Location: New York City
Exact Location: Lincoln Square
Time: 12:34.23 P.M.
Weather Conditions: So sunny that my eyes hurt due to the lack of cloud cover (Boo!)
As Vincent Voltaire, the writer and occasionally depressed Guilty Gear fan, sat on the steps of the Lincoln Center, an associate of his walked up to him. She was Areia Crestol, a long time friend of Vincent, and she felt that it would be best if he had a serious chat with him, seeing as Vincent was feeling all droopy and everything for the past week or so.
"Hi, Vincent." She said as she sat down with him.
"Hey, Areia." He replied.
"Vincent, can I know something?"
"By all means, ask away." He said as he fiddled with his shoes.
"I know that you wanted to plan out something with the GG cast in doing the famous opera called "The Marriage of Figaro," but all of a sudden this story got yanked off the net. How so?"
His manner was not all that pleasing. "Well, for reasons that seem pretty obvious, someone within the GG fan area sent a copy of our story to our sponsors. (i.e. someone alerted this story to the heads of the site.) Apparently, due to a recent "loophole" in the rules being corrected, this story, and probably a slew of others all across the site have been yanked out. So, that is what is happening as of right now."
He continued. "When I saw this "disaster" unfold, I personally saw this opportunity as a way to challenge myself and make this story somewhat better. However, this was before the alert, and as you very well know once that was made and I was warned, I became mortified."
"However, I decided that, in order to make a story like this better, I should try this form out from now on, you know? I hope to be a writer one day, and I figured I might as well give these characters some life and what not. Now I will not go out and attack the person who did this, more often he was only alerting to something else, unless he had some vendetta against me for writing badly. But barring that, I think that I am willing to continue and start over."
Areia was intrigued. "So you are saying that… you want to try again?'
"Yes. I want to try again. I think I'll give this story another shot, and this time I want to make it right. I just can't give up over something petty like this. Besides, I've had failures before, and I don't need to feel so down on myself." He stood up from the steps and, feeling more pleased, shouted out to the square. "From this day forward, I, Vincent Voltaire, shall shun the use of script writing for good."
A small sweat drop trickled down all the onlookers there, including Areia.
"So… Vincent… what do we do now?
"Summon Ian. We have a lot of work to do."
An hour later, Vincent's other assistant, Ian Vanderoff appears. Vincent addressed to the two. "Now, I see that everyone is here. Areia Crestol, and Ian Vanderoff, you know your assignments, correct?
"Yes we do." The two shouted out.
"Here is our plan: Send the word to every single potential fighter in the Guilty Gear world of this grand event. Using my own resources as a fan writer, I shall bring to the world the art that is the Marriage of Figaro. Here is a list of all the current addresses and where they live." Vincent hands the paper, holding, what else, the list of names off all the GG fighters and their current residences.
Areia intervened. "I'll assume you have already planned this out before."
"Yes… yes I have…" Vincent replied, feeling VERY assured of himself.
"Well if you do have this planned out, then why don't you tell the readers out there in or what not." Ian addressed.
In an odd sense of breaking the 4th wall, Vincent noticed the readers. "Oh, Sorry, my bad. Anyway, a while back, I have started to look into operas, and I've tossed the idea of doing a fanfic involving opera and game characters. After much research and time, I have chosen to reenact the classic "The Marriage of Figaro" by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, using the cast of Guilty Gear as my talent pool. This tale of romantic disorder and laughter is quite possibly one that you'll either enjoy for its lack of sense, or hate it for that same reason. With that in mind, seeing as this is my very first GG fic, (and my last humorous attempt in the "G Gundam" section fell apart and is in the recovery room for massive reworking) no flaming is allowed… unless you want to point out a grammatical error, OOC's, or something like that."
"And?" Areia tried to point out.
"Oh, yeah. I don't own Guilty Gear, everyone at Sammy owns that, even though I have made "technical manuals" of all the characters, but as of recent, won't allow that to be posted here. Happy Areia?"
"Yeah, I'm good, although I don't understand that part about overcharging his blade and his head explodes." She added, reading the manual on Ky.
"Hey, what about us? You never properly introduced Areia and me."
"Oh, sorry, Ian. I forgot to mention. These are my two associates: Ian Vanderoff, my lead director and communications expert, and Areia Crestol, my media advisor."
