I found a funny pic like this and it inspired a crack one shot. Enjoy!
Sasuke and Sakura both stared at the scene before them. Why, of all people, does Sarada befriend him? they wondered. Sarada had gone out, claiming that she was meeting up with a friend, so they had… *ahem* taken advantage of the unexpected alone time and went for a walk afterwards. Neither of them were expecting the scene in the tea house they had passed.
"... and he's only just now coming home and expecting it all to be ok," Sarada gripped.
"I see," the snake Sannin said smoothly. "Sasuke-kun does have an old habit of leaving Konoha for extended periods of time."
"It's just really frustrating," she groaned. Unbeknownst to Sarada, her parents were hiding nearby, ready to jump out and beat the ever loving crap out of Orochimaru if he so much as looked at her wrong. "I mean, he almost stabbed me when I first met him! You know you've been gone for too long when you don't even recognize your own daughter!"
"I understand how that feels," Orochimaru nodded. "My own sensei didn't recognize me after I was gone for over a decade. I was quite hurt. Sadly, he died shortly afterwards." Sarada patted his hand sympathetically.
"At least Dad's still alive. Hey, why were you away from Konoha for so long?" Orochimaru gave a one shouldered shrug.
"There was a slight conflict of interests, and I found it best to set myself up in a different area."
"That doesn't sound like a half bad idea…." Sarada mused, and her parents tensed in the bushes. "But Boruto would probably come after me going all 'Gotta bring you back to Konoha and our team'." Sakura's loud snicker was hidden by Orochimaru's laugh.
"Like father, like son, I suppose," he said. "Fufufu."
"Ugh, he's so annoying. Hokage-sama is much better."
"Aw, how sweet. What are we doing, dattebayo?" Sasuke and Sakura turned to see Naruto crouched between them and watching the proceedings with interest. "Spying on Snakeface and Sarada? I'm game."
"Shouldn't you be in the office?" Sakura hissed. Naruto shrugged with a small grin.
"Lunch break," he explained. "I have some time." They all turned their attention back the the conversation.
"Mom's crazy too," Sarada sighed, taking a drink of tea. "She's knocked down the house twice this month, and is always saying 'Oh, don't worry about your father, he loves you, he's just busy'." Sasuke winced as his blond teammate patted his shoulder. Sarada lowered her voice from the high pitched voice she was using and slammed her forehead into the table. Orochimaru waited patiently for her to continue.
"I think the only good thing out of this whole crazy thing is that I finally unlocked my Sharingan," she finished. Orochimaru visibly perked up, and Team Seven stiffened, ready to attack.
"Oh? Is that so?"
"Yeah, see?" Sarada activated her Sharingan and proudly showed them to the Snake Sannin. Orochimaru leaned forward and inspected them before sitting back.
"Your parents must be very proud of you," he said. "You remind me of your father at your age."
"He was probably an idiot," Sarada said. Naruto snickered. She stood and stretched. "Well, I should probably get going. Konohamaru-sensei's going to be annoyed if I'm late." She hugged him, and the Sannin fondly hugged her back. "Thanks for letting me rant, Uncle, I really appreciate it."
"Uncle?!" Sakura and Naruto shouted at the same time. Sasuke facepalmed as his daughter and former teacher spun in shock.
"Who the hell are you calling 'uncle'?!" Sakura demanded.
"I'm her uncle!" Naruto shouted.
"Oh, like hell you are!" Sasuke retorted.
"We should probably leave," Sarada said as Sakura separated her arguing teammates.
"Agreed," Orochimaru said, and they both went their separate ways.
It was nearly twenty minutes before any of them noticed the other two were gone.