Title: Shane's Game of Life
Pairing: Shane/Andy
Length: 8713 words (WIP)
Warnings: slash, incest, angst, underage sex, violence
Rating: NC-17
Summary: When Shane changes schools he falls in with the wrong crowd. But just how much will his new friends change him and how will his new person affect the people around him? Andy decides to take on the role of fatherly figure to Shane which conflicts with Shane's interests. (I don't know. I'm bad at summaries)
A/N:The story is in non-linear format. There are three stages, Early, Middle and Late, which should give you some idea. Also the fic has not been beta read by anyone so the writing is quite raw. I have posted this same story on my LJ account, morningbreather.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Weeds or the lyrics from the songs Hurt Me - The Jezabels or Wake Up - Arcade Fire, which have been labelled when used.
(Late) I've a dream of you with half a face (Hurt Me - The Jezabels)
Shane leant against the concrete wall and waited. His fringe shaded his eyes in a thick curtain and he folded his arms across his chest. He didn't want to look for him; Shane wanted him to come to him. He knew it had been over twenty minutes but he would persist, no matter how cold the weather was getting. He rubbed his bare arms with his hands to warm himself up a bit in the brisk afternoon air.
He felt warm finger tips touch his forearm. He looked up to see him and proceeded to lift himself off the wall and walk with him down to his apartment. They didn't make contact, not even exchange words, until they reached the threshold of the apartment door. Only then did Shane grab the man by his shirt and pull him inside, kicking the door shut with his foot.
(Early) It used to be that when you said you believed it, i would believe it too (Hurt Me - The Jezabels)
Nancy was working at the Maternity wear store regularly now, Doug was out of the house and in his own apartment, and Silas was out banging the cheese maker. Things seemed to become somewhat more normalised, if ever the Botwin's could be normal. Andy had harnessed his father figure role by taking up the household chores, which included cleaning the house, preparing food and driving the lads wherever they needed to. Andy grinned at the prospect of him having a purpose in life.
He dropped the washing basket on the couch and began drawing clothes out to fold into a pile. Nostalgia washed over him as he remembered his mother standing around the same place, doing just about the same thing as she watched her two sons trundle in from outside, dragging dirt all over her newly scrubbed floors. He could just hear her sigh. . . He looked down at the clothing he held in his hands and gasped at what he saw. He grabbed a portion of it and let the fabric fall. His first attempt at being a house-husband and he'd ripped the clothes in the wash!
Andy quickly scrambled through the basket of washing and carefully pulled out all clothing that he'd ripped and bundled them up beneath his arm. He had intended to take it to his Mother's sewing machine but it then occurred to him that he had no idea where it was in this house that he once knew.
"Andy! What are you doing?" A voice croaked from behind him.
Andy spun around to see a startled Shane, cheeks flushed slightly.
"I'm ah – I'm . . . I'M SO SORRY SHANE I RIPPED EVERYONES CLOTHES UP IN THE WASH AND I WAS GOING TO SEW THEM UP BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE SEWING MACHINE IS! IT'S SUCH A TRAGEDY!" Andy wailed, throwing his fists down on the back of the couch dramatically.
He felt Shane move around him and looked up to see Shane plop himself on the couch in front of him. Shane picked at the bundle of clothing Andy shielded with his arms but to no avail.
"NO SHANE! I have failed at being the role of the house-husband! I have a chance to repent," Andy looked Shane in the eye, "I will buy you all new clothes!" He said determinedly.
Shane only frowned. "Andy, all those clothes are mine."
"I DIDN'T MEAN TO TARGET YOU! I PROMISE, THERE WERE NO ULTERIOR MOTIVES! JUST COINCIDENCE THAT IT WAS ONLY YOUR CLOTHES THAT GOT RIPPED! I WILL BUY YOU NEW CLOTHES, I SWEAR!" Andy pressed his lips together and clenched his fists, guilt washing over him.
"No Uncle Andy, it's okay," Shane said coolly, still frowning, "They're meant to be ripped. That's the style of the clothes."
Andy unclenched his fists and stood upright, still clutching the bundle of clothes close to his chest. Andy frowned at the clothes and then at Shane. He drew out one item of clothing and let it dangle between them. It was a pair of black jeans, ripped at the knees and around the hem, stringy at the lining. It was then that he noticed the chain that connected from one pocket to the side of the belt section.
Andy's frown furrowed. He was thankful that he wasn't the culprit of the ripped clothing, but he really didn't think Shane would be into that kind of style. He thought of him more as an indie, vest/sweater wearing type, not a ripped jeans, ripped t-shirt type . . . let alone chains? It wasn't like he had a problem with it, he'd love Shane no matter what his life choices were, besides, according to his ex, Yael, girls dug the 'emo' look. But then he'd never met any other girl like Yael before. God she was amazing in bed – in bed? Oh god, Shane? No, he couldn't be. What an absurd thought to think Andy! No way is he into bondage! He's only thirteen!
"How come I've never seen you wear these before?" Andy finally asked.
"You just never see me when I do. You weren't meant to do my washing either. You know, I can do it myself." Shane said slowly, still frowning.
"Oh sorry . . . I just thought I'd do something house-husbandly for you." Andy explained.
