Drunken Confessions Will Be the Death of Me
Summary: After a confession with a heavily intoxicated L, Light begins to realize his feelings for the panda faced detective, and L begins to realize his feelings for Light. But is L's love worth the death of Kira? And what will happen when someone from L's past comes into the mix, threatening Light's very life? The results could be devastating and may mark the end of Light and L forever.
(Whoa I sound like one of those movie announcer people :P) That was a pretty sucky summary but I don't wanna give away too many surprises! :DD
Hi everyone! It's me again with another fanfiction (yay!) and this one is mainly the result of a very bored me in my algebra II w/ trig class. Needless to say, sitting in the back of the room has its advantages. This is going to be the first chapter I think, I'm not exactly sure what else I'm gonna do with this, but it's rated M for the lemon that I *hope* to write later. Maybe. Possibly. We'll see. But first, I want to see what you guys think of this first chapter! If you hate it's that's ok, just don't throw stuff at me. -cowers in corner- in all honesty, I just wanted an excuse to write L as totally OOC and for him to be completely wasted. I thought it would be funny lol. For the record, a lot of this for L and Light is OOC. Just a heads up. I realize that in the middle it just kinda snowballs out of control and goes pretty fast but this thing is like 11 fucking pages and it's 2:37am and I'm exhausted but I'm in that mood where I'm like I'm-not-gonna-sleep-till-I-finish-this-damn-fanfiction so yeah, but I'm about to crash now so enjoy it!
*Side note = The phrase 'go bald Ryuzaki' is going to come up a few times, just to let you know it means Light is cursing L (in his head) for being so damn cute, it'll explain why in the story. It has to do with baby hedgehogs. ^_^ And there's quite a bit of mental ranting and mental talking, especially on Light's part where his OCD kind of takes over lol. And this: *(whatever words I decide to put in here)* means that I am jumping in to explain something. Other than that there shouldn't be any annoying disturbances and I'll keep those to a minimum.
"Light-kun, would you like to go on a date with me?" The question popped out and hit Light like a slap in the face. He choked on the current gulp of coffee, sputtering it distastefully back into the cup. Where the hell did that come from? Did L just ask me on a date? Is he gay? Is this some strange concocted round-about test to determine if I was Kira? What the hell? He looked at the detective for a moment, a stunned expression splashed across his face. He set his mug, which now had liquid running down the sides, on the long desk in front of him, wiping his hands on his pant legs.
"W-why would you ask me that, Ryuzaki?" he said slowly. The detective shrugged nonchalantly, turning back to his laptop.
"That is what you ask people you like right? When you want to go out and do something…fun with someone you're close to or wanting to be closer to? That's customary is it not?" his speaking was tentative and awkward.
Ask someone you like? … Oh. Light chuckled inwardly. L wanted to go out and do something with him, to hangout. Poor naïve, socially inept Ryuzaki.
"Uh, Ryuzaki, I think you're mistaken. You mean you want to go somewhere, as in to see a movie for example, as friends, to do an activity together? Just enjoy each other's company?" It kind of felt like he was explaining how a toaster works to a 4-year old, he couldn't help the grin that sneaked its way to his lips. What shocked Light was the fact that the man shook his head.
"I could enjoy your company any time, Light-kun. I want to go on a date with you because I like you. As more than a friend." He said in a 'duh' voice. Light's face flushed, his mind carefully processing each word, especially that last sentence. Or sentence fragment to be more exact. There was no mistake in L's words, no room for question, and no room for Light to talk his way out.
What should I do? Say yes? No? I'm not gay! 'LIAR.' A voice in his head commented snidely. Light scowled inwardly. Ok, not gay for L. Definitely not. Well, now that I look at him, Ryuzaki really is… cute. His ebony hair that sticks out in spiky tendrils in every direction matched with those huge panda-like eyes give him the look of a baby hedgehog. And hedgehogs were adorable. So using the transitive property, that would make L adorable. Not that'd ever say that out loud…
"Light-kun!" L yelled, flailing his arms wildly in front of the teen's face, causing him to roll his chair back abruptly in alarm.
