Charlie And Dee Make A Really Good Team

Chapter 1

"Rum Ham! Rum Ham! Rum Ham!" The Gang chanted as Frank produced the rum soaked ham that he was saving for a special occasion. In an instant, everything was back to normal. Dennis was back to being his usual, narcissistic, douchy self... Mac was deep in the closet where he'd always been, and Frank was back to financing strange schemes and producing rum soaked pork products. Everyone was back to their normal, terrible selves. Except for Charlie and Dee, of course.

They did a good job of pretending that everything was back to normal. They got ripped shit on ham and insulted each other as they normally did... But there was no denying it between them... Things had changed.

Charlie had always loved Dee. He even told her so the day the McPoyle's held them hostage in the bar, after he'd kissed and slapped her a few times. But this time they had crossed the point of no return. Lunch at the diner and practicing Def Poetry together had them feeling especially close.

Standing in her apartment after he suggested they find an open Mic night, Charlie had fought with every ounce of his being to maintain control... And he failed miserably. He couldn't help kissing her. It was a reflex, really.

Charlie sat at the bar and sipped his beer, listening to the others as they ate rum ham and argued about trivial things. He let his mind wander to the events that had taken place at Dee's apartment that afternoon.

After their first kiss and a few awkward moments of silence, he threw himself at her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her passionately. The feel of her arms wrapping around him was all the encouragement he needed. He fell back onto the couch, pulling her on top of him. After ten minutes of heavy petting on the couch, Dee took him by the hand and dragged him into the bedroom.

Charlie sighed to himself, took a long swig of beer and a bite of ham. He glanced over at Dee, who seemed engrossed in the story Dennis was telling, but she had strange, awkward look on her face. Knowing that he'd caused the look, Charlie frowned.

It wasn't the sex that made it awkward between them, but the words Charlie blurted out to her during the sex.

"I love you, Dee."

He wasn't sure if she heard him at first, and he was relieved for a moment that she hadn't caught his slip of the tongue. The feeling was short lived though, as he rolled off of her and pulled her into his arms.

"You don't love me, Charlie. I'm no good for you." She whispered, so quietly that Charlie wasn't sure he heard her.

"Hmm?" He replied pulling her close, still in a daze from their unexpected romp between the sheets.

"I'm no good for you, Charlie. You should stay away." She said with a hint of regret in her voice. Without waiting for a reply, she got up, kissed him, dressed, and left the apartment, leaving him in her bed.

Now she wouldn't even look at him. Charlie tried to shake the bad thoughts from his mind and focus on drinking. He prayed that they could forget it ever happened and go back to just being buds. But part of him wanted to take things further. He realized that he'd spent the entire day with Dee without thinking of the waitress once. A slight panic seized him as he came to the realization that he might just love Dee more than he loved the waitress. As he finished his slice of ham, and tried to calm himself, he heard her call out over the bar.

"Later Boners. I'm going home. Have fun getting ripped on ham."

Charlie fought the urge to follow her and instead just gave a half-hearted wave. As he watched her leave, he looked up and saw Mac, Dennis and Frank eyeing him.

"I knew this buddy phase with you and Dee would be over soon," Dennis scoffed, "What'd that stupid bitch do to piss you off this time?"

"Nothing! She didn't do anything, alright? Lay off." Charlie snapped and they eyed him suspiciously.

"Whoa, Charlie, what got your panties in a twist all of a sudden?" Dennis asked.

"Nothing," Charlie said again, calmer this time, "Just tired. Def Poetry will really take it out of you. I'm going. See you at home, Frank."

~It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia~

At home, Dee made herself a rum and coke and flopped down on the couch. She mentally berated herself for the millionth time for sleeping with Charlie. "Nice job, Sweet Dee, you sure fucked that one up, didn't you?" She said to herself. She turned on the tv and tried desperately to take her mind off of him.

Three drinks later, she was lost in her mind. "You don't love me, Charlie. You love the Waitress. You love the Waitress, and I am just convenient. And I'm no good for you anyway." She slurred to herself. She glanced up at the clock and saw how late it was getting, but couldn't bring herself to go back into her bedroom yet. She made herself another drink and was surprised to her a soft knock at her door.

Looking through the peephole, she sighed when she saw Charlie standing in the hallway and opened the door.

"Charlie, it's almost 2 AM, what are you doing here?"

"Couldn't sleep. The cats are really loud tonight. I figured I'd see what you were doing."

"You want a drink?" She asked and he smiled.

"Sure."

She made him a rum and coke and they both sat on the couch in silence watching tv. Dee had lost count of her rum and coke's and could feel her eyes getting heavy. She rested her head against the back of the couch and felt Charlie slide his arm behind her.

"What are you doing, Charlie?" She slurred, too drunk and tired to open her eyes or pull away.

Charlie pulled her down so that she was laying on the couch next to him and her head was resting on his chest.

"Just getting comfortable, Dee. It's ok, go to sleep."

Dee almost immediately passed out and he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head, before closing his eyes and going to sleep.

An hour and a half later, Mac and Dennis keyed their way into Dee's apartment where they had been staying since their apartment burned down. The walked into the living room and both froze when they saw Charlie and Dee sleeping on the couch wrapped in each other's arms.

"What the shit is this?!"

TBC...