They stood staring at each other for a while, until Andy realized that Shane was probably waiting for him to hand over his clothes.
"Well don't do it again." Shane replied shortly.
Shane stepped off the couch and rounded it to Andy. He stood before Andy, waiting for the clothes to be handed over to him. Andy couldn't help but study his face and notice the bags beneath Shane's eyes. How long have they been there for?
"Sorry . . . I just wanted to help." Andy said before handing the clothes over to Shane.
"I don't need help!" Shane almost growled before trotting upstairs.
Andy frowned again, and frowned at the thought that too much frowning had been happening. He returned to the washing basket and continued folding the clothes into piles. Once he was done he scooped up Shane's clothes – the kind he knew about – and headed upstairs. When he reached Shane's closed door he knocked on it hesitantly.
"What?" Shane questioned in an annoyed tone.
"I have the rest of your clothes." Andy said, raising his voice slightly so it could travel through the wood.
"Okay." Shane replied.
Andy paused. "Can I come in so I can put them away?"
He heard some scuffling from behind the door and in moments the door was swung open before him. Shane grabbed the clothes from Andy and threw them behind him without a care in the world. Andy gaped at the clothes skewed on the ground.
"Hey I worked like a good house-husband to fold those clothes. Why would you do that?"
Shane shrugged and began closing the door in Andy's face. Andy kept the door open with his hand. He frowned at Shane.
"Shane . . ." Andy said, lost for words.
"Andy I've got things to do. Can you like . . . leave?"
Andy pursed his lips. What happened to the lovely, polite Shane? Who is this rude, inconsiderate person who has replaced him? Andy slipped his hand off the door and shoved his hands in his pockets. He nodded and returned downstairs. Surely it's just his rebellious stage. . . Is this what Mamma had to put up with when dealing with me?
(Early) The Beginning
Andy fidgeted anxiously at the kitchen bench. He glanced over at the kitchen clock. 9.32am. Everyone had left the premises except him. He was planning on heading over to the mall to buy some groceries but something was keeping him home, and he wasn't quite sure what it was. He remained seated on a stool at the kitchen bench, throwing an apple between his hands. Just as he'd thought the Botwins were finally getting to some sort of state of normalcy, something blew up in his face. Well it wasn't that it wasn't normal for other families, he just didn't think it would happen to them.
Andy had discovered Shane's unusual lifestyle change. He'd always imagined Shane become chess champion, computer whiz and teacher's pet as he grew up in his school life. But now he hears reports from the school that he has been absent from class for many days and his class are beginning to worry about the state of his illness. What illness? What was he meant to do? His nephew was skipping school, god knows where he is or what he's doing.
What happened? What caused this change in him? Andy wanted to know the answers so he could rectify Shane before anything bad happened to him. He couldn't bear it if Shane turned into someone who hated his family, or if he turned into someone like his family. Shane was really the last hope, especially for Nancy, who truly would not be able to handle knowledge that the last thing that is normal in her life, is no more. Andy decided he's handle the situation himself, that way Nancy didn't have to know about it.
He was startled out of his thoughts when he heard the back door open behind him. He spun around in his seat to see Shane stepping through the doorway.
"Shane? What are you doing here?" Andy asked shocked.
Shane closed his eyes and slowly opened them again. "I missed the bus. I thought I'd wait around to see if another came afterwards but one never came so I came home."
Andy hopped to his feet and grabbed the keys to his van. "I'll drive you to school. I have to drop by the mall anyway."
"Uh – no I've already missed part of school so I may as well stay home right?" Shane suggested, trying to push passed Andy.
"Hey, hey. You're not getting away that easily, you have to go to school to get an education you know? I'll drive you, easy. Besides, it's only 9.30, you haven't missed much." Andy insisted, placing a hand on Shane's back.
Andy steered him out the back door and around the house, quickly enough so that Shane didn't get a chance to argue. He unlocked the van and opened the passenger seat up for Shane. He nodded toward it and watched him as he climbed up into it. He then rounded the front and joined him in the van.
"You don't have to do this." Shane said in a low voice.
"I know, but I am." Andy replied and started the van.
The drive was fifteen minutes from home. Andy had so many things he wanted to ask Shane but he didn't want to bombard him with them, he would much prefer Shane to tell him his thoughts at his own pace. He glanced over at Shane when he reached over to the radio and flicked it on. He tuned it to a radio station Andy hadn't heard of before and cringed when he heard the kind of music it played. He grimaced but he let Shane leave it on the station.
Heavy metal music blared into his ears as he drove through the little traffic to the school. He didn't want to be one of those parents who got really cranky with their kids and enraged them. He wanted to be cool and easy, but not to the extent that the kid starts to think he can do whatever he wants. Perhaps this was where Nancy's fault lies?
"I left my lunch at home." Shane said quietly, almost inaudibly under the music.
"I'll give you some money for the canteen." Andy offered, "My wallet is in the glove box."
Shane opened the glove box and fished out his wallet swiftly. He opened it and gasped at the money bulging from it. Andy laughed at his reaction.
"I do actually do some work around here sometimes. Not all of our money comes from your Mum."
Shane glanced at Andy, "How much can I have?"