"What's wrong with you Ryuzaki?" he glared at the man.
"You've been staring at me for the last few minutes and you never gave me an answer to my question." Damn. Of course he wouldn't forget. Damn L.
Maybe I should go. It could be interesting; I've never seen L outside of this building— WAIT! What am I thinking? I am Kira. Kira. There's no way I could go on a date with my arch nemesis… or could I? This could actually be a good thing. It might allow me to get close enough to L to where he'd reveal his real name to me. Not immediately, but eventually. This might just work…
"Light-kun!" The detective yelled again, breaking into Light's thoughts. "You're staring again, and I require an answer right now. Will you go on a date with me?" Light grinned flashing L his famous thousand watt smile (which was guilty of causing the fainting of countless girls, not to toot his own horn).
"Sure, Ryuzaki, I'd love to." He replied a bit too eagerly. The detective nodded, turning back to his computer.
"Alright then." He said, his voice monotone as always. Most people wouldn't have picked up on it, but Light could tell L was excited. His lips were almost imperceptibly curved upward in the barest hint of a smile, and his slate gray eyes held a lively glint usually reserved for when he saw cake. Or any sweet really. Genuinely curious, Light asked
"So, where are we gonna go?" L's lips twitched, continuing to type on whatever it was he happened to be doing.
"Where would you like to go, Light-kun?" he countered, asking his own question. Light leaned back in his chair, pondering this for a moment. We could go to the movies, simple enough, maybe dinner, then perhaps we'd go for ice cream afterwards? L would probably like that— Light's mind came to a screeching halt. Am I really planning this? Light couldn't help it. His OCD-ness wouldn't allow him to not have his ducks lined in a row so to speak. Maybe I could make a chart! Charts make everything better.
Light hated Ryuzaki- no, Kira hated him- but he couldn't help but want L to have good time. Mostly because it would probably be one of the only times the 25 year old would get out into the world without being forcefully dragged out of his room. The image of L being towed, kicking and screaming made Light chuckle. Damn him for being so adorable! Especially that hair. Yes, I swear that hair will be the death of me someday. Maybe if he went bald it would be easier to concentrate on ruling the world (whoa, god complex much?). Go bald Ryuzaki.
"What was that about me being bald Light-kun?" L asked, glancing at him skeptically from the corner of his eye. Shit, did I say that out loud?
"Nothing." He lied smoothly. "I was thinking that maybe we could go see a movie, then go out to get something to eat afterwards." Ryuzaki mused over this for a moment before nodding.
"Alright, sounds good." He murmured decisively. The detective proceeded to shut down his computer (for the first time. Ever.) and hopped out of his desk chair. "Ok, let's go." Light blinked.
"What do you mean 'let's go'? Don't you want to change first or something?" Translation: Before you take me out anywhere you need to look better than that. Go change. Now.
Light raked his eyes down the older man, examining his attire. Wrinkled white long-sleeved shirt, littered with cake crumbs, a 3 day old chocolate pudding stain smudged dead center on his chest. Along with the same denim jeans he had been wearing for weeks on end? No. Hell no. L shrugged his shoulders.
"This is what I normally wear, but if you insist..." he added a dramatic sigh for affect. Light smirked.
"Yes, I do insist. I'm going to change and freshen up as well, meet me down here in 20 minutes." he said, leaving no room for arguing. Ryuzaki had no choice but to comply, tramping up the stairs behind Light, silently pouting. Light didn't need to turn around to know how cute the detective looked. Go bald Ryuzaki!
Upon entering their shared room, Light immediately began his search for something presentable to wear. Suit? No way, too formal…Pink polo? No, screams 'flaming homo'. Abercrombie? Yes. AfterLight finished his clothing dissection, he turned his attention to L. He had just been standing awkwardlyoff to the side, absentmindedly chewing on his thumbnail. The detective seemed to me in his own world (so what else was new) and Light lugged a bundled up pair of socks at him, dead aim right in the face. It wasn't a particularly hard throw, he'd hoped. L flinched, blinking at the socks that were now at his feet.
