A/N: Hello, everyone, how's it going? One-shot about our favorite couple is here, I hope you'll like it :) As always, if you have any story requests, feel free to tell me. There are some side pairings in the story, like MarcoxMina (a ship I love and have recently joined, thanks a lot, xXpurpleskiesXx, hehe), MarlowexHitch (and I still can't believe I actually kinda like Hitch now) and KristaxYmir (because it's sooo funny to write Ymir's character).
Disclaimer: I do not own the Attack on Titan characters
A movement beside her and a pair of hesitant lips on her cheek slowly brings Sasha out of her light sleep. It's a kiss soft and gentle, like the summer night breeze that plays with the curtains of the motel room, but it's still enough to interrupt her dreams as steps walk away from her. As she rubs her eyes to chase away the sleepiness, she leaves a sigh that has hints of hurt, of melancholy—already a month in this road trip and almost every night is the same: a peaceful sleep, then waking up to retreating steps, painful moments lost in confused thoughts and then falling asleep again; or at least pretending to fall asleep again so Jean won't suspect anything, not wanting to put him in an awkward position.
Sitting up now, she watches him as he steps out of the room and in the small balcony, leaning on the railing and looking at the night sky and the sleeping town of Shiganshina beneath the motel building, no doubt lost in troublesome thoughts he doesn't want or isn't ready to share with her…and a stab of pain stings her at the thought of him dealing with his problems all alone. Despite the fact that this between them is still fresh, that they've been in this relationship only for a month, she wants him to open up to her, talk to her about whatever is bothering him.
Of course, she knows that this pain is actually illogical and only a product of the fears that follow her on this road trip he suggested, a result of her own issues she has to solve. It's not like Jean's been dishonest with her; she knew exactly what would be happening, from the moment he told her about his departure and pleaded her to follow him, so she was prepared for moments like these…but this doesn't stop the feeling of confusion and emptiness from creeping in her mind, like something dark whispering words of doubt and insecurity; she fights it, though, because she knows that it's just her fear playing tricks with her.
Sasha stares at Jean, his drawn features as he tries to control his breathing and calm down, his stance that yells at her that something's really wrong with him. A part of her wants to hug him and make him feel better, another is focused on the way he's grabbed her hands, his thumb slowly running over her knuckles…and another is still trying to process his words, his suggestion that they leave on a trip with unknown destination, for as long as they want.
It's been two weeks since that kiss between them, that very first kiss during Connie's birthday party that's left both of them in a confused state they still haven't discussed, both feeling too awkward and scared to talk about it, as if they have silently agreed that it was a spontaneous action, created by the joyful and vibrant atmosphere, the loud music, the dancing, the whole environment of the club around them. Still, Sasha can't stop thinking about it, wondering how she should react and what exactly it meant…after years of bickering and disliking each other, after having built a somewhat tentative friendship for Marco and Mina's sake…where does this kiss and this suggestion lead them?
"You're not saying anything," Jean misinterprets her silence for rejection and lowers his head while trying to pull his hands away, making Sasha grab them with a strength she didn't know she has; it's surprising, but even in this situation, she likes the feeling of their joined hands. "It's fine, it was probably a stupid idea anyway—"
"No, no, it's not that, I'm not saying 'no', it's just…well…I didn't expect that, to be honest. I-I mean, how did you come up with the idea for the trip, anyway?"
"Sasha, I'm leaving anyway, the day after tomorrow." Jean explains and his voice holds bitterness, determination and a hint of hope that's only for her, that small part of his that still hopes that her answer will be positive. "I have…things to sort out and I need to leave this place to do that! It's something I need to do, staying here isn't helping me right now."
"But…But if you're leaving to sort out a mess…Jean, what good would I do you by coming too?" Sasha doesn't play it difficult and, in all honesty, the thought of the two of them on their own makes her stomach tighten as if she's fifteen years old again; not even with Bert did she feel like that, not even in the first days of their relationship, it's something totally new for her, it's pleasant and confusing at the same time and it feels like she's gonna burst at any moment. "Why not going alone and having the quiet you need?"
