"As years go by,

I race the clock with you.

But if you die right now,

Know that I die too.

You remind me of the times,

When I knew who I was.

But still the second hand will catch us,

Like it always does.

We'll make the same mistakes,

I'll take the fall for you.

I hope you need this now,

Cause I know I still do.

Until the day I die,

I spill my heart for you."

Leah died one year ago today. It didn't register at first. I didn't miss her. You can hardly miss someone you haven't seen for nearly fifty years. Old age they said. But choice really. She never had to die of old age.

Immortality. Why didn't she choose that option? Who wouldn't? I remember wanting to lead a normal life, until Renesmee. Leah never had an imprint. She only ever loved in the normal way. The healthy way. Only two people. They both loved her back, underneath the imprint. Neither of them ever stopped. Sam never wanted to fight his imprint. But I did. I wanted it more than anything. She never asked me to. I stupidly never tried.

Leah had made me happy all those years ago. We'd been a team, family. I could see behind all her cruel jokes. It was defensive, she wasn't even really bitter. Just heartbroken. She had more pride than to let anyone see her vulnerability. When she left, she kissed me. It wasn't an attempt to make me see sense, it was nothing more than goodbye. It was the only time I'd seen her cry. She said it was the only time she'd cried since Sam. Leah never had been weepy.

What would she say if she could see me now? With my family, my wife. Probably something rude. "Look at you, you little leech lover" she'd joke. She'd be hurting, but she'd know exactly how I felt. She always did. She'd know that I'm not Jacob anymore. When I was with Leah I knew who I was. I wasn't ever 'Bella's back-up plan' or 'Renesmee's werewolf husband'. I was Jake.

Edward knew. He'd seen it in my thoughts. I was expecting him to lose it when I knew he'd heard. Kick me out, tell me I had never been good enough for his daughter. He didn't. He looked at me with genuine pity. That's just Edward through and through. He'd been so close to losing the one he truly loved. How could he not understand? He knew that I could never leave Renesmee if I tried. It would be unbearable. He only tried to talk about it once. A few months after she died. "There's only one way for to you be with her now, Jacob" he'd said. I knew that, I felt ashamed for wanting it. Ashamed that I was considering leaving my wife, my family, what was left of my pack.

I loved my pack. I always had. They were my real family. But most of them had gone now. Died with their imprints. Quil was still here. He'd only stalled his aging by 15 years. He needed to age with Claire. They were elderly now. Funny what imprinting does to your priorities. In a world with no magic, no werewolves and no imprinting. I would be dead now. I would've died happy, knowing that I'd spent my life with the real love of my life. She would've been mean and headstrong as usual. And we would've been happy. Not forced happy like this. Genuinely happy.

I made my decision. I phased back to human form, for the last time. Renesmee wouldn't understand. It would take a while. But there was only one way to be with Leah now.