ok, this has been in my unfinished folder for some months and I finally got re-inspired to finish it! Of course, that meant pushing aside everything irrelevent like studying for my 2 tests tomorrow, but oh well... DISCLAIMER: yadda yadda blah blah...
Crazy couple's therapy. Check.
Scared of commitment. Check.
Can't get over ex. Check.
Violet smiled to herself, most the day's hard work was over. She only had two more patients before she could relax, pour a glass of wine and give herself away to paperwork and some easy music. Today was a good day. It was already past lunch time and nothing had messed her up yet.
Actually, she had had good days for a while now. Things were going back to normal. It was nearly a year since her "mishap" with Cooper. And they were back on track. As friends. Caring, uncomplicated friends. Allan was out of the picture, although he had left her a message to let her know Cami was pregnant. She deleted it and Cooper bought her a drink. And as far as Cooper's girlfriend went, well, she had no idea. She didn't think she was Cooper's girlfriend anymore. But then, she never knew much about her in the first place.
She heard footsteps come towards her from the elevator, and saw a boy waiting at the desk. Dell was probably out doing something irrelevant. No one else was around, so why shouldn't she play receptionist for once.
"Hey can I help you?" she smiled at him.
"I'm here to see Dr. Freedman." The boy said, a little bit nervously.
"He's with another patient. He should be out in a couple of minutes. You can wait over there, if you want." She pointed over to the armchairs.
He nodded, "Are you friends with him?" He asked as an afterthought.
She glanced at him questioningly, "Cooper? Dr. Freedman? Yeah, we're great – We're pretty good friends. Why?"
On his face was the mischievous smile only 11 year-old boys can have. "Nothing. We just made a pact a long time ago."
"Oh. You're Michael, aren't you? Yeah, Cooper mentioned something about a pact."
Michael fiddled with his hands, "Yeah, we were gonna tell the people we liked that we….like them."
Violet kept a smile on her face as flashbacks from that day came to her. He was trying to tell her something. It couldn't have…. No. Completely unrelated. Completely.
"Did he tell you who…who he…liked?" She swallowed her anticipation.
Michael shook his head, "Nah. She was a friend. He said that he liked her for a long long time."
"Oh." Well, Cooper had other friends. And anyway, He got a girlfriend after the pact, that was probably her. He must've told her. I'm like two double patties worth of friend
"He said that the girl, that she was the one. That she was it for him. I think he was really into her."
She forced a smile. You're hard to forget.
"Don't tell him I told you. It was kinda our secret." Michael said, blushing.
"It's between us." She excused herself as she went back to her office and closed the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Cooper come out of her office and greet Michael.
You're not some random girl from the Internet, with you it doesn't mean nothing! It never will.
She was so close to having another good day. Oh God, it wasn't her? It couldn't have been. If Cooper was in love with her. Had been in love with her, she would've known. Right? Right?!
2 hours and one patient later, Violet was sitting in her office staring the birthday card in her hands. Cooper had given it to her this year, and for some reason she had left it in her office. Love, Coop x
He signed all his cards like that.
Naomi walked in, with a file in her hands, mid-sentence about some patient she wanted her to see. She stooped when she saw that Violet was in no state to pay attention.
"Okay. What's up?" She sat herself down on Violet's sofa.
She shook her head, "It's nothing… just… Do you think Cooper is in…love? With me." The end of her sentence faded out because when she said it out loud, it sounded just as ridiculous as it did her mind. Of course he wasn't in love her.
Naomi looked at her for a moment, "With you?"
She nodded and got ready to laugh and pretend it was all a joke.
"Yeah."
"I'm know, how stupid – Wait! What?!" That wasn't supposed to be her answer. She was supposed to tell her how pathetic she was being, and laugh at her. Wait, that's what Cooper usually did. You're just…honest. It's one of my favorite things about you.
Naomi stood up, gathering that now was no the time to ask Violet to do anything rational. "Of course he's in love with you." She said matter-of-factly.
"Hey dude, how's it going?" Cooper held door open, letting the boy walk in and closed it after him. "Where's your mom?"
Michael shrugged, "She's picking me up. She said I can go to the doctor by myself."
Cooper smiled and leaned against the counter, "So what's up?"
"Mom thinks I'm sick."
Cooper raised an eyebrow, "And you're not?"
Michael shook his head, "I just have a cough."