"Take a twenty." Andy grinned.
He knew it was too much but the boy had no pocket money or anything of the sorts.
Shane smiled a small smile before he covered it with his plain straight face. He drew out the note and slipped it into his pocket. No thankyou? Oh, okay then. . .
"I need some new clothes." Shane added, still clutching the wallet.
"You know, you can take my wallet and go shopping after school. How's that sound? – But you must give me some change. That money's meant to last me a week you know." Andy offered.
"Cool. Thanks." Shane replied, slipping the wallet into the pocket of his pants.
"Ah, here we are. Hop out kiddo." Andy said as he pulled up outside of the school.
Shane scrambled out of the van but before he could close the door, Andy called out to him.
"Don't spend it all!"
Andy smiled. He felt like he did something good for Shane. He never got anything from his Mum, she was always too busy with her own life dramas to worry about Shane. Andy admitted he didn't actually mind of Shane spent all the money. Shane needed to have someone generous in his life, someone who cared about him enough to do nice things for him. And Andy would be the one to do that, he would be mother/father/uncle to him, all in one!
(Late) I remember praying at the dinner table, waiting for you to come around (Hurt Me - The Jezabels)
Andy sat with his hands clutching his neck, forehead on the glass of the table. His food was cold again. He'd microwaved the meal twice already and he knew three times would just completely ruin it. Where is he? He didn't dare look at the time. He knew it was going to be a horrible time. He only wished he knew where Shane was.
He sat up and dragged his fingers down his face. If he had longer nails he surely would have scratched himself. He swallowed tears. He refused them to pour from his eyes or a cry to burst from his throat. He wouldn't allow it. What if Shane came in and saw him crying? What would that look like. He couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear this. Waiting.
A car screeched out front and he practically leapt off his seat. He ran to the front door and peeked through the curtains. His heart throbbed in his chest. He couldn't fathom what he saw. Blackness overwhelmed his vision. He knew it was true, but he didn't want to admit it. Why? How could he? Andy grasped his shoulder and pressed his other hand on the window to steady himself. He wanted to look but he didn't want to look. Shane. Shane kissing another man, pressing himself up against him and touching the stranger in ways Andy wished Shane would touch him.
His heart was a stone in his body, and suddenly his entire body felt like it was made of heavy stone. He trudged over to the dinner table and grabbed a knife, then slowly made his way to the bathroom. He wanted Shane to burst in the front door and say it was a joke, or it wasn't him, or it was all a dream - what are you talking about? I'm all for you, there's no other man in my life. But at every step, every millisecond, there was no movement behind him, no sound but the purr of the engine outside. He clenched his fist around the knife.
Why wasn't he heading outside to kill that man? What was he doing? Why did he always have to run away. It was all that he could do. It's all that he knew to do. He knew that if he went out there, what kind of face Shane would pull. He has seen it too many times, he knows it won't be the face that he wants to see. It would be the face of a vulture, but if Shane were to stand right next to himself he wouldn't be able to see his own face in his eyes.
Andy kicked open the bathroom door and dropped his hands to either side of the sink. He coughed up some form of disgusting liquid, but the taste of it was better in his mouth than the sour taste of hate and sorrow. He couldn't help but let the salt water pour from his eyes now. He no longer had the will to stop them.
His vision went blurry, which he was thankful for, because looking at his reflection in the mirror was something he would not like to do. But he could not keep his eyes away from the vulture that stared back at him. He had become one too. He had picked and ruined Shane and this is his results. He had warped Shane to no repair and he would be doomed, eternally doomed. Andy clutched at his shirt and sobbed.
Everything was a mistake. Why didn't he realize it? Oh but you did, you just wouldn't accept it. Andy bashed his fist on the sink and relished in the thudding pain he felt in his hand. He picked up the knife and took it to his throat. His arm shook and he winced his eyes shut.
Do it. Do it. Do it.
He could end his life. He could end his misery and all the falseness he had experienced but he couldn't leave Shane. He loved him. He couldn't leave him to suffer in the cruel world without help from Andy.
What help have you given to him? NONE. You made him like this!
Andy gasped as he pressed the blade against the skin of his throat. He was wrong. He was a bad man and deserved to die. He – why didn't Shane love him? He did everything for him, he . . . Andy loved him so much, so much that it hurts and he knows it's wrong but he can't help it.
You haven't done enough.
Andy let out a wretched sob and threw the knife into the sink. He couldn't even kill himself. What a pitiful man. He had done all he could. He didn't know what else to give Shane. How could he make things better when it was already so bad? He was helpless, and all he could do was keep loving Shane with his entire heart, no matter how much it hurt him or –
Why isn't Shane inside yet? It's taking him a long time to finish with that man. I bet they're doing something else.
Andy grabbed the knife and seated himself on the edge of the bath before pulling down his pants. He spread his legs and set the knife on his thigh. He couldn't lose Shane. He just couldn't. He clutched his mouth and wailed into his hands, trying to muffle the awful sound. He knew what he would do. He knew he would live with the knowledge of all the other bodies and he wouldn't question Shane, he would wait for Shane to tell him, he would wait like he always had and always will – for Shane to tell him his lies are lies, for Shane to share his thoughts and tell Andy he loved him. He would wait for that the most, because he couldn't bear to ask, and the answer be no. Andy couldn't handle that, he really thought that he would die. He would much rather turn a blind eye than to know the awful truth. He would wait until Shane was ready and he would be happy again.
