Ouka
A Fullmetal Alchemist fanfiction
By Gingeh, who says she owns FMA. But then, she also says she owns the Amazon Rainforest, Pluto, and all things chocolate. Eventually, you learn to just ignore her.
All in all, newly appointed Colonel Roy Mustang mused, looking around his office with a slight smile, he was satisfied with his team.
Heymans Breda - a real genius, also very sneaky when the need arose. Qualities like that would prove useful later in this 'game'. Vato Falman – the human recorder, he could remember everything since he was two years old and replay almost every conversation he's ever heard. A downright useful talent, Roy had already sent him on his first mission, information gathering in Xing. He'd be back with a lot of information that might help him in his journey to Fuhrer. Kain Fuery – kind, naive, smart as heck when it came to anything electronic. He'd need someone like that. After all, every good team needs a lackey. Jean Havoc – loyal, smart, honest, and a pretty darn good shooter to boot. Roy had a feeling he'd come to have an interesting friendship with that man. After all, they'd been a team for less then twenty-four hours, and Havoc had already accused him of stealing three of his girlfriends.
Yes, this little group he'd created was very satisfactory. He leaned back in his chair to look them over again, cradling his head in his arms. He'd done well to pick these men, and they would function well together. True, they might have a little trouble getting paperwork done, but how important was paperwork anyway, really? Surely Fuery could learn to do most of it. He grinned at that.
Now not feeling at all inclined to do any work, Roy picked up a pen lying on his desk. After twirling it between his fingers for a few moments, he carefully placed it on his nose, lowering his hands slowly as it got its balance. He ignored the knock on the door, as did the rest of the team (with the exception of Fuery, who looked between the door and his superiors with a worried air). He was working, he didn't have time for visitors. It was probably Hughes, anyway. He didn't answer the door to Hughes since the man had met Gracia. He'd seen enough pictures of that woman to last a lifetime.
After a few more minutes, the knocking ceased, and Roy grinned victoriously, then quickly frowned again as the movement swayed the pen.
He heard the door open. Darn. He hadn't thought of that.
Maybe if he just ignored the man, he would go away. He focused his entire attention on the pen.
Even when he heard Havoc start choking – or was he coughing? – he didn't raise his eyes from the pen. It was probably just his cigarette anyway. Man should really quit smoking those cancer sticks.
Even when he heard a large crash, and Fuery's startled gasp, he kept his gaze on the pen. The sergeant was well known for dropping things. No cause for alarm.
Even when Breda wolf-whistled, he didn't take his eyes off of the pen. He and Havoc – especially Havoc – were both well-known to have a supply of dirty magazines hidden within their desks. No doubt that was what he was looking at now.
Only when the crisp footsteps halted in front of his desk did he finally sigh in defeat. He reluctantly removed the pen and focused on the person in front of him – and promptly felt his mouth hit the floor.
"First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, reporting for duty, sir."
His mouth couldn't form words. His mind was blank, but for one word. Riza.
She was still standing in her salute, but her eyes wandered distastefully around the room, taking in the discarded food wrappings, the lack of exertion, and the scattered paperwork. He felt his cheeks glow pink, then quickly shook his head and tried to regain his composure.
"Reporting for what duty, Lieutenant?"
His eyes questioned her, why are you still here? Why aren't you home, where it's safe?
Her gaze returned to him. "Duty to you, sir. I have been assigned here."
Her eyes replied, I am here to support you. To shield what I've given you.
He gripped the edge of his desk until his knuckles were white. "You must be mistaken. I already have my team." Go home. I don't want you here. I have enough trouble taking care of myself; I can't watch you, as well.
Her stance was still perfect, her salute still positioned perfectly at her eyebrow level. "I am quite sure I am not mistaken, sir." You don't understand. I'm not here to be protected. I'm here to protect.
"I assigned all my officers personally; you are not one of them." I'm a big boy; I can take care of myself.
"My orders say differently, sir." No. You can't. I gave you the power you hold. If it gets out of hand, I can't trust anyone else to rein it in.
The two stared at each other for a few minutes. She stood, unwavering, in front of him. Tall and proud, still standing at a sharp attention. She would not budge, and he knew it. He might not like it, but he had no choice.
"Well, orders are orders," he said, sighing deeply. "Welcome to the squad, Lieutenant Hawkeye."
A quick smile fluttered over her features, gone so fast he couldn't even be sure it had really been there. "Thank you, sir."
He almost smiled in return. However, it was then that he noticed that all of his men were watching to two of them very, very closely. When they noticed him staring, they all, even Fuery, gave him a quick wink. His face flushed, and he cleared his throat loudly. This alerted Riza, and she turned to face them as well.
"I see you are all very committed workers here," she commented offhandedly to Roy.
He raised an eyebrow. "How do you figure that, Lieutenant?"
"Well, the entirety of your team seems to have time to watch my initiation," she said, her eyes making their way around the room, pausing to rest on each member. "By my calculations, there are at least two stacks of paperwork due per day for a new squadron. Since they've obviously finished with today's work, I'll go pick up some of tomorrow's so we can get an early start."
Completely ignoring the shocked stares of the team, she walked smartly across the room and exited, closing the door firmly behind her.
It was quiet for about two seconds. Then, the chaos began.
"Where's my paperwork?!" Havoc howled. "I swear, I left it right here!"
"Oh, no," Breda groaned, fingering a pack of rather soggy-looking papers. "I spilled my drink all over mine, you can't even read them!"
