All This Time You've been Hiding in My Heart
Author: Pokari, Pokkangel@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: you know it's not mine
Summary: Severus is pregnant for the last 18 years, and he isn't a Death Eater. Lucius is a spy for the light and Sirius had a big problem here.
Rate: R
Category: Romance, drama
Pairings: Sirius/Severus
Warnings: male pregnancy.
Time: Harry's 5th year at Hogwarts.
Note: Unbeta-ed
Chapter One
Severus walked slowly through the empty classrooms. He was particularly happy this morning. He woke up and found that his morning sickness was worse. That could only mean one thing. 'Sirius want his child too. That's why the baby was growing now.' Severus thought warmly. 'Eight more months and I could see my baby.' The thought made him feel warm inside and he felt like doing something nice. 'I might even be nice to those Gryffindors.'
He passed a classroom that was slightly opened. He didn't find it strange to hear whispering sound. 'Probably some students hit puberty and wan to snog.' He didn't go against it, that was why he was pregnant in the first place.
"What if he died, Hermione?" Severus stopped. It was Harry Potter. He felt a little cold, who might die and make Potter so sad. So lost.
"Harry, we can't be sure." Hermione tried to cheer him up. Severus caught her wrapped her hand around his shoulder. Ron was at his other side.
"What do you think you're doing here?" Severus startled them. "Breakfst is olmost over and classes will start. I suggest you three go to the Great Hall and prepare for your class."
"Professor." Harry suddenly leapt up and faced his most scary professor. "Have you heard from Sirius?"
Severus stopped. He lifted an eyebrow to the boy. "What make you think that he will write to me?"
Harry blushed. "I got a letter form Remus. He said he lost contact with Sirius. They were attacked. Remus said he was okay but he wasn't sure about Sirius. He couldn't find him. What if he died?"
Severus stopped listen after Harry told him about the attack. He was too caught up with what Harry told him that he didn't stop his rumbling. 'Is that why he want the baby now? Just to ease his guilt?'
Severus dismissed them. "Get ready for your class." He let them with anger built up inside him. 'How dare he did this to me. To our baby.' He gritted his teeth. 'I would never forgive him if he died.' Severus went to his first class he would find the Headmaster after lunch to find out about the truth.
~Ö~
The first class was the second year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. He told the class to read a book and make some essays, which the students silently complied.
At peace, Severus' mind drifted back to Sirius. They were close during their fourth year. And Sirius asked him out on their fifth year. He accepted it because Sirius was a handsome boy. He didn't realise that he fall in live with him until he found out he was pregnant. He wanted to tell him, but it was full moon, the night when Sirius would always disappeared. But he saw him when he went out with Potter and Pettigrew so he decided to follow.
He was scared to death when he faced the werewolf. Luckily Potter helped him. Sirius was far behind his friend but he too came to his rescue.
"What do you think you're doing?" Sirius asked coldly after he transform back form his animagus form. "I've told you not to follow me."
Severus was still very pale but he tried to speak. "I just want to tell you that I'm pregnant."
"You got to be kidding." Sirius looked at him strangely. "We don't need this joke right now." He pushed Severus toward the castle. "Come on, I'll take you to the infirmary."
Severus let him to be stirred. He felt numb inside.
'He didn't want this baby.' Severus sighed sadly. He ignored it when his students sent strange scared glances at him.
After that particular night his relationship with Sirius had changed. They avoided each other. And Severus started to hate him. He hated him ore that before they were lovers.
Madame Pomfrey had checked him and found that his baby had stopped growing. It didn't die, more like in dormant.
"The baby will grow again if both parents want it.' Madame Pomfrey looked at him with pity. "Tell me who's the other father, Mr. Snape, and I'll talk to him."
Severus could never stand pity. It was the last think he needs. So what, the baby was sleeping.