"Good. Now shall we proceed?" Ian added.
"I just have one last question, Vincent." Areia added. "How are we going to get the word out about this event?
"You just leave that to me. As for us… to the Archangel."
"Vincent?!" The two replied
"My bad. Been watching too much Mobile Suit Gundam Seed as of late."
Location: The Mayship
As Johnny looks on to the sky aboard his ship, he wonders about his life, and the chaos that has befallen his crew. He starts to ponder about the assassins' guild, that post war administration thing, and the gear Dizzy, whom is now considered a bigger threat on everyone for a lot of reasons, not to mention the sudden approach of a flock of geese….flock of geese?
"AH!"
Without warning, the flock decides to go "Mist Finer" on Johnny.
Five minutes later, the fearless leader walks into his personal quarters, in desperate need of a shower and some band aids. Fortunately, Leap was there to help.
"Everything ok, Johnny?"
"Not really. Take a look."
She comes in further and sees the carnage, as his whole body is covered in feathers, bruises, and the occasional blood splotch. "Ouch. You were out when there was flying geese again, were you?"
"Yeah." He goes to his dresser and starts to change as Leap says in front of a blind. "You want to know something, Leap?"
"Yeah?"
"I've been thinking it's been a while since we had the entire crew actually participate in something. For the past few weeks, it's been nothing but either me, May, April, or Dizzy getting involved in something... and count out that Bridget person out. I don't know how May got her on the crew or something."
"So what are you thinking?" She inquired, sitting in a random stool.
"I've been thinking that maybe I should try and do something with the entire crew; you included of course. It has to be something that is fun, entertaining and makes all of us happy… but what?"
Leap made a joyful comment to him. "Well, this is odd, but why do you try doing a musical? You know? I even wrote one down myself, and…"
Moments later, a sudden crash is heard on one of the engines. May responds on the intercom. "Johnny, it's May. Something crashed on the engines again. Why does this keep happening to us?"
"I'll be there. Hold that though, Leap. We have an emergency."
After getting changed, and having a lot of Band-Aids plastered on his body, Johnny and the rest of the crew arrives at the engine room. "What happened to the engine?" said Johnny.
"Well, once again, the engine gets busted." said April as she tries to extinguish the now inflamed engine. "We found someone has actually crashed onto it. Here is the guy now."
May drags along the culprit, who happens to be Axl Low. Your guess is as good as mine why this time-traveling British man is here.
"Axl, what are you doing here?"
"Johnny, look. I swear this was not my fault. It's these random time loops. I hate it when that happens.
"Well, you probably know what I'm going to say, so I'll make it short."
"Don't worry, I'm leaving. Besides, I'm actually trying to get to "A country." I have to go to this crazy audition going on in New York."
"What audition?" he asked, resisting a surprised expression on his face.
"Well, some American is trying to direct "The Marriage of Figaro" by Mozart, and he's invited all of the GG fighters to come. I have to get going right now before another random time warp happens to me, and Aiee!" Another time warp appears, sucking Axl in. A forty watt bulb appears on top of Johnny's head.
"Everyone, make sure that engine is fully fixed. We are heading to NYC."
"Why?" May's asked, curious.
"I'll explain it all outside… provided there are no more flying birds." Leap could not hold her chuckle.
Location: Jam's Restaurant
As we focus our attention on the problem at hand, we see Millia Rage and Ky Kiske, sitting down and waiting for their food… or rather, this is most likely the case when it comes to Ms. Millia.
"Jam, uh, are you sure my food is ready? I think I smell noodles burning."
"Don't worry. I'll get to it, but can't you see that I'm busy here. At least give me a moment to be with my luvi duvi knighty." She replied, making so many romantic references that it would make even me nauseous.
"Jam, it was only for one day." He said with adequate blushing.
"I know, but I just can't stop being around you, you know?"
"If I only had my hair still attached to me…" Millia though. "…but then again, she did help me a while back."
"Are you regretting that decision you made, Millia?"
Looking behind her, she sees the enigmatic Venom appear from out of nowhere, still holding his proper equipment beside him as he sips on some tea.
"You care to explain to yourself?" She replied with annoyance.
"No, I do not. In fact, I have only come here to sip some tea."
