Disclaimer: The song "I'll Never Tell" is written by Joss Whedon and is performed by Nicolas Brendon and Emma Caulfield. Animorphs and all characters described belong to KAA. Please oh please don't sue, I'm much to poor too handle a lawsuit. And for that matter, so are my parents.
Author's Note: It's...singing! Well, at least it fits the criteria for the songfic challenge at anirarepair. For those of you who don't know, the song is lifted from the Buffy Musical -- and it's frelling hilarious, or at least I think so. The lyrics remain pretty unchanged, except for a couple of lines that just don't make sense. Go download it! It's fun!
And, for the record, this takes place somewhere after 45, and it's rated PG-13 just to be safe.
I know it's not very good, but I hope someone out there likes it.
One beautiful less-angsty-than-usual day was beginning it's path. And, hidden somewhere deep in the forest, was an Andalite scoop. How the Yeerks have gone on for about say, four years not finding the dang thing is anyone's guess. But that's not the important part.
What was important was that, with a loud groan and muttering of some words we shall not repeat a short teenage boy had fallen off the couch in an attempt to wake up.
This led to shouting of words we can't repeat.
Meanwhile, in another room not very far away, a male Andalite youth awakened without uttering untypable words. Good for him. Then after a couple of short moments, he began morphing human.
Then he put on a pair of PJ Bottoms on his head and headed out the door.
Just seconds before he tripped and fell over the top of the pajamas and had to re-dress.
Sometime later, both boys made their way out their respective rooms, unaware of the slight hint of fifties-vaudeville-ish music in the air...
Ax turns, as if he's looking at the readers, and opens his mouth.
"My claim to fame was thanks to Elfangor, that big brother of mine." He sings.
Marco turns to look at him, gaping. Ax seems pretty surprised at his sudden burst of song, too, but brushes it off and ends up continuing. He motions out the window. "But now I've gone away."
Then he looks around the scoop with a mixture of sadness and acceptance.
"And now it looks like here I'll stay, but either way..." Then he notices Marco still gaping.
"I'll never tell." He adds.
Marco walks more into the scene, and past Ax. He too turns to the readers.
"He is the one, he's such wonderful fun, such passion and grace." He sings to himself.
"Warm in the night when I'm right in his tight-" Then he jumps as he notices Ax.
"Embrace! Tight embrace!" He sing/yelps as he catches himself.
"I'm scared of where this goes, this feeling I know can only grow." He sings, louder than before.
Then he runs a hand through his hair, exasperated. "There's just one thing that - no."
Marco lets his hand drop, and sighs. "I'll never tell."
Marco walks past Ax, and they give each other knowing looks. "'Cause there's nothing to tell."
Ax points at Marco. "He snores."
Marco glares and points at Ax. "He wheezes."
Ax frowns, trying to think of something to say. "Say 'mission' and he freezes."
Marco fires back. "He eats these squeezy cheeses that I can't describe."
Ax grimaces. "I talk, he breezes."
Marco turns, as if he's talking to someone else. "He doesn't know what "please" is." "He once got abducted by a Helmacron tribe!" Ax throws in. Another glare fest ensues.
They look at each other. "The vibe gets kind of scary..." They sing.
"Like he thinks I'm ordinary." Marco sings.
"Like it's all just temporary." Ax sings.
Marco looks down at Ax's feet. "Like, your toes are kind of hairy!"
Ax freaks and begins inspecting his toes.
Then they both sing, as if they're talking to themselves.
"But it's all very well, 'cause god knows, I'll never tell!"
Ax gets up off the chair and starts singing again.
"When things get rough, he just hides behind his Jakey!" Behind him, Marco scowls.
Ax has see-my-point-face. "Now look, he's getting huffy, 'cause he knows that I know."
Marco looks livid. He begins to sing. "He clings, he's greedy, he's also really stuffy..."
"He nev-"
Ax jumps in, apparently to beat Marco to the punch. "His eyes are beady!"
Marco rounds on Ax, now looking ready to pounce. "This is my verse, hello!"
Then he starts again "He-"
Then Ax pipes up again, actually speaking instead of singing. "Look at me! I'm dancing crazy!"
They pause to a dance. How this happens without Ax falling on his ass, well, no one knows.
Then, smiling, they look at each and sing in unison. "You know..."
Ax crosses his arms, ruefully but not unhappily signing. "You're quite the charmer."
Marco smirks. "My knight in armor." Then he starts up another verse.
"You make my heart race when you look me in the face." He sings, upbeat and quick.
"'Cause then I start to think about your firm yet supple-" Ax elbows him. "Tight embrace!"
Ax points at Marco. "He's swell."
"He's sweller." Marco counters.
Ax rests his arm on Marco's shoulder. "He'll always be my feller." Marco shoves his arm off. "And that's the reason that I'm petrified."
"I've know this tale, there's confession, then betrayal." Ax sings. "Then there'll come the day I'll want to run and hide!" He shouts.
They both sigh, disgruntled. "I lied, I said it's easy." They sing.
"I've tried, but there's these fears I can't quell..."
"Will they condemn me to hell?" Ax sings.
"What happens once I've told?" Marco accompanies.
"Are our lives to stressful for this be successful?" He adds.
"You mean, with us fighting for life daily?" Ax asks.
"Am I crazy?" Marco wonders.
"Am I dreamin'?" Ax ponders.
Marco looks at Ax, disbelieving. "Am I singing with an alien?"
"We could really raise the beam in making romance a hell!" The two sing in unison.
They place their hands over the hearts, looking relieved.
"So, thank god, I'll never tell! I swear that I'll never tell!" They sing good and loud.
Marco does the zip-your-lips thingie. "My lips are sealed."
Ax holds up his palm. "I take the Fifth."
Marco starts to do the shooing thing. "Nothing to see." He sings.
Ax jumps in at the end of the line. "Move it along!"
They stand, at opposite ends of the room, arms wide open. "I'll never..."
Then they both stop. Their eyes go wide as they realize what's happening.
They turn to look at each other, stunned.
"...Tell!"