Nicole still remembered the pain of getting shot by Willa, the slam of the bullet against her vest, her back barking into the door jam as she flew backwards. Her head was ringing from the strike to the linoleum as she fell along with her ears from the rapport from the gun. It had left her dazed for a few moments, lungs screaming for the oxygen that was ripped from them as her ribs felt like they were caving in with each heave.
She also remembered getting tazed once in the academy. It was mandatory for all going through training to be tazed so they would understand what it would feel like. Her entire body had seized and the scream that came out of her mouth was a little more high pitched then she would freely admit to…of course not as high pitched as the guy holding her when she, in her electrical fit, had grabbed onto his crotch with all her might. Both had fallen to the ground writhing. It as if every muscle in her body had turned to stone and the abrupt change had wracked her body in pain. Even afterwards she'd still been so shaky she thought she wouldn't be able to stand again.
Nicole Haught was no stranger to pain, even from a little girl growing up with two older brothers that she always chased after no matter what they were doing. Physical pain was something she was accustomed too…it was the emotional pain that still often left her reeling and almost wishing for a gunshot wound.
Dear Control Freak. I will talk to you when I want to talk to you. Until then, have a nice life hurting the people you love.
She had read the text so many times it was seared into her skull. It had been a few hours ago since she'd gotten it and had swung from rage to sorrow to bitterness to fury again. Fury at Waverly for not understanding, for not letting her explain…but mostly fury at herself. She had handled all of that so badly, she should have just given Waverly the letter and been there to hold her in the fallout. But she had been scared, remembering the devastation and fear in Waverly's soft gentle eyes at the thought that she wasn't an Earp, that her entire life was a lie and she was looking at an uncertain future.
It wasn't until her mind registered pain did she realize her fingernails were biting into her palm. She relaxed them, though a small part of her relished the pain because it gave her something else to focus on.
She was an officer, she was methodical and orderly and damnit she let her heart get in the way. She loved Waverly Earp with all her heart, but this last year or so had been hell and a small part of her sometimes wondered what would have happened if she had never come here. Would she still be up in Salt Lake City, making a name for herself?
No. As much betrayal and lies and deception and just general fucked up shit had happened she couldn't ever really regret moving here. For all it's weirdness Purgatory did feel like home. She had friends here, a family…and Waverly.
She had messed up badly, and it may be a very long time until Waverly wanted her back, but she wasn't going to stop. She was going to give her lover time, she was going to go about her job like she was supposed to, protecting her town and the people living in it from these Widows or whatever. She was going to protect the Earp sisters. She was going to push this hurt away and keep going, even though she honestly did wish more for a gunshot wound over the shattering of her bruised heart.
A knock at the door had Nicole perking up. No one really came over unannounced and for a moment her heart leapt. "Waves?" She called, moving to the door with a soft smile on her face. But when it opened, when she saw that it was not Waverly Earp that stood before her, but Mercedes Gardner in an all too familiar looking tattered black dress, a widow's dress, with a maniacal gleam in her eye and terrifying rictus on her lips only one thought made its way through Nicole's mind. 'Be careful what you wish for.'