kiss, causing me to smile lightly as well.
We broke apart only enough to see each others faces.
"Goodnight Hinata" I murmured quietly.
"Goodnight Kageyama, please, don't hurt yourself" Hinata pleaded.
"I won't, I promise"
Hinata smiled giving me one last peck on the lips before hoping on his bike and riding off. I walked home in a daze, my stomach still churning. I struggled to contain a dumb smile. I entered my home and was immediately greeted by my mother and I bowl of my favorite soup. For the first time in a long time, I was actually genuinely happy. Today marks the day where I throw away my razor, today marks the day when I stopped purging, today marks the day where I finally got to kiss the person I was so deeply in love with.
- the end -
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