He didn't scream. He only sighed at the feeling of the sharp blade of the knife gliding through his skin. He felt the warm blood spill out over his skin and he watched as it trickled down his leg. He shuddered again as he moved the knife a centimetre across and repeated it. All his thoughts dissipated as he focused on the pain of the cut.
The sound of motion prompted Andy to move his eyes toward the figure that had emerged in the doorway. The light sheeted over his face, lighting up every feature, making his eyes illuminate like fire as he observed Andy. In the mirror Andy saw Shane rushing over to him, snatching away the knife and pulling him close to him, caressing him softly and calming him. In reality, the figure before him simply stared blankly for a short time then moved on down the hallway to disappear into the darkness of the night.
(Early) Said you'll be doing fine when you're able (Hurt Me - The Jezabels)
Shane burst through the front door, startling the living daylights out of Andy who was sweeping the floor. He ran into the living room to see Shane dishevelled and huffing.
"What? What's wrong?" Andy cried, dropping the broom to the floor.
"I made friends already! They invited me to a party!" Shane cried happily, jumping into the lounge room.
Andy sighed in relief and picked up the broom he had dropped. "That's great to hear Shane. When's the party?"
"Friday night!" Shane beamed, dropping his bag on the floor beside the couch.
"Okay, want me to drive you there?" Andy offered, continuing his sweep.
"Yes please!" Shane grinned.
It was great to see Shane so happy. Andy was afraid that moving into his childhood house, a completely different place to Agrestic, would be hard on the kid. But on his first day he had already made friends and been invited to a party. Things were going good.
"So I met these really cool girls called Simone and Harmony and this guy called Ransom." Shane continued in his ecstatic voice, practically bouncing on the couch.
"Ransom? That's a bit of an edgy name." Andy mocked.
"Oh no, he's actually really cool. And it's not his real name, but nobody except Simone knows his real name." Shane informed Andy.
"Oo, mysterious. Not even his parents?" Andy had finished his sweeping so he tucked the broom away in the pantry out of site before returning to Shane.
"I asked that too! No he doesn't have any parents . . . or doesn't live with them or something . . . but anyhow, he's really cool. It's his party that I'm going to." Shane grinned.
Andy couldn't help but grin back as he joined Shane on the couch. This 'Ransom' person sounded . . . interesting, but he was a new friend which made Shane happy, so Andy was content with the situation. He couldn't help but chuckle at his name though, 'Ransom', he then proceeded to imagine a scenario where Ransom was a robber, holding jewellery up for ransom.
"It's not a birthday party though so I don't need to bring any gifts. I'm so excited! I haven't been to a party that's not a birthday party before!" Shane sang.
"I'm sure it will be fun." Andy grinned.
Andy tussled Shane's hair before standing up. He decided it was about time he began preparing Shane's special dinner; his first day at a new school dinner. Shane didn't know he was getting all his favourite things for dinner but he'd surely be able to smell it soon enough. He looked forward to that gleaming face Shane will put on when he discovers the treat he's in for.
In a matter of days it was the last time he would most likely ever get to see that face. After going to the party Shane seemed to come back like a different person. It wasn't as noticeable at first, to others anyway, but Andy had definitely noticed it. At the usually times when Shane would get really excited and grin, he would show no emotion at all. He would simply stand there, silently, observing. It wasn't that it was a bad thing per se, the girls were probably falling head over heels for his mysterious, brooding attitude, but the thing that bugged Andy was the sudden change. What caused him to even want to act like he did?
Surely it was these friends of his. But he didn't want to say anything yet in case it was just a 'stage'. Maybe this state of mind would pass over and Shane would revert to his usual chipper self. Andy smiled at the memory of Happy Shane and really, really hoped that this weirdness was just a stage.
(Early) Turn every good thing to rust (Wake Up - Arcade Fire)
Andy was having a bit of a rest by watching television when Shane arrived home. He slung his arm across the back of the couch and looked over it to welcome Shane as he came through the door. Shane hung his head low, ensuring he made no eye contact with Andy. He instantly headed for the stairs but was stopped by Andy's voice.
"Hello nephew of mine. Where is my change?" Andy asked in a regal tone.
Andy laughed at himself and leapt to his feet. He rounded the couch and stood by Shane, who looked to the corner or the room, his fringe covering his eyes.
"Look if you spent it all, I don't really mind." Andy said, reassuringly he placed a hand on Shane's shoulder.
Shane slowly looked up and gazed at Andy through his fringe. "I'm sorry Uncle Andy but I was mugged. . . they took all your money!"
Andy gasped and took Shane in a tight embrace. "They didn't hurt you did they?" He grasped Shane's head with his hands and gently lifted it toward him. He studied his features, something seemed a little off.
"No . . . I'm really sorry." Shane apologised, his voice low and quiet.
Andy rubbed his back. "S'okay Shane. Not to worry. I didn't have any important IDs in there anyways. I keep all that junk in the glove box separately."