"Right, changing." He mumbled, unlocking the chains on his wrist. He let his own cuff fall the floor with a soft thud to start rummaging through his own closet. Despite his messy nature, he had made a point to keep his closet as spotless as possible. He even took the time to vacuum it from time to time. So it wasn't a surprise that he was easily able to locate the unopened box he was looking for.
Hey L! Happy birthday!
You know how Matt and I were screwing around with our fashion sense a few months ago? Yes, I'm talking about the time where I wanted to start wearing leather (I'm still considering that, by the way) and Matt wanted a pair of those goggles. Anyways, it occurred to me that your look is so mysterious, so I took it upon myself to buy you something nice. I hope I got the right size!
Sincerely, Mello
L hesitantly opened the lid of the box. He knew there were clothes in there; he just hoped it looked a bit normal.
"Light-kun, I'm going to have to ask you to leave." He said, not taking his eyes off the outfit presented in the box. Light quirked one perfectly arched eyebrow, his picked out clothes slung neatly over his arm.
"Why? We've changed in front of each other before. And I have to be handcuffed to you remember?" The detective shook his head.
"No I think you should be okay on your own for a few minutes. Plus I have cameras all over this building so it won't be a problem." Light tilted his head.
"…Are you sure?" he asked cautiously.
"Positive, Light-kun, now leave please. Now. I'd like to get dressed by myself." The teen shrugged, turning to leave, dragging the 4 foot chain behind him. There were other bathrooms in the building so it wasn't exactly a hindrance. L heard Light mumble something about him being a 'diva' and the detective chuckled softly.
Once alone, he took a shower, actually taking time to wash the rat's nest he called hair. He hopped out of the bathroom after a quick towel dry, giddy for some reason. Why did I ask Light out anyway? Considering that I have never gone on a date before or anything even related to a date in my life. I guess it just slipped out. Well. Can't go back now.
L picked back up the box that he was rested on his bed, fully lifting off the lid.
He slid the outfit on.
It's...fairly tight
He walked stiffly over to the full length mirror mounted on the back of his bathroom door. He gave himself a once over, sighing, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose.
Why, Mello, why? He thought, exasperated.
L sighed again. At least he can breathe. Still, he was considering changing back into his normal, more comfortable clothes.
No, I haven't washed those in weeks. It would not be appropriate.
Deciding there was nothing else he could do, he proceeded to make his way back down the stairs. Light had spent twice as much time in front of the mirror than he usually did, trying to beat his hair into submission. Combing it one way, flipping it the other way to get that messy-yet-tidy look, deciding that it looked ridiculous than combing it the other way and repeating the process.
Why must I be such a perfectionist? Oh right, because I'm Light Yagami. And Light Yagami is always perfect. Always. Even when he's not, he's perfect. Because he's always perfect. Almost so perfect that it was a flaw. But it wasn't a flaw because he's always perfect. Perfect, wonderful, faultless…
Light had been talking about…well, himself for the past 10 minutes, trying to take his mind off of the fact that he was going on a date with L…Damnit! So close. He had taken a nice relaxing shower, shaved the little bit of stubble off his face, slipped into his clothes and was now working on his face and hair region. That Light Yagami perfection? Yeah it doesn't just happen; it takes a surprising amount of work. Washing his face with the special face wash he ordered from Switzerland, used to keep his skin smooth and utterly blemish free. If he missed a day, his face would begin to break out. Needless to say, it took a while for his face to fully recover when he had been stuck in that prison cell for almost two months. Did you want to see a zit-faced Light? Really? No you did not. He had to fight the genes, his dad's face was terrible when he was a teen, it was like one giant pimple. No way Light was going down that path.
He brushed his teeth at least twice, namely his tongue just in case L wanted to… WHOA. Ok wow; rein that imagination back in Light. Keep it together.
After about half an hour in front of the mirror, Light deemed himself presentable. With one last wink to himself, he strolled out of the bathroom, feeling rejuvenated. He padded out to the main lobby of the taskforce building, taking a seat in his desk chair to wait for L.