Jean leaves a sad chuckle and looks at her like he hasn't before, with a look of compassion that softens his usually cold and emotionless face, as he frees a hand from her grip and gently traces her face, her cheeks, the black bags under her eyes that match his with his fingertips. It's a clumsily tender gesture and it's obvious that this is new for him as well, but Sasha can't help but love it and has to fight with all her strength in order not to lean into his touch, close her eyes and pretend that this is something normal for them; after all, there's still much they need to clear.
"Because I can see that you have stuff messing up with you too, so I think it'll help you. And we can sort everything out, not just…our personal issues," he gently replies and he doesn't have to elaborate; both of them know what he means, it's finally time for them to make clear how the two of them will go on. "Just you and me, away from everything else that can influence us."
Sasha doesn't know how Jean realized that she has her own emotional problems this period of time. Only Marco and Mina know and these two surely haven't spoken to him…unless he managed to read her like an open book because of his own drama, because he can see when someone around him faces a difficult situation. It seems, though, that this argument is what breaks her last resistance, because she finds herself nodding and even smiling at the thought of them travelling on their own.
Jean had reacted so enthusiastically at her agreement, hugging her tightly and giving her warm kisses, that Sasha had managed to forget her worries and fears for that day. She had simply basked in her thoughts of fresh starts, had laughed at Mina's joyful reaction when she told her the news and had promised Marco she would give him daily updates about where they were.
Now, though, as she stands up and walks barefoot outside, joining Jean and feeling the sense of the night breeze against her, everything comes back. After all, this isn't a vacation new couples take to have some alone time and maybe test waters; this is a travel for a new couple to face their existing ghosts and sort out their feelings for each other. Still, Sasha can't help but feel helpless and cold at the still-existing distance between them, like a wall raised between them to keep the other away from their troubles; not knowing what's in Jean's mind scares her, because she falls into a trap of guessing and trying to encourage him to open up.
"Anything interesting?" she asks him softly, leaning against the door that leads to the balcony and watching him; he frowns at her question without looking at her, a sign that he's listening but doesn't understand what she means.
"Hm?"
"You stare so intently at the stars, as if something really fascinating is written in them," she comments with a half-felt smirk, although she chuckles when she sees him suppressing a laughter himself. "Oh my God, breaking news, ladies and gentlemen, Jean Kirstein does remember how to laugh!"
Now Jean can't stop himself from snickering as he turns slightly to look at the young woman standing near him, hazel eyes averted from him and focused on the empty road underneath their balcony. It's something refreshing, this silence of the town, especially compared to the busting streets of Trost, the booming music from the city's bars and the vivid nightlife. Now, with only the sound of a nightingale surrounding them and the stars bathing Sasha in a goldish light, Jean can't help but admire her lovely appearance, her relaxed stance, the soft, comforting smile that adorns her face. She looks so different now, carefree instead of lost in thoughts and sad and troubled like she is during the mornings, obviously trying to put her own drama in order, returning his behavior by refusing to talk about what's on her mind.
Jean feels bad for that, he knows they're both hurting each other that way and, truth be told, it's a miracle to him how on earth Sasha hasn't burst out yet, accused him of bringing her on this trip for no reason and returned to Trost alone. I guess she has more patience than I had thought…or the mess she needs to clear doesn't allow her to rest either, he thinks now, giving her a half-attempt at a smile, only to give up after a few tries and frowning again. "I'm sorry, I know I'm not the best company when I'm like that."
"Hey, no complains, I have such moments too, if you don't remember. After all, you told me how things would be from the beginning, it's not like you're crushing the dreams I had for this trip or something." Sasha comments, but she's not telling him the entire truth. She did know how things would be and she agreed to come with Jean because she saw it as a chance to get away from everything tormenting her, so Jean's brooding isn't the problem here.
What troubles her, what makes her feel the urge to cry, is the way things are between them, this distance, the uncomfortable silence, the way Jean leaves her side at nights. She knows that it's not because he doesn't care about her or because she has second thoughts; she knows that this distance is once again a consequence of the issues they have to solve. But it's something eating her, killing her inside…making her want to tell him everything about Bert and plead him they go through their problems together. Especially when she remembers how Mina was the first month she and Marco got together, the girl was practically dancing from joy, smiling and laughing like a school girl and hugging her out of the blue.
Jean and she have also been together for a month and they act like someone forced them to become a couple. Not that they're arguing or that he's not kind towards her…but there are more silences than tender moments, less hugs and more him dismissing her whenever she tries to stand by his side.