Shane blinked furiously for a moment as if to blink away tears, he then gazed into Andy's eyes mystically. There was definitely something off about Shane that day but Andy couldn't quite put his finger on it. He continued to study Shane's face and saw bags beneath his eyes. He recalled the times he would stay up late reading magazines and smiled nostalgically.
"As long as you're okay, I don't care what happened." Andy told Shane, hugging him tight again.
Shane pushed back a little but kept his arms firmly around Andy's waist. He stretched up high on his toes and seemed to brush his lips ever so softly across Andy's lips. Andy flinched. Was it an accident? Andy leant back and frowned, but was again surprised when he felt Shane's lips press softly against his. That was definitely not an accident. Andy pushed Shane back and frowned at him.
"I don't believe kissing between family members is a sign of affection. I don't think it's right." Andy said out of nowhere.
Shane's face fell into a straight, unreadable expression as he dropped his school bag to the floor. "Okay." He said, before stepping closer and planting his lips straight back on Andy's lips.
Andy pushed Shane away again and stepped back a few paces. "What part of that didn't you understand? It's not right."
Shane shrugged. "I don't care."
"Well you should. It's not something you should be going about doing."
"Nancy used to kiss me on the lips when I was little."
"What? Well that was because you were a child. It's just not done after you turn a certain age."
"I don't think that's right."
"Well that's how it is."
Andy eyed the casual Shane, watching how calm and composed he was, compared to how uneasy Andy felt and probably looked. Shane merely shrugged and slung his school bag over his shoulder, then proceeded to disappear upstairs. Andy watched him as he left, dumbfounded of the past event. He rubbed his forehead. He's probably missing his Mum too much, I should spend more time with him, Andy thought to himself, trying to think of possible reasons to explain such a thing. And push the matter that kissing your uncle on your lips . . . Is not acceptable. He has to understand that.
(Early) Aromas fill the air (Hurt Me - The Jezabels)
Spicy aromas filled the air as Andy whipped up dinner for the Botwins that night. After making a special dinner for Shane, he decided to go to all that effort every night because he had to admit, he loved cooking, and he especially loved it when his family members expressed gratitude when they arrived home to a beautifully home cooked meal for them. He couldn't help but grin when he thought of the kinds of expressions his grateful family showed when they smelled the mixed spices, the watery smell of greens and the smell of meat that reminds one of grease and fat.
Tonight he was preparing a simple but oh-so delicious recipe of Indian butter chicken, with a side of homemade prawn crackers, rice, and a healthy dose of fresh greens. He chatted with Silas while he sat at the bench on a stool, taking long drags of his joint. He would occasionally ask Silas to help him out but he knew Silas wasn't interested in food as much as he was, and didn't have the patience to deal with precarious, fiddly parts of preparing food.
"Oh Andy, this smells amazing!" Nancy praised as she made herself welcome in the kitchen.
Nancy strutted into the kitchen and bent over the pot on the stove to take a whiff of the scent. She straightened up and licked her lips. She then moved an outstretched finger as if to dip it into the chicken cooking in the marinade within the pot. Andy shot his hand out and slapped her hand away.
"Are you crazy? It's hot!" Andy exclaimed, turning to frown at Nancy.
Nancy pursed her lips. "Mm... Can I help in any way?"
Andy narrowed his eyes. He knew what she was up to. She just wanted to snack on the extra bits of food. "Yeah you can go get the hung out washing." Andy replied slyly.
Nancy pouted. "But that's boring. Look, I can help out here," Nancy picked up the wooden spoon and began to stir the chicken, "See, I'm stirring!" Nancy grinned, "Or I can, you know, chop some vegies up." Nancy suggested, trotting over to the bench and shakily taking up a knife.
"Great. Give my drunk Mum a knife to wave around." Silas drawled, quirking an eyebrow at his mother.
Andy placed his hand over Nancy's and slowly pushed it down to the surface of the marble bench until she dropped the knife. "I don't think you're ready for that rookie, go do the washing." Andy ordered, noticing the scent of alcohol on her breath due to the close proximity.
"I'm not drunk." Nancy said annoyed, but clip-clopped over to the Laundry anyway.
Just when Andy thought he'd be at peace during his cooking he heard a gasp from the Laundry. He turned in time to see a shocked Nancy drag out a pair of skinny leather pants with studs around the waist.
"What is this?" Nancy asked, shocked that such an abomination could exist in her house.
Heat rushed to Andy's head as he realized that he hadn't taken Shane's clothes to his room before anyone saw them. His mind tried to draw out an excuse but none surfaced. He stared blankly at Nancy as she fiddled with the features of the pants.
"Oh man, that's so emo." Silas commented, though it was more of a mumble through the joint wedged in the corner of his mouth.
"It is! Who do they belong to? I have leather pants but nothing like these." Nancy exclaimed, still exploring the details of the pants.
Andy stayed silent. He didn't want to give Shane away, but sooner or later they'd notice the size of them and would have to work out whose they were.
"Why are you so quiet dearest Andy, are they yours?" Nancy queried Andy.
The corner of her mouth curled up when Andy looked away, busying himself with his cooking.
