Spoilers up to "Regional Holiday Music"
The "Inspector Space Time" holiday viewing party was as festive, heartwarming and filled with horrific TV as everyone expected. Annie did hope she wasn't the only one that heard Space Time sing "We'll see you at regionals" however. But if the others did, they probably didn't want to reopen that festering wound by saying it out loud, so she clung to that explanation.
In any case, she didn't hear it the second or third time they watched it, and she didn't hear Abed use that lyric when he and Troy reenacted the special the first and second time. By the time their third rendition was halfway through, the rest of the group finally took their leave and left Annie as the only audience member.
So she figured she'd do some tidying up before the 8:00 show, hoping it might make her forget some of the bits she'd heard five times already. Part of it was to scrub them out of her already crowded brain, and the other part was to at least be able to keep laughing or cringe politely at Abed and Troy's efforts. But maybe just focusing on how Abed had Inspector Space Time down cold would keep her riveted, or create the appearance of it.
It actually was riveting that Abed could be so dead on with yet another character. Just a week earlier he had Batman down cold after not playing him for two years; leaving aside how Annie made him reprise the role in less than ideal circumstances. But Batman, Inspector Space Time, Han Solo, Don Draper, Alien, all the dozens of others….he really was the man of a thousand personas. Jeff or Pierce might crack that his best persona was the robot one he used every day, but Annie was sure she'd have a scathing, guilt and tear inducing lecture for them if they tried that. Yet she had to concede that Troy was the only one she'd probably bring to tears.
It was ironic that Abed actually resisted the temptation to slip into a new character during the Glee debacle. Although he was the main pawn of Mr. Rad's whole scheme, he didn't suddenly switch personas and have a mental Glee break like the others did. He was just being himself in trying to make his friends happy, no matter how misguided it was. Yet he still saved the day by Britta'ing Mr. Rad and stayed himself throughout…..unlike some others Annie could name. Specifically unlike others named Annie.
When the Glee spell was broken and Annie actually remembered her brainless sexy Santa routine, it did fill her with pride…among other emotions….that it actually affected Jeff into joining in. But remembering how she did it soon made her feel creepy, childish and kinda dirty…..and that squeaky babyish singing did make her voice hurt a bit the next day
In the end, it would just be another awkward Jeff/Annie moment they would sweep under the rug, while they took a few days to be comfortable by themselves again. Yet considering how this one turned out and made her act, Annie did kind of understand sometimes why Jeff liked sweeping things under the rug…..if only sometimes.
Leaving those implications aside for another day, as per usual, Annie could add that routine to her own list of crazy personas. And the more she thought about it; as if she wasn't going to think about something over and over to the point of obsessing; she really had piled on the personas lately. In fact, she might have more personalities and characters than Abed at this point.
There was her Little Annie Adderall character that gave birth to the whole trope, of course. Then there was Disney Princess Annie, still the new leader of the current group after all this time and all the jokes. Trailing behind her was Lovesick Teeny-Bopper Annie, always ready to get carried away at a moment's notice or hidden glance; or something she thought was a hidden glance. And as always, Uptight Prude Annie was lurking in the wings, in spite of how crazy, study-free adventures and increased sexual awareness was making her less powerful.
And she still hadn't gotten to Caroline Decker, Paintball Sequel/Kinda Awesome Annie, Selfish Annie, Model UN Relapse Annie, Gore Loving Annie, Nurse/Professor Annie, Abed's Baller-Annie creation from last Christmas, and the New Loosey Goosy Annie that was killed off after just her first few hours in the apartment. Now she could add Creepy Sexy Brainwashed Santa Annie to the list; the one that even Jeff admitted had diminishing returns in sexiness.
She had all these different characters that showed up every few weeks, perhaps even more frequently than Abed. But there was a key difference that started to sink in for Annie. Abed admitted three semesters ago that he could change for people and be someone else because he was so comfortable with who he really was and what he wanted. And even after 2 ½ years at Greendale, Annie was none of those things.
Even after all these different sides of herself popped, she still had no idea which ones were the real Annie, and which ones she even wanted to be the real Annie. For every awesome new persona like in Western paintball, there were ones that relapsed into being obsessed over winning, broke valuable DVDs and covered it up, and literally dumbed herself down to seduce Jeff….because of the Glee spell, of course.
At least some of these characters should have combined to form a complete whole by now, but it didn't feel that way to her. Even though Troy reassured her of who she was after the Caroline Decker character broke out, that was over a year ago and all she had to show for it afterwards was more personas and questions.
Questions like how for all her planning and ambitions and progress since high school, she was still more divided and unsure of herself than even Ab-
"Are you playing an end-of-semester montage in your head?" Speak of the meta-devil.
"What? Where'd you come up with that?" Annie asked once Abed's question snapped her out of her trance.