Well, if Sasha wants to be fair, she's been acting the exact same way towards him.
Unable to handle the guilt that comes with such thoughts, she approaches him after a small hesitation, still quite scared of his sometimes unpredictable reactions. Still, she decides to leave her fear aside as she gives him a hug as gentle as possible, enough not to suffocate him and yet show him that she's here, that there's nothing he needs to be afraid of, her arms around him and her forehead pressed against his shoulder, as if she's trying to draw warmth and strength from him.
"Sasha…"
"Shhh….Everything's alright. I'm here."
Abandoning his distant behavior is something instinctive for him right now, encouraged by her loving stance and the calmness her hug transfers him. He returns the embrace almost automatically, one arm resting on her back and the other on the back of her neck…his face is buried in her hair and he's inhaling her scent of apples and flowers and something refreshing, like the lazy summer mornings they spend, relaxed and planning their next destination. It's soothing and intense at the same time, like she gives him the time he needs to put his thoughts in order, but still wanting to be close to him.
But then everything strikes back; everything he left behind, the harsh words he used to hear on a daily basis, his worries that he'll fail, that he won't be good for his father, for Sasha, for his friends, the insecurities for his future…and he pulls away from the embrace, no matter how much he needs it.
"You should go back to bed, don't forget we're leaving tomorrow," he says and lightly caresses her arm before turning his eyes towards the starry sky again. "Get some more hours of sleep."
Sasha, slightly hurt, slightly confused, opens her mouth to say something, to insist on staying with him, to tell him that he needs the rest too…but then she decides against it, after all, Jean will possibly dismiss her once again. Trying to fight the tears that start dwelling in her eyes and the feeling of uselessness that starts overwhelming her, she simply nods briefly before leaving him on his own and lying down again, twisting around restlessly several times before falling back asleep.
Jean leaves a loud sigh and closes his eyes for a moment, as if this will chase away the immense guilt that tortures him. He aches by how much he's hurting Sasha, but there's no other way; until he figures out what he's going to do he can't risk getting attached to her. Before he can return to his previous thoughts, though, his phone vibrating next to him startles him and he quickly closes the balcony door so Sasha won't be disturbed.
"Marco?" he answers the call afterwards, wondering why on earth his best friend is calling him at this hour. "Why are you awake, is everything okay in Trost?"
"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, I just woke up and called you because I guessed you'd be awake." Marco whispers as well, probably not to wake up Mina…or maybe because he doesn't want Mina to hear what they'll say. "After all, it seems that you're trying to become either a permanent insomniac or a freaking vampire by staying awake for hours almost every night."
"Well, you were the one who always said that night leaves much room for reflection and deep thoughts; decided to follow your advice."
"Yeah, I said that, but I didn't mean that it should become second nature to you…nor did I mean that you and Sasha should leave each other out of your problems!" Marco comments and now his voice sounds strict and comforting at the same time; it was always a characteristic of his, giving advice and still having the guts to scold the other.
"It's not like it's our intention, you know, but it's been only a month, so what did you expect us to do, open up immediately or something?" Jean sighs loudly; yeah, good old Marco, always encouraging the others to be open and trusting towards those close to them.
"I didn't say that, of course it's up to you guys to take your time, but from what both of you try and fail to hide from us, things have quite escalated. Like, seriously, I had expected at least one of you two to tell the other what the problem is…isn't that the reason you took Sasha with you? So she'll calm you down and have the space she needs to sort out her own thoughts?"
"Key word is 'space', Marco—"
"No, my friend, key phrase here is 'being together and yet so distant that you could be in two different universes'!"
"And what should I tell her, hm? That I'm twenty years old and still don't know what to do with my life? That I allow my father to insult me and consider me the family's black sheep without even standing my ground? Or that I'm so scared of messing this entire relationship up?"
"Yes, Jean, that's exactly what you should tell her! Because it's totally normal not knowing what to do while being twenty and it's totally normal to be scared of a new relationship!" his childhood friend replies and, despite not seeing him, Jean can easily imagine him rolling his eyes and facepalming.
"Even when you're sure that Sasha's more important to you than any other relationship you've had?" the brunet raises his voice slightly and gasps immediately because these words escaped spontaneously; and yet, it feels somehow good, right, to admit it, especially to Marco, who won't mock him for becoming all emotional.