"Shit. Mum! They're Shane's, look how small they are!" Silas roared with laughter, "First the earring, now this! He's such a fag, oh my god, I can't believe it! This is just too funny, my little brother is an emo faggot!"
Andy looked sternly at Silas. "Hey now, don't call him that. He can wear what he likes, doesn't mean he's gay, or an 'emo'."
Nancy carefully dropped the pants back in the laundry before replying, "Yeah Silas . . . quit being so mean to your brother . . . he can make his own life decisions . . ."
"You think it's weird too." Silas scowled at his mother.
Nancy cocked her head, "It is a little bit," she said quietly, "But let's not make him feel alienated you know? Leather, stringy rips, chains, sure, I can deal with that. As long as I don't find a whip or like . . . blood or anything on his clothes then I'm fine with it."
"But – that's – this isn't Shane! Since when has he worn these? I've never seen him wear them." Silas reasoned, ignoring his hypocritical mother.
"So? I have clothes you boys have never seen me in." Nancy said, but frowned thoughtfully while her son shuddered uncomfortably and Andy blushed. "He mustn't feel comfortable wearing them in front of us. That's it! He's scared that we'll judge him. But we won't, will we Silas?"
Silas sighed. "No Mum."
Nancy grinned and nodded, before leaving the room. Silas shook his head and returned to his lazy, spaced out position at the bench. Andy returned to his cooking only to realize something.
"She didn't bring the washing in." Andy sighed, looking pointedly at Silas, who seemed to avoid all possible eye contact. "I'll do it myself."
(Middle) And you take me to a rooftop and skin me (Hurt Me - The Jezabels)
Andy set his mug in the microwave and programmed it to warm for two minutes. He clutched the edge of the bench so tightly that his fists went white, but he didn't care, it was something to keep his mind occupied with. Andy really hated his mind lately. It thought too much, and when he thought too much he couldn't get to sleep and that meant that days seemed like weeks as they dragged on through the hours. Then things would happen and he wouldn't be able to determine if they were reality or dreams; he mostly wished they were dreams. Even as dreams they were bad, but it's definitely better that they weren't reality.
He'd dream of Shane and his naked, slight body rubbing against him, clammy and hot. He shuddered at the recollection of it; Shane's almost hairless body sliding all over him, pleasuring him, wet lips on his own, heat coiling in his belly. Doug's hairy man ass! Hair all over his saggy body like a pubescent monkey! Gross, Andy thought quickly to get his mind of such unreasonable matters.
Beep!
Andy popped the microwave open and fished out his mug. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and set the mug down on the bench. He reached for honey in the cupboard and any spices his hand could reach, then deposited the ingredients in his milk.
"Can you make me one too?" a voice came from behind him.
Andy spun around in shock to see Shane standing before him, pyjama bottoms hanging loosely from his hips and revealing some skin Andy wished his eyes hadn't lingered so long on. Andy took his mug from the bench and placed it on the middle island in front of Shane. Shane clutched it with his small hands, blew the milk and then took a sip but swallowed it harshly.
"Uh, actually, you can have this." Shane spat, pushing the mug back toward Andy.
"Why are you up? You should sleep, you need rest for school." Andy advised, wrapping his hands around the mug.
Every word he spoke was monotonous, blank and lifeless. He couldn't help it, nor could he be bothered to put any life into his words, lack of sleep meant that he didn't have the energy to do even the tiniest things sometimes.
Liar. You just don't want to show any emotion on your words in case he picks it up.
Andy winced and forcefully took a sip of his drink too quickly and burnt his tongue.
"Your side of the bed was cold . . . I missed your warmth." Shane said simply, standing on his tippy toes as he spoke and balancing himself with the middle bench.
Heat fluttered in Andy's stomach as he was touched by Shane's words. He set down the mug and swept over to Shane in a smooth motion, wrapping his arms tight around the young boy. He rubbed his back soothingly and pressed his lips into his hair. Shane pushed Andy away softly and craned his neck toward Andy's lips.
"If you can't sleep we could go for a walk." Shane suggested, brushing his lips against Andy's.
Andy shuddered, "At this time of night?"
Shane wrapped his arms around Andy's waist and leant into him, nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck – or at least tried to. "Yup." He then slipped his small hand into Andy's and tugged at him.
Andy felt like his body had been yanked with all Shane's might and he found himself tag along Shane's movements, even though in reality he knew Shane would not have the strength to move him from his spot. Andy concluded that it must have been a dream. He was being moved through the town he had grown up in in slow motion, but the scenery that passed them dribbled by in a hue of blues, black and the occasional warm yellow. He became aware of gritty sand beneath his feet but it quickly dissolved to harsh concrete. An elevated feeling washed over him and then all of a sudden the concrete seemed to curve and scraped at his calves.
He blinked sharply and watched dazed as the world around him spun and shuddered into place. Dull stars tried earnestly to twinkle through the misty sky above him, a soft wind picked up the edge of his shorts and stray hairs. He rolled his head on his neck toward a presence emanating heat beside him and drank in the image of Shane, tight shirt hugging his frame, loose pyjama pants barely clinging to him. Surely he was still at home, this illusion of an outside world was just his insomnia working at his insanity.