Ryuzaki peeked over the main stairwell to gaze down into the main lobby where he expected Light to be waiting. As anticipated, he spotted the teen in his chair, one leg crossed over the other, hand resting on his closed fist. He looked stunning, as always, sporting a dark navy long sleeved shirt with the words 'Abercrombie & Fitch' embroidered in ivory letters on his chest. Along with that he was wearing a pair of formfitting yet slightly baggy khaki pants and finished off with the pair of sperry's. L looked down at his own outfit.
Well. Now at least we won't match. In fact, we're completely opposite from each other. He took a deep breath and continued his descent down the stairs.
Light heard a sound at the stairs and glanced up to see Ryuzaki walking down to meet him. It took every ounce of self control not to start gaping like a retarded fish. Ryuzaki looked…hot. Never before had he seen L standing in perfect posture. His hair was still in its usual messy fashion, but made his look edgier. Ripped, black denim skinny jeans clung to his legs exposing patches of his pale skin. A gray v-neck shirt was shown under an unzipped black hoodie and he had a pair of brand new black and white chuck taylors on his feet. L's sleeves were pushed up and his hands were resting in his pockets.
"Uh, R-ryuzaki?" Light stuttered. His eyes roamed over L. He gulped. Those jeans did look a little tight. Were his legs always that shapely? And that v-neck. Oh god, just seeing that spot of bare skin was making him hot. His dark outfit contrasting with his alabaster skin made L seem almost luminous. Ryuzaki looked at Light questionably.
"What, is it that bad? I can go change if you want—"
"No!" Light cut him off. "No, it's fine. You look fine, really good actually. It's just interesting to see you…in normal clothes. I never thought of that being your style but it suits you really well." Wow suave as hell Light.
"Thank you, Light-kun. Shall we go?" L asked.
"Yeah," Light stood up, looking at his watch. 6:00pm. "Let's go, before the train station gets too crowded. L nodded, not mentioning the fact that he could have gotten them a car. He always thought public transit was kind of…icky. Yes with the years of language he had acquired, icky was the only adjective he could think of to describe it. The fact that dozens of people had sit and touched the same surfaces that same day and most likely didn't sterilize their hands before doing so made L want to dry heave. Despite the fact that he was a slob, Ryuzaki was a bit of a germaphobe. Even so, he willingly followed Light out of the building.
Half an hour and a bottle of germ-x later, they arrived in the busy Shinjuku area. It was bustling this time of night, especially since it was a Friday. Bright incandescent signs flashed over head, and taxi horns blared every once in a while as L and Light made their way down the busy streets. For a while people pushed around them on all sides, and at one point Ryuzaki had to clutch onto Light's arm to make sure he didn't get sucked into the mass of people walking by. Needless to say, they were both red for a good 2 minutes. After a short amount of time, they had reached a point where they could both walk calmly side by side. L, not being one for small talk, was silent, wide eyed like a little child as he took in all the sights and sounds of the city. Light of course noticed this.
This must be Ryuzaki's first time out here in months. It seems like he's forgotten what Shinjuku looks like. He looks like a kid when they learn how to use the toilet for the first time. Ok. Bad analogy. But he's still adorable. Dammit go bald Ryuzaki! How the hell did I end up on a date in the first place? I wonder what led him to ask me out. More importantly why did I say yes? Oh right. To get more information out of him. Well, I have all night to do that, might as well have some fun. I didn't even have enough time to make a list of possible activities we could do (or a chart…).
He felt a light *(as in not heavy)* tug on his sleeve. He had been stuck in his thoughts thathe didn't realize that L had stopped walking a few feet behind him. He was pointing at a neon sign across the street from us.
"Light-kun, what is 'Karaoke Dokie'?" Light turned to glance at the sign. The name was bedecked with multicolored lights, making it one of the most colorful signs on the block.
"Well probably exactly what the title says. A karaoke bar We should probably keep walking.." His words were wasted as the detective began to walk towards the entrance across the street. Light actually made sure to look both ways before quickly catching up to L, latching onto his hand. They were both standing blatantly in the middle of the street, but luckily they were in a quieter part of town so there weren't many cars going by.