"Oh my God…this can't be true!" Marco exclaims and now sounds as if he wants to burst out laughing. "You admit that Sasha's important to you and you're still dead scared of hurting her…still scared of trusting her? No," he quickly adds before Jean can interrupt him, "don't start with the goddamn self-hating act, Jean, seriously! You're not weak, are you listening, and you're not messed up, you're just an ordinary guy with everyday problems like all of us. And if you're honest, if Sasha truly is that important to you, you need to find the courage to open up to her…who knows, maybe she'll be encouraged to open up to you too."
"Yeah…perhaps you're right." Jean mumbles, not knowing what's right and what's wrong right now while trying to stifle a yawn. "Thanks, buddy."
"Don't mention it, you know I just wanna see you and Sasha happy. Now, try to go and rest instead of constantly brooding, it's unhealthy." Marco chuckles, but before Jean can say goodnight, he continues. "Oh, and Jean?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't tell Sasha, but Mina says that if she returns from your road trip in tears, you won't live to see another day."
"It's so good to see you again, Jean." Krista smiles at him as she pulls away from the bear hug he gave her and turns towards Sasha, who's watching the scene in amusement. "And so happy to meet you, Sasha, can't believe Jean, Marco and Mina kept you hidden for so long."
"Yep, I'm the secret miracle of the group." Sasha jokes, making the other two laugh loudly. "And it's great to meet you too, His…toria?" she hesitantly utters the blonde's name while reading it from the pass that's pinned on her blouse, together with the logo of the hotel she's working at in the crowded city of Mitras—a city Sasha never thought she could afford visiting, but, according to Jean, 'knowing the receptionist who can make sure to rent you a room has its perks'.
She has the feeling, though, that Jean didn't randomly pick this city as their next destination…she doesn't even believe that he chose it simply to see his friend from high school again. There's something in the way he looked when he suggested they stay here for some days…something in the way he greeted the young woman…something in his smile, uncertain and mischievous simultaneously, although she can't guess what's behind that; and she definitely won't ask him, since she'd probably receive another dismissal as an answer.
"Please, just call me Krista, that's how everyone calls me," the shorter woman smiles at her now, although the smile has a sad and somewhat nostalgic tone. "My birth name is…let's just say that no one uses it anymore."
"Yeah, thank your stupid, cynical ex for that." Sasha hears Jean whispering under his teeth in order not to be heard by the other, but when she looks curiously at him, he simply shakes his head discretely in a I'll-tell-you-later way.
"So, how long are you guys staying?" Krista asks now, taking a more professional voice as she starts opening pages on her computer. "You said something about a road trip…"
"Yeah, we haven't really decided how long we're staying, let's say…three days for now?" Sasha suggests and Jean nods in agreement, although it's clear that he wants to take the conversation elsewhere: the mischievous grin has appeared on his face again.
"Okay, three days it is…and I made sure that a room is free for you…"
"Krista—"
"And now you're here you should definitely visit downtown, Mitras has so many chances for you to have fun—"
"Krista!"
"Hm? What?" the blonde focuses back on Jean, but right now she looks anything but professional; it might be Sasha's imagination, but Krista seems to intentionally avoiding Jean because of something really serious bothering her. Since she can not know, though, she simply smiles and watches the scene unfolding.
"Come on, Krista…Both of us know you're gonna ask sooner or later."
"Ask about what?"
"About whether Eren stopped being a maniac—who do you think I'm talking about?" Jean playfully rolls his eyes and winks towards his brunette companion, who returns the gaze as if she's wondering whether he's gone completely mad. "Come on, you've been itching to ask about Ymir ever since I called you to tell you we're coming, so what's stopping you?"
Ymir? Wait a sec, that name rings a bell! Sasha thinks and vaguely recalls the brooding and grumpy dark-haired woman working at the bar she and Jean had gone for drinks after that tennis match Marco and Mina had imposed on them with the hope to solve their constant bickering; how she avoided their glances and Jean's questions. Of course, the memory brings back something else from that night, something that stings her from time to time, but she tries to block it for the moment and think about it later.
"Well, I'm not asking because I know she's alright; Ymir could always look after herself, she's too strong to be held back by a break-up that happened almost two years ago."