Andy felt a cool touch on his abdomen, causing his body to shudder. He glanced down and trailed the owner of the hand back to Shane, his nephew, his relative, his thirteen year old lover. Shane traced a finger lightly over the hairs that trailed from Andy's bellybutton and slipped one finger beneath Andy's pyjama bottoms teasingly. Andy choked at the touch, he felt like he never had before; the love, the excitement, the fear, the loathing, the wrong, the paedophilia, the taboo, the pleasure, the want . . . every feeling mashed up into one inconceivable feeling that made Andy feel numb to his very core, paralysed of all thought, permitting only physical touch to stir, albeit numb, emotion.
Shane's lips coaxed Andy's to fall open, authorizing Shane to drive his tongue through and explore the deep sea caverns of Andy's mysterious mouth. Shane's hands seemed to be at fifty spots of Andy's body at every moment that Andy found it difficult to keep up. It was like Shane was more than one person, small hands massaging his skin, enticing him, pleasuring him, in all the ways that his past lovers had, but surpassing them by such heights that it became even more unbelievable that this was Shane dealing his moves.
Andy dropped his head back, letting it fall to the hard concrete as he felt his throbbing cock become enveloped in wet warmth. Shane grasped the base of his cock with his hand and twisted it or squeezed it with the combination of licking the slit of his head or scraping his shaft carefully but gracefully across Shane's small teeth, causing Andy's back to inevitably arch. He threw his hands on Shane's head and raked his hands through his soft hair as Shane pleasured him. He quirked his lips when he scraped his nail softly around Shane's ears, thumbing his earlobe, which caused Shane to visibly shudder and exhale hot breath through his nose on Andy's shaft.
What amazed Andy the most was that this undeniable dream Shane could take his seed when he came into Shane's gloriously wet mouth. In reality Shane would rarely ever suck Andy off, and when he did, he would cough it out, make a bit of a deal about the taste and that would be the end of it. But this, this moonlit Shane, he took it all in, drank all Andy's seed down without the smallest of hiccups.
Andy gripped at Shane's shoulders as he came, careful not to buck into Shane's throat, though he guessed that if he did, dream Shane wouldn't die by it, but he didn't want to take the risk. Calmness washed over him as soon as the first seed had released from him. The numbness was subsiding, causing him to think a little more than he would have liked but he felt too exhausted of energy to do anything about it.
He pulled Shane up on top of him – because Shane was still young enough that he wasn't too heavy to do that – and moved his hand across the damp spot in Shane's pyjamas. Shane smiled softly and bent down to press his forehead against Andy's. For a while they shared their air, smelling the distinct odour of each other's breath. Andy pulled Shane tight, rubbing his back lovingly while Shane wove his fingers through Andy's hair.
"This is the best dream ever." Andy drawled lazily.
Shane sat upright and frowned. "A dream? This isn't a dream Andy."
Andy pulled the rigid Shane close to him and petted his head. "I'm outside in my pyjamas, on some kind of rooftop in the middle of the night, of course this is a dream . . . I love you so much Shane, I love you . . ."
Shane pushed Andy's clingy arms away from him and stood up. "Andy this isn't a dream. How could you think that after all I've done for you? You think that because this is so called 'paedophilia', and 'taboo', and the like, that his night, this passed moment that I made you come with my touch is just a dream. Or is our whole relationship a dream to you? Is this how you live with it? Denying it, calling it a dream, so that you can go on with your life believing that your 'ugly disgusting wet dreams' stay as they are!"
Shane snatched up his shirt which had been removed from him some point in the blur of the night and pulled it over his head.
"You might think that these things we do together are disgusting but I'll tell you what Uncle Andy, you are the disgusting one." Shane snarled, then stormed off.
Andy jumped to his feet as quickly as he could and turned to catch Shane, but he was already taking the second flight of stairs down to ground level where he began to run. Andy pulled his pyjama bottoms back on and tried to follow him, but Shane was too quick for him for by the time he reached ground level, Shane was nowhere to be seen. He turned to the wall of the beach shop and punched his fist against the concrete until his skin ripped.
Distant voices echoed in his mind. "That man over there is only wearing shorts!", "I saw a little boy running by just now looking really scared.", "You don't think – you don't think he was running from that man?", "Quick, let's leave."
Andy slumped to the ground and folded his legs, allowing his head to drop to his knees. The world began to spin around him again causing him to feel very lightheaded. He clutched his head and let the salt water pour from his eyes as he wretched out sobs sourcing from his inconceivable feelings.
(Late) Our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up (Wake Up - Arcade Fire)
Shane studied Ransom as he took a long drag from his joint, held the smoke in his mouth then puffed it out in large, lazy smoke rings. He threw his head back on the couch and sighed as the fumes flowed into his lungs. Shane was used to people smoking in his face so there was no need to hitch his breath, but this time he did, only at the sight of Ransom's eyes roll back in his head, his lips part slightly and his fingers digging into the leather of the couch.