'But now, he's growing.' Severus looked lovingly at his flat stomach. He had a constant morning sickness for the last eighteen years. It changed yesterday and got worse this morning. That was how he knew his baby had woken up form the long sleep.
The Headmaster had been concerned about him. He banned him form flying for the baby's sake, which he completely agree. He never liked flying anyway. 'But Sirius loves flying. And he always race with Potter. Showing off with acrobatic movement.' Making the girls screaming his name and the boys envying his skill.
He dismissed the students absently when the bell rang. And space out while waiting for his students for the next class.
Carrying the baby for eighteen years, he had stopped calling the baby 'it'. He wanted a baby boy, someone like Sirius. He was sure that his baby would take Sirius' looks.
Severus frowned when his next students came in. the fifth year Slytherin and Gryffindor.
He could see that Harry was still upset but knew that it wouldn't stop Draco from teasing him.
He didn't like Harry but he still Sirius' Godson. Maybe Draco taunting would make him stop thinking about Sirius for a while.
"Today you will make a simple healing potion. Each of you, pair up with someone from different house." The students were shock. They were just looking at their professor. "What are you waiting for?" He growled. "Unless you want me to pair you up." Knowing full well that Draco would choose Harry.
"Now if the potion work right, you will feel lots better. No head ache." He looked at his students. "But if you fail, you'll fell your head is likely to explode. And each of you will test your own potion."
Severus waved his wand and the list of the potions ingredients were written on the blackboard.
The students frantically wrote down the list. It would disappear in ten minutes, replaced by the instruction how to brew it.
Satisfied, Severus walked back to his seat. He watched Draco fondly. Lucius had been a good friend to him especially after he found out about his pregnancy. He tried to make things easier for him.
Lucius had asked him to join the Dark Lord. He was always thirst for power and the Dark Lord had promised him that. Lucius was angry when he first refused but showed his support when he told him about his baby.
Severus wanted to live a quiet life for his baby. And Lucius understand that. He didn't asked about the father of his baby and Severus would always be grateful for that.
They kept each other secret. Severus didn't tell anyone about Lucius join the Dark Lord and Lucius never mention about Severus being pregnant.
Severus never talked to Sirius ever since the accident. And to his despair, Sirius never asked him about his pregnancy. Instead, whenever he saw him, Sirius was always with Remus. They were getting closer than before and Severus started to hate them both.
The night when the Potters were killed and Sirius was caught had changed their lives.
Severus went to Lucius and told him who was the secret father for his baby. He was so shock that he cried on Lucius' shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Sev. I didn't know about the attack." Lucius rubbed Severus back, at his attempt to soothe the black hair man
"What should I do now, Luc." Severus sobbed. "They took him to Azkaban. He'll die in there."
"He is a strong man, Sev." Lucius growled a little. "He was too stubborn to be died."
"But he'll go insane and forget everything about me." Severus was desperate. "He would forget that he had ever love me and he would never want my baby." Severus hugged his stomach tightly as if to get the strength for his unborn child.
"I'm sorry, Sev. I don't know about the attack."
"No," Severus shook his head. "You don't know."
"Just stay here for a while. We'll take care of you."
He stayed with the Malfoys for a week. Played with baby Draco, talked to Narcissa and cried more.
Lucius' life was change too. He went to see Dumbledore and willing to be his spy as long as he kept his family and Severus safe. Which Dumbledore just did. And Lucius help him arrested the Death Eaters who planned to take revenge for their lord.
'And now that he was freed, he spent his time with Lupin. Again.' Severus thought bitterly.
He looked at his students and found that they all almost finish it.
'Now it's not just me. I have my baby to be considered.' Severus had made the decision. 'I'll find him and this time I'll make him stay.'
Severus stood up. "Time's up. Put your potions safely. We'll test it next class." He watched impatiently as they cleaned their cauldron.
After the last student was out, he locked the classroom and went to find the Headmaster. They had some unfinished business.
~*~
7 November 03, 4:54 pm