"Really?" Her eyes became suspiciously squinty. "So you are not here because you want to take care of me…"
" No."
"Despite the fact that I finished off Zato-1 for good…"
" I've come to accept it."
"And because I trashed all of your Harry Potter 1st Editions with my hair care products?"
"…well… No."
"I see." She turned around, keeping a watchful eye on the assassin. In a sense of relief for Millia though, he gets out of his seat and takes out several unmarked bills.
"Well, then. Here is my pay. I'll be off." Venom leaves with the three unusually surprised.
"Um… that was odd." Ky though. "I though he would automatically go kill Millia."
"So did I." Jam added.
" Oh and one last thing, Jam." He said before completely leaving the shack. "Your restaurant is about to burn down in three seconds."
"How?"
" Oh… something like this."
Venom takes out an 8-ball and uses his pool cue to smack it toward an outdoor propane gas tank. A huge explosion follows as everyone runs out and Jam is seething with red anger. Fortunately, a sprinkler system was already activated to counteract such a likely scenario.
"What did you do that for?" She said, completely furious and about to go IK on his ass.
"Because your tea was lousy. That and I've been assigned to kill you."
"From who?"
"That is none of your concern. Now let's duel."
"Hold on a second. You are going after her, and not me?" Millia bolted out of her seat, despite the fact that she no longer has her "Hair Extension of Doom!"
"Like I said, that is none of your concern."
"I can't stand for this." Ky, being the illustrious knight who can (presumably) do no wrong, whips out his Furriaken. "I am placing you under arrest for destruction of property."
"If you want to settle it like this, it's fine by me." Vemon added as he chalked his cue stick.
"I'll join you Ky. No one burns down my restaurant and gets away with it." Jam immediately drops everything in her possession and joins the fight.
"I know you have something against me, Venom, so why don't we just finish this?" Despite her inability, Millia joins as well.
"3 on 1? Well, I might as well kill all three of you while I'm at it."
Before this duel gets underway, Slayer makes his appearance in front of them without prior notice or delay. "What is going on here? Loyal assassin fighting loyal assassin?
"Uh, don't I recall leaving that organization and you disbanding it?" Millia said.
"Last time I checked you were still on the payroll."
"She's still on the payroll? Note to self: Send angry collector assassins to go after her."
"See Venom, I told you that you were still after me."
"You know, if we could just make this easy and…" Apparently no one cared what Ky said as he gets smacked by a 5 ball and propelled to where Slayer was standing.
"Wait a second, I understand you all hate each other, but can't we think about this for a second?"
"NO!"
"Forget it. I give up with you three."
As the three fighters prepare to duel, Ky sits along Slayer, watching the fight unfold. Once positioned, he plops down on the ground, exhausted. "You know something, Slayer, I don't know why I want to do this. I mean, this is like the fifth time that Jam's restaurant has been burned down. I literally had to force her to install the sprinkler system, not to mention she has been rejected from nearly every insurance company in the area. sigh I think I need a change from this."
"You know Ky, maybe you should try another job. Why not acting?"
"What do you mean?" He asked with some curiosity.
"Well, there is this invitation for all the Guilty Gear fighters to participate in doing a remake of the opera, 'The Marriage of Figaro'" Sharon and I are going to go there and try to 'persuade' the director to get us in. You are welcomed to join me."
"I like the offer but…" He ducks to dodge a billiard ball. "…I have this full time job protecting people. Lately though, it's like…" He ducks to avoid another stray one. "I'm no longer respected anymore. Everyone thinks I'm just some boring officer that is cannon fodder to someone better.
"You mean Sol?"
"Yeah. Everyone likes him, and I'll admit I'm jealous. He took out Justice for crying out loud!"
"But he is partially a Gear, is he not?"
Slayer was on to something there, which Ky agreed. Slayer continued..
"Well, think about this. If you try and do this, do you realize how much you'll be respected? Think of all the…" He nudges to the side to avoid a stray flame. "…fame that you'll get. Not only will you.... " He nudges some steps more. "…be more respected among the world, but can you imagine the fangirls coming to you. Besides, you've been a knight for years now. I think you deserve a break."
"Well… I guess so, since I need a break from dealing with Jam. Can you believe she has this ankle bracelet attached to me?"
"You do not have an ankle bracelet."
