Chapter One.
Seven am.
My eyes had been open for quite a long time now, getting used to the dim light that snuck through the curtains. I heard my father's steps downstairs, probably late. I turned over myself and dug my head in the pillow, dad would step in my room to say goodbye and I would pretend I was asleep. I was falling back to sleep when I heard the door opening, I laid still with my eyes closed as his safe hands pulled the covers over my shoulders, he leaned to place a kiss into my hair and then left the room, the sloppy sound of his shoes following him close.
Seven thirty am.
My hands rubbed the sleep off my eyes and with a little effort I sat on the edge of the bed, looking around and verifying everything I needed was on its place. By the closet door, in the other corner of the room was my desk, all my camera equipment and my computer laid on it, in front of it the big chair in which all the clothes I couldn't be bothered to move laid as well. I stood up and stripped off my sleep clothes, walking in front of the mirror and praising myself for choosing to hang a jacket over it. I put on all dark leggins and bra, throwing over a long jumper to cover my arse, next were my running shoes. Once I was all covered I walked over to the silent hallway and went into the bathroom, I washed my face and put my hair up in a ponytail. I sighed at the sight of the bags under my eyes. I walked back to the room to get my keys and my phone and then ran downstairs, in the blink of an eye I was locking the door behind me.
Seven fifty am.
Leaving my street behind and putting my headphones on I started running. Around twenty minutes to get to the gym, open at eight for those very enthusiastic… and people like me. The dubstep and trap mixes flooded my ears, beating so hard it blocked everything around me, the morning in the city was quite busy. Once I got there I went straight to the changing rooms to get changed into shorts, and afterwards into the machine room to get some fun there for as long was possible.
Fifty five past ten am.
I dragged my feet inside the house, I had came back walking, my legs were shaking and I couldn't keep ignoring my grownling stomach begging to be fed. I took my jumper off and walked over to the kitchen after tossing it next to the stairs. I opened the fridge and flickered my eyes taking in the choices. I decided to go for a banana, yogurt and some nuts. I threw everything in the mixer and poured it in a glass to then go back upstairs into my room, where I opened the windows and turned the radio up as I walked to get in the shower, getting rid of the sweat stoaked clothes that stuck to my body. The music took over shortly after and the warm water ran through my body comfortingly.
After a while there wasn't much to do. Since school had ended a couple months back I had decided to take a time off to work on my interests. I opened my YouTube account on my laptop as I took a sip of my water. My last video was a video mounting at the beach, 'Beach Adventure', I looked through the comments for a while smiling to myself as I enjoyed the music. YouTube was my life, I had over a hundred videos up, most viewed being 'Room Tour | Liv Bex', 'On not going to Uni' and the 'A Lazy Girl's Guide to Life' series, I had reached a hundred thousand and met some pretty cool people, every day I was surprised that people would bother to watch ten or so minutes of my life once or twice a week. I decided to start working in my next video, it would be the 100k celebration, I had decided what I wanted to do a few weeks back, I wanted to talk honestly and openly about my life with with all the people that were now a part of it.
I didn't care about my lower half, I kept my comfy flower-patterned shorts and threw on an asymmetrical stripped shirt on and put my hair up in a bun. I opened the drawer where I kept my ever growing make up collection and put some time into doing my face, my green eyes adorned with mascara and a bold red colour on my lips. I stopped in front of the mirror and practiced my words and expressions, I was trying to stay calm and relaxed, this was going to be a serious video. I sighed, I had it under control, but one hundred thousand people was insane.
I took another sip of water and started setting up the tripod next to the window to get the natural light. I set the camera on fully charged, the microphone under but out of shot. I took a seat in front of it.
–Hello guys, it's Val and today I decided to make a bit of a different video to celebrate one hundred thousand subscribers and as a big ass thank you that I could not stress enough, thank you for spending few minutes of your life to come hang out with me and make me so, so happy by being a part of my life. –I took my hands to my face and covered it to suffocate a small Yell.– One hundred thousand people, fuck –I laughed to myself.