"So I guess you won't believe me if I tell you that she's nastier than ever, snapping at the smallest chance and constantly on edge like she wants to call you and doesn't have the guts to." Jean corrects Krista's wrong prediction; he can see that the blonde didn't expect that…unless she expected that and simply didn't want to believe it.
"Honestly, I've only seen her once and she had this I-screwed-up-with-my-life-and-everything-sucks look." Sasha adds and Jean could seriously kiss her right now, because he guesses that this argument will convince Krista; the fact that even people who don't know Ymir that well have gotten it. "Maybe she needs some encouragement from you?"
"I…I 'll think about it." Krista nods and becomes her professional self again, focusing back on her work. "In any case, hope you'll enjoy your stay here, I'll try to find some time off work to hang out."
When Jean and Sasha retreat to their room, Krista spends several moments staring blankly at the computer screen without actually paying attention to it, thinking about everything she's learned and everything left unsaid. There's something about these two, about the way they behave around each other, like there's a distance between them and yet an odd understanding, as if they want to be closer but don't know how…well, that reminds her of a certain someone.
It's been almost two years without any form of contact…one would say it's overdue…if anything, at least to make some things clear.
Before she can regret it, Krista grabs her cell phone and dials a number she hasn't used in what seems like forever, but also didn't have the heart to erase from her contact list and truly move on.
"Ymir?"
And while some things have taken its way, others still are in that confusing and frustrating state they were from the beginning. As Jean sends a quick text to Marco to tell him where they are, Sasha takes out a few books from her bag and places them on the bedside table, only to be interrupted by the ringing of her phone. When she sees the caller's ID, though, she leaves an audible gasp of surprise, of hurt, of unpleasant memories coming back to her.
What the freaking hell is that about?! After everything that's happened—
She closes her eyes, tries to control her ragged breathing as the old disappointment and feeling of helplessness creeps up again; that dark cloud in her mind that whispers how no one will truly love her, how she's a burden, how she will never be good enough. Opening her eyes again and ignoring Jean's concerned glance towards her, she denies the persistent call and, with a sudden move, throws her phone on the pillow before slumping down on the bed, bringing her knees to her chin and burying her face in them. She can feel her eyes stinging and getting wet, but she swallows; she won't cry for him again, no way, she has that much dignity left!
"Sasha? Sasha, hey." Jean's voice sounds right in front of her, unnaturally gentle as he kneels in front of her and takes her hands in his, slowly relaxing their tight grip around her legs. "Hey, it's okay…to feel like the burden you have is too much."
Sasha raises her head abruptly at these words and almost gasps by the honesty and concern his gaze reflects. Until now she had thought they had an agreement: that they don't mention the emotional weights they carry, facing them alone and putting the necessary distances between them. Now, though, Jean seems to be willing to be here for her; without asking what's going on, without pressuring her to tell him, yet still by her side, giving her the freedom to choose herself whether she wants to open up or not; and it's the first time in a month that Sasha looks at him and feels happy to be with him, the pleasant shivers down her arms and a sudden wish to trust everything in him; everything Mina had described her in a fit of joy when she and Marco first got together, every emotion of falling for the other, she's feeling right now herself. Maybe, in the end, that's why she decides to talk, right now, about all that hurt her: his comforting presence and the fact that now she feels closer to him than ever.
"It's funny you mentioned Ymir earlier…remember that night? After that tennis match Marco and Mina had suggested because they thought it'd help us solve our constant bickering since both of us love tennis?"
"When you kicked my ass, you mean? Of course I remember, drinks were on the looser, after all," Jean laughs and fondly caresses her arms, looking back at the memory with amusement and contentment; they had gone for drinks that same night and, in the end, it was the first step in him liking her, in seeing her as a witty and funny young woman and not as the annoying childish Potato Girl he had met in freshman year of college.
The bar is filled with young people as always, Thomas is the DJ for tonight and plays one of his favorite songs, Petra is walking from one table to the other to make sure that everyone's satisfied and Marlowe and Ymir, behind the bar, are once more in a heated conversation, with the young woman throwing her hands in the air and Marlowe shaking his head as if he's wondering how the hell he ended up working with her.