"Really?" Ky takes off his shoes and lifts his leg to reveal a steel ankle bracelet, showing multiple blinking lights and sounds. "This is what I get for eating her Noodle Surprise."
"What was in it?"
"Nothing much… except sleeping gas. I don't remember the rest. Next thing I know, I wake up in my bed half naked…" An uncomfortable pause encompasses the two "…never mind."
"Well, they are distracted right now so… want to take my escape route?"
"Where is that?"
"This cape here." Slayer reveals his cape warp portal, which appears to lead to the streets of NYC."
"How did you do that?" He inquired.
"Magic."
"I'll go with that." Ky apparently didn't care, as he was more desperate to leave than think about things that make no sense. As the two leave via the cape of mystery, everyone is oblivious to the events… for about five seconds.
"Ky and I shall pay back for what you did to… Ky… KY!" Without looking, she gets smacked by a cue ball and thrown to the back of the soaked restaurant.
GG Announcer: Slash!
"You let your guard down when you tried to find Ky… Wait, he's gone."
"…say, Slayer's gone too." Millia added, joining the search party. "Where did they go?"
"I don't know. Did Ky mention having to go to a 2 P.M. beatdown with Sol?" Venom said. The two shook their heads.
"No worries. I shall find them easily with this." She whips out a Mr. Locator 3000 (TM Copyright 218X Zepp Industries) and finds where Ky is immediately. "They are in New York City… in 'A Country.' Bye everyone." She runs off, not noticing the soaking mess that is her restaurant, and the two confused duelists.
"Uh, what do we do now, Venom?"
"…I don't know. Want to raid the fridge?"
"Can't. Someone else is doing it."
"Who? "
Militia points to a swarm of people raiding the freezers, including people from Jam's rival restaurants.
"Damn… and I actually liked her tea."
Location: Somewhere in France
Exact Location: The Cathedral of Notre Dame
Reason: Take a wild guess Also, include your appropriate music, which I believe it is called "Noontide"
Standing from inside the front door of the Cathedral, Sol Badguy stands ready to duel once again with Ky Kiske for total dominancy, just like he does since the creation of the GG universe. However, as he shows up to duel, Ky does not pop up like he usually does.
"That's strange. He's usually here for his 2 P.M. beatdown. What's holding him up today?"
Suddenly, I-No shows up as her music is being played in the background. Let's see, I have it here. (Shuffles through some CD's) Ah yes, "KA-GE-MA-TSU-RI"
"Your "friend" is not here Sol."
"Damn it, I-No, must you always get in my business?" He yelled to her rudely.
"I get in everyone's business. What does it look like? It's my job. Besides, I have a way for you to get your kicks with Ky."
"What do you mean?" He demanded. "I mean, if he's not here, he's probably at Jam's, smooching on her… or was it the other way around?"
"Relax. He isn't going to be there either. Right now, he's on a trip to New York City for some audition to do an opera or something. I'd give you more info, but you are already heading for the door as I see it."
"You think?" He said as he just practically left the cathedral without a second glance.
"Well, I'm just here to give you info. It's not like you're gay or anything."
"Ok! That's it! NAPLAM DEATH!!"
Sol, once again, tries to fry someone to death with his instant kill. Fortunately, he misses as I-No "Strokes the Big Desperation" on him. You'll know this move if you ever faced her in her "boss" form.
"Hey, what was that for?! I don't believe in that sort of thing with you and Ky."
"Can't help it. I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking that I'm gay, which I'm not!" He storms out of the area, mumbling to himself about "stupid hental yaoi fanfics."
Location: The Japanese Colony
As the sun rises on the colony once again, the familiar faces of the daytime proceed to emerge on the rising sun…
"Anji Mito. Give me back my sake!"
…as well as a few other things, sadly, for at this very moment, an angry Baiken is chasing Anji over a bottle of rice wine. And he's doing his best to try and tell Bakien that he didn't take anything. Likewise, she doesn't believe him.
Chipp got dragged into this as well, but it was because Anji needed a scapegoat…
"For the last time, I was not the one who stole the sake. It's Chipp's fault."
"Hey, why are you blaming me? I did nothing."
"Nothing my ass! I saw you take the bottle, you drug addict American."
"Look, it's one thing to make comments about my former drug addition, but I swear I did not take it. I have my own collection, you know?"