Simone reached over and plucked the joint out of Ransom's hand and took a drag. She looked over at Shane, half lidded and offered him the joint, but he refused. She handed it back to Ransom who looked as if he was going to offer Harmony a drag but instead motioned for the ash tray. She obliged; she picked up the ash tray and allowed Ransom to tap the ashes into it. She looked at the drug longingly but did not ask for it, foolishly waiting for her turn.
"Wouldn't it be cool if smoke was coloured?" Ransom drawled from his position, wedged in the corner of the couch.
Simone dropped her head on his shoulder and grinned widely at him. "All the colours of the rainbow?"
"Why hasn't anyone made that yet? It would make smoking so much more fun." Ransom laughed, drawing his joint to his lips, but before he took a drag he looked pointedly at Shane, "Shane. You must try it at least, it won't do you any harm."
Shane turned his head to one side. "I'm not interested in that sort of thing."
"How can you, the son of a drug dealer, not be interested in harmless old weed?" Simone deplored, though monotonously.
Shane shrugged, sat back in his arm chair and threw one leg over the arm. "It's boring."
"So what is interesting for you then?" Harmony piped up.
Shane eyed her through his bangs. She had heavy bags under her eyes but was insistent to appear alert and awake. Shane wasn't sure if Simone had bags under her eyes too because her face was always caked with make-up but he guessed she had some genius way of preventing them anyway.
"People."
"People?" Simone spoke as she nestled closer to Ransom, who hugged an arm around her.
"Human behaviour fascinates me. One thing for a person can be completely outrageous but to another could be completely normal. I like to guess what they will do, and be pleasantly surprised with the different reactions I receive." Shane explained, picking at a string from his shirt as he spoke.
"Show me." Ransom ordered.
Shane paused, then stood up abruptly. He glanced at his mischievous group before him prior to submerging himself in the crowd. He waded through the sweaty people, slid his way around curvy girls and solid men until he was able to surface from the ocean of people to find himself at the opposite end of the building. He surveyed the wallflowers; they were all similarly dressed, but small movements of the body gave away their character.
Shane neared a lone boy with an undistinguishable age. The boy hugged his thin frame, and rested his head against the brick wall, a light catching on the earring pierced in his ear lobe. Shane moved toward his target nimbly, when he drew close enough he rested his forearm on the wall above the boy. The boy looked up, startled, and stared into Shane's sharp determined eyes. Shane stroked a line from the boy's neck like up above his collar and up beneath his chin. He beckoned the chin close and pressed their lips together.
Shane grinned at the sight of the boy blushing furiously, body frigid with nervousness. He had not been rejected, so Shane curled his arm around the boy's neck and clawed his fingers through his waxy hair. The boy mewled beneath him causing Shane to grin even more. He tugged lightly before taking a firm grip of the boy's arm and turning to dive with him back into the crowd.
Shane ignored the voices from around him, determined to return to his clan. He kept a firm grip on his catch the whole way, careful not to wade too quickly through the crowd so as to lose him. He soon emerged from the crowd again and made his way back to his friends. He didn't look at them, only set the boy down on the arm chair and climbed on top of him.
The voices of his friends died down behind him but he ignored them and focussed on the task at hand. The boy beneath him struggled for freedom but Shane pushed at his chest and forced the boy to remain seated. He set his legs either side of the boys and thrust his hips into the boy's groin. The boy groaned and gripped Shane's bum as Shane joint their lips together passionately, flicking his tongue inside the stranger's mouth. He dug his fingers into the boy's waxy hair until they were stuck, moving on to roll his hips into the boy's again, and press his chest against the boy's. He could feel the boy tense up at every thrust, at every grind, at every flick of the tongue against his own. Shane grinned at every shudder, every moan and the deep red the flushed the boy's cheeks.
A heavy hand landed on his shoulder and ripped him away from the boy, his hands shredding out of his hair premature. The boy howled at the pain and glared at Shane who had been thrown to the ground.
"What are you doing to my bro?" the perpetrator boomed.
Shane turned to slowly look at the speaker, and viewed a tall man with a hideously tall Mohawk.
"Mike!" The boy whined from the arm chair.
Shane stood up and quickly clambered back on top of the boy, thrusting his hips right back to the place they belonged, only to be thrown off again by this Mike person.
"Get off him you filthy faggot!" Mike boomed again, grabbing his brother by the shoulder.
As soon as the boy stood all around could not miss the incredibly large tent in his trousers, not even Mike. Mike glared at it then took one step closer to Shane and landed a sweet punch right to his cheek. Shane grinned maniacally and cupped his cheek, as he snickered at the idiot who was dragging his brother away.
Shane didn't care to take after his lost catch, instead he slumped back in the arm chair, relishing the sweaty smell that lingered in the air around him. He observed his friends' mixed expressions of shock and desire, smirking at every look. He crossed his arms and drew his legs close to him so as to hide his erection.
"That certainly was interesting." Ransom commented, eyeing Shane.
"It was hot!" Simone announced, possibly the most enthusiastic Shane had ever heard her.
"I see why you girls wanted him, he certainly knows how to move." Ransom said, mostly to himself.
Shane snickered and winked at Simone, then glanced over to see Harmony asleep in the adjacent arm chair, boobs almost sagging out of her top.
"She is too young for this." Shane said to no one in particular and sighed as he felt himself soften.
To be continued . . .