Sometimes Judal felt like such a selfish fake.
He was always looking out for himself; doing what he wanted when he wanted and never caring who he hurt along the way so long as he got what he wanted.
It had never occurred to the raven haired teenager that his self-harming lifestyle could possibly hurt someone other than himself. He didn't know that each time he went out and got drunk, or stoned, at some shady little bar that he was hurting one other person. He really didn't care either.
Not until the call came in.
That one, single, devastating call from Hakuei that made his whole world come crashing to a halt.
Hakuryuu had died.
Hakuryuu, that little crybaby of a boy who had followed him around for years and years... The one person in his life who was always there for him despite all the shit Judal put him through, he was gone, and he had done nothing to stop it because he hadn't /cared/ enough to notice the way the boy was falling into a terrible depression after the deaths of his elder brothers... a depression that had pushed him to the point he'd taken his own life...
Judal couldn't believe it.
Could not and would not believe that Hakuryuu, his best and only friend, was gone forever... it just wasn't possible.
Two hours after the call came in Judal was at Hakuryuu's house and what he saw made his heart ache; yellow tape and camera crews, police sirens and an ambulance all piled out the front of the house.
'No... nonononono-'
Worry creeping up he dashed across the front lawn and ducked under the yellow tape, ignoring the calls of the crowd and shouts of Hakuryuu's family as he dashed into the house and up the stairs, heading straight for Hakuryuu's room.
What he found in there was something he would never be able to forget, no matter how much he drank or how many drugs he took.
The sight was burned into his mind like a brand- a terrible reminder of his one biggest failure...
He dropped to his knees with a strangled whine, ruby eyes wide with unshed tears as he stared at the lifeless body hanging from the ceiling fan, swinging slowly back and forth.
"No... no no no!" He cried out, lurching to his feet and frantically working to untie the cord wound around Hakuryuu's throat.
They dropped to the floor soon after and Judal could only stare in horror at the lifeless body of his best friend.
"Hey... y-you're okay right... c-come on... Ryuu... t-this isn't funny..." he whimpered quietly, reaching out with a trembling hand to touch Hakuryuu's face.
He was cold...
A broken sob ripped from Judal's lips as he stared at the boy on the floor. Judal shook his head over and over, clinging and pawing at the other boy, shaking him gently as he tried to wake him despite knowing it was no use.
He was gone.
Judal collapsed forward onto Hakuryuu's chest, clinging to the dead boys shirt for dear life.
And for the first time in forever... he cried.