"Where?"
"I'm not telling you." Chipp replied with a pompous manner that went right through the other two.
"Look, I don't care which one took that bottle. Since none of you two are confession, I'll take you out myself." Bakien, now angrier, starts throwing down her multipurpose mats on the two.
"That's it! I've had enough of this." Chipp replied. "You want to fight it out? Fine. Three way Isuka Duel!"
Before this strange event of unusual proportions gets WAY out of hand, not to mention more out of character, a swarm of meteors bombard the battlefield and "Slash" the fighters.
"Ok, who did that?" Baiken asked as she rubbed her head. In classic Mary Poppins style, Faust descends on the stage with his "Parasol of Doom."
"I figured you guys were getting way out of control, so I just summoned a meteor swarm to calm everyone down."
"Well, I though that was unnecessary." replied Anji, having already conjured up an ice pack.
"Besides, why are you here?"
"You have not heard? Some guy from NYC is announcing all of the GG fighters to participate in acting out "The Marriage of Figaro." Here, read this flier." Instead of paper, he chucks a stone tablet at Anji, which just smacks him hard and sends him airborne.
"Hey. That was not a flier. That was just some big rock." Yelled Chipp.
"This was the only way I could get a copy. All the fliers were being destroyed in a pile of bad fanfics for some odd reason." said the doctor.
Anji makes his way back from being "dusted" 50 meters to read the tablet. His response was intriguing. "You know, it would be interesting to act in an opera. I have actually read the entire story you know. It's a very detailed four act opera about how the common folk manage to defeat their controlling leaders though their creative thinking.
"So, it's a play involving some royalty. I'm not interested in such things." Replied Baiken as she started to smoke her pipe.
"And where this taking place?"
"In NYC, Chipp"
"Isn't that in your home country?" Anji asked.
"…eh…kinda."
"We all know that you are an American. Don't lie to us." Bakien pointed out. Chipp glared at her, but reluctantly agreed to go to avoid dealing with 200 pound matts.
"…All right, if you insist, I'll go."
"Ok." In a matter of moments, he summons his ki dragon, and is all set to go. Chipp reluctantly got on the dragon as the two flew off to NYC. The rest of the colony including Baiken were relieved that the crazy gaijin was finally out of there, for reasons that included being there in the first place.
"So you are not coming. Baiken?"
"No way, Faust. I'd rather stay here. I don't see any interest in this."
"Suit yourself." He exits as he opens his "parasol of doom", and glides off, narrowing missing the same incoming flock of birds that collided with Johnny and the Mayship. Pirates… As Baiken watches them leave, she goes to take out her sake, but then recalls that one of the two already swiped her bottle.
"ARGH! They haven't returned my bottle!"
And so, she runs off to NYC to find them.
Location: Bridget's Family Manor
As Bridget is met up with the family members of the household, a sudden streak of concern engulfs the audience, and contrary to what we know about Bridget, it is not what you think it is.
"Dear, I have no idea why are you trying to become a bounty hunter. This is completely unladylike of you."
"Yes. I think as a person of your caliber does not need to occupy with such "disgusting" occupations."
"Look, all I know is that this is the life that I want to choose, ok?" Bridget argued. Apparently, the fact that he is trying to be manlier and undo a ridiculous "mistake" caused by his parents is starting to reach the breaking point. "It's not my fault you guys are so determined to undermine a family curse. The way things are going with this family, it looks like you guys are already trying to make another one."
"Oh shut up." said his dad as he verbally shot down his son. "We think you are to be a lady no matter what. Besides, it's not like we want you to be a guy anyway. I mean, you have 'Roger.'"
"Oh yeah." Bridget was also clinging to Roger in his right hand.
"And might I add the following pictures with you and the Jellyfish Pirates." Placing on the table, his mom reveals numerous photos, showing him with the 12 Jellyfish Pirates, and doing all sorts of stuff that you would normally associate with teenage sleepovers. "I wonder if you do wish to become one a man, seeing as how you hang around playing dress up with all those women."
"And who I blame this upon, exactly?" He pondered. "But then again…"
"Enough of this." Determined to finish the conversation quickly, he made a challenge to his son. "We here believe that you may need some culture in your life, so we are sending you to an audition for 'The Marriage of Figaro' in New York City. Like wise, we are going to go, along with your brother, and we expect to see you perform as one of those women."