–I started making videos as a coping method, I know some of you out there might know my blog on Tumblr, and if you don't that's okay, where I would sit on my laptop in my room and talk and ramble and talk about whatever it is that was in my mind or that I was struggling with, with no purpose. For some reason people seemed to care, and they started watching and I didn't know why, and people left me all kind of messages on tumblr about how they felt the same way I was feeling and they were going through the same things I was going through. That was about two years ago, and I never thought people outside my circle would care or would actually look forward to me making content, I never thought I would have over one hundred thousand people caring about my rambles and about how I hated school or was feeling ugly and fat. –I let out a laugh, I knew what I was getting into though it seemed like I was talking non sense at the moment, I would have a lot of editing to do, I was thinking adding pictures and some music for it.– I don't want you guys to feel sorry for me or pity me by making this video, I just want you to know these things about me because you are all an important part of my life. –I took a deep breath–. When I was about twelve I started fasting, binging and over exercising –I went straight to the point–, I didn't like myself, I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, I didn't feel normal. I've struggled with an Eating Disorder for about seven years,I started making videos at fourteen, then started treatment at fifteen, I'm eighteen now, and I started this channel at sixteen. Being on YouTube as this has passed has helped me so much, you guys are so supportive and I've been introduced to such amazing people I wouldn't have met any other way, and I'm so thankful and so, so excited to keep recovering and meeting people and making friends here, and to continue fighting every day to love myself and embrace myself, and with my channel that's the message I want you to get that message, and I want you to know, whatever it is you're going through, if it's depression, anxiety, the loss of a loved one, an eating disorder or stress… You are strong and you're not alone. You are part of this family, our little Internet family. I am here for all of you guys, you can reach out to me and I promise you I will do my very best to help you out. Be nice to each other, always remember you don't know what other people are struggling with. Look out for each other, it's important.
A smile took over my face as I felt my eyes watering. I was thankful and proud of counting on such a family that made me forget if it was necessary and made me laugh if it was necessary.
–Remember to stay hydrated and stay cute. I love you. –I made my signature goodbye.
I stopped the recording and took my phone, I rushed to take a selfie smiling (after a couple of failed ones), I put it up on Twitter and Instagram with the capture 'Sending a massive hug to each and every one of you, thank you for 100k. Special video tomorrow x'.
I decided to reward myself after all that, I went downstairs and made veggie burritos to enjoy while I watched some of the videos up on my feed, I was currently subscribed to over eighty channels and it was growing every day. For me, treatment and recovery weren't a process but a way of life now, sometimes chaos was peace for me, counting calories and exercising daily, I had found my balance which allowed me to live peacefully within everything.
When I was thirteen my mom passed out in a routine operation from allergic reaction to a general anesthetic, I spent enough time experimenting with prescriptions and pills in a futile attempt to know more than the doctors. There wasn't much to me apart from all the tragedy that my life seemed to be, few friends in school and up until now, average grades and average face, I guess. Green eyes, like my mother, and the same brown beach like hair that fell down to my mid back, big features from my father's side, I always laughed showing more than eight teeth, which magazines say is the adequate smile.
I spent the afternoon editing the video for the next day on my comfy shorts and a careless grey sweater sitting on the sofa with the TV on to keep me company. When dad got home it was about six, he had gotten dinner, he sat by me and we ate as I was telling him about my next video. I was about done editing, waiting for the video to export as I was eating an apple for dessert, when my phone rang on the table: No caller ID. I ignored it, but it continue ringing.
–Val, could you get that? –my dad called out from the next room, somehow annoyed at the song repeating itself over and over.
–Alright, alright –I answered, shutting down the TV and pressing the speaker. – Hello?
–Is this Valerie Bexon? –the voice on the other side of the line called my full name.
–Yeah, who's this? H-how'd you get this number? –I rushed to ask since I didn't recognize the male voice.
–Valerie, can I call you Val? –he didn't wait for an answer– My name is Dom Smales, I'm calling from the Google Headquarters in London in behalf of the organization of Bestival Festival.
I looked up, my eyes widening as much as possible, my dad was looking at me from the other room's door, making incomprehensible gestures with his hands.
–Is this a joke? –was the boldest thing I could articulate.
–No, no –the man laughed–. I've sent you an e-mail as well beause we've seen your YouTube channel is growing quite a lot by now, we wanted to make an inquire, hear me, how'd you like to work with us to give you a platform to reach out to your viewers and other vloggers in your area and more? Now, you're eighteen, am I right?
–Yeah –I replied, almost unable to believe what was happening, it wasn't possible, my account wasn't even verified yet.
–What we want to offer you is a stay Friday to Tuesday in Premier Inn London Dockland, meals included, your very own meetup Saturday and free passes to the festival for the weekend and both after parties in which you'll meet other personalities that are there as well. So, are you interested?
I was breathless for a few seconds, I felt like a movie star.
–Sure, I mean, of course I'm interested –I exhaled.
–Alright! Great! I'll be e-mailing you more information and calling you through the week, okay, we'll see you very soon!
–Alright. Okay, thank you very much –I spoke with the last of my rushed breath, feeling my heart coming out of my mouth.
–That's amazing! –my father came running to me to hold me by the shoulders and shake me up a bit– Of course, If you want to go, you can go.
–Of course I want to go! –I let myself fall back into the couch, putting my knees up and burying my head between them, my only dream was coming true. – Shit, dad, I'm gonna have a legit YouTube career! –I screamed and kicked my legs in the air at the same time.