"What the hell are you doing? You're j-walking! You realize that's illegal right? I would think that of all people you would try to be a law-abiding citizen. Besides, we don't know anything about this place!" He said hastily, trying to reason with Ryuzaki.
"But Light-kun, it's so pretty…" he said, his eyes wide as he lurched forward towards the building, like a moth to a flame. Light huffed, releasing L's hand and following him to the bar. Upon approaching, Light could literally feel the music. It pulsated out the door, pounding his chest. It was some sort of foreign techno beat, most likely to fill the time before someone else sang. L turned to Light, beaming.
"Can we go inside, please Light-kun?" he asked, his eyes wide and twinkling with a child-like excitement. He looked like a kid on Christmas Eve when his parents said they were going to Disneyland. With that adorable face, Light couldn't say no. Light bit his lip, looking at the entrance.
"Yeah, sure I guess. 2 minutes then we leave." He mumbled, not looking the detective in the eye. L grinned, slipping into the karaoke bar, Light following suit. Once in, Light froze in his tracks. People, namely men, were walking around, dancing alarmingly close to each other, drinking, some were dressed in drag. Many were wearing bright neon clothing, which seemed to glow in the dark club. Inside, a bevy of disco balls reflected Christmas lights adorning the walls. Light's face went crimson as a transvestite wearing something that resembled a peacock, complete with a huge fan of sequined feathers walked by smiling and dragging a finger across L's cheek. Ryuzaki seemed somewhat awestruck, unsure of how to react or what to think. Light was both amazed and horrified. He'd never seen L, who is usually completely composed make such a shocked face before. Light's eyes went wide, stumbling backwards.
This was a gay bar? Out of all the bars in Shinjuku, this had to be a gay bar! Light did a mental facepalm, no, more like a facefist. He was about to drag L out of this place, but when he turned to do it, he found the detective was no where to be found.
What the hell, where did he go! He may be a genius but he's so naïve and vulnerable, any one of these freaks could take advantage of him! Light was freaking out, frantically searching for the detective. He checked the bar first. The bartender was stocky and well-built, a striped bandana wrapped around his bald head, and he was wearing a sleeveless vest that barely covered his very hairy chest. It made Light want to vomit.
"Hey, pretty boy, what can I get for you?" the bartender grinned crookedly, leaning closer to the teen over the table. Light ignored that 'pretty boy' comment, shaking his head and letting out a frustrated breath.
"Nothing. Have you seen a man, about my height, pale skin, black hair with bangs over his eyes, wearing a dark hoodie?" He used his hands to gesture each description.
"Was he your date or something?" The man asked. Light nodded grudgingly. The bartender chuckled and pointed across the crowded club, over the sea of gyrating dancers.
"That boy is one stiff drinker; he ordered a Long Island iced tea, or what I like to call a 'roofie-colada'.I was surprised because the kid said he had never drank before." Light smacked his own face with his hand, running it through his hair aggravated. The man spoke again. "You look like you could use a drink, why don't you loosen up a little?" He smiled suggestively. Light grimaced, trying to keep the bile down that rose in his throat. He turned to stand on his tiptoes, cupping his hands over his eyes even though it wouldn't help him see any better.
Where the hell is he? If he's not already dead, I'm going to kill him….AH! Light just barely spotted the detective's mass of hedgehog hair above the crowd of people. From what Light could see, he was relatively unharmed, but…SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF GUYS? Light was seething, hurriedly pushing his way through the ocean of men, trying to overlook the guys that were dry humping his leg as he made his way over to the detective. He was blinded by the jealousy that spiked up in his chest. Light marched right over to L, thrusting his way into the circle of slightly older and definitely more experienced men surrounding him. What Light saw absolutely mortified him.
Ryuzaki was utterly out of his mind drunk.
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyy Liiiiight, how's my big bad sexy Light Yagami?" L slurred, lurching out of his seat in the round booth he was in, staring upwards at Light struggling to focus on the teen's features through the artificial fog, flashing lights and a drunken stupor. Light's eyes went wide as saucers, and a dark red blush rose on his cheeks. He reached down to clutch L's hand.