Jean loves this place; of course he doesn't admit it openly and constantly complains about the music, about Ymir, about Marlowe, about the crowded place that doesn't allow you to breathe; but it's obvious to everyone by now that this is nothing more than an attempt to hide how much he enjoys being here and teasing his friends. Which is why he didn't hesitate for a moment to bring Sasha here after their tennis match; naturally not without new strings of complaining about having to go out for drinks with the little mischievous potato weirdo that seems to have his annoyance to death as a personal goal!
Still, he can't help but secretly observe her as they approach the bar and he orders her drinks while she goes to find them an empty table; she looks so different tonight, as if she's a different person from the one who competed against him this morning and had a determined expression and spark in her eyes. Now that she's refreshed herself and has dressed up, he almost finds her really pretty, sweet, not annoying and irritating like he's considered her in the two years he knows her.
"So, Kirstein, does your cute date know what she's gotten herself into?" Ymir wants to know with a sly grin as she follows his gaze and Jean returns back to his almost permanently angry expression. "Or should I warn her about what jerk she's involved with?"
"What? No! Shut up, she's not even my date!"
"Oh, so how do you call it when you come here with a girl and buy her drinks too?" Marlowe joins the teasing, making Jean leave a frustrated groan; why is he tolerating them again?
"A lost tennis match and a wounded pride, that's how I call it; and, by the way, you two have no right to speak, your own love lives are even more messed up! At least I didn't break up with the love of my life because of some stupid I-will-destroy-her fear, Ymir!"
"Hey, just because Ymir's an idiot for breaking up with Krista doesn't give you the right to talk about Hitch like that!" Marlowe disagrees, ignoring Ymir's protests in the process. "I'm perfectly fine with my own love life, thank you very much."
"Yeah, perfectly fine with dating Trost's biggest idiot."
But when he leaves the two of them to go to his table, he notices that Sasha has lost her carefree and mocking look from earlier; now she's sullen and has lowered her head as if she's trying to avoid someone specific. They may not be friends, but he can't help but feel a tad bit worried about her, wondering what changed her mood so sudden.
"You looked so sad then, so distant, but…you said everything was okay." Jean comments, trying not to give his tone a bitter voice, trying to stay calm…to make clear that Sasha still has the choice and the right not to tell him anything.
"Yeah, I…I was still kinda uncomfortable and closed with you back then." Sasha says almost apologetically, but the gentle chuckle he leaves tells her that it's fine; after all, everything was still awkward between them then; hell, they've only just begun trusting each other. "I couldn't tell you I had spotted the guy with whom I was together for almost two years and who dumped me for his high school love."
Jean's amber eyes widen when he hears these words, not only because Sasha willingly revealed what has been bothering her this period of time, but also because he can't imagine Sasha, the always optimistic Sasha, being so melancholic because of some jerk who hurt her; not to mention that he feels a sting in him, which is totally stupid because of course would Sasha have other relationships before him, why is he suddenly feeling like that?
"I met Bertholdt at a party during freshman year and somehow things clicked at once." Sasha is still avoiding Jean's gaze, guessing how he must be feeling, listening about a guy of her past; but his grip on her hands doesn't loosen and gives her courage to go on. "He was quiet and laid-back and so shy that almost everyone believed he'd be too embarrassed to be in a relationship, but…it still worked, there…there was nothing that could…
"Anyway, a couple of months before…before the tennis match, Annie came back to Trost after spending some time aboard. She…She approached him and he talked to me about her…said she was his first love interest in high school, but it was over now, nothing would change, I had no reason to fear."
At this point Jean squeezes her hands even tighter, because he can guess what will follow and he tries to suppress the wild anger that threatens to overwhelm him for Sasha's sake. And at the same moment he can't help but think about his own previous brief affairs…he had always heard how indifferent he is, how emotionless, how he doesn't care..but now, as he sees Sasha so hurt from what has happened to her, he truly realizes for the first time what it means to care and support the one you're with.
"I was stupid enough to believe him…or, I guess, I was blind to see the truth, I wanted to believe him, I wanted to believe that he was honest after two years. Until I caught them kissing in his dorm and he dumped me in an instant."
"Wait….wait…wait…you caught them kissing and he broke up with you?" Jean doesn't want to interrupt her, but her statement brings various thoughts in his mind…maybe she still has feelings for this Bertholdt guy, maybe she's on this road trip to find out ways to make her emotions clear?
If that's her choice I'll respect it, I won't pressure her to do anything, she needs to decide for herself!
