Author's Note: Fai, why do you keep writing stupid AU fic? I... don't know. I just keep getting stuck on TLWA and then I'll write three pages, and then I'll write nothing. So you get this.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I gain nothing.

Tricky Business

Theo knew he was screwed when Luna walked into the office one day with a t-shirt ripped up the side with the slogan of 'nargle anarchy'. Zacharias Smith tried to make a fuss- "that's not policy!"- but he was inevitably beat out by the rest of their coworkers. Luna didn't seemed bothered by the exclamations. She just picked a mint up at his desk and went gliding back to her desk in the back corner.

"She's HR!" Smith was complaining, settling back in his seat. "She should know better!"

She was wearing a pencil skirt with it; it didn't match, and neither did her large cat-eye glasses. Later, when Draco called a meeting, Lavender tried to complain as well, and Luna pulled out a binder detailing the proper dress code. She wasn't breaking any of it.

Draco had rolled his eyes and dismissed them back to their desks, a bit frustrated. Theo had grinned at his friend when he stalked out, displaying the notes to the meeting with a flourish. "Want 'em?"

The blond rolled his eyes. "No, I don't," he hissed as they walked back to Theo's desk together. "Why is everyone so bent out of shape about this?"

"Probably because the dress code was created so you could wear your ripped jeans to work," Theo shot back, sliding into his chair. He looked over at the phone, which was blinking. "Time to get back to work, I guess. Want to do lunch?"

It was thanks to Draco that he had the job, too. He had been looking for months (nobody wanted a former model with no college degree) when his friend had suggested that he apply for secretary. Apparently, the Patil twin who was there was pregnant and decided to leave the company to be a stay-at-home mother.

It was a graphic design firm, and Theo knew nothing about design. But his friend didn't care, and Lucius, the CEO, didn't mind that he was clueless. He just had to answer the phones and transfer the calls, take notes during meetings… Basic secretarial stuff. And Theo was good at it.

He color-coded things, he had organized files. It was a great position for him, and it was even better when the pretty blonde girl had walked in and said that he had a good aura.

"Hello, Celestial Design. This is Theo, how may I help you?"

"Oh, good, Theo!" He cracked a smile, positioning the phone under his ear. "It's Luna."

"I know," he said. "How are you?"

He heard her grin through the phone, heard the way she shifted the cord through her fingers. She was the only one with a phone like that, and she insisted that it stayed that way. "I'm well, thank you. Cormie wants to know if we can lower the air, but he's too scared to ask you."

"Cormie?"

"Cormac," she continued. "I told him he's being dramatic, and the air isn't even up, right? Can you check? I think it's the office ghost. He's been in a terrible funk all week because someone moved his favorite plant."

Theo swiveled to the right, taking a peek at the thermostat. "Nope, nothing is different. So it's the ghost?" He had a smile on his lips as he asked. Theo didn't believe in ghosts as a rule, but he knew Luna did.

"Oh, probably. Could you come back here and help me move the plant a bit?"

She was already trying to move it when he got to the back of the office, her blonde hair pouring over her forehead and her large pineapple earrings swaying. Her cut up shirt was hiking up and he saw the outline of a dragon tattoo.

"Hey, Luna," Theo said, leaning over. "Where are we moving this?"

Luna straightened up. "You know, that's what I like about you. You have a grey aura, you don't believe in ghosts, but you're still being helpful." She shined her bright smile on him, and he swallowed.

"Well, I'm always helpful," he said gently. He just sometimes ended up helping the wrong people, and that was how he got fired from his last job.

They hefted the plant to the right, and Theo cursed. He didn't understand why Draco needed to decorate the office like they were in some tropical paradise, because having some genetically modified palm tree was the most pretentious shit he had ever heard of.

"A little bit more." She took a step back, holding her hands in front of her like a picture frame. "That'll fix our ghost problem. We still need to work on your aura, though. A threesome might help."

Theo swallowed again, shifting the tree where she directed. "What?" he asked dryly, trying to come up with a better thing to say. "Wait, what?"

"Do you want to have breakfast with me tomorrow night?"

"Is that against company policy?"

She looked pensive. "No," Luna answered a moment later. "No, it's not."