"NO!!!" screamed Fuery, pulling a small puppy and a chewed up pile of paper scraps out from under his desk. "Bad doggy! What am I going to do now?!"
"GAH! A DOG!" Breda jumped onto his desk, clutching the dripping papers to his chest. "Who let that beast in?"
"He's not a beast, he's a puppy!" Fuery defended.
"I don't care what it is, take it AWAY!"
"I can't!" Fuery replied despairingly. "They don't let us keep pets in my dorm!"
"I found my papers!" Havoc said triumphantly. "They were under the filing cabinet – UGH! Fuery! Your dog peed on my paperwork!"
"He did? That's fantastic! That means he's already paper-trained!"
"It is NOT fantastic, it's disgusting! How am I going to get my work done now?!"
"GET THAT THING OUT OF HERE!"
"He's just a little puppy, it's not his fault!"
"What about my paperwork?"
"GET THAT MONSTER OUT OF HERE!"
"He's not a monster!"
"MAKE IT LEAVE!"
"My paperwork!"
"ROY!"
The door suddenly swung open, revealing a very excited Maes Hughes, who held an entire armful of pictures. "ROY!" he repeated, grinning happily and completely disregarding the insanity surrounding him. "I've got new pictures! Look, in this one, my beautiful Gracia is picking a flower, isn't that so sweet? And here in this one she's-"
"GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"
"I need my work!"
"Gah! You almost stepped on his tail!"
"He got in my way!"
"DON'T BRING HIM THIS WAY!"
"…and in this one she's got flour on her cheek, she was baking me a cake-"
"Replace my paperwork!"
"Careful of the puppy!"
"GYAHHH!!!"
Roy watched the entire proceedings with great amusement, only barely withholding his laughter. That is, until Hughes managed to get close enough to shove the pictures so close to him that one of them went up his nose, and another poked him in the eye.
"HUGHES! That HURT!"
"It's your fault, you obviously weren't looking!"
"I didn't want to look!"
"How could you say such a thing? My beautiful Gracia, pay no attention to this ignorant fool!"
"You're the fool!"
"Here, I'll give you another chance. Here's one of her in a yellow sundress, isn't it so cute?"
"Hughes!"
"Fuery! Get rid of the dog!"
"No! He doesn't have anywhere else to go!"
"LISTEN TO HAVOC! GET RID OF THAT CREATURE!"
"Replace my paperwork!"
"He didn't know any better!"
"AAARRRH! GRACIA! STOP BURNING, GRACIA! My love! WHY?!"
"Serves you right, shoving that into my face!"
"Gracia…"
"Gah! It's peeing again – THAT'S MY FOOT!"
"You kicked him! Poor little thing!"
"It WENT on my FOOT!"
"GET THAT OUT OF HERE!"
"Poor Gracia…luckily, I have more pictures right here! I'll let you see, Roy, if you promise to be good!"
"Come any closer to me with those, and I'll set you on fire!"
"IT'S COMING TOWARDS ME, TAKE IT AWAY!"
"Aww, I think he likes you, Breda!"
"I DON'T WANT HIM TO LIKE ME!"
Bang!
All activity ceased, and all eyes moved slowly to the front of the room. Riza stood in the doorway, a gun pointed at the wall opposite to her. It was smoking slightly. Her gaze swept the room, ice cold.
"I have been a part of this team for seven minutes," she said, voice dangerously soft. "I was out of the room for five of those said minutes. I return, and find this."
Her eyes narrowed, and Roy gulped, slinking down in his chair. He'd forgotten how scary Riza got when she was mad.
"Major Hughes." Her tone was polite. Her eyes were not. "I am afraid I must request you leave now."
He was out the door almost before she finished her sentence. Roy looked after him longingly, but didn't try to follow. Riza's gun was still out.
She carefully made her way over to Fuey's desk, and picked up the puppy. "I see I was mistaken – if you have time to play these kinds of games, you must be even further ahead in work then I thought. However, I do not approve of spending your free time like this, and I can't trust you to not do it again. Sergeant Fuery! "
He jumped, and snapped to attention. "Sir!"
"Go to the office, and get me all the paperwork for the coming week."
The men blanched.
"Meanwhile," she continued. "I will stay here, and supervise the cleaning up of our headquarters."
She motioned with her gun, and Fuery ran. She watched him go, and then turned back to look at the rest of them. "Well?"
As they immediately began the monumental cleanup, Roy allowed himself a moment to sigh. So much for having Fuery do all the paperwork.
But as he watched her, gun and all, forcing them to do manual labor, he somehow found himself happy anyway.
Authoress Note:
Okay, because 'Strangeness Ensues' is currently leading in the poll, I've been working on it a lot. As in, practically every time I get on the computer. But unfortunately, these days, I can't get on the computer very much. Sad faces, everyone. :(. And then I got major writers-block-of-DOOM for it, and just had to write something else. So here's a little something for you guys, and try to be patient with me for a little bit longer, okay?
Oh, and I'm sorry if this is a little bit AU. As far as I know, there is nothing that even remotely implies that Riza was not specifically chosen by Roy to be on his team. But it's a good idea, I think. Oh, I'm also sorry for basically cutting poor Falman completely out of the story. I was about 900 words into it before I realized, and by then I really didn't want to go back and re-write it. So I stuck something in at the beginning about him being on a mission somewhere, doing something. Heh-heh.
Anyway, click the shiny new green review button, please! Or else...or else...or else I shall bury you with burnt pictures of Gracia! And Elycia too, for good measure. Muahaha.