"Oh, he just happened to be faster than me, I wasn't planning on begging him to stay with me or something." Sasha's next words put his worries at ease and he can't believe how relieved he feels…he stares at her, at her determination to put this ordeal behind her and it's like he's seeing her for the first time, as if he truly realizes now that he's with her and that there are absolutely no regrets. "And now he has the nerve to actually call me, as if there are any excuses—"
But Sasha can't continue because Jean pulls her closer to him by the back of her neck, kissing her so firmly and warmly that she can't even think properly, let alone form words. She can't stop the surprised gasp from escaping her lips; it's the first time she's being kissed like that, with so much emotion, a hint of despair and full of determination, like Jean wants to erase every remaining memory of Bertholdt and the hurt he caused her from her mind; she feels like drowning in a mess of feelings as she kisses him back, hesitantly, and she feels the old anger and a newfound happiness in her. Jean doesn't let her go and she's shivering, she wants to cry, to laugh, to do something equally stupid, but the only thing she can do in this state is cling tightly on his shoulders, not wanting to pull away.
"Don't allow any jerk to think of you as a second choice, you don't deserve that," he whispers as she tries to regain her normal breathing and his hand draws soothing patterns on her neck. It's a weird feeling, intense and content simultaneously, something he's experiencing for the first time. He's perfectly honest, though; even if things between them don't work in the end, Sasha needs to understand that she deserves someone who will have her as his priority; someone who won't leave her with the first difficulty.
"Thank you…for listening." Sasha has truly tears in her eyes, a result of everything that's been building up this month, of the hints of pain still left behind, of his words; still, she gives him her brightest smile while hugging him as tightly as she can and resting her head on his shoulder. "And I'm sorry for being such a cold jerk all this time."
"Hey, if one of us is the cold jerk here, that's not you, it's me; don't steal my job, you crazy Potato Girl."
"Shut up!"
"Mitras is nice, I get now why Krista likes it so much here." Sasha comments some time later while they're taking a stroll through the crowded city that's bigger and more populated than Trost. She's feeling much better now, calmer, more optimistic and her mood doesn't even fade when she notices that Jean seems distracted, despite the way he smiles at her.
"Yeah, it seems that this life suits her," he only mumbles and absentmindedly squeezes her hand, as if he's trying to draw strength from the trust she showed him earlier. "Although…can you imagine me studying and living here, becoming a well-known lawyer like my dad wants me to be? Or can you see me as a Sociology student who sends the family pressure to hell and follows his own wishes?"
Sasha looks at him abruptly, at his serious face, at the way he avoids her eyes as if he's embarrassed that he has such doubts, but relief is her main emotion right now, because, in a few sentences and without long speeches, Jean has trusted her with his own drama that's leaving him restless at nights. And the sensation this realization leaves behind is so bittersweet for the both of them, so touched that they've finally opened up to each other, that she squeezes his hand in return, thanking him silently for talking to her while processing his words. Jean gives her time to think, understanding that he put a lot of responsibility on her with his question; but, still, her answer is not what he expects to hear.
"I can't choose for you; I can't even influence you," she replies sweetly and leans against his arm. "You have to decide yourself; to choose what you'll regret less. You want to come here to study, I'll respect that; you wanna stay in Trost and become an excellent sociologist, I'll be proud of you."
And at this point Jean realizes that he's fallen hard and that it feels good.
Sasha never thought she had much influence on others, not even her closest friends. Having lived a childhood filled with her father's reprimands and the insulting of the other children in the neighborhood, she always believed that others didn't consider her something more than a goofy clown, a trickster, maybe, in the best cases, a funny friend to have. But when she enters her room after a quick breakfast and sees Jean talking on the phone in high volumes, the young man taking her hand to assure her that he wants her there, all this crumbles and shatters.
"If you truly wanted what's best for me, you'd let me decide for myself instead of constantly telling me what a failure I am!" Jean yells and Sasha quickly caresses his arm, concerned for his tensed nerves. "Well, newsflash, dad: I live my life, not you, and I need to choose the option I'll regret less!"
Sasha smiles proudly at him, happy that Jean has the courage to face his choices and wishes even if they contradict the ones of his family. She's standing so close to him that she can hear Mr. Kirstein shouting from the other end of the line, speaking about 'lost opportunities' and 'wasted time'.