"You've been sitting in the chair in silence for the last 3.2 minutes. That's too long to go through a Christmas montage, and not long enough for a 2011 calendar year montage yet. So an end-of-semester clip show is my next best bet." Somewhere in that analysis, Annie did realize that she actually sat in Abed's recliner while she was lost in her confused little world. She wondered which character she could scapegoat for that one.
"No, I'm not playing any montages. I was just doing some thinking….about things. You wouldn't understand." Well, one of her meaner personas must have fed her that line. But as usual, Abed was unfazed, as he just said "K" and started to walk away before Annie was inspired to stop him.
"Abed, wait! You can come back here, I didn't mean that. Actually….you might understand my problem better than I can right now."
"That's not something I hear often. Makes for a perfect end of second act twist….and here I don't have to sit through commercials before it's resolved. Cool cool cool," Abed nodded as he walked back and sat in the other recliner. "What were you actually thinking about?"
"You and your characters," Annie admitted before she worked out how to phrase that the way she wanted.
"Hmm….you already just reprised the gag of swooning over my characters when Batman touched your cheek. It's a little soon to reprise a bit like that again, it might wear off faster. We waited over a full season in between the Don Draper and Han Solo scenes, so I thought it'd take until the fourth year started to-"
"No, no, Abed, I wasn't thinking about them like that!" Annie cleared up, catching herself before she said something like "This time." She then finally went on to say "I was thinking about how you play them and handle them so well. You're so thorough in so many of these roles, but you're still always yourself and you never really lose that. But I've acted like tons of different people for years and I sometimes have no idea who I really am….kinda like now, for instance."
"Ah….you caught onto all your personalities quicker than I thought. I figured it'd be part of a season-ending two parter myself. But considering how dark and dreary this semester's been, it's better to tackle this kind of thing now in case we get put in a long, forced hiatus later."
"Abed, please don't joke about that. It's already bad enough I won't see Greendale and the study room for a whole month, and that's all I can live with, okay?" Abed just nodded blankly while Annie's face looked more emotional. "Great, School Crazy Annie showed up….she's always got to get two cents in even on Christmas break, doesn't she? You see what I'm talking about? Well, I can't blame if you don't because even I don't really know!"
"If you're trying to figure it out, I'm not really the best person to compare to." At least Abed's puzzling statement gave Mystery Solving Annie a chance to shine; and long enough for Neurotic Annie to settle back down. "Come again?"
"It's true I play many different characters, but they were always played by someone else first. No matter what I add to it, I can't top what Jon Hamm, Harrison Ford and at least six of the Inspector Space Time's have done. I just impersonate those characters….but you've created yours all by yourself. Unlike my borrowed roles, yours are a part of your own mind and creation and creativity. I haven't needed to go that Method yet."
"I see….well, if they are all just me, doesn't that make me crazier? That makes sense, since I just played one of my more doozy crazies. You should have seen what your Glee brainwashing made me do in front of Jeff!" In truth, out of all the other group members, Abed would probably make her the least uncomfortable about her sexy Santa routine – which was probably mostly due to how Britta, Shirley, Pierce and Troy would overreact in their own ways.
"Sexy baby Santa song, right? Judging by the number of awkward glances you shared when you were by yourselves, it was either that or a sexy elf number. One more glance and it would have meant a sexy Mrs. Claus dance….which is a bit too original for a Glee number."
Annie now did feel uncomfortable around Abed and how he casually brought up the word sexy – but maybe that was because the Annie who couldn't say words like that above a whisper was making a cameo. "Abed, I made the sexy go away by the end anyway, and I don't know what that says about me! And I don't know what the other characters say about the real me either, whoever she is!" Well, she didn't whisper sexy that time, so that was something.
"When I look back on the Santa thing, I did feel sexy and grown up until I sang like a baby. I can't blame that all on the Glee brain draining….it couldn't have worked if that wasn't in me already. And I don't like that it was in me….but do I hate it because Jeff wasn't that into it, or because he was into it enough to get sucked in anyway? Or what about me….do I like acting that way, and if not, what kind of sexy acting do I want to do, if any? And should it matter if Jeff likes it or not at all? God, at least now I know Thinking Too Much Annie is alive and kicking again!" Annie exclaimed before she caught her breath and tried to get back on point.
"It's not like I hate all these different parts, I like a lot of them. But there are parts I don't like….and I usually don't see that until they screw something up. I just can't blend them together quite right, and when I think I've got it figured out, another crazy part of me pops up and throws me off! If I was knew who I really was and what I really wanted, like you do, that wouldn't bother me and I could make sure the bad parts don't hurt anyone! But I don't know when I'll be that well adjusted yet." Annie sighed before letting out one more exclamation point. "Great, now I feel the parts of me that are less whiny and more strong and tougher wishing I'd cut it out."
