15 years. I still can't believe that I haven't seen Finny for 15 years. As I walk the floors of the school that changed everything, all I can think about is him. He is dead, and yet he cannot be, for I am him. I still have dreams of all the times we had, and nightmares of them too. It seems that he's still alive sometimes, and just waiting for me to- wait, who's that?
"Hi, I'm Beneatha Younger, what's your name?"
I have to remind myself that Finny is dead, and now I am visiting Devon.
"I'm Gene Forrester. I used to study here with Finny a while ago."
She looks at me, confused. I realize that I mentioned Finny, and almost break out into a laugh of embarrassment. Why can't I get him out of my head?
"I'm sorry, did I say Finny? He's just a friend me and everyone else had back in the day… back when everything was banana cream pie and war," I say.
"Oh, is he here with you?"
I take a minute to reply. It's not easy talking to someone and telling them your best friend, perhaps my only friend, is, well... dead, and that I was the one responsible for it.
"He's dead."
I expect to hear the "sorry's" and that "I didn't mean to make you remember" and all of that. What she doesn't know is that it cannot change things. I killed Finny. He died because of my loss of control and stubbornness at the tree. He might have healed if he wasn't injured again, but he was. And now he's dead. Sorry him.
"Oh," she says.
We converse a while longer in the hallway, speaking of things like school and life. Then I walk through the halls of the newly painted school, having memories flood back to me in a rush of good and bad.
Then I visit the tree.
The rain starts to fall as I walk outside.