Cooper chuckled and proceeded to check out the boy's lungs.
"Dr. Freedman?" Michael said, and Cooper nodded his head to show he was listening, "Did you ever tell that girl you lik-loved her?"
Cooper inhaled deeply, and held it. After things had somehow gone back to normal, he didn't want to do anything to force them of the track again. Even if it meant staying just friends. Although with Violet things were never just friends.
"Not…really." Michael's face reddened and he looked down, fidgeting with his hands. Cooper looked at him curiously, "Why?"
"Cause I kinda…did."
His eyes went wide. And he was pretty sure he stopped breathing.
He wondered when he had gotten it so wrong. He was still in his office, and he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to leave. She hadn't come to talk to him yet, which meant that she was feeling the same way he was. Either that or she didn't care. But if he knew Violet, and he did know Violet – she would care. A lot. He rubbed his eyes, hoping that clearer vision would enlighten him. Yeah right. It only enlightened one thing, the only thing that mattered. He couldn't lose her. He had to go fix this.
Violet wanted to sleep. Correction, she wanted to be asleep and then wake up and realize, with relief, that this was all just a dream. She was lying on her couch, trying to distract her thoughts with something else. Anything else. Yet every time she closed her eyes she heard Naomi's words all over again. Of course he's in love with you. Of course.
"I'm sorry."
She didn't move. She recognized the voice instantly, how could she not. It was the voice that had kept her going for so many years.
"I'm sorry." He repeated and this time she slowly sat up, her mouth just slightly open. She was willing words to leave them, rational, optimistic, problem-solving words. But she had nothing. All she could think was: it was true. And then: of course.
At her silence he walked in from the door way and sat on the other couch. She said nothing. Why was he sorry? Why was he here? Why did he love her?
"Violet." He whispered her name and she looked up, to meet his eyes. "I didn't mean for you to find out like…. this."
She nodded slowly, this could never be uncomplicated, much like them, so there was no use hoping. "When were you going to tell me?" she asked and she could tell her question surprised him.
"I… don't know." And his tone answered her second question as well, were you ever going to tell me?
Her heart was racing and her mind was close behind. She looked across her coffee table, which had now become a wall, to her best friend. She saw years and years of friendship. She saw the other half of her. She saw Cooper. And, now, she saw Cooper's darkest secret. And she didn't know where to put it.
"The thing is, Cooper, the thing is…. that I have no idea what to say." she admitted, her gaze lowering to stare at the table. A safer choice than him.
She heard him sigh, "You don't have to say anything." She bit her lip and realized that she had expected him to kiss her. Isn't that how it usually went; the man professed his love and then went on to passionately make out with the maiden in an inappropriate place? When he didn't she didn't know if she was relieved or disappointed.
"Just… forget it. Let's pretend like it never happened. We're both pretty good at that." Denial.
She stared at him. Was he crazy? Forget? This was going to be branded on her brain for the rest of eternity. And what about him, how could he just…. Forget?
"But you said I was… the one?" her voice raised an octave, and she realized she was terrified of it. What it meant.
Cooper put his head in his hands and made a strangling sound, "I… you are." His words pierced through her. How could this have happened?
"Then how-" How can you pretend? How I can pretend?
"Because you're my best friend. Because I can't lose you. Because I've lasted this long." His voice signified a defeat she didn't see coming. Next thing she knew he was standing up and leaving. She wanted to say something, anything. She wanted him to stay. And by his slow steps she knew he wanted to too. But she said nothing and the silence overwhelmed them both. He left. She threw herself back down on the couch.
That was how Dell found her the next morning. He looked at her with a suspicious mind as he asked whether she was okay. She continued to stare at the ceiling, that way she had done all through the night. Not one hour of sleep, instead she kept hearing his words in hear ears. And then she was sure she felt his hugs on her skin. When she closed her eyes, she just saw his staring back at her. She went over the last 10 years, picking at every word, every touch, every sign. How could she not have seen this? She was a psychologist for God's sake, she specialized in dark secrets. She could still feel Dell's eyes on her, and remembered how often she had felt Cooper's, grazing over her body. She sat up and gave him a weak smile, but it would fool no body.
She joined the others in the meeting room, careful not to meet his gaze. She was just glad that she had a change of clothes, so that she didn't have to explain why she was still wearing yesterday's clothes. She wished it was for the right reason. The good reason.