"Saw that coming. Just like I saw the rest of it coming," Abed said in his usual cryptic, all knowing manner. "I hope that's meant in the right way, Abed," Annie warned, uncertain of where he was going with this.
"I meant it to say that I knew you'd have all those problems. You said them out loud quicker than I expected, but that's only because this isn't a sweeps period. In any case, it's nothing new because all you guys are going through the same thing. You've all been growing and changing into different parts of yourselves from the beginning….there was even a time way back when Britta didn't do so much Britta'ing, remember?"
"It almost surprises me that I remember that…." Annie had to admit.
"Regardless, she and the rest of you are still working yourselves out into a complete whole. You haven't figured it all out yet because there's still a year-and-a-half left on your arcs to go. This is somewhere between the second and third act of the story, so there's still a bit to go before you hit rock bottom, have a big, almost logic-defying lift back up, and overcome it all to the tune of 2013's hottest pop song."
"Abed, pop songs don't…..wait, are you saying I'm gonna hit rock bottom soon? That's not encouraging!" Annie called out.
"Well….maybe being a creepy sexy Santa was rock bottom and the illogical uplift is coming soon. Is that more encouraging?" Abed asked.
"I don't know….I mean, it makes the Santa bit worse than it really was, for all my nitpicking," Annie pointed out.
"I wouldn't know, I forgot to check my hidden Greendale Chronicles cameras before the break. In any case, the point still is that you and the others are right on schedule in your journeys to find yourself, and you have plenty of time. It might be just a half-year if we get more dark and unpopular to everyone but hard core audiences, but let's try to keep it positive right now."
Annie didn't know what to keep this right now, but there was no point in interrupting Abed when he compared the group to TV. And she could save asking about those hidden Greendale Chronicles cameras for another day; as long as she assured herself that Dean Pelton, Chang and the rest of the Greendale male population couldn't find one in that dressing room.
"You're more aware of your journey and your different selves because you think so much, and because you're so dedicated to making yourself better, for your benefit and ours. I give you credit for staying in-character like that. True, you get kind of inconsistent sometimes, but that's because you've had the most rapid character development and emotional rollercoasters. That means that when you reach a catharsis and your personas finally come together in the finale, it'll be the biggest and most popular part of the ending."
Even for someone of Annie's intelligence, decoding Abed-speak was often a challenge, and she lived with the guy now. But she did translate one important part of this speech at the end. "You think that my personas will really come together?"
"I don't know how, if that's what you want to know. Although I know the ending, I'd rather go along for the ride in getting there instead of figuring everything out first. Makes for a better viewing experience that way." Before Annie could protest that this wasn't a viewing experience, Abed added "But you always figure out something when you think long and hard about it, like you're doing here. Not figuring this out and not getting it right in the end would be out of character for you, and an example of lazy writing. Unless we are put on hiatus first, then it wouldn't be your fault in that case. Technically it'd be all our faults for not getting a larger audience share."
Once again, Annie chose to focus on the surprisingly flattering parts Abed said, rather than the vast majority of things she didn't get. "You think me getting it right would be in character? I'm sorry to keep repeating a part of your speeches, but….that part kind of warrants more of an explanation."
"K. It is true that some of your characters have shown troubling behavior. But when they do, you always seem to beat them back, fix their mistakes and be the best Annie you can be again. Even with your sexy Santa routine, you figured out the flaws in it by yourself and swore to do better, even without Jeff playing a part. If you're that self-aware to realize your flaws and want to correct them this early in the story, it's pretty predictable that you will. You'll probably stumble a few more times because we've got three more semesters of story to fill, if we're lucky. But the formula of you becoming better in the end is too ingrained to be broken now….at least for more than a brief arc in sweeps."
"And you really think it's too late to change that formula now?" Annie asked before realizing that she was repeating what he said in the middle of his speech again. Yet she was getting too emotional and caught up to care right now.
"It's what the audience expects by now, and the audience usually gets what they want. They've invested so much time in following you, supporting you, cheering for you and rooting for you no matter what that it'd be a cheat if that didn't happen. Even if that audience still thinks of you as a kid sometimes, dismisses you as naïve, or tries to hide what they really feel about you, they won't abandon you until they're sure your arc pays off. That's why there logically can't be any other ending. And speaking as one of the more devoted audience members, that predictability is reassuring."
As usual, Abed's inflection didn't change and his eyes stayed as still and clinical as ever. Yet Annie knew by now that even the most clinical Abed speeches and monologues could have such love and friendship layered in – albeit in an ironic, Abed-like way. This latest example, which was admittedly a bit less subtle than usual, was enough to almost bring Annie to tears. But she figured she had to speak up before those tears flooded her eyes. "Awww, Abed….I'm, I'm glad you find me so predictable…."
Annie had to laugh at how she used his own TV language, if only to hold more tears back. At that point, she thought she owed him a few more bit of TV lingo to wrap this up. "Since you are such…..a devoted audience member….you can tell me which Annie you like the best and I'll try to add her into….the show….more often."