"We need to leave now. Come on Ryuzaki, let's go home." Light said, as if talking to a child. L stood up, stumbling into Light, leaning on him and collapsing into a fit of giggles. It was so out of character that it scared Light.
"But Liiiiight, I wanna danccceeee with you!" The elder man grinned, yanking Light's sleeve towards the dance floor. Light stood his ground, crossing his arms over his chest.
"No. We're leaving. Now." He said firmly. Ryuzaki stuck his bottom lip out in an adorable pout.
"B-but Liiight…" He just looked so cute, Light almost thought that one dance couldn't hurt. Ugh go bald Ryuzaki; this is not the time to be negotiating!
"No, come on, please..." Light said, almost pleading now. They were starting to get uncomfortable stares from the men who were around them. He slipped his arm around L's waist as he started to fall back into the booth he had been sitting in and began to drag him out of the club. Ryuzaki turned back to the men, waving like the intoxicated idiot he was.
"Byyyyeeeeee guyssss, thanks for letting me hang with you!" he yelled, beaming. They all called out bye in unison, waving back and hooting. Light hauled the detective out into the crisp night air, hoping it would help in clearing his head.
Well so much for dinner…
L giggled, gripping onto the teen's shirt.
"Well, that was funnn, eh Light-kun? I had an awesommeee time, aren't you glad we went? I am! Did you see allll the new friends I made? You know I reallllly need to tell Watari how to make a Long Island iced tea, I bet one of the guys with the green mohawk t-that I could drink more of them than he could, AND I WAS RIGHT! I drank like 3 of them, and they were totalllly yummy!" All of this and more poured out of the detective's mouth so fast and incoherently that Light could only nod and murmur 'yes, yes I know, I know' in the right places as they stumbled around the streets of Shinjuku. He'd had to deal with many girls that had gotten drunk so he knew how to deal with them. Just agree with everything they said no matter what.
After a while, L had begun to fall quiet, hiccupping every now and again. This was the stage where most girls would start to mellow out and either pass out or puke. The man started to walk a bit easier (a bit but not by much) and not placing all his weight on Light which he was grateful for.
"Heeey, Light-kun?" L asked, slightly more consistent that before. "Am I wasteeed?" Light chuckled and nodded.
"Yes, you are hopelessly inebriated. This is why I am taking you back to headquarters so you can sleep this off. Or something." The detective smirked, turning towards Light.
"A lot of the guys back in that b-bar were saying that I was sexy." He murmured, stepping in front of the teen so that they were inches away from one another. "So the question is, Light-kun, do you think I'm sexy?" The question was influenced by the drunken haze he was in, but Light couldn't help but be stunned. He didn't exactly know what to say, the right answer? Or the 'Light' answer? The right answer in this situation would be to say 'Sure, whatever you say Ryuzaki.' But the 'Light' answer would be 'YES, HELL FUCKING YES YOU ARE!' Or something along those lines.
"You're going to make someone very happy one day. Yes you're very attractive." Light stated plainly wishing he'd gone with the more extreme choice because hell, L deserved it and was probably looking for a self confidence boost. "You're beautiful in fact. I've always thought you were extraordinary, Ryuzaki." He paused. L was most likely not going to remember this night or anything that took place, so Light decided just to get everything off his chest because figured this moment would never come again. He would probably never get another chance to express what he was thinking.
"I know you're more self-conscious and awkward than most people; but I also know that you're more kind hearted than most people. And it's not just me; everyone in the entire taskforce knows it. They just don't say anything because it would embarrass you. You notice all the little flaws in people, even me. And I always thought I had no faults. You call me on my crap, and that's one of the things I love about you, L.