Pete flirts with Addison, still, and it makes her sick. Was it all flirting, the careless banter she had indulged in for years? She wants to be able to read his mind. She wants to be able to ask him for advice. She wants her best friend back.
When the meeting is over, which she didn't much partake in, she lifts her head to find the image of his back, leaving the room, once again. It was total déjà vu from last night and she opens her mouth. Nothing comes out, and she fills the whole with a gulp of hot coffee. She realizes, far too late but also a little too quickly, that that is her greatest fear. Losing him, watching him leave, leave her. She needed to say something, right now!
It takes her 4 hours to rack up the nerve to knock on his door. When he looks up, a smile spreads across his face, too fast for him to mask. But eventually he manages and she enters. Slow steps, giving them both enough room to runaway.
"Can we talk?" She asked, forming the words slowly.
She sees surprise on his face and realizes he doesn't understand. She was sure she understood. But she was sure that the only person she needed right now was her best friend.
"No," she clarified, "I don't…. I mean… How was your day?"
Reactions flash across his face, and he finally gets that she's agrees to – not forget- but pretend. Maybe, for now, pretending will be okay.
She listens while he tells her of the little girl with chicken pox, but all she really hears is his voice. She tells him how her mother called the other day, a woman he had the misfortune of meeting once. And before she knows it, her next patient has come, and he has work to do and they don't have to talk anymore. She gets up and smiles at him faintly, because it is polite and she knew they were back to square one.
Pete walks in shortly after her. He mentions Addison and coffee and something about beer. But he's not really listening. He makes all the right nods and shakes and forces his mouth into an odd sort of smile when required. He was always good at this pretending thing.
Until, "What's up with you and Violet?" Pete asks and looks at him curiously.
He could lie: nothing, everything, we're fine. But instead he decides to tell the truth.
"I don't know."
He shakes his head morosely, because it was true, and he hated it. But at least they were talking. It was a beginning. A beginning they had past more than once. It was the hardest thing to settle for, since all he ever wanted was all of her.
Pete senses that his answer holds more grief than confusion. He pats Cooper's shoulder and offers him a drink after work.
Cooper doesn't take Pete's drinks. But instead offers his own remedy to Violet. When she found him on her doorstep, she didn't hesitate in inviting him in. Her face changed though, as soon as she closed the door and he wonders if she remembered they were back at the beginning. Which was exactly why he was there.
He ignores her offers for a drink, or to sit down.
"Everything breaks sometime." He says simply.
She mulls over his words, wise words, and she's sure she's heard them in a song. But that's not the point and after glancing around her living room, she braves looking at him again. He takes something out of his pocket, and hands it to her. A roll of tape. The black kind, that holds everything together. She looks at him again and finally she can read him. We can fix this, we will fix this.
She smiles, faintly at first, but it grows across her face, surprising her. Much like this friendship did. She stares at the tape, then at him, then she closes her eyes and stares at the year that has passed. It has been long and misleading and she realizes their mistake. Her mistake. What she wanted, wasn't Cooper; it was what he could give her. His care, his comfort, his body, his love. What she needed, she realized, finally, was right in front of her. Of course.
He had been looking at her this whole time. Curious and confused at her changing facials.
She looked him in the eyes, being truly honest for the first time in so long, then took his hand in hers and held the roll of tape between them.
"We can fix this." She says reassuringly, then, "We will fix this."
Cooper nods and a laugh escapes from her lips. That's what she's been waiting for. This she what she wants.
She lets go and sits on the couch, he knows to follow and sits next to her, an arm wraps around her shoulders, a reflex acquired by years of practice. She grabs the remote and turns the TV on. The end credits of something are rolling, and she switches channels quickly because that's not where they are. The beginning of something starts and she changes channels again. Restarting wasn't an option, it was impossible to restart something like that. The third channel brought them to the middle of an Ashley-Judd-shoot-your-cheating-husband-movie. They looked at each other and chuckled as they settled into the movie. They didn't need words, and they were overrated anyway. They were right where they needed to be.
She got comfortable against him, like she had done for years, until his arm blended in with hers shoulder. They were a puzzle, misshaped but matched. Of course, she thought, of course.
See that little thing right below... that's the button i want you to push. I cant offer you anything (excpet my life long devotion and admiration) but i'd still really like you to click it!!