"The one who wasted time here, father, is me, because I've wasted way too much time trying to make you proud and seeing all my attempts fail! So I better be a failure to you than a disappointment to myself!" After hearing his father's angry answer, Jean rolls his eyes and simply ends the call, locking his gaze in Sasha's; there's something in the atmosphere, a tension, a relief, a sensation of new starts and comfort and first love blossoming right in this moment. "That felt good," he comments in the end, his voice oddly calm and quiet after the previous yelling. Sasha doesn't reply, only continues staring at him with wide eyes before grabbing her own cell phone and dialing a number with determined moves.
"Sasha?" she hasn't heard Bertholdt's voice in months and feels like being released from a weight when she notices that she doesn't feel anything at the sound, neither pain nor anger. "Thank God, I've been trying to talk to you—"
"And what? Give me some nonsense explanation? Save your breath, I don't wanna hear anything, I'm way past that!" Sasha cuts him off, talking with composure and a coldness in her voice Jean has never heard before. "It's been months and now you decided to explain?"
"Sasha—"
"Spare me, Bertholdt! I couldn't care less for your explanations. You made your choice and I'm not anyone's second option, got it?"
As Sasha hangs up, her gaze meets Jean's again, both pairs of eyes shining, expressions grim and yet with something soothing for the other's sake. Sasha's looking at him as if she's congratulating him for standing his ground, while Jean's look is so intense, as if he's fiercely proud of her; now the tension is evident between them. When they close the distance between them, neither one knows who made the first step. Their kiss starts chaste, sweet, as if it's their first one, as if they're trying to calm the other down now that the wounds start closing. Soon, though, everything that has transpired today crashes down on them, turning it fiery, desperate, full of fear about what comes next, yet still so loving that all pain fades away.
"Have you thought about our next destination?" Jean asks her gently later that night, as they cuddle in the silence of their room; he doesn't feel that urge to stand up and think about everything on his own, like before.
"How does Trost sound?" Sasha's sweet, whispery voice has a hesitant tone, not knowing how the other one will take it, that suggestion they go back home now that they've sorted everything out.
Judging from the soft kiss he brushes against her shoulder, everything's fine.
"Are you sure they'll come today?" Mina asks Marco as she walks up and down in the kitchen, in a cooking frenzy for her friends who are coming back.
"Yes, Mina, I'm absolutely sure." Marco smiles patiently, enjoying her excitement; this is the twentieth time she's asking.
"And are you sure that Sasha sounded happy on the phone?"
"More than happy, so there's no need for you to kill Jean."
Mina has a comment ready, but at the sound of the doorbell she leaves a joyous squeal, throws her apron on a chair and runs to open the door and fall in Sasha's arms, engulfing her in a tight embrace. Jean and Marco, laughing, exchange a high-five and they go to the living-room so the girls can have some moments in private.
"So, what's up with you?"
"What's up with me?"
"Come on, Jean, don't act a fool." Marco snickers and gives his best friend a pat on the back. "You were all miserable when you left, you kept telling me how messed up you were and now both of you look like you returned from your honeymoon or something!"
"Well, we've cleared everything that bothered us and now we're simply moving on from there." Jean replies, trying—and failing—to sound like it's no big deal. Of course there's still fear and insecurity, but at least now he doesn't have the impression that everything's falling apart around him.
"It seems that road trips have become pretty popular; Ymir herself left two days ago without even telling us where she's going, she only told us to mind our own business." Mina announces as she enters the living room with Sasha and the latter shares a secret look with Jean at this comment; Jean winks at her and she giggles, something that doesn't go unnoticed by the others.
"Guys, do you know something about that?" Marco wants to know and they quickly feign ignorance.
"What's there to know?"
"Why would we know something about Ymir's crazy leaving?"
Neither Marco nor Mina believe them, of course; they clearly act like kids who've won a bet while all the odds were against them. But as they watch them now, so happy and carefree, they sure as hell won't insist; after all, they'll find out sooner or later.
They don't know what exactly happened to ease the mood between Sasha and Jean so drastically and they'll probably never know. After all, it led them to this moment so, whatever it was, it was definitely worth it.
A/N: So, that's it, folks, the one-shot has come to an end, I really hope you liked it ;) Stay tuned, because more will follow, hehe :D