"Ooh, I don't know if I can do that. There's only so much a fan can do to alter the show, if they're allowed to do anything. If I can't do it as a documentarian until the surprise ending, I can't do it as a fan. Besides, it takes some of the thrills out of the show working the kinks out itself."
Annie decided to regroup before the clinical TV fan side of Abed completely replaced the one with sincere subtext. "Well then, you can speak as a TV critic! Shows never listen to critics, no matter how bad they think the show is, or how good it is, or how much they try to save shows from getting canceled! So it shouldn't make a difference here!"
"Hmm….yeah, they are meaningless like that. That's only good in a few cases, though," Abed reflected before he actually answered the question. "As a critic, I like them all. More accurately, I like it when the best parts of all of them come together. It makes it all the more rewarding for the viewer when they help fix a mistake, or help someone fix theirs, or save the day by themselves. Even when they don't learn their lesson in time sometimes, it's clear they're still around anyway and won't let the dark side win for very long. So….I guess that's my favorite Annie."
Annie ignored how that part about not learning their lesson probably referred to the broken "Dark Knight" DVD mishap. If she didn't, it might have helped her do a better job of keeping her tears at bay, however. She kept most of them in check, but she did let out a sniffle or two regardless. Finally she said "Thank you for your feedback….don't worry, I promise to ignore it like any good TV producer." That made her laugh and helped her get composed enough to get up to Abed's chair and hug him.
After she broke apart from Abed, he stated "I suppose this is the moment where I say something weird, but back in character, so as to break the sentiment and get things back to normal. In that case, I can finally say that I came here to watch "Inspector Space Time" again and come up with new inflections before the 8:00 show. Since I want them to be a surprise for the audience, and since you're the only audience left…."
"No, no I get it, it's a closed set," Annie finished for him. "I should head to my room and get myself ready for the show anyway. That's cool….and it's cool cool cool, too," she tried to needle Abed with. Abed didn't laugh at her use of his catch phrase, as he just nodded and headed over to turn on the DVD again.
Since Abed was back in Inspector Space Time world, Annie realized it was useless to give out a final thank you, or some other sentimental gesture. Yet she had been overwhelmed with sentimental gestures already, or at least an Abed version of sentiment. As such, that was enough to satisfy her as she headed to her room to take it all in.
As she rested and wiped her eyes on her bed, Annie let it all sink in enough that she actually believed it. When she thought about Abed's answer to her last question, it became even more believable. For all the different characters and moods she was in on a given week, the combined efforts of all of them had been mostly wonderful so far – and not just for her.
They combined to help do the seemingly impossible and unearth the good, long-lost side of Jeff Winger – if not as thoroughly as she might like sometimes. They helped her go from having an all consuming, unhealthy crush on Troy to having him as a roommate and one of her very best friends, which was even better than her most unrealistic dreams about him. They helped her put aside all the competition she had with Britta for so many men and regard her as a kind of weird older sister, Britta'ing and all. They helped convince Shirley that it wasn't necessary to baptize her to save her soul…..at least more than three times a year. And although Pierce hated and schemed against almost everything; despite thankfully toning it down this semester; at least a few parts of Annie got through to him and made her his favorite through the worst of it.
And in spite of Abed's infamous detachment and occasional inability to let himself help anyone….that wasn't a detached person she spoke to in these last several minutes. In fact, Annie briefly wished that Jeff could overcome his detachment like that, yet that really was a thought for another less uplifting time.
In any case, she had ran through a lot of examples on how the better parts of her had made a difference for people, and how they had helped her find love, friendship and support that she had never had before. When those parts came together like that, she supposed it was kind of awesome.
Yeah, that was definitely her favorite Annie. And it was an Annie she wanted to be all of the time. She probably would keep taking a few steps back along the way, since real life didn't have instant character shifts like TV did. But as long as she didn't give up trying to go forward, kept learning from her mistakes, learned the right lessons from them and tried to handle pressure a little better…..Jeff-related or not….she could keep that Annie around longer and longer.
The less attractive Annies and the one that tarnished Jeff's deeply repressed sexual fantasies wouldn't win out if she had anything to say about it. And maybe then she would solve these problems for herself and judge for herself what the best Annie really was – without needing another series of Abed metaphors to lift her up and without using the creepiest extremes of her sexuality.
That was the right non-academic goal to focus on during the rest of the break. With that in mind, Annie almost wished winter break was over now so she could put her goal to the test. As if she wouldn't wish for the end of the break over and over already until the next semester started.
For all that Abed got right in that talk, teasing for an even longer "hiatus" than a month away from Greendale was a nearly unforgivable "joke." Almost all the Annies had to agree on that one, so she supposed that might be a welcome sign of unity.