"Fine. It's not like you care about me being a man."
"We do. It's just that these things happen in our family, and we decided to choose the life that has befallen on us."
"By making me into a lady? Mom, I want you to understand, from a guy's POV, that doesn't seem right, but in another way…"
"Hey. We never said it was fair."
And so, Bridget leaves out of confusing spite toward his room for packing.
Location: Times Square
As Vincent walks out of a nearby arcade, his luck has finally improved for once. Having dealt through so much Initial D racing and chucking a lot of quarters into the machine, he has finally broke 50% in his win/loss record, and waves the card around as he feels victory passing though him.. Smiling on as he heads to the train station, he gets stopped by two people dressed impeccably in formal suits. (And for the record, Ky has already left the party to find a hotel.)
"Are you the one they call Vincent Voltaire?""Yes, and I've been meaning to talk to you Slayer; and hello to you to Sharon." She nods in response. " So, tell me Slayer, what are you doing here?"
"Ah yes. Well then, I have heard about your recent play that you are trying to do."
"Yes I am." He replied eloquently. "Knowing you, I assume you would like to make a donation or something of that nature?
"Actually, Sharon and I would like to participate."
"Nani?" His eyes lit up like the shock of an oncoming "Scared Edge" blast.
"Well, we saw the original performance a long time ago, and we really want to perform the parts of the royal idiots."
Vincent was quite confused at their response. "So you telling me, Sharon that you would like to play the role of the wife of the noble that tries to sleep with the wife of Figaro.
"Yes."
"And that means that you, Slayer, want to play said role."
"Yes, even though I despise what Sharon here is doing to be quite honest." He added, showing some displeasure in his response. Overall, Vincent was unsure about this couple. At the same time that they probably saw the actual performance, he was asking himself if they are any good to perform. Having been through some experience in theater, (which is true. The author is a Thespian member) he saw that the couple may not be able to achieve the results that he was looking for. However, this attitude was shown to the couple, as his facial expressions, body language, and reluctance were more than enough for the couple to say…
"What the hell? Are you saying that we can't play the parts?"
"Well…"
"I'll have you know that Slayer and I have mastered the entire libretto and score from the play, including the parts that were left out when it was forged by Mozart himself."
"Ok, but if you know this story by heart, and say that you can do it, I want to see it."
"So what are you saying?" Sharon inquired.
Using whatever manner of "breaking the fourth wall", he magically conjures up a stage around the square, and throws down the challenge to the couple. "If you can prove that you two can do this opera, and do it right here, in the streets of NYC, with everyone looking on, then I'll let you in on the spot!"
"Shall we Sharon?"
"Yes."
What follows for the next ten minutes is one of the most beautiful performances of the first five minutes of act one, following the respective parts of Figaro and his wife. The other five minutes involved the sudden explaining of why a stage appeared out of nowhere, followed by one minute of clapping and one minute of dealing with annoyed drivers.
As for the performance… well, let's just say he barely got the words out as he wiped a tear in his eye
"…You're in!"
Everyone in the entire area cheers with the unusual exception of a strange girl jeering at him and wearing clothing that the author would not have the decency to put down on paper. For simplicity sakes, he is one of Voltaire's long time enemies, Cecilia Nicomar, and upon looking at her, he had to take action.
"Who the… All right Ms. Dark Magician Girl. What the hell are you doing here?"
"I just wanted to piss you off. That's all."
"I see… Slayer, IK her please."
You can pretty much draw what happens here, although Sharon was quite confused at this sudden turn of events.
"Just one question. Who is she and why do you hate her?"
"It's a very long story. To make things short, I have started a crusade against the girl for reasons that stem primary out of spite.
"So she happened to burn up all of your fanart?"
"Yes, sadly, but there's a lot more. I'll explain tomorrow when everyone shows up.
"Ok."
Side note: Apologizes to any and all fans of who I mentioned here. I am quite impartial and I've got no issues with the GG fighters, and that part with Cecilia will be explained eventually, not to mention the appearance of everyone else in the series… I hope…
Furthermore, bear with me. It took me a while to convert this story to this format. I know for a fact that this is not the way I usually write, so try to bear with me, because I know this is not my best.