Spiders

By Catherine Morland

Dedicated to Project Phantom!

"It's very late, my dear," he said gravely. "I think it's time you went to bed."

Drifting into my bedroom, my mind still revolving ceaselessly around that lovely Arabic tale, I caught a movement from the corner of my eye and turned to find upon the counterpane the biggest spider I had ever seen in my life. It was easily the size of my fist, and at the sight of its black malevolence I let out an unlovely shriek, which brought Erik to my door.

"What is it?" he demanded in alarm.

Unable to speak, I simply pointed and he laughed as he went over to my bed.

"I'm afraid we get a lot of these down here. He is a big fellow, isn't he? I suppose his mate is in here somewhere, too."

"Oh, God!" I said with feeling, glancing nervously across the floor. "Do you really think so?"

"They're usually found in twos," he said absently, bending to catch the hideous thing gently in his hands. "When I've put this one out I'll come back and look, if you wish."

I stared at him in horror.

"You're only going to put it out? Won't it just come back?"

"That's not very likely, my dear."

"But it might," I persisted stubbornly. "Erik, I would die of fright if one crept over me while I was asleep. I've always been terrified of spiders. I'd feel so much happier if you just...well, just got rid of it permanently."

He stiffened, and when he turned to look at me there was something in his eyes which made me shiver.

"You want me to kill it?" he said expressionlessly.

"If – if you don't mind," I stammered, suddenly unnerved by the pulsing venom of his gaze.

"Oh, I don't mind at all," he said with an anger that was now unmistakable. "I rather think the spider might have one or two objections to make – but then, after all, it's only a spider, isn't it? Just a mindless, soulless, ugly thing that has no right to live and frighten people!"

Without another word he clenched his fist tightly, dropped the crushed insect on the carpet, and walked out of the room.

"Erik!" I cried after him, in alarm. "What about the other one?"

"Kill it yourself, if you can find it!" he said coldly, and shut the door on me with a savage bang.

I covered the spider with my shawl, so that I should not have to look at it, and when I had glanced warily beneath the sheets, I sat miserably on the bed with my legs tucked up beneath my chin. It was the first time he had ever spoken to me like that – as though he hated me!

Slowly, I slipped into the lace-trimmed nightgown and ventured at last beneath the sheets, exploring each fresh cool expanse with tentative toes. I lay awake for a long time, brooding on his anger, but I must have fallen asleep at last, for the sensation of something brushing my cheek made me wake with a scream.

I leapt out of bed in a mindless panic and rushed into the adjoining room.

"Christine!" Erik laid his book aside and came toward me in concern. "Oh, my precious child, don't cry like that!"

I covered my face with my hands; I was shaking from head to foot like a perfect fool.

"Erik...I know you're very angry with me...but please, please, go in and find that other spider. I know there's one still in there.... I know it!

"You really are very frightened, aren't you?" he said quietly.

"Yes..." My teeth were chattering with cold and terror. "Yes1 I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I know it's cruel, I know they have the right to live like any other creature, but I just can't bear them! If one touched me, I think my heart would stop."

He gestured for me to take his seat by the fire, the same slow, rather elegant unfurling of hand and wrist with which he often drew me toward him when he sang. There was something infinitely powerful and irresistible in that movement; something that made me feel I would follow that hand even if it led me over the edge of the world.

He guided me into the chair, as though I was a marionette incapable of moving without his aid, and yet still he did not touch me.

I sat and stared into the hearth while I listened to him moving furniture in the next room. Presently he came back and threw a crumpled piece of paper onto the fire.

"It's gone now," he said sadly. "Go back to bed and I will bring you something to make you sleep without nightmares."

I got up in silence, like an obedient child, and returned to my room. In the doorway I glanced back and saw him staring at the paper, which was shriveling and turning black against the coals.

He made no movement and no sound.

And yet I am almost sure he had begun to cry.

--Excerpt from Susan Kay's Phantom

XoOxXoOx

Erik's POV

If one touched me, I think my heart would stop. If one touched me I think my heart would stop. If you touched me, I think my heart would stop.

Over and over, my mind dully repeated those words.

If you touched me, I think my heart would stop.

Tears slowly inched down my face – and mask – as I stared into the bright fire, looking intently at the black curling piece of paper. That hadn't been the spider's mate. That was the first spider I killed, and stole from beneath Christine's shawl, lying innocently on the ground to cover the sight of the spider's twisted body. I had carefully picked it up with the paper, and tossed it in the fire. Since I could not give it a proper burial, this would have to do. The second spider peeked out of my pocket, looking sadly at its mate.

I wondered if it was crying, too. After all, it is customary to cry at a funeral.

When ashes were all that was left of the spider's body, I took its mate outside and set it on the ground. I hoped it wouldn't fall victim to my indulgence, also.

I walked back inside, intending to now give Christine some laudanum to help her sleep. I found her sitting on the chair again, wringing her hands.

"Erik...I just realized...what if they had babies?" she inquired anxiously. "I don't want those dreadful little things scuttling around my room at night."

"I don't think so," I said dryly, walking to my room to get the laudanum.

She turned her body and eyes to follow me.

"Why do you love spiders so much, Erik?" she asked curiously.

I stopped before reaching my door. Without turning around, I spoke.

"Even spiders are allowed to have a mate." I said coldly, then entered my room, incredulous that I had told her that.

When I returned, trying not to meet her eyes, she looked at me quizzically.

"You know, there are downfalls to being a spider." She said, "Black widow's eat their mates after a while."

I was dosing out the laudanum, still trying not to look at her, when I started laughing. I had to put down the bottle, and hold on to the table to stop from spilling it, or falling down. She glared at me sternly.

"What's so funny?"

"Christine, you never cease to amaze me." I said, picking up the bottle again. She gave a little 'humph' sound, and came over to the table.

"Is that for me?"

I handed it to her silently, glad that the mask hid my grin. She swallowed it all, and then left to go to bed. Suddenly, she was back again, and she hugged me, and ran off before I could react. Shocked, I stood there for a couple minutes, until I heard small snuffling noises to signify that she was asleep.

Poking my head into her room, I saw her quietly sleeping. She looked like an angel, with her hair fanned out over the pillow, and a peaceful expression on her face.

I walked to the side of her bed, and watched her sleep for a few minutes. Finally I bent down and kissed her cheek, then walked to the doorway.

"Good night, Christine." I said softly, then I shut the door, and walked away.

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