All this time I thought that I could or would meet someone that could match me on my intellectual level, someone that could hold my attention for more than 10 seconds. It seemed like everyone around me was so tiresome and tedious to deal with, that there was some pressure to be something that I wasn't to please everyone. My parents, so called friends, my teachers, everyone to be some sort of perfect god-like figure. But I realized that with you, there's no pressure at all. With you, there's never a dull moment. Ever. I mean one day I'm handcuffed to you and the next I'm dragging you out of a gay bar with you completely wasted." Light took a pause to chuckle before continuing. "Even though you probably won't remember anything I'm telling you, I just want you to know that…I care about you. A lot more than I should. It's impossible to try and hate you; I just can't do it anymore because….because I love you, L." Light clamped his mouth shut, that last sentence just flying off his tongue before he could even think.
Whoa. Did I really just say that? Maybe he won't notice… But sadly, it was quite the opposite. The detective smiled and placed a quick chaste peck on the teen's lips before wrapping his arms around Light's waist, squeezing softly. He buried his face into Light's collarbone.
"Thank you, Light-kun; you have no idea how long I've waited for someone to speak those exact words." Ryuzaki murmured, breathing in Light's scent. Light stood rooted to the spot, absolutely mortified. L had sounded completely lucid and clear, as if he was…never drunk. Could someone sober up that quickly? No. There was no way. Unless…
"Ryuzaki?" he began cautiously. "Were you…pretending to be intoxicated this entire time?" The elder man glanced up at Light, a guiltless expression plastered on his face.
"Now, Light-kun, why on earth would anyone do that?" he said, answering the question. Light felt his eye twitch. He had heard and understood every word of that little speech I just made. Oh. Shit. I told him I LOVED HIM. Oh shit, oh shit, shit shit shit…! On one hand, Light was incredibly impressed. Never in his life had he seen such a convincing act. But on the other hand, his heart was beating in his chest so loudly that he was sure L could feel it.
"So...you heard what I said?" his brow crumpled, wanting to kick himself for being such an idiot. At least he hadn't revealed the fact that he was Kira. Any longer and that almost definitely would have come out.
"Yes. And the feeling is mutual." By now, their foreheads were touching; Light had his arms around Ryuzaki's neck, gazing into the detective's unfathomable slate gray eyes. There was nothing but love and compassion shining his eyes. Suddenly, L closed the two inch gap between them, planting a chaste yet passionate kiss on the teen's lips, reaching back behind his head to twine his finger's in Light's hair, pulling him closer if that was possible. Light could tell it wasn't just a normal kiss; this was a hungry, needing kiss. L wanted to know that Light was his and if he would accept his love him. Almost as if he had been rejected by someone else before. No! This is wrong on so many levels. I can't love Ryuzaki, L. As much as I want to, I can't. Kira won't allow it... He felt L's shoulders shaking and him pulling away. His face was streaked with tears. He was smiling weakly, noiselessly weeping. They weren't tears of sadness they were tears of…joy. To Light, this was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen, it almost broke his heart. This moment is what Ryuzaki had been waiting for his whole life.
Right then, the dam in Light just broke. His resolve, his willpower, everything in him was swept away in its raging current. All the, spite, malice, malevolence, all the hatred he had felt for this man was being replaced by a single emotion: Love. It was as if the world was falling around them and nothing else mattered. It was as if it wasn't gravity holding him to the earth, but L. It took him enough time to realize it but L was his world. His heaven or his hell wouldn't be complete without L. Light enveloped Ryuzaki in an embrace, holding him as tight as possible, burying his head in the detective's shoulder, silently sobbing. He wanted to protect L forever, protect him from anything that would try to hurt him. L deserved it.
Kira can go to hell. All I want is to be with the person I love, and at this moment, that happens to be L. It is and always will be. We need each other, to have and to hold, we're incomplete without each other. He found something in me that no one else could find. He found the flawed, imperfect Light Yagami that no one else could see and dragged it to the surface. Everything is becoming crystal clear to me now. In order for us to be together, the only way we an ever be happy together, the only way I'll be able to live without this guilt and blood on my hands, the only way I can stop lying to him…I have to give up the Death Note and my memories... I have to give up Kira.
A/N: So, what'd you think? Should I continue this or did it suck so badly that you never wanna see me write again? I'm totally freaking tired but I tried to keep as many grammatical errors as possible (if you find one, sorry). Either way, please review, I'll give you a cookie if you do! ^_^